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Don't touch that. Whoo-hoo! - El Mariachi. - I like that one! - That one is culturally insensitive. - Night Terror. - That one! - No way. - This one? - Death Merchant. - No. - I'm okay. - This one. - Fire Starter. - This one. - Clawed Reigns. - Excali-Bat. - This one? - Silent but Deadly. - Nope. Bat-ryshnikov. How do we feel about this one? Dress-up parties are for grown-ups only. Wait. What's that one there? That one was for the assignment called The Jamaican Caper. The locals called me Reggae Man. I love it! Ah! Feels like I was poured into this. My only trouble is, these pants are just a little tight. I don't know if I could throw a kick or jump in them. I got an idea. Rip! That's better! Now I'm free, now I'm moving. Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving! I can only look you in the eyes right now. - Sir, what are you doing? - What do you mean? Why is Master Dick dressed like that? How dare you tell me how to parent my kid I just met? To the Batmobile! Hot-diggity-dog! Vehicle rotisserie engaged. Retrieving the Speedwagon. Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed. Hey, kid. Let's go. - Oh, shoot! - What? I probably shouldn't leave until I get the thumbs up from my new old man, Bruce Wayne. Uh, yeah. Here's the thing. Bruno and I decided to share custody of you. So I get a say and you're mission approved. No way! Is this really happening? Yeah. Whoo-hoo! A month ago, I had no dads. Then I had one dad. Now I have two dads! - And one of them is Batman! - Yeah. It's raining dads! So, are you ready to follow Batman and maybe learn a few life lessons along the way? I sure am, Dad Two! But first, where's the seatbelt? The first lesson is, life doesn't give you seatbelts! - Let's go! - Whoo-hoo! Yes! Faster, Dad! Faster! - Whoo! - Yeah! - Whoo! - Yeah! Yes, yes, yes! Oh! Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. Get back up in that seat. There you go. Hey, listen. As soon as I get back to the Batcave, I'll make sure that Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay? But for the time being, I'm just gonna put my arm right here. And we're just gonna gently ease out of here. And here we go. Okay. Like all superheroes, Superman has zero friends, and he spends most of his time basking in sweet, sweet isolation, here at his alone palace. So, I'll keep him busy while you sneak into that vent and get the Projector. Got it? Copy that! Oh, here's an idea. I could also... Whoa, whoa. Don't even finish that thought. See this counter? These are all the good ideas Batman has. And no one else has ever had any good ideas. So don't even try. Your super power... ...is excellent listening and execution of my ideas. - Let's try it out. - Cool! Drop to the ground. Do a backflip. Do a front flip. Triple Axel. Pli. Relev. Jet. Pythagorean theorem. A squared plus B squared equals C squared. Physicalize it! A squared plus B squared equals C squared. - How'd I do, Dad? - Mediocre. Yes! And don't call me "Dad." Now, begin mission. Yes, Papa. "Papa" falls into the "Dad" category. 'Sup, Supes? Wow. It's Batman. And he's at my house. Right now. What are you doing here? Don't worry about it, dawg. I'm not here to throw down or anything. Uh, no, I would crush you. Okay. Sure, sure, sure. Hey, listen. Thank me later, but I just happened to be in the hood. And I figured that you could probably use the... ...company. Wait a minute. Are you... Are you having the "57th Annual Justice League Anniversary Party" - without me? - No. No! No! No! No! There must have been some mistake with the email. That's crazy, man. Totally! Yes, email mistakes happen all the time. Sometimes I don't get Superman's emails for years. Great point, G.L. Great point. All right. Well, that clears up everything, right? Enjoy the party, bro. Hit it, DJ Wonder Dog. I'm Superman at the super party I'm Superman at the super party Hey-hey Hey, Batman. Do you wanna take a quick pic? Sure. Where do you want me? Right there is perfect. - Here's the camera. - Oh. Okay, party people, get together. Yeah. Everybody say... Super Friends! Let me see it! Let me see! Classic! We got everyone. Yeah, everyone. Thanks, Batman. Yeah, no problem. I did, like, a burst. This party is the bomb! Look at me! More like Martian Dance Hunter, am I right? 'Puter, call kid. Bat-Dad? How's it going? 