PART 2 // chapter 7-5

[모나리자]

어린 소녀가 소심하고 소리 없이 군중 사이를 헤치고 걸어갔고, 그 방에서 그녀의 모습은 이상했다. 궁핍, 누더기, 죽음, 절망의 한가운데서. 그녀 역시 누더기 차림이었고, 그녀의 옷은 가장 싸구려였지만, 특별한 도장을 찍은 하찮은 화려함으로 치장했고, 틀림없이 그 부끄러운 목적을 배신했다. 소냐는 문간에 멈춰 서서 어리둥절한 표정으로 주변을 둘러보았고, 모든 것을 의식하지 못했다.

그녀는 네 번째 헌 화려한 실크 드레스를 잊었다. 여기서는 우스꽝스럽게 긴 옷자락과 문간 전체를 가득 채운 엄청난 크리놀린, 밝은 색 신발, 밤에는 쓸모가 없지만 그녀가 가져온 파라솔, 불꽃색 깃털이 타오르는 터무니없는 둥근 밀짚모자. 이 경쾌하게 기울어진 모자 아래에는 입술을 벌리고 공포에 질려 응시하는 창백하고 겁먹은 작은 얼굴이 있었다.

소냐는 18세의 작고 마른 소녀로, 금발 머리가 꽤 예쁘고, 멋진 푸른 눈을 가지고 있었습니다. 그녀는 침대와 사제를 열심히 바라보았습니다. 그녀도 숨이 차서 뛰고 있었습니다. 마침내 속삭임, 아마도 군중 속의 어떤 말이 그녀에게 전해졌습니다.

그녀는 아래를 내려다보고 방으로 한 걸음 앞으로 나아갔지만 여전히 문에 가까이 붙어 있었습니다. 예배는 끝났습니다. 카테리나 이바노브나는 다시 남편에게 다가갔습니다. 사제는 뒤로 물러나 돌아서서 카테리나 이바노브나가 떠날 때 훈계와 위로의 몇 마디를 했습니다. "이것들을 어떻게 해야 할까요?" 그녀는 날카롭고 짜증스럽게 말을 가로채며 어린아이들을 가리켰습니다. "하느님은 자비로우십니다. 지극히 높으신 분에게 도움을 구하십시오." 사제가 말을 시작했습니다. "아하! 그분은 자비로우시지만 우리에게는 자비롭지 않습니다."

"그것은 죄입니다, 죄입니다, 부인." 사제가 고개를 저으며 말했습니다. "그리고 그것이 죄가 아니겠습니까?" 카테리나 이바노브나가 죽어가는 남자를 가리키며 소리쳤습니다. "아마도 사고를 낸 자는 적어도 그의 수입 손실에 대해 보상하는 데 동의할 것입니다." "이해 못하시네요!" 카테리나 이바노브나가 화가 나서 손을 흔들며 소리쳤다. "그리고 왜 그들이 나에게 보상해야 합니까? 왜, 그는 취해서 말 아래로 몸을 던졌잖아요! 무슨 수입이에요? 그는 우리에게 비참함만 안겨주었어요. 그는 모든 것을 마셔버렸어요, 술고래! 그는 술을 얻기 위해 우리를 강탈했고, 그는 그들의 삶과 나의 삶을 술 때문에 낭비했어요!

그리고 다행히도 그는 죽어가고 있어요! 지킬 것이 하나 줄었어요!" "죽음의 순간에 용서해야 해요. 그것은 죄입니다, 부인, 그런 감정은 큰 죄입니다." 카테리나 이바노브나는 죽어가는 남자를 돌보느라 바빴다. 그녀는 그에게 물을 주고, 그의 머리에서 피와 땀을 닦아내고, 그의 베개를 똑바로 세우고, 신부에게 말을 걸기 위해 가끔씩 돌아섰을 뿐이었다. 이제 그녀는 거의 광적으로 그에게 달려들었다.

"아, 신부님! 그것은 말뿐이에요! 용서하세요! 그가 차에 치이지 않았더라면, 그는 오늘 취해서 집에 돌아왔을 것이고, 유일한 셔츠는 더럽고 누더기 차림이었고, 통나무처럼 잠들었을 것이고, 나는 새벽까지 몸을 담그고 헹구고, 그의 누더기와 아이들의 누더기를 빨고 창가에서 말리고, 새벽이 되자마자 깁기를 했을 것입니다.

