PART 2 // chapter 7-8

[모나리자]

"들어보세요." 라스콜니코프가 서둘러 말했다. "방금 당신이 내기를 이겼다는 것을 알려드리러 왔고, 그에게 무슨 일이 일어날지 아무도 모른다는 것을 알려드리려고 왔습니다. 들어갈 수 없어요. 너무 약해서 바로 쓰러질 거예요. 그럼 안녕히 계세요! 내일 날 보러 와요." "뭐 알아요? 집에 데려다줄게요. 당신도 약하다고 하면, 당신은..." "그리고 손님은요? 방금 밖을 내다본 곱슬머리는 누구예요?"

"그 사람? 하느님만 아실 거예요! 삼촌의 친구일 거예요. 아니면 초대도 없이 온 건가요... 삼촌은 그들에게 맡기고 갈게요. 그는 귀중한 사람이거든요. 지금은 소개시켜드릴 수 없어서 안타깝네요. 하지만 지금은 모두 혼란스럽게 만들어요! 그들은 나를 알아채지 못할 거고, 나는 신선한 공기가 필요해요. 당신이 딱 맞춰서 왔거든요. 2분만 더 있었으면 서로 싸우러 나갔을 거예요! 그들은 너무나 터무니없는 말을 많이 하고 있어... 사람들이 뭐라고 말할지 상상조차 할 수 없어! 하지만 왜 상상하지 못하겠어? 우리도 헛소리를 하지 않나?

그리고 그들이... 그렇게 하지 않는 법을 배우는 거야!... 잠깐만, 조시모프를 데려올게." 조시모프는 라스콜니코프에게 거의 탐욕스럽게 달려들었다. 그는 그에게 특별한 관심을 보였다. 곧 그의 얼굴이 밝아졌다. "곧 잠자리에 들게." 그는 환자를 가능한 한 자세히 살펴보며 말했다. "그리고 밤에 먹을 것을 가져가. 가져갈래? 얼마 전에 준비해 놓았어... 가루." "두 알이면 돼." 라스콜니코프가 대답했다. 가루는 바로 가져갔다. "그를 집으로 데려가는 게 다행이야." 조시모프가 라주미힌에게 말했다. "내일은 어떨지 보자. 오늘은 전혀 이상이 없어. 오후 이후로 상당히 바뀌었어. 살아가며 배우세요..."

"우리가 나올 때 조시모프가 내게 속삭인 게 뭔지 알아?" 라주미힌이 거리에 나가자마자 터져 나왔다. "형제님, 저는 모든 걸 다 말하지 않을 거예요. 그들은 정말 바보들이거든요. 조시모프가 가는 길에 자유롭게 이야기하라고 했고, 당신이 자유롭게 이야기하게 하라고 했어요. 그러고 나서 제가 그에게 말해야 해요. 그는 당신이... 미쳤거나 거의 미쳤다는 생각을 하고 있거든요. 그저 상상일 뿐이에요! 첫째, 당신은 그보다 세 배는 더 똑똑해요. 둘째, 당신이 미치지 않았다면 그가 그렇게 터무니없는 생각을 했다는 건 신경 쓸 필요 없어요. 셋째, 외과 전문인 그 놈은 정신 질환에 미쳐버렸고, 그가 당신에 대해 이런 결론을 내리게 된 건 오늘 자메토프와 나눈 대화 때문이에요." "자메토프가 모든 걸 다 말했어요?"