'Cause everything is going great down here. I can see the target. But there's some kind of laser energy thing that I can't get through. Okay. I'll see if I can shut it off. But I'm gonna have to make up an excuse to leave this party without anyone noticing. Bye. Kid, tell me when it's off, all right? - Now? - No. - Now? - No. - Now? - Not quite. - Now? - No. - My son... - No. These irreplaceable crystals contain all my knowledge, which I now pass on to... Darn it. It's gotta be one of these. Is this the one? O.M. gosh! You did it, Padre! It's off! Okay. Now you gotta make your way to the Atomic Cauldron and get that Phantom Zone Projector. - Do exactly as I say. - 10-4! Okay. Jump! Do a front flip. Do a backflip. Run, run, run. Drop. That's excellent listening. Shimmy. Strafe-left. Strafe-right. Avoid. Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin. - I'm sorry, say that again? - Robin! As in the small, Midwestern frail bird? Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street. - Hard pass. - And a song. Fly, Robin, fly Harder pass. Now slide! Okay, kid. I'm gonna teach you how to masterbuild your way inside that thing. Yay! Grab those 2x6's, pull out the axle studs, disconnect the 6x10 plates. Like this? Whoa! Unbelievable obeying. Now, let's ride. Toes to the nose. Now you're gleaming the cube. - Yeah! - Now, get creative. Freestyle a little bit. Oh, that's good, kid! It's like looking in a Bat-mirror. Okay. Leap. - I've got the Projector, Dad. - Booyah! Now do everything we just did backwards. Oh. Oh! Here you go, Dad. We did it! Yeah! Mission accomplished. That was fun! You okay, Batman? You seem the opposite of stern. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just watching you out there, it was like the world wasn't all darkness anymore. For a brief moment I could have sworn I felt something. That feeling is pride, sir. You're right. I am super proud. Of myself. For being such a good teacher, obviously. Yeah, you're a great teacher. I am? Yeah! I wanna be just like you when I grow up, Padre! Wait, what did you call me? I called you Padre. It's Spanish for "Dad." Sorry. Well, isn't it also a cool Spanish way to say "buddy"? Yeah, I could've been saying it that way. Then I'll allow it. Oh, you're such a great padre! What are you doing? I'm trying to give you a big old hug. Thought you were attacking me. Hey, you up for another top secret superhero mission to defeat the Joker? Oh, I am down to stop that clown. But I don't wanna make my other dad, Bruce Wayne, angry. Do you think we'll be done before my bedtime? Bedtime? Batman's life lesson number two. Vigilantes don't have bedtimes. Yes! So, what's the vigilante policy on cookies? Unlimited! All right, kid. We need to avoid Commissioner Gordon. So, lesson number three. When going stealth, you gotta hide every part of you, physically and emotionally. - Got it? - Yeah! Already failed. Now, what I need you to do is use the naturally dark areas of your costume, and integrate into the dark parts of this environment. Okay. - Can you see me? - Yes. - How about now? - Yes. - What about now? Now? - Yes. Yes. You're a goner, kid. - Batman? - Barbara! Batman? Batman! Hey, there. Look at you. - Who's this? - Hi, police lady. - Is that your son? - Yes, I am. Is that my son... No, that's just weird. It's weirder if it's not your son. Right. No, I don't... I'm not in a relationship or anything. I could have a kid. I mean, if I met the right lady, and if she was just standing right in front of me, and we looked at each other and thought, "Hey, let's do this." "Let's be together." - Batman? - Yes? I hope you're back because you've decided to work together on the Joker case. Uh... Yeah. Absolutely! Great. Ooh. Arkham Asylum. - So, before we question the Joker... - Uh-huh. ...I'm gonna need you to hand over all your weapons. I mean, I don't know if I have anything... Oh! I just got a couple here. There. - Is that it? - Yeah. Oh. Of course. What about the utility belt? Anything in your cape? Under your cowl? And your shoes. There we go. Uh... This is really uncomfortable. Sorry. My shoes are part of my pants. Oops. - Batman? - Yes? Why is your "not son" trying to smuggle the Phantom Zone Projector into Arkham? What? Hey, kid. What is this? Batman, give me the Phantom Zone Projector. - No. - Batman! Give me the Phantom Zone Projector! Give it to me! No, no, no! Whoa! Nice. I studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu at Harvard for Police. Oh, yeah? Well, guess who got a PhD in smoke bombs! Dr. Batman. Guards! Get them! Freeze, Batman! Hey, kid. This is a training exercise. These guys are my bros. - Go ahead and take a couple of them out. - Cool! - Hey, Frank. - You want a piece of Robin? - Barney! Nice compound fracture! - How'd you like a punch, Glen? Code Red! I need total security lockdown, now! Om! 