Too many gifts
Dear Annie: I am a married mother of a 3-year-old boy. He is the only grandchild on either side of the family. My problem is my mother-in-law, a widow on a fixed income, and my sister-in-law, who is married but has no children.
My in-laws like to control everything. When my own sister planned a baby shower for me, my sister-in-law informed me that she would have no part of it because it was "too early." I was seven months' pregnant at the time. The morning of the shower, my mother-in-law told my husband she would not attend because she did not receive a formal invitation, even though we had asked her verbally. I ended up with two showers, one given by my sister and a larger one by my in-laws.
My son's birthday is rapidly approaching, and I am dreading it. Every holiday and birthday, my son is inundated with a huge number of presents from my husband's family. My family is much more low-key, which creates an uncomfortable situation, because the largesse of my in-laws makes my parents look cheap.
I have repeatedly asked my in-laws to restrict the number of gifts they buy my son, but they say this is "what they're supposed to do." My child is turning into a greedy monster, and I don't know how to handle it. -- Spoiled in Sayreville, N.J.
Dear Spoiled: You cannot change your in-laws' behavior! without their cooperation. Instead, thank them graciously for the gifts, allow your son to have one or two, and put the rest away. Keep them in a closet for later, or let your son select some to donate to a hospital or shelter. And tell your husband to back you up.
Dear Annie: I'm responding to "Puzzled in California," who complained that she reclined her airline seat and the passenger behind her kept pushing it.
On a recent flight, the man in front of me reclined his seat fully. His head was inches from my face, and my legs were pinned under him. I have hip problems and had to shift frequently, but doing so meant jostling him. The man angrily demanded that I stop kicking his seat.
Airlines may have originally intended reclining seats for the comfort of their passengers, but in these days of drastically reduced personal space in the aircraft, they are a source of great misery. -- Squished
Dear Squished: This one struck a nerve with our readers. Read on:
From N.C.: If the person behind me doesn't want my head in his lap, he should ask for an exit row seat and not expect me to sit upright for the duration of the flight.
Tallahassee, Fla.: I am 6 feet 4 inches, and my knees touch the back of the seat in front of me. When that person reclines, it's a painful experience. The airlines could solve the problem by adjusting the seats to recline only one short notch.
Mississippi: Airline seats are designed to recline, and the passenger in back has NO right to that space.
Seattle: I cannot understand how people think there is enough room to recline. I once had to eat my meal over another passenger's head.
Drug addict husband
Dear Annie: I have been with my husband, "Rex," for five years. I love him very much, and he can be a great husband and stepfather. He works, provides for us and helps with all of the household and parental duties.
The problem? Rex is drug addict. He doesn't binge often, but it's enough to disrupt the family, sometimes to the point where I want to walk away and never look back. I believe a wife should stand by her husband, and I want to do all I can to help him deal with his 20-year addiction. However, I wasn't aware of his problem before we married, and my son must be my first priority.
My son adores his stepfather, but I wonder if staying is doing more harm than good for my child. Rex and I have tried rehab, Narcotics Anonymous, counseling, church activities, quitting cold turkey and even relocating so he is not near his old drug contacts. But he always goes back after a short period. What should I do? -- Drug Addict's Wife
Dear Addict's Wife: Yes, your son must come first, and if Rex is unable to control his drug habit, you may have no choice but to leave him. Have you tried Nar-Anon, a support group for spouses and families of drug addicts? If not, please give it a chance before walking out the door. The toll-free number is 1-800-477-6291, and the Web site is www.nar-anon.org.
Dear Annie: My husband, "Trey," and I have been married 32 years. We have a large home, and on several occasions, Trey has spontaneously invited people to spend the night without consulting me first. When the guests arrive, he informs me, in their presence, that he's asked them to stay over. One time, he invited 20 people to our family vacation home and told them I would serve all the meals for the weekend.
Annie, I am far from the hostess with the mostest. I do not have cleaning help and work full time in the business that my husband and I own. We also have pets. Need I say more? My home is not presentable without considerable work ahead of time. Nor do I have a freezer or pantry ready to serve meals to unexpected company.
I have told Trey to stop inviting people without consulting me first, but he cannot understand my position. He's even become angry that the house isn't ready for entertaining at a moment's notice.
The last time he pulled this stunt on me, I was ill from the stress for three days. How can I get him to stop? -- Imposed on in Boston
Dear Boston: Since Trey isn't likely to back down, here are two solutions:
You can greet these guests, saying, "How nice to see you. I'm sorry I have plans and won't return until tomorrow, but I'm sure Trey will be happy to entertain you." Then go out the door and stay at a hotel. If that's too drastic, have a list of caterers, carry-out places and maid services on hand, and call them as soon as Trey brings company home. Maybe after he pays a few of the bills, he'll cease and desist.