Re: Max and Ruby - Jia

[Teacher Winget]

Max and Ruby decided to pick up berries.

If berries are enough to gather in th they gathered enough berries in the basket, Grandma will show them for would show them her special recipe.

They fill out filled the basket with raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries.

While Ruby picked the raspberries, Max eat ate some and put in put some in his pocket for raspberries too.

But he caught Ruby Ruby caught him and scolded a little bit scolded him a little.

Max interruped interrupted her when she picking was picking the blueberries.

But Ruby picked berries well kept picking the berries successfully.

In When picking the blackberries, Max swept blackberries for used his toy to scoop up the blackberries.

And Still, they succeed succeeded to pick up in picking berries.

But Max put the berries in his toy, and they blended eachother got mixed together.

However, Grandma praised them because her recipe is smmothie her special recipe was a smoothie.

I wonder why Max put berries in his toy. (→ 자연스럽게 표현)

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Score: B+

Tips (수정 및 추가 내용)

1. 문법 및 표현 수정:

   • "pick up berries" → "pick berries" ('pick up'은 주로 집어 올릴 때 사용)
   • "If berries are enough to gather in th basket" → "If they gathered enough berries in the basket" (자연스럽게 수정)
   • "Grandma will show them for her special recipe" → "Grandma would show them her special recipe" (조동사 변경: 가정법 과거형)
   • "fill out raspberries" → "filled the basket with raspberries" ('fill out'은 양식을 채우는 뜻, 'fill the basket with'이 맞는 표현)
   • "Max eat" → "Max ate" (시제 오류: 과거형 사용)
   • "put in his pocket for raspberries" → "put some in his pocket too" (어색한 표현 수정)
   • "he caught Ruby" → "Ruby caught him" (주어와 목적어 변경)
   • "scolded a little bit" → "scolded him a little" (자연스러운 표현으로 수정)
   • "Max interruped her when she picking the blueberries" → "Max interrupted her when she was picking the blueberries" (시제와 문장 구조 수정)
   • "picked berries well" → "kept picking the berries successfully" (의미를 명확하게)
   • "In the blackberries" → "When picking the blackberries" (자연스럽게 수정)
   • "swept blackberries for his toy" → "used his toy to scoop up the blackberries" (문맥에 맞게 수정)
   • "And they succeed to pick up berries" → "Still, they succeeded in picking berries" (문법 및 연결어 수정)
   • "blended eachother" → "got mixed together" (each other → together가 더 자연스러움)
   • "her recipe is smmothie" → "her special recipe was a smoothie" (문법 및 철자 수정)

2. 내용 추가 추천:

   • Max가 왜 장난감을 사용했는지에 대한 설명을 추가하면 더 좋겠어요.
   • Grandma가 어떤 말을 했는지 추가하면 더 생생한 이야기가 될 거예요.
   • Max의 반응이나 Ruby의 감정을 조금 더 자세히 묘사하면 좋겠어요.