'Sup, Joker? Namaste, Batman. - Namaste. - Gross. Ooh. Briefs man. Me, too. Cut the baloney. Kid, guard the door, will ya? On it! Take that, Alan! Huh. Looks like you're going to a lot of trouble for little old me. I must be your greatest enemy after all. Right, Batman? - I see what you're trying to do. - And what is that? You're trying to entrap me into a relationship. - Really? - Yeah, and it's not gonna work. Oh, yes, it is. Because I'm inside your head. - No, you're not! - No, you're not! I knew you'd say that. - No, you didn't! - No, you didn't! And I knew you'd say that! See? We aren't so different, I and you. - It's, "you and I!" - It's, "you and I!" - Argh! - Admit it. I'm your greatest enemy. You're not my greatest enemy, Joker. Okay, then send me to the Phantom Zone. Fine, I will. And prove I'm your greatest enemy. Batman, don't do this. As long as you're in the Phantom Zone, I'll be saving Gotham City, and that's all that matters to me. Goodbye, Joker. Oh, Batman, thank you! Yes! That's what I call saving the city again! Batman, what are you doing? I'm Batman-ing. I'm Batman, I'm awesome I got a nine-pack Stop it! Batman, I can't believe you did this. Hi, police lady. And even worse, you've made this kid into an accessory to your crime. Sorry, kid. That's okay, ma'am. As long as I'm doing a dime in the big house with my old man, everything's gonna be A-okay. Officers, take this Projector to the evidence room. - You got it. - And get this man some pants. I'm good the way I am. B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet? You know, when I was a kid, I wanted to be you, Batman. I wanted to be as strong and as fast and as smart as Batman. But you're not who I thought you were. Uh... What do you mean? You can't be a hero if you only care about yourself. Barbara, I... I think you're underestimating the importance of the Joker being in the Phantom Zone. Really, it's kind of a stroke of genius. All the... Hey, where are you going? I just put Joker in the one place he can't do anyone any harm. Yeah. But what if you just gave Joker exactly what he wanted? Oh! Whoa! Look at this place! Am I being too loud? - Hi! - Oh, my gosh! Sorry. I always do that. How about a warning next time? You're so right, and I am so wrong. Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy. Yeah, bad guy. - My name is Phyllis. - Oh, that was my grandma's name. Now hold still while I scan you. Scanning for badness. Trying to assess whether you are bad. Ugh! Your whole thing screams "bad guy." Oh, yeah. I'm a really bad person. But with vulnerabilities. Who, me? No way. So, where do you keep all the other bad people in this place? They're standing right behind you. Whoa! Hi there, guys. Lovely to meet you all. I'm the... Oh, fist bump? There we... Handshake? It doesn't matter. I'm the Joker. Take a look at the new guy. Guess they'll just let anybody in here. Oh, no, no, no. I'm very bad, too. They just showed a video montage... - Boring! - What? - You're boring. - He looks delicious. Let's eat this guy. Stop with the violence for just a second! What if I told you I could get you outta here? I'm sorry, what'd you just say? That's right. I'm so bad, I got myself thrown into this heck-hole on purpose! I'm listening. Count me interested. Look, everyone here knows what it's like to be hurt by a hero, don't they? We've all been taken for granted, right? - Yeah, bro. - I'm relating. Well, that's why I came to this space prison. To recruit the universe's greatest... - We'll do it! - I'm sorry? You were going to say something about recruiting the universe's greatest villains to conquer a superhero. - Am I right? - Uh, yeah. - Well, we're in! - Yay! Really? Because I brought a PowerPoint... Still boring! Yeah. Just get on with it. You want us to humiliate him? I certainly do. Yes. You want us to make him grovel at your feet? I would like to see that very much! You want us to smite him? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want us to make the rivers of Gotham City run red with his blood? Oh, that's... Oh, no blood? How do you feel about lava? Yes! Lava. - Done. - Yay! - I can't wait to crush buildings. - Excuse me. Hello? Over here. I don't want to be a downer, but how exactly are we going to get outta this place? Oh, leave that to me. Don't wanna jinx us, but I'll be a lot happier when this Phantom Zone Projector is locked up tight. Going up, ma'am? No. You're going down! Look out! Smash! I guess you're right. I am going up. Ding! Here comes the... Phantom Zone! Huh? I'm gonna go start looting. Hello, Gotham City! The Clown Prince of Crime is back! Commissioner Gordon, you gotta take a look at this. What's that? A monkey and dog are friends. Not that. That! And I've come to finally take over the city. But in order to do that, I need to break my friends out of a giant, scary prison. - Hey, guys, he means us! - Yay! And I ain't talking about those rogue losers dressed in cosplay! - Oh! - Me-ouch. I'm talking about my new peeps! And they're just like me. The greatest villains you'll ever