PART 3 // chapter 1-4

[모나리자]

"그래, 그래, 네 말이 맞아. 내가 나 자신을 잊었구나. 부끄럽다." 라주미힌이 서둘러 사과했다. "하지만... 하지만 내가 그렇게 말한다고 해서 화낼 수는 없어! 내가 진심으로 말하는 거고... 음, 음! 그건 부끄러운 일이야. 사실 내가... 음! 글쎄, 어쨌든, 왜 그런지는 말하지 않을게. 감히... 하지만 오늘 그가 들어왔을 때 우리 모두는 그 남자가 우리와 다른 종류라는 걸 알았어. 이발소에서 머리를 컬링했기 때문이 아니라, 재치를 보여주기 위해 서두르기 때문이 아니라, 그가 스파이, 투기꾼, 인색하고 광대이기 때문이야. 그건 분명해.

그가 똑똑하다고 생각해? 아니, 그는 바보야, 바보야. 그리고 그가 너희와 맞먹는 상대야? 세상에! 알았지, 아가씨들?" 그는 위층으로 올라가는 길에 갑자기 멈췄다. "비록 내 친구들이 다 취해 있지만, 그들은 모두 정직하고, 우리가 많은 잡담을 하고 나도 그렇지만, 우리는 결국 진실을 향해 나아갈 거야. 왜냐하면 우리는 올바른 길을 가고 있고, 표트르 페트로비치는... 올바른 길을 가고 있지 않거든. 내가 방금 그들을 온갖 욕설로 불렀지만, 나는 그들을 모두 존경해... 나는 자메토프를 존경하지 않지만, 그는 강아지니까 좋아하고, 그 숫소 조시모프는 정직한 사람이고 자신의 일을 잘 알고 있기 때문이야. 하지만 그만하고, 다 말하고 용서했어.

용서받았어? 그럼, 계속하자. 이 복도 알아, 여기 왔었어, 여기 3번지에서 스캔들이 있었어.... 너희는 어디에 있는 거야? 어느 번지? 8번지? 그럼, 그럼 밤새도록 잠그고 있어. 아무도 들여보내지 마. 15분 후에 소식을 가지고 돌아올 테고, 30분 후에 조시모프를 데려올게. 잘 가, 나는 달려갈게."

"맙소사, 두냐, 무슨 일이 일어날까?" 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 딸에게 불안과 당혹감을 담아 말했다. "걱정하지 마, 어머니." 두냐가 모자와 망토를 벗으며 말했다. "신께서 이 신사를 우리를 도우러 보내셨어. 술자리에서 온 사람이지만 말이야. 우리는 그를 믿을 수 있어.

그리고 그가 로디아를 위해 한 모든 일..." "아. 두냐, 그가 올지 누가 알겠어! 어떻게 로디아를 떠날 수 있겠어?... 그리고 얼마나 달랐고, 얼마나 달랐는지 상상했어! 그는 우리를 보고 기뻐하지 않는 듯 얼마나 침울해 보였을까..." 그녀의 눈에 눈물이 고였다. "아니, 그게 아니야, 어머니. 당신은 보지 못했어. 당신은 항상 울고 있었어. 그는 심각한 병 때문에 완전히 정신이 나갔어요. 그게 이유예요." "아, 그 병! 무슨 일이 일어날까요? 무슨 일이 일어날까요? 그리고 그가 당신에게 어떻게 말했을까요, 두니아!" 어머니가 딸을 겁먹은 듯 바라보며 그녀의 생각을 읽으려고 했고, 두니아가 동생을 위해 일어선 것에 이미 반쯤 위로를 받았는데, 그것은 그녀가 이미 그를 용서했다는 것을 의미했습니다. "내일은 더 잘 생각할 거라고 확신해요." 그녀가 그녀를 더 캐묻으며 덧붙였습니다.

"그리고 내일은... 그 문제에 대해 같은 말을 할 거라고 확신해요." 아브도티아 로마노브나가 마침내 말했습니다. 그리고 물론 그 이상은 말할 수 없었습니다. 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나는 이 문제에 대해 이야기하는 것을 두려워했기 때문입니다. 두니아가 일어나 어머니에게 키스했습니다. 어머니는 아무 말 없이 그녀를 따뜻하게 껴안았습니다. 그러고 나서 그녀는 라주미힌이 돌아올 때까지 초조하게 기다렸고, 팔짱을 끼고 생각에 잠긴 채 방을 왔다 갔다 하는 딸을 겁먹은 듯 지켜보았습니다. 그녀가 생각할 때 이리저리 걷는 것은 아브도티아 로마노브나의 습관이었고 어머니는 항상 그런 순간에 딸의 기분을 터뜨리는 것을 두려워했습니다.

