9/21 2nd topic 'Optimal age for marriage' embarrasses single women

[Kain 이기호]

'Optimal age for marriage' embarrasses single women

http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/culture/2014/07/399_160633.html

Despite their changing perception of marriage, younger generations are still concerned about tying the knot.

Many Korean women in their late 20s and early 30s, in particular, agree that they tend to spend more time thinking about when to get married because they face increasing pressure from those around them.

"I didn't believe that I should marry when the so-called ‘right time' comes. To be frank, I have never thought about getting married seriously before, regardless of whether I had a date or not," said Jung Joo-hee, a 28-year-old office worker in Seoul.

"But as I have only one year or so before turning 30, every decision related to marriage, which I have overlooked so far, gradually became the only talk of the town among girls and seemed to have much more importance, and I need to face it with urgency."

She said that it was even more embarrassing because people around her who already got married had different attitudes about it.

"Many of my friends who already got married when they were younger say they are happy and told me to, ‘Get my own right man' to marry before I get too old to find a decent partner," she said.

"But at the same time, even more female seniors at my work say, ‘Do not get married before you become satisfied with your youth as well as your work,' adding marriage is like a tomb for women," she continued.

"I don't want to give up on my freedom to play around with my friends and I still need more time to establish myself with my career. I don't want to feel pressed for time," she added.

Another point is that there is a difference between women and men over the ideal age for marriage.

According to a survey conducted by a local social dating service provider, NoonDate, among 20,109 singles in their 20s and 30s, 56 percent of female respondents said that women's optimal age for marriage is in their early 30s.

Thirty-five percent of them picked their late 20s.

On the contrary, 65 percent of males said they think the late 20s is the best marriageable age for women, whereas only 19 percent of them answered early 30s.

This showed that women tend to consider marrying later in their lives compared to what men believe.

"I believe it is only me who can decide when to get married and that belief will never change. But at the same time, I came to think that I need to recognize the gender difference between men and women over an optimal age for marriage, at least to have more options when I really feel I want to get married," Kim Jung-eun, a 29-year-old school teacher, said.

"But such a thought makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I ‘must' get married when the right time comes. But I don't think so, because I also have not wanted to get married."

In Korea, parents and family members also tend to put pressure on those who are in this age bracket.

Kim Eun-young, a graduate student at Ewha Womans University, said that she was feeling the pressure of marriage from her parents, from the moment she turned 29.

"All of the fuss started out with a single phone call that a private matchmaker made one day. They stirred their minds upside down, offering chances to arrange meet-ups with men from good families in exchange of membership fee that costs more than 5 million won."

Even though she wasn't particularly interested, she said she met potential husbands a couple of times, since in the corner of her mind, she was also worried that her "face" value might deplete over time.

"The matchmaking firms thrive on the anxiety of women in that age bracket, as well as parents' anxiety. They get information from university graduation albums and then make contact with parents whose daughters are deemed to have passed the ideal age for marriage. They urge parents to do something before the situation gets out of hand."

"Being 30 and single is like passing the shelf-life for products. It means women within that range are fresh enough to sell in the marriage market," she said.

According to Lee Myung-gil, a manager of local matchmaking firm, Duo, the ideal age for marriage differs according to various conditions.

"Statistically speaking, the age for ideal marriage is 29.6 for women and 32.2 for men. But, it depends on the person's academic, regional, vocational and environmental backgrounds. People who are well-educated, live in the city, have a high-income professional job and many unmarried friends are least likely to get married soon," he said.

"Women feel a vague anxiety before they turn 30. But when they turn 31, they don't feel it as much. So it is for the most part a psychological thing. Seeing the end of their 20s and the prime of their lives, all the other psychological concoctions make the phenomenon," he said.

However, Lee said that males don't feel the psychological pinches coming from age as severely as women. "I also think the fuss surrounding the age 29 is a female thing. Women get more sensitive in pursuing youth and physical beauty than men, for whom being 30 means a de facto initiation of their careers."

"When I talk with our female members in their mid-20s, saying that the time is near when their beauty fades with age, most of them agree that they are facing a point of their life that they should consider marriage seriously and start finding their spouses before it is too late."

He said that some 80 percent of women themselves subscribe to Duo's membership, while the other 20 percent are brought in by parents trying to marry off their "over-aged" daughters.

"The movie ‘Nobody Love Me' starts with the narration that goes that for women over 30 they have a slimmer chance of finding their better half than they do of being the victim of an atomic bombing. That kind of mentality makes them seek matchmaking services like us," he added.

"A woman who would say ‘definitely no' to a suggestion to date a 35-year-old man when she was 25 and 26, will more likely change her mind and be more open to the same idea when she turns 29," Lee said

1. Do you agree that above article’s opinion? And when is the optimal age for marriage that you think for both men and women?

2. When someone nags you about marriage, how do you deal with it? And talk about the reason for them to bother you. 

3. What makes you consider marriage? Which one is most important for you? (except for personality)

4. Do you think marriage is essential? Why? If no, are you be ready to be alone for your life

5. Please share good or bad cases regarding married life around you and discuss about something that we need to do our effort for married life.

6. Have you or people around you ever think about using matchmaking services including international marriage) If no, what makes you hesitate to do it? 

7. Let's talk about interesting story regarding marriage or blind date.

[BABE]

잘 보겠씀돠^^