see. You wanna meet them? - No. - Too bad. He's evil, he's magic, and it's about to get tragic. It's Voldemort. Magic! You are a fish. You are a frog. You are a fish frog. He's a 9,000-year-old incarnation of evil, with an eye forjewelry. Give it up for Sauron! Good afternoon, Gotham City. He likes long, violent walks on historic buildings. It's King Kong! Come at me, Gotham! Commissioner Gordon, these monsters, they're too powerful. Can you contain them to downtown? That's gonna be impossible. Half the police force are fish! Sergeant Jackson! Stop floppin' around! And rounding out the evil all-stars, Wicked Witch! Medusa. And British robots! Exterminate! Ask your nerd friends. Hello? Bad guys? What a crew, huh? And they all work for me! Who's the greatest villain of them all now, Batman? Still not you. Actually, this does look pretty terrifying, Bat-Dad. Whee! Nice destruction all around. Watch your step! Good work, guys! Now, all that's left for me is to rub it in Batman's bat face. Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eye have a unique ability to peer through time and space? - Uh-huh. - Well, I need to find Batman. Where's homeboy's man cave? Hmm. Give me a second. Scary noise. It's beneath Wayne Manor! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a sec. Are you trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne is Batman... ...'s roommate? Uh... Yeah. Evil army, this way to the Batcave! Good grief! Hey, Batman! Joker's home. I'm rubbing my butt all over your stuff. We're going to have to rename this the Butt-mobile. Hey, evil army. I need Batman brought here. Now go get him! Joker out! Uh... Padre? Yeah? Do you ever get scared? No. Yeah, that's what I figured, 'cause you're Batman. Hey, kid. You know who does get scared? Who? Bruce Wayne. - Really? - Yeah. Bruno told me once that sometimes the only way to get out of a down moment is to start boxing. And by "boxing," he meant beatboxing. Oh! Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na... Feel it, uh-huh Dick Grayson on the mic, go Oh. Um... Oh, my gosh. This does make me feel better. Okay. Shh. Batman solo. Bat, bat, bat, can I get a bat? Can I get a bat? Bat... The Bat-Fax! Ha! The city needs me. Bang, bang, bang! Excuse me. Can you get the commissioner and show her this? - Batman. - Would you stop doing that? I sent the Bat-Fax. I hate to say this, but you're right. The city needs you. Yes! Let me out. I'm only going to let you out on one condition. - Name it. - You can't do it by yourself. Fine. Who am I working with? SEAL Team Six? Fox Force Five? Suicide Squad? No. Me. Oh, I wanna help, too! - And I shall join as well. - Whoa! Alfred Pennyworth at your service, ma'am. - How did you... - Alfred, you gotta let me out of here. Sir, those creatures out there are unlike anything we've ever seen. Speak for yourself. You don't know everything I've seen. I haven't told you everything. And you'll never be able to defeat them alone. And it'll be more fun if we all do it together! What's the worst thing that could happen? What are you so afraid of? The thing I'm most afraid of? I gotta be honest with you. It's snake clowns. Yeah, that's not a thing. Well then, nothing. - I'm not afraid of anything. - Okay. Prove it. - Oh, I will. - Good. Do you know what the B-A- in Batman stands for? - Not really. - Best At Teamwork. Best At Teamwork Man is my full name. Yay! We're going on a family trip. This is not a family trip. I can wear my costume, too. Well, luckily for us, you left your costume back at the... - Rip! - Oh! Nope. Under your clothes. That's perfect. - Rip! - Alfred, what are you doing? I miss the '60s. Hey, can Scarecrow help? - Yeah! - He's destroying our city, too! Permit us to lend you assistance. Yeah. Why don't we use these guys? What am I gonna do? Get a bunch of criminals together to fight the criminals? That's a stupid idea. Okay, guys. Game plan. Joker's taken the Projector - to Wayne Manor. - Wayne Manor. Right. Thanks, Batman. - We need that Projector. - Projector. Or there's no way - to blast these monsters... - Monsters. - ...back to the Phantom Zone. - Phantom Zone? Yep. Batman, I really don't need you to finish my... - Sand castles. - No. - Sister's homework. - No. - Succulent something. - No. Um... Everybody? Batman is in Arkham Asylum. Get him! Okay, everyone, grab on to me. Whoa! We've gotta take cover! Whoa! - Joker has eyes on us. - Where? No! I mean, he literally has a giant eye on us. I think that thing can see our every move! Shaka-laka-Iako. We've got to destroy it, or we'll never make it to Wayne Manor. Uh... Bat-Dad? I really think you should see this. Building survey! This building's not up to code! Gotcha. Is that real lava? I'm okay. All right, yeah. It's 100% lava. - Everyone, start throwing me bricks. - Right away, sir. - I need a 4x6. Come on, quick. - Here you go. - I need an elbow. - Elbow. Ow! Whoo! Yes! I did it. Pretty cool, huh? - Batman? - Yeah? Why did you build this thing with only one seat? 