4월13일(일) 1. Rude to grandma 2. Without underpants

Rude to grandma Dear Annie: I have a 6-year-old grandson, "Liam." His parents have been divorced for three years, and Liam is in therapy to help him deal with this. Liam is very rude to me. When I picked him up for a recent outing, he behaved terribly and said he wanted to stay home and play with his mother. His parents don't believe in spanking, or any kind of discipline, as far as I can determine. The boy was allowed to continue this behavior!, and not once was he told to apologize. I finally left. It hurts to be treated this way. His parents say it is my fault because I don't spend enough time with him. I used to have Liam often, but I was the sole caregiver for my mother, and it was difficult to handle this child every weekend. Also, I recently remarried. While most children love my husband, Liam tells his parents he's "uncomfortable" around him. There is no basis for this except that my husband once told Liam he needed to respond when spoken to. I love Liam dearly, but he has never been an affectionate boy. He doesn't give hugs or ever say "I love you." Should I continue to see Liam? Do I step out of the picture? Whatever I decide it's going to be very painful for me. -- Forlorn Grandma Dear Grandma: Liam is only 6, and his parents are divorced. This child has enough to deal with. He shouldn't be chastised because his grandmother thinks he isn't affectionate enough and expects him to apologize for preferring to spend time with his mother. Liam's behavior! is perfectly understandable, especially since you were under tremendous stress for several years and could not create a closer bond. And now that you have remarried, your situation feels somewhat strange for the boy. You need to scale down your expectations. Yes, Liam should be taught to behave more politely, but don't blame him for what his parents neglect to do. Spend time with him when he is willing, and don't be disappointed when he acts up. Be a safe, pleasant haven for him, and he eventually will seek you out on his own. Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Wife and Stepmom." Although she had some wonderful ideas, such as a family night, I disagree with a few of her rules, namely that parents should discipline only their own children and that finances should be kept separate. In a real family, both parents discipline the kids, and decisions about discipline and finances work better when they are made together. However, one import!ant rule "Stepmom" did have is never to say a bad word about the spouse's ex in front of the kids. Our kids are grown now and tell us that they respect our opinions more because we never tried to make them take sides. -- Experienced Stepmom in Connecticut Dear Stepmom: Many readers wrote to say that stepparents should be allowed to discipline each other's children, and that finances should be shared. We think those are decisions each family makes on its own. What works for one family may not work for another. But we appreciate your knowledgeable input. Without underpants Dear Annie: Our 14-year-old son, "Kirk," has been going without his underpants since he returned from a school program three weeks ago. I learned this when his 11-year-old sister tattled during a sibling squabble. When pressed, Kirk said all the other guys were doing it and they dared him to do it, too. I think this is very weird and worry that Kirk may get an infection or injure himself. His dad, however, sees nothing wrong with leaving the underwear off and admitted doing the same at Kirk's age. In fact, my husband has given Kirk permission to continue doing this. After a little father-son chat, my husband also found out that Kirk now sleeps naked. (Another dare from his classmates.) I am not too concerned what he wears around his bedroom, but I do worry that he will be embarrassed or hurt by the lack of underwear. Do many teens go without underpants? Does it mean that he's gay or having sex? On top of those worries, I am concerned that Kirk is so susceptible to "dares." We want to pick our battles, and I'm not sure if this one is worth fighting. What do you say, Annie? -- Wear Underwear in Colorado Dear Colorado: "Going commando" is not unheard of, although it is not exactly hygienic. His slacks would have to be washed daily. It has nothing to do with being gay or sexually active. Yes, Kirk can be injured if he zips up (or down) too quickly, and he's certain to be embarrassed if he should tear his pants in the wrong place (not to mention insect bites if he wears shorts in the summer). This is not worth a fight. Mention the consequences and let Kirk decide. (It doesn't help your position when Dad is on Kirk's side.) Then talk to Kirk about how kids often use dares to intimidate and humiliate those they perceive to be susceptible, weak or none-too-bright. He should develop the backbone to ignore them. Dear Annie: I am a 33-year-old woman, married, with two children. My friend "Barb" asked me to baby-sit for her 2-year-old son full time (about 45 hours a week). However, I was shocked when she offered me only $25 a week. I was thinking more along the lines of $75-$100. Barb said she couldn't afford that. Barb and her husband both have full-time, decent-paying jobs. They just spent quite a bit of money to "super size" their truck, but somehow don't have enough to pay me to care for their son. I love Barb and her little boy, but I think 45 hours is a lot of time for so little money. Am I being selfish to ask for more? -- Crying Baby Blues Dear Crying: Of course you aren't being selfish. She expects you to be a full-time baby sitter for part-time wages. If Barb truly has financial problems and you can afford to help her out for $25 a week, go ahead and do it, but otherwise, she is taking advantage of you.