저는 이렇게 밤을 보냅니다!... 용서에 대해 이야기하는 게 무슨 소용이겠어요! 저는 이대로 용서했습니다!” 끔찍하게 텅 빈 기침이 그녀의 말을 가로채었습니다. 그녀는 손수건을 입술에 대고 사제에게 보여주고, 다른 한 손을 아픈 가슴에 얹었습니다. 손수건은 피로 뒤덮여 있었습니다. 사제는 고개를 숙이고 아무 말도 하지 않았습니다. 마르멜라도프는 마지막 고통을 겪고 있었습니다. 그는 다시 그에게 몸을 숙이고 있는 카테리나 이바노브나의 얼굴에서 눈을 떼지 않았습니다.

그는 그녀에게 무언가를 말하려고 계속 노력했습니다. 그는 혀를 움직이기 힘들게 시작했고, 분명하지 않게 발음했지만, 카테리나 이바노브나는 그가 용서를 구하고 싶어한다는 것을 알고 단호하게 그에게 소리쳤다. "조용히 해! 필요 없어! 네가 무슨 말을 하고 싶은지 알아!" 그리고 병자는 조용했지만, 동시에 그의 방황하는 눈은 문으로 옮겨갔고 그는 소냐를 보았다. 그때까지 그는 그녀를 알아차리지 못했다. 그녀는 구석의 그늘에 서 있었다.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Timidly and noiselessly a young girl made her way through the crowd, and strange was her appearance in that room, in the midst of want, rags, death and despair. She, too, was in rags, her attire was all of the cheapest, but decked out in gutter finery of a special stamp, unmistakably betraying its shameful purpose. Sonia stopped short in the doorway and looked about her bewildered, unconscious of everything.

She forgot her fourth-hand, gaudy silk dress, so unseemly here with its ridiculous long train, and her immense crinoline that filled up the whole doorway, and her light-coloured shoes, and the parasol she brought with her, though it was no use at night, and the absurd round straw hat with its flaring flame-coloured feather. Under this rakishly-tilted hat was a pale, frightened little face with lips parted and eyes staring in terror.

Sonia was a small thin girl of eighteen with fair hair, rather pretty, with wonderful blue eyes. She looked intently at the bed and the priest; she too was out of breath with running. At last whispers, some words in the crowd probably, reached her.

She looked down and took a step forward into the room, still keeping close to the door. The service was over. Katerina Ivanovna went up to her husband again. The priest stepped back and turned to say a few words of admonition and consolation to Katerina Ivanovna on leaving. “What am I to do with these?” she interrupted sharply and irritably, pointing to the little ones. “God is merciful; look to the Most High for succour,” the priest began. “Ach! He is merciful, but not to us.”

“That’s a sin, a sin, madam,” observed the priest, shaking his head. “And isn’t that a sin?” cried Katerina Ivanovna, pointing to the dying man. “Perhaps those who have involuntarily caused the accident will agree to compensate you, at least for the loss of his earnings.” “You don’t understand!” cried Katerina Ivanovna angrily waving her hand. “And why should they compensate me? Why, he was drunk and threw himself under the horses! What earnings? He brought us in nothing but misery. He drank everything away, the drunkard! He robbed us to get drink, he wasted their lives and mine for drink!

And thank God he’s dying! One less to keep!” “You must forgive in the hour of death, that’s a sin, madam, such feelings are a great sin.” Katerina Ivanovna was busy with the dying man; she was giving him water, wiping the blood and sweat from his head, setting his pillow straight, and had only turned now and then for a moment to address the priest. Now she flew at him almost in a frenzy.

“Ah, father! That’s words and only words! Forgive! If he’d not been run over, he’d have come home to-day drunk and his only shirt dirty and in rags and he’d have fallen asleep like a log, and I should have been sousing and rinsing till daybreak, washing his rags and the children’s and then drying them by the window and as soon as it was daylight I should have been darning them.

That’s how I spend my nights!... What’s the use of talking of forgiveness! I have forgiven as it is!” A terrible hollow cough interrupted her words. She put her handkerchief to her lips and showed it to the priest, pressing her other hand to her aching chest. The handkerchief was covered with blood. The priest bowed his head and said nothing. Marmeladov was in the last agony; he did not take his eyes off the face of Katerina Ivanovna, who was bending over him again.

He kept trying to say something to her; he began moving his tongue with difficulty and articulating indistinctly, but Katerina Ivanovna, understanding that he wanted to ask her forgiveness, called peremptorily to him: “Be silent! No need! I know what you want to say!” And the sick man was silent, but at the same instant his wandering eyes strayed to the doorway and he saw Sonia. Till then he had not noticed her: she was standing in the shadow in a corner.