'Cause last I checked, I only had one butt. What the... What have you done to Wayne Manor? Hey, Batman, guess what! I found out one of your secrets. - Uh-oh. - What do we have here, Batman? It looks like a bunch of relationship comedies. - What's that one? - Must Love Dogs. Must love crying. - Marley & Me. - I love the ending. Oh! Serendipity? We have Serendipity? I love that movie! For a loner, Batman, you sure like movies about relationships! Oh! And look what else I found! All your wonderful toys. Accio lightning storm! Uh... Everyone, hold on. Gremlins, dismantle that plane now! Ugly monsters on our three. - Uh... Padre? - Not now, kid. Kind of got my hands full. I've got good tone. Firing. - Uh... Batman? - What's up, buddy? - Are we nearly at Wayne Manor? - Why? Uh... Your number two needs to go number one. I thought I told you to go back at the prison. - I tried, but Bane was in there. - So? He had sort of a "get out of this bathroom now" vibe. I knew I shouldn't have given you that water. Can you hold it in like a big boy? Engine one down. Not a big deal. Don't worry about it. It's fine. - Engine two down. - It does that sometimes. We've lost engine three. Oh. Could live without it. Engine four! That I do need to fix. Good news. Our bathroom problem is solved. You three wait here while I go fix the engine. Don't worry, Batman. You fix the Batwing, I'll fly. All good, Babs. I've got my autopilot on it. Done. Autopilot? That's just a rope! Exactly. All right, guys. Until I get back, rope's in charge. Thanks, rope. All right, let's see. Yes, the piston brake out here. Jet engine brake in here and... Get out of here. No. Give me... No! Stop it! Come on, Master Dick. We need to help him. I'm with you, Grandpa! Get off my Padre! Unhand him, you animatronic fiends. What are you two doing here? I told you to stay in the cockpit. You disobeyed me. You're on a timeout. Batman, you're on a timeout. What? Alfred, you better un-timeout me right now! No. Not until you un-timeout Master Dick. Guys, you're all un-timeouted! We have incoming! - Sir! Watch out for those... - What are you doing? Okay. Everybody, timeout off. Whoo-hoo! I've been parented. - Batman, I can help you. - No. Protect the rope. The rope is fine! Save Master Dick! I'm fine. I'll just do one of my gymnastics moves to... No! Dick... Gotcha! Hold on, Alfred. I'm almost there! No! Alfred! No. No! Move over, rope. Hold on! Gotcha! Barbara, did you see that? Batrope saved Alfred. Sick moves, rope. I never doubted you, bro. Actually, sir, Ms. Gordon saved him. Rope! You lied to me! Wait a minute. You mean, without you, Alfred would have been street meat? Batman, trust us. We can do this. - Yeah. I know Gymkata. - Sorry, what's that? It's a gymnastics-based martial art. I can punch those '80s monsters off the plane. Uh... Okay. Multiple bogeys on our six. Sir, I'll get them off our back. I was a tail gunner for the Royal Air Force. Locked and loaded, sir! Good. Love that! I got an idea. We're gonna change course. I want you to fly straight into that flaming eyeball. - What? - Barbara, trust me. All right. Let's do this. We got a giant sea monster, 12 o'clock! Got it. - We've got his attention. - He's tracking us. I've got you now. Eat dirt! Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers! Okay, Babs, this is it. Fly us straight into that eye, and wait for my signal. Can it come now? Can we make the signal thing happen? Almost there. Almost there! - Fire! - Almost there! That fire's coming in hot! Hot, hot, hot! Now! Barbara, dive bomb! My eye! Sauron! Nothing to see. Whoo-hoo! - Yes! That was so rad! - We did it, everyone! That was so great! Go team! Come on, let's hear it for us! That was incredible! I felt so jazzed! I say "jazzed"! I gotta give it to you, Batman. That was awesome. - Ha! And you were awesome. - Thanks. - And you were awesome. - I love compliments! And you were awesome, and I was amazing. I'm not trying to make it about myself, obviously. But I just wanna make sure that everyone gets a pat on the back. - Because it feels good. - It does feel good. You had a good idea, you had a good idea, and you had a good idea, and I had a great idea. You know what, I think that collectively, I'm gonna add... ...one. - No way! - Yes! Man, that feels good. Best team ever! Let's take a photo! All right, everyone, squeeze together. Hang on a second. - Nice and close! - I gotta get my pump on. - It's worth it. - Okay, everybody in? These abs are no fluke. Everyone say, "Bat Family!" Bat