PART 3 // chapter 5-3

[모나리자]

포르피리는 생각에 잠긴 듯 잠시 멈췄다. "어떤 경우에도 당신의 물건은 분실되지 않을 겁니다." 그는 차분하고 차갑게 말을 이었다. "당신이 여기 오기를 한참 전부터 기다리고 있었거든요." 그리고 그것이 중요하지 않은 일인 양 그는 조심스럽게 재떨이를 라주미힌에게 건넸다. 라주미힌은 무자비하게 카펫 위에 담배 재를 뿌리고 있었다. 라스콜니코프는 몸을 떨었지만, 포르피리는 그를 보지도 않고 여전히 라주미힌의 담배에 신경을 쓰고 있었다. "뭐? 그를 기다리고 있다고? 왜, 그가 거기에 약속을 했다는 걸 알고 있었어?" 라주미힌이 소리쳤다. 포르피리 페트로비치가 라스콜니코프에게 말을 걸었다.

"당신의 물건, 반지와 시계는 함께 포장되어 있었고, 종이에는 당신의 이름이 연필로 분명하게 쓰여 있었고, 당신이 그녀에게 맡긴 날짜와 함께..." "정말 관찰력이 뛰어나시네요!" 라스콜니코프는 어색하게 웃으며 그를 똑바로 바라보려고 최선을 다했지만, 실패하고 갑자기 이렇게 덧붙였다. "제가 그렇게 말하는 이유는 아마도 많은 서약이 있었을 테고... 모두 기억하기 어려울 테니까요... 하지만 당신은 모두 똑똑히 기억하고 있고... 그리고..." "어리석은! 허약한!" 그는 생각했다. "왜 그걸 덧붙였을까?" "하지만 우리는 서약한 사람은 다 알고 있고, 당신만 나서지 않았어요." 포르피리는 거의 알아들을 수 없는 아이러니로 대답했다.

"저는 몸이 좀 안 좋아요." "저도 그 말을 들었어요. 사실 당신이 무언가에 대해 큰 고통을 겪고 있다고 들었어요. 여전히 창백해 보이네요." "저는 전혀 창백하지 않아요.... 아니, 저는 꽤 괜찮아요." 라스콜니코프가 무례하고 화가 나서 말투를 완전히 바꾸며 말했다. 그의 분노는 고조되었고, 그는 그것을 억누를 수 없었다. "그리고 제 분노 속에서 저는 제 자신을 배신할 거예요." 그의 머릿속에 다시 한 번 떠올랐다. "왜 저를 고문하는 건가요?" "아주 안 괜찮아요!" 라주미힌이 그를 붙잡았다. "다음은 뭐야! 어제 내내 의식을 잃고 정신이 나갔어. 포르피리, 우리가 등을 돌리자마자 옷을 입고, 거의 서 있지도 못했는데, 우리에게서 벗어나 자정까지 어딘가에서 흥청망청 놀았어. 계속 정신이 나갔어!

믿겠어! 대단해!" "정말 정신이 나갔어? 그렇게 말하지 마!" 포르피리는 여자답게 고개를 저었다. "말도 안 돼! 믿지 마! 하지만 믿지도 않는구나." 라스콜니코프가 분노에 차서 말했다. 하지만 포르피리 페트로비치는 그 이상한 말을 알아듣지 못하는 듯했다. "하지만 정신이 나갔지 않았다면 어떻게 나갔을 수 있었어?" 라주미힌이 갑자기 흥분했다. "뭐 때문에 나갔어? 무슨 목적이었어? 그리고 왜 몰래? 그럴 때 정신이 나갔어? 이제 모든 위험이 끝났으니 분명히 말할 수 있어." "어제 저는 그들에게 몹시 싫증이 났어요."

라스콜니코프는 갑자기 포르피리에게 무례한 도전의 미소를 지으며 말했다. "저는 그들이 저를 찾지 못할 숙소를 구하기 위해 그들에게서 도망쳤고, 많은 돈을 가지고 갔습니다. 자메토프 씨는 거기서 그것을 보았습니다. 저는, 자메토프 씨, 어제 제가 제정신이었는지 아니면 정신이 나갔는지 묻겠습니다. 우리 분쟁을 해결하세요." 그는 그 순간 자메토프를 목졸라 죽일 수도 있었습니다. 그의 표정과 그에게 대한 그의 침묵이 너무나 증오스러웠기 때문입니다. "제 생각에 당신은 제정신이고 심지어 교묘하게 말했지만,

당신은 극도로 짜증이 났습니다." 자메토프가 건조하게 단언했습니다.

"그리고 니코딤 포미치가 오늘 저에게 말했어요." 포르피리 페트로비치가 끼어들었다. "어젯밤 늦게 차에 치여 죽은 사람의 숙소에서 당신을 만났다고." "그리고 거기서" 라주미힌이 말했다. "그때 당신은 화가 나지 않았나요? 장례식을 위해 마지막 페니를 과부에게 주었잖아요. 도와주고 싶으면 15루블이나 20루블이라도 주고, 적어도 3루블은 당신 몫으로 남겨두세요. 하지만 그는 25루블을 한꺼번에 다 날려버렸어요!" "어딘가에서 보물을 찾았는데 당신들은 전혀 모르시는 건가요? 그래서 어제는 관대한 거였군요... 자메토프 씨는 내가 보물을 찾았다는 걸 알고 계셔요!

