01. A journey toward a dream!

[말레이]

01. A journey toward a dream!

I was born as the sixth child of three sons and four daughters in a small rural farming family called ‘Sapgyo’ in ‘Chungnam’ and was the youngest son. From then on, I grew up naturally in the environment I was given and spent time with nature. As I got close to the age of entering elementary school, I started going to the church right in front of my house for the first time with a friend who was the same age as me and had a similar family structure, and who grew up with me as a childhood friend. It was right before I entered elementary school.

The official name of the church was ‘Sapgyo Church’, but people called it ‘Flower Mountain Church’ because there were always many flowers blooming on the small mountain behind the church. For me, who always spent time with nature as a child, the church was a place that left a deep impression on me in many ways. And among them, there was one thing that influenced me the most. It was on days when Mr. Im Se-bin, a teacher at the Sunday school of the church, would do a puppet show using voice impersonation, and when the teacher was conducting recreation, the children would have so much fun that they would not even realize how much time had passed. Thinking back now, I could clearly feel that the teacher, who was also an elementary school teacher, was a person with such natural talent that he was considered the best ‘master’ in the Republic of Korea in that field at the time, but I came to realize this fact naturally after graduating from high school and learning about society. Thinking back now, I think he was a person who was ahead of the puppet shows of the broadcasting station. After that, the teacher studied theology at a theological college to which a rural church belonged, and eventually became a professor of Christian education at that theological college, nurturing many juniors and ultimately exerting great influence on this land. Anyway, even as a child, I was completely captivated by his talent and thought, “I should grow up to be like that teacher!” and spent my Sunday school and middle school years thinking that. When the winter break of my third year of middle school came, I bought all the recreation books that were published in the bookstore at the time and devoted myself to studying and practicing in order to become like that teacher. Perhaps my efforts paid off, as I became the head of the fellowship department in the student department and was in charge of all recreation activities in the student department, I led the recreation activities through the prepared procedures, and naturally, I was given the opportunity to take on various tasks at the church. Then, I naturally started telling bland and dull jokes, and sometimes I made mistakes because I couldn’t tell where I was, but the adults at church just laughed and said that I was funny just by showing up. When I was in my third year of high school, all the students at school were studying hard for the college entrance exam, which was an absolute must. However, my ability was my ability, but my family circumstances did not allow me to go to college. No, I had that in mind. Maybe that is why I did not study harder. The teachers told me not to make a fuss and to do whatever I needed to do, so I could do something else. Maybe that was fortunate. I really had nothing to do. So I just opened the Bible and read diligently, drawing lines. While reading the Bible, I thought of the word ‘vow’ that the revivalists used to talk about at every revival meeting. Yes! Let’s do God’s work! A ray of hope? This one thing was rising for me, who felt like I couldn’t do anything or couldn’t do anything. Finally, winter vacation came. All my male and female classmates who went to church gathered at the church. And we talked about what we would do in the future, sharing our feelings and comforting each other, as we were in the same position of vague anxiety and feeling defeated and unable to go to college. There was no one to talk to about my future, so I wandered around, sometimes going in one direction and sometimes in another, conflicted and worried. Then, I told my friends at the time, “I’m definitely going to go to music school and study music!” My friends might have thought it was just empty talk, but I was saying it out of desperation.