Family! Ooh, let's take a look! Look at that! - Splendid. - Wow. Didn't it turn out great? Hey, guys! It's my first family photo! - Hey, Bat-Dad. - Oh! Whoa. What are you doing? I'm trying to give you a big, old H-U-G. Okay, just... Batman, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. We are just one big happy fraternity of people who did an awesome job together. I can't think of any other way to put that. - Cool. - So, guys, listen up! Taking the Projector from the Joker is gonna be our most dangerous mission yet. - A family battle mission! - Right. Salvage what you can out of the Scuttler, and maybe root around, see if you can find a few Vitamin waters or something, and then we'll head out. - Right away, sir. - Anything for you, Padre. I think I'll need snowshoes. Yeah, I don't think you'll need snowshoes, but could you grab that flashlight? - Batman? - Padre? Sir? What are you doing? Hey, Batman. Please, wait! 'Puter. Yes, sir? I'm locking in some coordinates now. Take the Scuttler to the taco stand on the border of Gotham City and Bldhaven. No! I want you to get these guys a couple of chimichangas - and three Jarritos. - Sir! And then keep them there until this whole attack on Gotham City blows over. Padre, please. Don't do this! Batman, you need us! How many times I gotta tell you? Batman works alone. No, we have to stick together. Please. Now go on, Scuttler. Go! - Go! Just get outta here. - Batman. - Padre! - Get moving! Please! Just go. Batman! Please, wait! Scuttler, move out! You're doing the wrong thing! - Listen to me! Don't do this! - Sir, please. Sir! No! Scanning for intruders. Scanning for intruders. Scanning for intruders. Hi, Bats. What have you done to my... Bruce Wayne's house? You'd better hope he's a cool guy and doesn't go crazy. What happened to all your friends? I don't need friends. I don't need anyone to stop you. Are you sure about that? Look in the mirror, Batman. When I saw you working with your friend-family, I actually thought you'd changed. But, no. You pushed them away. You've run away from every other person in your life. But I'm the one you're always chasing. Is this about that stupid "greatest enemy" thing? No, it's not. Not anymore. - You tell him, Joker! - It's time for a fresh start. He's not worth it. I think after 78 years, I deserve respect! That is right. Respect! Do you realize that you have never once said the words, "I hate you, Joker"? Not once. Well, I am starting to feel pretty annoyed with you right now. That's for darn sure. Annoyed is not the same thing! Listen, Batman. I... hate you. - Aww! - That's nice. Now you say it. Me, too. You won't. You won't change. 'Cause you can't. You won't, and you can't. Batman will never change. You know what, boo-boo? Just shut it down. These diseased lunatics are right. Yes, we are! I am not gonna be part of a one-sided relationship any longer! - Yes! - What are you talking about? - You and I are done! - What is wrong with you? I'm moving on! That's ridiculous. And on my way out, I'm gonna blow up Gotham City! No. You're not serious. Wingardium Leviosa! No! You know what? For once, Batman, you're right. I'm not your greatest enemy. Your greatest enemy is you. - Goodbye, Batman. - Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Good for you, boo-boo! - Yay! - Everybody, get a bomb. Let's go. - Bomb, bomb, bomb. Let's bomb it out. - Yay! Say goodbye, Gotham City! - Whoa. - Hi! Whoa! Oh, I am so sorry. It was all my fault, I keep doing that. Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy. What are you talking about? I'm not a bad guy. But you're all in black. You have a cape. And you wear a big, scary mask. Well, I'm not. And you kicked me in the face. Listen, I'm Batman. Oof! You even sound like a bad guy. I swear, I am a good guy. Okay, Mr. Batman. Hold still while I scan you. Scanning for badness. Yes, sir? - You're super nimble, right? - I sure am! And 110% expendable? I don't know what that means, but okay. - How'd I do, Dad? - Mediocre. - Yes! - And don't call me Dad. Sorry. Alfred, put that kid on the next jet to the orphanage. But doesn't he deserve a chance for someone to take him under their wing, as I took you under mine? Listen, you don't have a family. So what do you know about having a surrogate son? Batman! We have to stick together. Please. Joker, you mean nothing to me. No one does. Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy. But you're not exactly a good guy, either. - Batman? - Padre? You even abandoned your friends. What? Go on, Scuttler. Go. - Batman, no. No! - Don't do this! Abandoned? No. No, I was trying to protect them. By pushing them away? Well, yeah. Are they really the ones you're protecting? Computer, Batman's in danger. Please, Computer, take us back! Do you really want the man who made you to come to harm? Batman programmed me to obey him. But he didn't say to not not rescue him. What are they doing? Come on, guys. Let's hustle. Gotham City's not gonna blow itself up. Well, hello! 