"그래요, 잘했어요. 이제 나는 그것이 무슨 뜻인지 다 이해했고 자메토프도 이해했습니다... 글쎄요, 로디아, 사실은... 요점은... 지금 조금 취해 있다는 것입니다... 하지만 그게... 상관없습니다... 요점은 이 아이디어가... 이해하시죠? 그들의 뇌에서 막 부화한 것일 뿐이라는 것입니다... 이해하시죠? 즉, 아무도 그것을 큰 소리로 말하지 않았습니다. 그 아이디어가 너무 터무니없고 특히 그 화가가 체포된 이후로 그 거품은 터져서 영원히 사라졌기 때문입니다. 하지만 왜 그들은 그렇게 바보일까요? 당시 저는 자메토프를 약간 때렸습니다. 그건 우리 사이의 일이에요, 형제여; 당신이 그것을 알고 있다는 암시는 하지 마세요;

그가 간지러운 대상이라는 것을 알아챘습니다. 루이제 이바노브나의 집에서였습니다. 하지만 오늘, 오늘 모든 것이 해결되었습니다. 일리야 페트로비치가 그 일의 근원이라는 것입니다! 그는 당신이 경찰서에서 기절한 것을 이용했지만, 지금은 그 자신이 부끄럽습니다. 알아요..." 라스콜니코프는 탐욕스럽게 경청했다. 라주미힌은 너무 자유롭게 말할 만큼 취해 있었다. "그때 나는 기절했어요. 너무 가까웠고 페인트 냄새도 났거든요." 라스콜니코프가 말했다.

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“Listen,” Raskolnikov hastened to say, “I’ve only just come to tell you you’ve won your bet and that no one really knows what may not happen to him. I can’t come in; I am so weak that I shall fall down directly. And so good evening and good-bye! Come and see me to-morrow.” “Do you know what? I’ll see you home. If you say you’re weak yourself, you must...” “And your visitors? Who is the curly-headed one who has just peeped out?”

“He? Goodness only knows! Some friend of uncle’s, I expect, or perhaps he has come without being invited... I’ll leave uncle with them, he is an invaluable person, pity I can’t introduce you to him now. But confound them all now! They won’t notice me, and I need a little fresh air, for you’ve come just in the nick of time—another two minutes and I should have come to blows! They are talking such a lot of wild stuff... you simply can’t imagine what men will say! Though why shouldn’t you imagine? Don’t we talk nonsense ourselves?

And let them... that’s the way to learn not to!... Wait a minute, I’ll fetch Zossimov.” Zossimov pounced upon Raskolnikov almost greedily; he showed a special interest in him; soon his face brightened. “You must go to bed at once,” he pronounced, examining the patient as far as he could, “and take something for the night. Will you take it? I got it ready some time ago... a powder.” “Two, if you like,” answered Raskolnikov. The powder was taken at once. “It’s a good thing you are taking him home,” observed Zossimov to Razumihin—“we shall see how he is to-morrow, to-day he’s not at all amiss—a considerable change since the afternoon. Live and learn...”

“Do you know what Zossimov whispered to me when we were coming out?” Razumihin blurted out, as soon as they were in the street. “I won’t tell you everything, brother, because they are such fools. Zossimov told me to talk freely to you on the way and get you to talk freely to me, and afterwards I am to tell him about it, for he’s got a notion in his head that you are... mad or close on it. Only fancy! In the first place, you’ve three times the brains he has; in the second, if you are not mad, you needn’t care a hang that he has got such a wild idea; and thirdly, that piece of beef whose specialty is surgery has gone mad on mental diseases, and what’s brought him to this conclusion about you was your conversation to-day with Zametov.” “Zametov told you all about it?”

“Yes, and he did well. Now I understand what it all means and so does Zametov.... Well, the fact is, Rodya... the point is... I am a little drunk now.... But that’s... no matter... the point is that this idea... you understand? was just being hatched in their brains... you understand? That is, no one ventured to say it aloud, because the idea is too absurd and especially since the arrest of that painter, that bubble’s burst and gone for ever. But why are they such fools? I gave Zametov a bit of a thrashing at the time—that’s between ourselves, brother; please don’t let out a hint that you know of it;

I’ve noticed he is a ticklish subject; it was at Luise Ivanovna’s. But to-day, to-day it’s all cleared up. That Ilya Petrovitch is at the bottom of it! He took advantage of your fainting at the police station, but he is ashamed of it himself now; I know that...” Raskolnikov listened greedily. Razumihin was drunk enough to talk too freely. “I fainted then because it was so close and the smell of paint,” said Raskolnikov.