Manage Your Anger

Tuesday, June 12, 2012 Resolve to Manage Your Anger by Rick Warren   "[Love] … is not easily angered." (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV) The Bible says, "Love is not easily angered." It doesn't say "Love never gets angry at all." In fact, sometimes the loving thing to do is to get angry. Jesus became angry in the temple when he saw his Father's house being run like a marketplace. At the same time, we can love someone and still get angry at that person. Sometimes the anger may be righteous and sometimes it may be selfish, but the people we love the most are the ones most likely to make us angry. God placed the capacity to get angry in your biological makeup. Being angry is not a sin; it can become a sin if we allow it to push us into destructive behavior. But the emotion itself is not a sin. The Bible says even God gets angry. You can't avoid anger, but you can learn how to control it. You can resolve to manage it so it becomes an asset rather than a liability. This means you quit making excuses and justifying your anger: "That's just me. I just blow up. I can't control it." Anger can be controlled. Have you ever been in a fight with someone and things are getting pretty loud, but, then, the telephone rings? Notice how quickly you can manage your anger! You have a lot more control over your anger than you think you do. Resolve to manage it, and, then, confess, "I can control it with God's help." Talk About It Jesus became angry in the temple when he saw his Father's house being run like a marketplace, but you woud never think if Jesus as an angry man. What does that say about the argument: "That's just me. I just blow up. I can't control it." When is the last time you lost your temper? Would you handle it differently after today's lesson?   Wednesday, June 13, 2012 Realize the Cost of Your Anger by Rick Warren   "People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm." (Proverbs 14:17 TEV) The Bible says there is always a price tag to uncontrolled anger. Can you relate to any of these verses? •“Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace.” (Proverbs 15:18 TEV) •“People with quick tempers cause a lot of quarreling and trouble.” (Proverbs 29:22 TEV) •“People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm. (Proverbs 14:17 TEV) The Bible says, “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left. He shall be the servant of a wiser man” (Proverbs 11:29 TLB). Whenever I lose my temper, I lose. You don't make it to the top if you're continually blowing your top. The word "danger" is the word "anger" with the letter "d" in front. And anger is dangerous. You could lose everything: your reputation, your spouse, your job, your health. A few years ago, I read medical research on the human heart that revealed that if you reduce the hostility in your life, you can prolong your life. Mom and Dad, listen: We may get a short-term pay-off by motivating our kids through anger — they will comply out of fear — but in the long run, we’ll lose, because anger always alienates. It turns people off rather than turning them on. And, instead of getting what you want, it causes people to become apathetic to your needs and angry at you. One way to manage your anger is to come to grips with how much it is costing you. Talk About It How has anger affected your decision making in the past? How has anger cost you a relationship in the past? How is it affecting your current relationships?   Thursday, June 14, 2012 Anger: Reflect Before You Respond by Rick Warren   "A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it." (Proverbs 29:11 TLB) When you’re angry, don’t respond impulsively. Delay is a great tool in controlling anger. I'm not saying delay indefinitely or even beyond a day; the Bible says don't go to sleep when you're angry. I'm talking about delaying it for five minutes. When you start to get ticked off, take "time out" for a few minutes. Give yourself some time to reflect and think through the situation. If you don't stop and think, you are likely to do the wrong thing. You need to reflect before you respond. When we get angry, we need to make a habit of stepping back, waiting a few minutes, and then looking at the situation from God's point of view. Notice how the Bible says a wise man lets his anger cool down (Proverbs 29:11). So, "cool it" is a Biblical term! A modern translation might be: “The wise man waits and chills out.” Thomas Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, said, “When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” Talk About It Understanding the reason for your anger will give you greater patience and perhaps even the ability to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11). Ask yourself three questions to help you understand why you are angry: • Why am I angry? • What do I really want? • How can I get it?   Friday, June 15, 2012 Release Your Anger Appropriately by Rick Warren   "If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin …" (Ephesians 4:26a TEV) There are helpful ways and harmful ways to release your anger. For instance, sometimes we'd rather remain angry than admit our anger. Yet, the Bible says that to be angry and not admit that you are angry is lying — and that's a sin. Keep in mind: Anger is not necessarily wrong. It only becomes wrong if we release it in a way that is inappropriate or destructive. My experience as a pastor is that most of us learned to express our anger when we were 2 or 3 years old, and we still express our anger in the same way as adults. Needless to say, this simply doesn't work. Most people express their anger in such a way that they end up farther away from their goal than they were before they became angry. Anger that is expressed inappropriately produces the opposite of your intended results. Blowing up at people never produces lasting change; it only produces more anger and alienation. We know that, but we still do it. Anger is never really the root problem. Anger is usually a symptom of one of three things: hurt, fear, or frustration. These are the three things that make us angry, and this is why we should always stop and cool down. Talk About It Understanding the source of your anger will help you respond in an appropriate manner, so that your anger does not “lead you into sin” (Ephesians 4:26 TEV). When you stop and cool down, ask yourself these questions: • Am I hurt? • Am I afraid? • Do I feel threatened or like I'm going to lose something of value? • Am I frustrated?   Saturday, June 16, 2012 Anger: Re-pattern Your Mind by Rick Warren   "Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind." (Romans 12:2a TEV) The way we act is determined by the way we feel. The way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we have to change the way we think. If we want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management — pouting, blowing up, criticizing, etc. — then we need to have some mental reconditioning. Gary Smalley suggests you ask yourself questions like, “Do I enjoy getting angry?” “Does it produce the intended results when I get angry?” “Could I get the same results in a more effective way?” “How would I be different?” Smalley suggests you write down your answers in a letter to yourself and read it aloud to yourself once a week for six months, — that’s 26 times. Also, take the time to read it in the presence of another person. That may seem like a lot of work, but how serious are you about changing this habit in your life? How serious are you about getting control of your anger? I suggest using Bible verses in your letter so that as God’s Word fills your thoughts, you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's going to change you. The truth is, angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am. But here’s the thing: When you understand how much God loves you, your security in Christ, and how much you matter to God, then you are less likely to be irritable. Talk About It Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8. They are anti-anger biblical passages because they teach us how deeply God loves us and that we are secure in him. Rick Warren is the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., one of America's largest and most influential churches. Rick is author of the New York Times bestseller "The Purpose Driven Life." His book, "The Purpose Driven Church," was named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th century. He is also the founder of Pastors.com, a global Internet community for pastors.