Then, after graduating from high school in the spring of 1981, I was in a state of despair, not knowing what to do or how to do something. Moreover, in my thoughts at the time, I had three special things: the skills I had? The background environment around me that could help me? The financial resources to try anything on my own? None of them were there for me, and at the time, when I was still living in the social environment and being influenced by it, I thought those things were important. Therefore, my thoughts that were immersed in such thoughts resulted in me being unable to do anything and restraining myself. However, after living like that for a while, fortunately, in such a desperate reality, I came to think that I should do my best no matter what circumstances or situations I encountered, and just doing my best was a great comfort to me. So, I started to challenge myself in various jobs to experience society. The first one was a book salesman. Then, from a day laborer at a construction site to an assistant at a plaster sculpture studio! I tried to learn about work and society by taking on various jobs I encountered, regardless of the field. However, the reason I was able to try things like that was because I was able to live with my older sister who was living alone in Seoul. My older sister, who had come up to Seoul and was living there, must have started a religious life at some point. So I naturally followed my older sister to the church where she lived, and it was a large church that everyone knew. When I went there, I saw that the church was full of talented people, and there seemed to be nothing for a country bumpkin like me to do, so I thought it would be better to live a life of faith where I could serve and dedicate myself as a Sunday school teacher and choir member at a rural church near my house, rather than a large church where I could do nothing. While looking for a church near my house, I ended up attending a church that had just been established in Hwayang-dong. Although there weren’t many churchgoers, everyone welcomed me warmly, and the pastor who had just started his ministry had worked as a civil servant and studied theology late in life before starting his ministry. I attended that church, worked as a Sunday school teacher, and led the choir, and began my life of faith there. However, I was still struggling and worried about my identity issues, and I didn’t know what to do about the vague anxiety about the future and the frustration that came from it, which made me feel like I was blocked in all directions. So naturally, I started walking around Seoul and looking for things to do. Living like that, I got a job at a company in Yeongdeungpo through a senior from the countryside and became a book salesman. When I went to work in the morning, I was given 1,000 won for transportation expenses. It was transportation expenses for taking the bus to the neighborhood where I would go to sell books. Then, when I sold books later, they would save up my allowance for that month and deduct the transportation expenses for the month from my salary, and give me the rest as my salary. However, those who couldn’t sell even one book a month would end up with all that money as debt, and those who couldn’t bear it and didn’t leave the company would just end up being people who would eat up the debt. I remember that it cost about 250 won to ride a bus at that time. So, if you transferred once and took the bus twice, you would lose money if you went back and forth to the company. So, we went to places that we could ride to once, and as a result, two or three or four office workers would go to places not too far from Yeongdeungpo together, working hard to sell books, and when lunchtime came, we had no money to buy lunch, so we wandered around with hungry stomachs, feeling pessimistic about our situation. At that time, I came up with an idea. It was to go to a bakery and save up our remaining money to buy unsliced ​​bread. Since it was not much for one person, we could buy bread with the amount of money we saved, ask the owner for some water, and eat the bread together, which would solve the problem of our hungry stomachs to some extent. So, some of my coworkers went around like that and knocked on doors here and there, but we couldn’t sell a single book. And the company was in debt day by day. And so, we hung up our shoes and left. The manager told us to knock on more than 300 doors a day. If we did that, we would eventually find a house that would buy our books. Even though I was still a beginner book salesman, I didn’t have the skills to persuade people to sell books. But if I worked hard, there would be people who would buy my books, and as I gained experience and skills, I would become a professional salesman who was really good at selling books. So we wandered from house to house like we were marching every day, and when I opened the door of a house in Sillim-dong and went in, a woman who was doing laundry in the yard said without looking back and without any emotion, “It’s the seventh time!” I had nothing to say to that woman.

However, after working so hard for a couple of months, one day, something truly miraculous happened. I opened the door of a Western-style house and went in, asking, “Are you there?” When I heard that voice, the landlady came out of the kitchen and asked, “Who are you?” I showed her the book guide and explained it to her, but something amazing happened. The landlady ordered an encyclopedia. I don’t know if she really needed it and wanted to buy it, or if she persuaded me that the book would be a great help to the children, and I decided to buy it. However, I was so happy and joyful when I left that house after receiving the dreamlike encyclopedia order. Then, I left that house with that mindset and opened the door of the house right in front of me, and surprisingly, that house also had a book order form. That day, I confidently went back to work and submitted the order form, and in front of all my colleagues, I received great praise from the manager. I felt so good. Then, as I was returning home, I made a resolution. Now that I had paid off my debt, I would never come out again from tomorrow… And I put that resolution into action the next day.