이런 사소한 일로 30분 동안 방해해서 죄송합니다." 그는 입술을 떨며 포르피리 페트로비치에게 돌아섰다. "우리가 지루하시죠?" "아니, 그 반대예요, 그 반대예요! 당신이 내 관심을 끌 수 있다는 걸 알았으면 좋겠어요! 지켜보고 듣는 것도 재밌고... 마침내 나서서 정말 기쁩니다." "하지만 차를 좀 주시면 좋겠어요! 목이 마르거든요." 라주미힌이 소리쳤다. "좋은 생각이네요! 아마 우리 모두가 당신과 함께할 거예요. 차 전에... 좀 더 중요한 걸 원하시지 않으세요?" "잘 지내세요!" 포르피리 페트로비치는 차를 주문하러 나갔다.

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4,642p

Porfiry paused as though reflecting. “Your things would not in any case be lost,” he went on calmly and coldly. “I have been expecting you here for some time.” And as though that was a matter of no importance, he carefully offered the ash-tray to Razumihin, who was ruthlessly scattering cigarette ash over the carpet. Raskolnikov shuddered, but Porfiry did not seem to be looking at him, and was still concerned with Razumihin’s cigarette. “What? Expecting him? Why, did you know that he had pledges there?” cried Razumihin. Porfiry Petrovitch addressed himself to Raskolnikov.

“Your things, the ring and the watch, were wrapped up together, and on the paper your name was legibly written in pencil, together with the date on which you left them with her...” “How observant you are!” Raskolnikov smiled awkwardly, doing his very utmost to look him straight in the face, but he failed, and suddenly added: “I say that because I suppose there were a great many pledges... that it must be difficult to remember them all.... But you remember them all so clearly, and... and...” “Stupid! Feeble!” he thought. “Why did I add that?” “But we know all who had pledges, and you are the only one who hasn’t come forward,” Porfiry answered with hardly perceptible irony.

“I haven’t been quite well.” “I heard that too. I heard, indeed, that you were in great distress about something. You look pale still.” “I am not pale at all.... No, I am quite well,” Raskolnikov snapped out rudely and angrily, completely changing his tone. His anger was mounting, he could not repress it. “And in my anger I shall betray myself,” flashed through his mind again. “Why are they torturing me?” “Not quite well!” Razumihin caught him up. “What next! He was unconscious and delirious all yesterday. Would you believe, Porfiry, as soon as our backs were turned, he dressed, though he could hardly stand, and gave us the slip and went off on a spree somewhere till midnight, delirious all the time!

Would you believe it! Extraordinary!” “Really delirious? You don’t say so!” Porfiry shook his head in a womanish way. “Nonsense! Don’t you believe it! But you don’t believe it anyway,” Raskolnikov let slip in his anger. But Porfiry Petrovitch did not seem to catch those strange words. “But how could you have gone out if you hadn’t been delirious?” Razumihin got hot suddenly. “What did you go out for? What was the object of it? And why on the sly? Were you in your senses when you did it? Now that all danger is over I can speak plainly.” “I was awfully sick of them yesterday.”

Raskolnikov addressed Porfiry suddenly with a smile of insolent defiance, “I ran away from them to take lodgings where they wouldn’t find me, and took a lot of money with me. Mr. Zametov there saw it. I say, Mr. Zametov, was I sensible or delirious yesterday; settle our dispute.” He could have strangled Zametov at that moment, so hateful were his expression‎ and his silence to him. “In my opinion you talked sensibly and even artfully,

but you were extremely irritable,” Zametov pronounced dryly.

“And Nikodim Fomitch was telling me to-day,” put in Porfiry Petrovitch, “that he met you very late last night in the lodging of a man who had been run over.” “And there,” said Razumihin, “weren’t you mad then? You gave your last penny to the widow for the funeral. If you wanted to help, give fifteen or twenty even, but keep three roubles for yourself at least, but he flung away all the twenty-five at once!” “Maybe I found a treasure somewhere and you know nothing of it? So that’s why I was liberal yesterday.... Mr. Zametov knows I’ve found a treasure!

Excuse us, please, for disturbing you for half an hour with such trivialities,” he said, turning to Porfiry Petrovitch, with trembling lips. “We are boring you, aren’t we?” “Oh no, quite the contrary, quite the contrary! If only you knew how you interest me! It’s interesting to look on and listen... and I am really glad you have come forward at last.” “But you might give us some tea! My throat’s dry,” cried Razumihin. “Capital idea! Perhaps we will all keep you company. Wouldn’t you like... something more essential before tea?” “Get along with you!” Porfiry Petrovitch went out to order tea.