'Puter, go to super-secret stealth mode. - Hold on! - No! Evil buddies, those are my last three painful reminders of Batman. Run! Come on, Alfred. This way. Wait, where's Dick? The little guy? He's over there. Initializing Batcave operating system. What's he doing? I've gotta save my family! Just think. - What would Batman do? - What? I know. Not listen to anyone else. Be mean to people. Destroy as much property as possible. Talk in a really low, gravelly voice. And go it alone. Kid, don't do that. Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed. Don't do what I would do! I never even taught you how to drive! Hold on a second, Brick Lady. I'm so sorry. I need to get down there and stop this. I can't let you go. My boss will be really mad at me. Yeah. But I bet your boss would be happy if you were able to get all those bad guys back in here. Hmm. She sure would. Then let me try. Let me get down there and help them. But haven't you tried that before? This way, Alfred. You do the same thing over and over. What's gonna change? No! I know what I need to do. Just give me 24 hours, and I'll come back. Whoa! You've gotta let me go down there and save them. I'll do whatever you want. - Please. - Exterminate! Please. Okay, but I need all the bad guys locked up in here. I promise. And I mean all of them. One of these buttons has to save my friends. Self-destruct mode activated. Self what? - Master Dick! - No! Dick! Look who's bat! What? Everyone okay? Dick, Alfred, Barbara. - Are you guys... - We're fine, Batman. Listen, I just wanted to say that I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really... s-s-s... Soooo... Sorry? Yeah. Whoo! I did it! I don't even know why you bothered coming back. I was afraid. What? The reason I came back was the same reason I left you. I was afraid of feeling the pain you feel when you lose someone close to you. Gotham needs us. So I came back to do this. Flip. Flip? What is that? I don't... You gotta turn around. I call it the Babs-Signal. And I'm flipping the switch for you. Because saving this city is too big a job for one person. Flip, flip. So, what do you say, Commish? Will you work with me? I need your help. I thought you'd never ask. I'm very, very proud of you, sir. But there's still only four of us against Joker's entire army. That's why I called in some backup. Flip! Flip! Flip! Flip! - Whoa! - We saw your signal, and we came to help. Joker may be done with us, but we're not done with him. We will be the Joker's reckoning. Joker said mean stuff to us. You were right, Barbara. It takes a village. Not a Batman. Okay. Everybody, listen up. These monsters want to destroy Gotham City. That's right. We need sick new vehicles. An arsenal of advanced weaponry. Costumes that suit our individual personalities. Rip! And code names to use on our walkie-talkies. Call it out! Your name is Lady Bat. - Lady Bat? - Bat Lady. - Veto! Nope. What? - El Batarina. Soccer Mom... Bat? How about a cool costume? Nice! That one's called Batgirl. If you call me Batgirl, can I call you Batboy? And lastly, a coordinated attack strategy, and a kick-butt theme song! Robin? My superhero code name. Oh, yeah. Hit it! Got it! No! Absolutely not. This music is filling me with rage. Let's use it! All right, team. I'm going to need to know your special powers. I'm a giant clay person! - I'm irritating. - I have a sack for a face. I make unpredictable decisions. I raise the stakes! I can squirt ketchup! Nice! Orca. I'm a whale! Oh, we got this covered! Go team! Whale, yeah! Shh. Quiet. Who's laying down those funky beats? - We are! - Meow, meow! Batman? Evil army, get rid of them! Team Gotham Family, activate! Voldy's got this. Here we go! Yeah! Bombarda! Smash! Smash! Smash! - Whoa. - Batman, take out Joker's bomb. I'll get that Projector! 10-4, Co-Go. Freeze, Clayface, take this guy out! Coming through! Okay, Alfred, bring the pain. Bringing it, sir. For Queen and country! You just got Union Jacked! Robin, get ready. I'm about to teach you some father-and-son stuff. First, driving. - Put your hands at 10 and 2. - Okay. Now, fly! Turn left! Run over these skeletons. Now drive up the wall! - Great driving. - Thanks, Padre. Yeah! Okay, Robin. Together, we're gonna punch these guys so hard, words describing the impact are gonna spontaneously materialize out of thin air. Yeah! Yes! Yes! Yes! High five! Stop moving around, you Muggles. All right, team, let's shut him down. Orca! You're up, baby! You wanna see a magic trick? I'm gonna make you disappear. - Wingardium Levio... - Me-yoink! Wingardium Levio... Shut up! No! Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy! Fudgecake! Whoo! Here we go, Bat Team! Batman, think fast! Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy! Robin, go long. - Nice grab. - Yeah! Oh, my gosh. Yes! Here you go, Grandpa. Hey, Batman! Get off my padre! It wasn't useless after all. End this, Batgirl! Adis, shark. Okay, BRB, guys. I'm gonna go defuse that... This is the end of Gotham City! As I predicted, we're doomed! We're not doomed. I got this. Everyone, grab on to me. Gotcha. Come on, guys. We need to hold this city together. Batrope, no! Everybody, run! No! We have to stick together. Right, Batman? We need to use our heads! Maybe we should build something together. - Heads. - Stick together. - Build something. - Together. - Build. - Together. Together. We should build something together. I got it. You're right, Babs. We need to stick together. Literally. Robin, quick. Give me a boost. On it, Padre. We're gonna stick together, using our heads, and the most powerful weapon of all. Shredded abs. Let's do this. - Meow, meow. - Yeah, let's do this. - Ready? - Here we go. You got this, Alfred? Yes, sir. Abs of steel. Great! Now you bend, and I'll grab the other side! No! - Batman, what's going on? - Are you okay? I've got you. Joker! Please, help us! No! I'm not gonna help you. At least if this city is destroyed, I'll die knowing I'm your greatest enemy! I'm gonna have to die to know it. Shut up, Joker! If there's no Gotham, then I'll never get to fight you again. What? You're the reason why I get up at 4:00 in the afternoon and pump iron until my chest is positively sick. You're the reason I've given up a life spent with Russian ballerinas and lady activewear models. And if it wasn't for you, I never would have learned how connected I am with all these people. And you. So if you help me save Gotham, you'll help me save us. You just said "us." Yeah. Batman and the Joker. What do you say? You had me at shut up. How are your abs, bro? Too much flab, not enough ab. Why? Because I need you to crunch them. Citizens of Gotham, we need all of you to join us and help bring this city back together. I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I hate you, Joker. - I hate you, too. - I hate you more. I hate you the most. I hate you forever. Splendid! We did it, everyone! Bane is feeling warm and fuzzy. Padre, where are you going? I made a promise. I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone. Sorry, kid. Padre, please. Don't call me Padre. Okay. Call me... Dads. My two dads are the same dad. But they're both leaving. It's gonna be okay, kid. Sometimes, losing people is part of life. But that doesn't mean you stop letting them in. Some very wise people taught me that. My father figure. My platonic coworker buddy, who's a girl, but just a friend. And you. Mi hijo. It's Spanish for "son." This is my family, but it's your family, too. Do you have a knife? Why? 'Cause someone needs to cut the tension between the two of us immediately. Okay. I deserved that. - Hi. - Wait a minute. What's going on? I came back, just like I said I would. You know, Mr. Batman, when you're a talking brick, working at the Phantom Zone, you see a lot of crazy things. But I've finally seen a man, in order to make the world a better place, take a look at himself and make a change. Who? - Superman. - What? I'm kidding. It's you. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you on the streets, Batman. I guess so. Catch you later, Joker. Let's go, gang. Wait a minute, we're not just gonna let these criminals go, right? Ah, come on, Commish. Let's face it. Those guys are no match for the four of us. We'll give them a 30-minute head start. Besides, you can't fight crime on an empty stomach. Hey, Computer? We're home! What is the password? Iron Man sucks! When Dad and me were fighting, I was giving them my best one-liners. You complete me. Holy family photo, Batman. I love it! White. All important movies end with a white screen. And tying up loose ends. We're coming for you, Gotham City! Like this snake clowns bit. - Snake clowns? - Told you they were real. Did you stick wigs onto snakes? - Maybe. - That is so weird. Can I play that song I wrote for the end credits? - That is a hard pass. - Come on. No! Let the kid play whatever music he wants. - No, no, no! - Please? - No. - Padre? Fine. 'Puter. Okay, sir. Yay! Now playing Robin's happy, poppy music. The kind that makes parents and studio executives happy. Come on, everyone! - Come on, Batman! - No! Wow, that was fun! Really hope nobody was recording that. Let me see. Oh, this thing is on. This thing is recording.
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