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Many of us believe that young people have nothing valuable to teach older people. However, that is not always the case. Young people are usually better than older people at using new forms of technology. For example, I taught my grandmother how to use the Internet, and I taught my grandfather how to use the cell phone. It took a while to teach these things, but now they can use them easily. Further more, there are also more serious things that younger people can teach older people about. Today, children learn about AIDS and other big issues in school. These are serious social issues, but older people don't always understand them. I once made a short and definite explanation about one big social issue to my grandparents, and my explanation made them think about it once more. So I don't think it's true that young people cannot teach adults. Rather, I believe that children have plenty to teach older people.
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Many of us believe that young people have nothing valuable to teach older people. However, that is not always the case. Young people are usually better than older people at using new forms of technology. For example, I taught my grandmother how to use Internet, and I taught my grandfather how to use the cell phone. It took a while to teach these things, but now they can use them easily. Further more, there are also more serious things that younger people can teach older people about. Today, children learn about AIDS and other big issues in school. These are serious social issues, but older people don't always understand them. I once made a short and definite explanation about one big social issue to my grandparents, and my explanation made them think about it once more. So I don't think it's true that young people cannot teach adults. However, I believe that children have plenty to teach older people.
use Internet -> use the Internet // However, I believe...: Here, however is not appropriate because you are not reversing what you said before. Rather, you are continuing the same line of thinking -- young people can teach adults. A good connector in this context would be "rather". Why don't you look up "rather" in the dictionary and study its use? Can you do another rewrite with these points?
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Many of us believe that young people have nothing valuable to teach older people. However, that is not always the case. Young people are usually better than older people at using new forms of technology. For example, I taught my grandmother how to use Internet, and I taught my grandfather how to use the cell phone. It took a while to teach these things, but now they can use them easily. There are also more serious things that younger people can teach older people about. Today, children learn about AIDS and other big issues in school. These are serious social issues, but older people don't always understand them. I once made a short and definite explanation about one big social issue to my grandparents, and my explanation made them to think about it once more. There are some people who say that the children can't teach adults, but I think it's not true. However, I believe that children have plenty to teach older people.
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Many of us believe that young people have nothing valuable to teach older people. However, that is not always the case. Young people are usually better than older people at using new forms of technology. For example, I taught my grandmother how to use internet (Ar / Cp), and I taught my grand father (WF) how to use the cell phone. It took a while to teach it / them, but now they can use it / them easily. [ ]There are also more serious things that younger people can teach older people about. Today, children learn about AIDS and other big issues in school. These are serious social issues, but older people don't always understand them. Once,** I made a short and definite explanation about it *** to my grand parents (WF), and they thought / it made them think about it *** once more. There are some people who says (N) its (Pn)*** not true. How ever (WF), I believe that children have plenty of knowledge to teach (C) older people.
* Here "them" can refer to your grandparents or what you taught. If you want to make clear you mean the latter, you can say, "took a while to teach these things".
** At the sentence beginning, you normally say "One day". If you want to use "once", put it later in the sentence, for instance, after the subject: I once made a ... --> check the use of "once" in the dictionary.
*** What is the referent of "it"? You do not mention its referent. You keep having the problem of using a pronoun without a clear referent, and need to work on this. If there is no clear referent, you have to say it directly rather than saying "it". For instance, if "it" refers to the AIDS issue, you should say "AIDS issue" rather than "it". Please think about what the "it" refers to (three altogehter) and make the necessary correction.
첫댓글 Further more -> Furthermore // Very good. It looks much better. You can go on to the next essay. ^^