PART 3 // chapter 3-1

[모나리자]

"그는 건강해요, 아주 건강해요!" 그들이 들어오자 조시모프가 쾌활하게 외쳤다. 그는 10분 전에 들어와서 소파에 앉아 있었다. 라스콜니코프는 반대편 구석에 앉아 있었고, 옷을 완전히 입고 주의 깊게 씻고 빗질했는데, 얼마 전부터는 그렇지 않았다. 방은 즉시 붐볐지만, 나스타샤는 방문객을 따라 들어와서 듣기 위해 머물렀다. 라스콜니코프는 전날의 상태와 비교하면 정말 거의 건강해 보였지만, 여전히 창백하고, 의욕이 없고, 우울했다. 그는 부상당한 사람이나 끔찍한 신체적 고통을 겪은 사람처럼 보였다. 그의 눈썹은 찡그려졌고, 입술은 눌려 있었고, 눈은 열이 올랐다. 그는 의무를 다하는 듯 거의 말을 하지 않고 마지못해 움직였고, 그의 움직임에는 불안함이 있었다.

그는 팔에 슬링을 걸거나 손가락에 붕대를 감아서 고통스러운 농양이나 부러진 팔을 가진 사람의 인상을 완성하고 싶었을 뿐이다. 그의 어머니와 누이가 들어오자 창백하고 우울한 얼굴이 잠시 밝아졌지만, 그것은 무기력한 낙담 대신 더 강렬한 고통의 표정을 보일 뿐이었다. 빛은 곧 사라졌지만 고통의 표정은 남았고, 조시모프는 진료를 시작한 젊은 의사의 모든 열정으로 환자를 지켜보고 연구했지만, 어머니와 누이가 도착했을 때 그에게서 기쁨을 발견하지 못했지만, 피할 수 없는 고문을 한두 시간 더 참아내겠다는 일종의 쓰라린 숨겨진 결의를 발견했다.

그는 나중에 다음 대화의 거의 모든 단어가 아픈 곳을 건드리고 짜증나게 하는 것처럼 보였다는 것을 알았다. 그러나 동시에 그는 전날에 일편단심 환자처럼 사소한 말에 광란에 빠진 환자에게 자신을 통제하고 자신의 감정을 숨기는 힘에 놀랐다. "그래, 이제 거의 나았으니 나 자신을 볼 수 있어." 라스콜니코프가 말하며 어머니와 누이에게 환영의 키스를 하자 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나는 즉시 빛났다. "그리고 어제처럼 말하지는 않겠습니다." 그는 라주미힌에게 손을 내밀며 친절하게 말했다. "네, 사실 오늘 그가 정말 놀랍습니다." 조시모프가 여인들이 들어오는 것을 보고 매우 기뻐하며 말을 시작했다. 그는 환자와 10분 동안 대화를 이어가지 못했기 때문이다. "앞으로 3~4일 안에 이렇게 계속한다면, 그는 예전과 똑같을 겁니다. 즉, 한 달 전이나 두 달 전... 아니, 어쩌면 세 달 전과 같을 겁니다.

이런 일이 꽤 오래 전부터 있었군요... 에? 이제 자백해 보세요. 아마도 당신 자신의 잘못이었을 겁니다." 그는 여전히 그를 화나게 하는 것을 두려워하는 듯 조심조심 웃으며 덧붙였다. "그럴 가능성이 매우 큽니다." 라스콜니코프가 차갑게 대답했다. "저도 말씀드리고 싶은 게 있습니다." 조시모프가 열정적으로 말을 이었다. "당신의 완전한 회복은 전적으로 당신 자신에게 달려 있습니다. 이제 당신과 이야기할 수 있게 되었으니, 당신의 병적인 상태를 유발하는 기본적인, 말하자면 근본적인 원인을 피하는 것이 필수적이라는 것을 강조하고 싶습니다.

그렇다면 당신은 치유될 것이고, 그렇지 않다면 악화될 것입니다. 이러한 근본적인 원인은 모르겠지만, 당신은 알고 있을 것입니다. 당신은 지적인 사람이고, 물론 스스로를 관찰했을 것입니다.

당신의 정신 나간 첫 번째 단계는 대학을 떠나는 것과 일치한다고 생각합니다. 당신은 직업 없이 방치되어서는 안 되며, 그래서 일과 당신 앞에 놓인 확실한 목표는, 제 생각에는, 매우 유익할 것입니다." "그렇습니다, 그렇습니다. 당신 말이 전적으로 옳습니다.... 저는 서둘러 대학으로 돌아가겠습니다. 그러면 모든 것이 순조롭게 진행될 것입니다..." 숙녀들 앞에서 효과를 내기 위해 부분적으로 현명한 조언을 시작한 조시모프는 환자를 잠깐 쳐다보고 얼굴에 분명한 조롱이 있는 것을 보았을 때 확실히 다소 당황했습니다. 그러나 이것은 잠시 동안 지속되었습니다. 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나는 조시모프에게 고마움을 표하기 시작했다. 특히 전날 밤 숙소를 찾아준 것에 대해 말이다. "뭐! 어젯밤에 당신을 봤어요?" 라스콜니코프는 놀란 듯이 물었다. "그럼 당신도 여행 후에 잠을 자지 못했군요." "아, 로디아, 2시까지밖에 안 잤어요.