물론 라주미힌은 아브도티아 로마노브나에 대한 갑작스러운 술 취한 열광에 어리석었습니다. 그러나 그의 기이한 상태를 제외하고도 많은 사람들이 아브도티아 로마노브나를 보았다면, 특히 그녀가 팔짱을 끼고 생각에 잠긴 채 우울하게 이리저리 걷는 그 순간에는 그것이 정당하다고 생각했을 것입니다. 아브도티아 로마노브나는 놀라울 정도로 잘생겼습니다. 그녀는 키가 크고, 놀라울 정도로 균형 잡혔고, 강하고 자립적이었습니다. 후자의 특성은 모든 몸짓에서 분명했지만, 그녀의 움직임의 우아함과 부드러움을 조금도 떨어뜨리지 않았습니다. 얼굴은 오빠와 비슷했지만, 그녀는 정말 아름답다고 할 수 있습니다. 그녀의 머리카락은 짙은 갈색으로 오빠보다 약간 밝았습니다. 거의 검은 눈에는 자랑스러운 빛이 있었지만, 때때로는 매우 친절한 표정이었습니다.

“Yes, yes, you are right, I did forget myself, I am ashamed of it,” Razumihin made haste to apologise. “But... but you can’t be angry with me for speaking so! For I speak sincerely and not because... hm, hm! That would be disgraceful; in fact not because I’m in... hm! Well, anyway, I won’t say why, I daren’t.... But we all saw to-day when he came in that that man is not of our sort. Not because he had his hair curled at the barber’s, not because he was in such a hurry to show his wit, but because he is a spy, a speculator, because he is a skin-flint and a buffoon. That’s evident.

Do you think him clever? No, he is a fool, a fool. And is he a match for you? Good heavens! Do you see, ladies?” he stopped suddenly on the way upstairs to their rooms, “though all my friends there are drunk, yet they are all honest, and though we do talk a lot of trash, and I do, too, yet we shall talk our way to the truth at last, for we are on the right path, while Pyotr Petrovitch... is not on the right path. Though I’ve been calling them all sorts of names just now, I do respect them all... though I don’t respect Zametov, I like him, for he is a puppy, and that bullock Zossimov, because he is an honest man and knows his work. But enough, it’s all said and forgiven.

Is it forgiven? Well, then, let’s go on. I know this corridor, I’ve been here, there was a scandal here at Number 3.... Where are you here? Which number? eight? Well, lock yourselves in for the night, then. Don’t let anybody in. In a quarter of an hour I’ll come back with news, and half an hour later I’ll bring Zossimov, you’ll see! Good-bye, I’ll run.”

“Good heavens, Dounia, what is going to happen?” said Pulcheria Alexandrovna, addressing her daughter with anxiety and dismay. “Don’t worry yourself, mother,” said Dounia, taking off her hat and cape. “God has sent this gentleman to our aid, though he has come from a drinking party. We can depend on him, I assure you.

And all that he has done for Rodya....” “Ah. Dounia, goodness knows whether he will come! How could I bring myself to leave Rodya?... And how different, how different I had fancied our meeting! How sullen he was, as though not pleased to see us....” Tears came into her eyes. “No, it’s not that, mother. You didn’t see, you were crying all the time. He is quite unhinged by serious illness—that’s the reason.” “Ah, that illness! What will happen, what will happen? And how he talked to you, Dounia!” said the mother, looking timidly at her daughter, trying to read her thoughts and, already half consoled by Dounia’s standing up for her brother, which meant that she had already forgiven him. “I am sure he will think better of it to-morrow,” she added, probing her further.

“And I am sure that he will say the same to-morrow... about that,” Avdotya Romanovna said finally. And, of course, there was no going beyond that, for this was a point which Pulcheria Alexandrovna was afraid to discuss. Dounia went up and kissed her mother. The latter warmly embraced her without speaking. Then she sat down to wait anxiously for Razumihin’s return, timidly watching her daughter who walked up and down the room with her arms folded, lost in thought. This walking up and down when she was thinking was a habit of Avdotya Romanovna’s and the mother was always afraid to break in on her daughter’s mood at such moments.

Razumihin, of course, was ridiculous in his sudden drunken infatuation for Avdotya Romanovna. Yet apart from his eccentric condition, many people would have thought it justified if they had seen Avdotya Romanovna, especially at that moment when she was walking to and fro with folded arms, pensive and melancholy. Avdotya Romanovna was remarkably good-looking; she was tall, strikingly well-proportioned, strong and self-reliant—the latter quality was apparent in every gesture, though it did not in the least detract from the grace and softness of her movements. In face she resembled her brother, but she might be described as really beautiful. Her hair was dark brown, a little lighter than her brother’s; there was a proud light in her almost black eyes and yet at times a look of extraordinary kindness.