Quote of the Day 가 개설되었습니다

아마도 이걸 열어보신 분중에 '이크' 하시는 분들 있을 까봐 걱정이네요... 그런데 .... 그런데 ...   함 보지요.. 뭐.. 매일매일 업데이트 됩니다. 빨간날 빼고...   그럼 오늘분 부터 ..     ------------------------------------------------------- Thoughts & Quotes for the Day How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How many weeks are there in a light year? If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. The difference between a seed and an inert speck can be hard to see, but only one of them will grow and return itself in kind and be multiplied. -- John Ciardi Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22 "Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed a cat." -- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London Beakman: We have learned that mosquitoes are twice as attracted to the color blue as to other colors. Lester: That's why Smurfs are always walking around scratching themselves. -- "Beakman's World" Ways of Life • The 10 commandments are not multiple choices. • The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. • Minds are like parachutes...they function only when open. • Ideas won't work unless YOU do. Topical Humor ….. Well Nearly so The Food and Drug Administration warned Monday of tainted dog food sold nationwide, which when eaten causes kidney failure and death. The warning left every American asking one question. What on earth could a dog do to anger Vladimir Putin? Prevention Magazine has named the top one hundred cities for walking. It starts out with the cities where gas has gone back up to three dollars a gallon. It's chilly here. But it's terrible weather back East. Another massive snowstorm has hit the Northeast. Or, as environmentalists call it, a "temporary global warming hiatus." The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said Friday it has been the warmest winter ever. Climatologists warned that Los Angeles and Miami could someday be totally underwater. Just the losses in wet cocaine would be incalculable. Al Gore spoke on Capitol Hill today to urge lawmakers to do more to fight global warming. He said we're facing a planetary emergency. And you can tell he's serious when he talks about the world ending because he appears to be eating everything in sight. While on Capitol Hill today, Al Gore testified that if we act now, we can still save the planet. Well, not the whole planet. Except Florida. He said screw them. While testifying, Al Gore was questioned by Hillary Clinton. Kind of like global warming meets global cooling. It's March Madness. I know people go crazy for this. It's the time of year when college basketball teams are eliminated faster than U.S. attorneys. The NCAA tournament begins again today in competition with the newly released swimming movie, “Pride.” The main difference between basketball and swimming? In basketball, putting up a floater in the lane is a good thing. March Madness starts with 65 contestants and winds up with only one left standing. Just like the Anna Nicole Smith paternity case. The New York City Council has voted to ban aluminum bats from high school baseball. They say it is embarrassing to see the kids hit the ball farther than the Mets. New York City's Council has banned the use of metal baseball bats in high school games. But it is still legal to use them in regularly scheduled brawls at the playground after school. Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest got four misdemeanor charges from a domestic dispute at his home this month. In the recent past, Artest has been suspended for hitting a fan and cited for starving his dog. At his current pace, in six months, Artest could be a Cincinnati Bengal. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Remember You may remember a rock band from the 80's that was called ‘Linear’. They were originally going to call themselves ‘The Quadratics’, but they didn't want people thinking they were squares. I dated a girl in high school who was sweet as pi, but she sure was irrational. Having been raised on CD's, I asked my hippie uncle how records were in the old days. He said, "Groovy." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Dear Mom and Dad, It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thought-lessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but, before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and, since I had nowhere to live because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am having daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat different than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village from which he came. Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective. Anyway this news is better than those above. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Some helpful hints and who would think..... 1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair 2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish 3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 min 4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE , it will also condition your hair 5. Elmers Glue-paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any 6. Shiny Hair-use brewed Lipton Tea 7. Sunburn -empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water 8. Minor burn-Colgate or Crest toothpaste 9. Burn your tongue? put sugar on it! 10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too 11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer 12. Chigger bite - Preparation H 13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H 14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals) 15. Stinky feet - Jello!! 16. Athletes feet - cornstarch 17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub 18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. 19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also 20. Kool aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it! 21. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper 22. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray 23. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby 24. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls 25. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on 26. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar! 27. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour into a empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice! 28. Tie Dye T-Shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the t-shirt and soak 29. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and 1/2 cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years! 30. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's! 31. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste 32. Stay-Free Maxi Pads- clean window, floors, just stick to the palm of your hands and work! Can also be used as a knee pad. 33. Pampers as an absorbent! Remove stains from the carpet with club soda, and a pamper to absorb. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt. 34. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel. 35. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with peanut butter! 36. Baked on food -fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight! 37. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it! 38. Dirty grout - Listerine 39. Stains on clothes - Colgate 40. Grass stains - Karo Syrup 41. Grease Stains- Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from batteries! 42. Sweat Stains - Efferdent, or vinegar 43. Use a Maxi-Pad in your cap as a sweat band (Of course I think I would staple this or pin it in.... you wouldn't want this to drop on the ground) 44. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again. 45. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.