두냐와 나는 집에서 2시 전에는 절대 잠자리에 들지 않아요." "나도 그에게 어떻게 고마움을 표해야 할지 모르겠어요." 라스콜니코프가 말을 이었다. 갑자기 눈살을 찌푸리고 아래를 내려다보았다. "지불 문제는 제쳐두고—제가 언급해서 용서해 주세요(조시모프에게로 돌아섰다)—당신에게서 그렇게 특별한 관심을 받을 만한 짓을 한 게 뭔지 정말 모르겠어요! 저는 그저 이해가 안 돼요... 그리고... 그리고... 정말 무겁죠. 이해가 안 되거든요. 솔직히 말씀드리죠." "짜증 내지 마세요." 조시모프는 억지로 웃었다. "당신이 내 첫 환자라고 가정해 봅시다. 글쎄요. 우리는 막 첫 환자를 사랑하기 시작했는데, 마치 그들이 우리 자식인 것처럼 사랑하고, 어떤 사람들은 거의 그들에게 사랑에 빠지기도 합니다.

그리고 물론, 저는 환자가 많지 않습니다." "저는 그에 대해 아무 말도 하지 않습니다." 라스콜니코프가 라주미힌을 가리키며 덧붙였다. "그도 저에게서 모욕과 문제 외에는 아무것도 받지 못했습니다." "그가 무슨 헛소리를 하는 거지! 오늘은 감상적인 기분인가 보죠?" 라주미힌이 소리쳤다. 그가 더 깊이 파고들었다면, 그는 n이 있다는 것을 알았을 것이다.

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CHAPTER III

“He is well, quite well!” Zossimov cried cheerfully as they entered. He had come in ten minutes earlier and was sitting in the same place as before, on the sofa. Raskolnikov was sitting in the opposite corner, fully dressed and carefully washed and combed, as he had not been for some time past. The room was immediately crowded, yet Nastasya managed to follow the visitors in and stayed to listen. Raskolnikov really was almost well, as compared with his condition the day before, but he was still pale, listless, and sombre. He looked like a wounded man or one who has undergone some terrible physical suffering. His brows were knitted, his lips compressed, his eyes feverish. He spoke little and reluctantly, as though performing a duty, and there was a restlessness in his movements.

He only wanted a sling on his arm or a bandage on his finger to complete the impression of a man with a painful abscess or a broken arm. The pale, sombre face lighted up for a moment when his mother and sister entered, but this only gave it a look of more intense suffering, in place of its listless dejection. The light soon died away, but the look of suffering remained, and Zossimov, watching and studying his patient with all the zest of a young doctor beginning to practise, noticed in him no joy at the arrival of his mother and sister, but a sort of bitter, hidden determination to bear another hour or two of inevitable torture.

He saw later that almost every word of the following conversation seemed to touch on some sore place and irritate it. But at the same time he marvelled at the power of controlling himself and hiding his feelings in a patient who the previous day had, like a monomaniac, fallen into a frenzy at the slightest word. “Yes, I see myself now that I am almost well,” said Raskolnikov, giving his mother and sister a kiss of welcome which made Pulcheria Alexandrovna radiant at once. “And I don’t say this as I did yesterday,” he said, addressing Razumihin, with a friendly pressure of his hand. “Yes, indeed, I am quite surprised at him to-day,” began Zossimov, much delighted at the ladies’ entrance, for he had not succeeded in keeping up a conversation with his patient for ten minutes. “In another three or four days, if he goes on like this, he will be just as before, that is, as he was a month ago, or two... or perhaps even three.

This has been coming on for a long while.... eh? Confess, now, that it has been perhaps your own fault?” he added, with a tentative smile, as though still afraid of irritating him. “It is very possible,” answered Raskolnikov coldly. “I should say, too,” continued Zossimov with zest, “that your complete recovery depends solely on yourself. Now that one can talk to you, I should like to impress upon you that it is essential to avoid the elementary, so to speak, fundamental causes tending to produce your morbid condition: in

that case you will be cured, if not, it will go from bad to worse. These fundamental causes I don’t know, but they must be known to you. You are an intelligent man, and must have observed yourself, of course.

I fancy the first stage of your derangement coincides with your leaving the university. You must not be left without occupation, and so, work and a definite aim set before you might, I fancy, be very beneficial.” “Yes, yes; you are perfectly right.... I will make haste and return to the university: and then everything will go smoothly....” Zossimov, who had begun his sage advice partly to make an effect before the ladies, was certainly somewhat mystified, when, glancing at his patient, he observed unmistakable mockery on his face. This lasted an instant, however. Pulcheria Alexandrovna began at once thanking Zossimov, especially for his visit to their lodging the previous night. “What! he saw you last night?” Raskolnikov asked, as though startled. “Then you have not slept either after your journey.” “Ach, Rodya, that was only till two o’clock.

Dounia and I never go to bed before two at home.” “I don’t know how to thank him either,” Raskolnikov went on, suddenly frowning and looking down. “Setting aside the question of payment—forgive me for referring to it (he turned to Zossimov)—I really don’t know what I have done to deserve such special attention from you! I simply don’t understand it... and... and... it weighs upon me, indeed, because I don’t understand it. I tell you so candidly.” “Don’t be irritated.” Zossimov forced himself to laugh. “Assume that you are my first patient—well—we fellows just beginning to practise love our first patients as if they were our children, and some almost fall in love with them.

And, of course, I am not rich in patients.” “I say nothing about him,” added Raskolnikov, pointing to Razumihin, “though he has had nothing from me either but insult and trouble.” “What nonsense he is talking! Why, you are in a sentimental mood to-day, are you?” shouted Razumihin. If he had had more penetration he would have seen that there was no trace of sentimentality in him, but something indeed quite the opposite. But Avdotya Romanovna noticed it. She was intently and uneasily watching her brother. “As for you, mother, I don’t dare to speak,” he went on, as though repeating a lesson learned by heart. “It is only to-day that I have been able to realise a little how distressed you must have been here yesterday, waiting for me to come back.”