Funny Signs _English signs in foreign countries

"Gives you strong mouth and refreshing wind!" -Japanese toothbrush box   "Push button. Foam coming plenty. Big noise. Finish." -Japanese washing machine   "Have a smell of panda droppings. This one is very fragrant." -Japanese datebook cover   "JP Bistro - a contemporary brassiere-style restaurant..." -Restaurant ad in the Hotel Aryaduta, Jakarta   "Guests are prohibited from walking around in the lobby in large groups in the nude." -Havana hotel "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it." -Moscow hotel "It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner is dressed as a man." -Seville cathedral "Visitors two to a bed and half an hour only." -Barcelona hospital "All customers promptly executed." -Tokyo barbershop "We highly recommend the hotel tart." -Torremolinos hotel "I slaughter myself twice daily." -Israel butcher shop "Ladies are requested not to have children in bar." -Norway cocktail lounge "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty." -Budapest zoo "Specialist in women and other diseases." -Rome doctor's office "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." -Acapulco hotel "Cooles and heates: If you want just condition of warm air in your room, please control yourself." -Japan information booklet "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor." -Tokyo car rental brochure "Drop your trousers here for the best results." -Bangkok dry cleaner's "To stop leak turn cock to the right." -Japan men's restroom "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager." -Nairobi restaurant "No trespassing without permission." -Private School grounds "Take notice: When this sign is underwater, this road is impassable." -Athi River highway "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." -Bucharest hotel lobby "Please leave your values at the front desk." -Paris hotel elevator "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid." -Yugoslavia hotel "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." -Japan hotel "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists." -Hong Kong dentist advertisement "Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages." -Czechoslovakia tourist agency "Would you like to ride your own ass?" -Thailand advertisement for donkey rides "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life." -Honk Kong clockwork toy "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -Rome laundry mat   "Because of the impropriety of entertaining persons of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is requested that the lobby be used for this purpose." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Colon</st1:place></st1:City> restaurant "All vegetables in the establishment have been washed in water especially passed by the management." -<st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Sri Lanka</st1:place></st1:country-region> restaurant "Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Zanzibar</st1:place></st1:City> barbershop "Very smart! Almost pansy!" -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Budapest</st1:place></st1:City> shop "Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the savior." -French swimming pool "Dresses for street walking." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Paris</st1:place></st1:City> dress shop "Go away." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Barcelona</st1:place></st1:City> travel agency "Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help." -Unknown "Open seven days a week and weekends." -Unknown "Mental health prevention centre." -Mathare building "Do not activate with wet hands." -Automatic restroom hand dryer "No children allowed." -Pumwani maternity ward "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves." -Unknown "Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub." -Japan public bath "Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Tokyo</st1:place></st1:City> hotel's rules and regulations "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for." -Swiss restaurant menu "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Tokyo</st1:place></st1:City> bar "Please do not bring solicitors into your room." -Chiang-<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Mai</st1:City>, <st1:country-region w:st="on">Thailand</st1:country-region></st1:place> hotel "This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude." -Italian hotel brochure "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension." -<st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Austria</st1:place></st1:country-region> hotel catering to skiers "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service." -Hong Kong supermarket "There will be a <st1:City w:st="on">Moscow</st1:City> exhibition of arts by 15,000 <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:PlaceName w:st="on">Soviet</st1:PlaceName> <st1:PlaceType w:st="on">Republic</st1:PlaceType></st1:place> painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years." -Soviet newspaper "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers." -East African newspaper "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Vienna</st1:place></st1:City> hotel "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin." -Swedish furrier window "Special today - no ice cream." -Swiss Mountain Inn "We take your bags and send them in all directions." -<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Copenhagen</st1:place></st1:City> airline ticket office