Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter from "Exhibit A in Baltimore," who said women pretend to like sex in order to get a man to marry them, then they phase it out once the wedding ceremony is over. I have a different perspective.
When I married my husband 12 years ago, sex was easy and enjoyable. However, once the children came along, sex became less of a priority for both of us. We lived in cramped quarters, had little money and were under a great deal of stress. (One of our children is disabled.)
Now that I am swamped with the responsibilities of three children, my husband demands sex all the time. He is constantly touching and grabbing me. Frankly, I can do without sex altogether, but I told my husband I could manage twice a week and no more. He became angry, said he doesn't want any limits on our sex life and threatened divorce. I asked about our 12-year friendship, and he said, "I already have plenty of friends. Sex comforts me, and you need to do your wifely duty."
Ann, am I supposed to be a human pacifier? I think I've already compromised by agreeing to have sex twice a week. Am I wrong? Please tell me what a good compromise is so he will be happy. -- Too Much Sex in Los Angeles
Dear L.A.: You and your husband have problems that go beyond sex. His controlling, demanding attitude is deeply disturbing. I urge you to see a marriage counselor at once. If your husband won't go with you, go alone. This situation is not healthy. Please get help before it is too late.
Dear Ann Landers: I am married and have four wonderful children under the age of 12. My brother, "Ed," was arrested on drug charges, and he will likely go to prison for several years.
My family is very close, and they want me to tell the children that "Uncle Ed" is going away to school or joining the military. I understand they don't want the kids to see their uncle in a bad light, but I don't want to lie to them. The older ones will certainly figure it out eventually.
I believe if you commit a crime, you should pay for it. Is it best to tell my children the truth, or should I go along with the family fibbing? Please help me out with this one. -- Maryland Missus
Dear Maryland: It is OK to tell your children that Uncle Ed made a mistake and has to go away for a while. You can explain to the older children that he is repaying a debt to society. Do not dwell on his crime or teach the children to reject him. He made a mistake, and he is paying for it. That's all they need to know.
Dear Ann Landers: I was recently invited to a co-worker's wedding. The invitation was addressed to me "and guest." I told my boyfriend, who has been my steady for two years, and assumed he would attend. Instead, he became angry and refused. He said he wouldn't know anyone and had no interest in attending such a formal affair.
I am terribly hurt by his response. I know I can bring someone else, but I'd much rather have my boyfriend as my escort. Shouldn't he be willing to come for my sake? What can I do about this? -- New York Blues
Dear New York Blues: Yes, your steady boyfriend should be willing to take you to the wedding. However, he is clearly uncomfortable with the idea of being in a room full of strangers, and it will serve no purpose to pressure him. Invite someone else to escort you, and make it a point to enjoy yourself.
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