A Foolproof Way to Respond to Awkward Personal Questions

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A Foolproof Way to Respond to Awkward Personal Questions

After my second divorce, I needed to deflect busybodies.

By Andrea Javor

Oct 20, 20249:30 AM

https://slate.com/life/2024/10/a-simple-way-to-deflect-awkward-personal-questions.html

쓸데없이 남의 사적인 일을 캐물어 볼 때 질문자의 입을 막는 간단한 답변을 하면 피차 좋은데

예수님께서는 쓸데없는 질문을 한 베드로에게 What's that to you? 너와 무슨 상관이냐? 하셨다

This is One Thing, a column with tips on how to live.

I was enjoying myself at a business dinner when a colleague leaned in and caught me off guard. “I heard you just got divorced again. How are you holding up?” She showed her teeth in feigned sympathy.

My stomach flipped. It’s a visceral fear of mine: being met with an overly personal question in a public situation. I wanted to make small talk about the merits of the vodka rigatoni, not get into the aftermath of my catastrophic second divorce.

I was ready to stumble through an anecdote about how EMDR therapy was helping me. Other options that were tempting: cowering in shame, tsk-tsking her for inelegance, and throwing my dirty martini in her face.

But I caught myself. In fact, as much as I hate being put on the spot, I was prepared to handle this unwitting busybody with grace. Years ago, I wrote an arsenal of quippy one-liners that I keep tucked away in my mind to help prevent myself from oversharing or overreacting—reactions that can be satisfying in the moment but that I know I’ll come to regret.

My confident reply to that nosy co-worker: Hasn’t this year been wild? You know I just started playing volleyball—at my age! Can you believe it? We quickly moved onto sets and spikes with no need to dive into the big-T trauma of my second shameful split.

One-liners create effective boundaries. If a friend of a friend asks, “Can I borrow money?” or worse, “How much money do you make?” I never discuss financial matters after 3 p.m./before dark/without my accountant present.

To write your own, sit down with a pad of Post-it notes and scribble a couple quick lines without worrying what anyone would think if you actually said it out loud. Stick the notes around your desk or on your dresser and revisit from time to time, editing for authenticity. Think of it as an exercise in personal therapy—you’re figuring out what parts of yourself you’re willing to share with the world, what fun facts you want to disseminate, and what you’d like to keep private.

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As a pronounced extrovert, I crave conversation with others, yet I marvel that people think they’re owed private information all the time. One-liners keep me centered, grounded, equipped. This slant puts me back in charge and lets the person on the receiving end know they’ve crossed into personal territory without shaming them or letting the conversation wilt.

One-liners don’t have to be about deflecting interest. The classic style of one-liner is meant to initiate flirting, and you can have such quips in your arsenal too (“I bet everyone’s been complimenting your [glasses/shirt/smile] tonight!”). On a date, one-liners in the form of questions can keep the sparkly conversation going. Here, I rely on provocation. If you could have any dinner guest, who would it be and why? Or, even deeper: If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Of course, if you’re hoping to discuss the gritty details of why their last relationship ended, it’s possible your date won’t be ready to go there—so just be ready to be met with a deflecting one-liner in return.