Re: 이현권

[Teacher1]

Max and Ruby went to the festival.
By accident, they met her friend, and there were many attractions such as riding a rocket.
Max wanted to ride a rocket, but Max is was too small to ride a rocket.
But Max didn’t give up.
Max tried to be taller by wearing shoes and putting candy cotton candy on his head.
Though max’s effort Even though Max tried hard, he couldn’t ride a rocket.
But Max found a small rocket to ride and enjoyed it.

Score: Ao

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Tips)

• 시제는 이야기이기 때문에 과거형으로 써야 해요: is → was
• "candy"보다는 구체적으로 **"cotton candy"**라고 쓰는 것이 좋아요.
• "Though Max’s effort"는 문장으로는 어색해요 → "Even though Max tried hard" 또는 "Despite his efforts"라고 써야 자연스러워요.
• 마지막 문장에서 Max가 얼마나 기뻤는지도 한 문장 더 써주면 글이 더 풍성해져요!
  예: Max was so happy to ride his own rocket! 😊

Max의 포기하지 않는 모습이 잘 표현된 멋진 글이에요!

너무 짧아! 다음주에도 이렇게 쓰면 다시 써야해!