4월30일(수)1. Dump him now 2. Help from siblings

[Max(金昌鎬)]

Dump him now 

  Dear Annie: My boyfriend, "Sam," and I have been together for over two years. My family has been talking to me lately about breaking up with him.

I don't think Sam is abusive, but my family feels he is. He is very controlling and I realize that. He doesn't like me going anywhere without him. He used to go through my phone records to see whom I had been talking to. (I got him to stop doing that.) I cannot have any male friends without him getting suspicious and thinking I am cheating. He comes over to my house every day when he wakes up.

My family really wants us to split up. The problem is, Sam is depressed and has a horrible temper. I am afraid if I break up with him, he might hurt me or my family, and that is the last thing I want. Please help. -- Scared and Frustrated in the Carolinas

Dear Carolinas: Sam shows all the signs of being a potential abuser, and the fact that you are afraid of him is reason enough to break up. You are smart to acknowledge that it can be dangerous getting out from under someone who is both controlling and has a bad temper, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or visit ndvh.org, and explain your dilemma. Someone there can help you.

Dear Annie: My wife and I recently invited two gentlemen widowers over for a Sunday dinner. We thought they would enjoy our company and a home-cooked meal. Both accepted.

Here is the issue: While we were enjoying the meal, the good company and the conversation, one guest's cell phone rang. Much to our surprise, he said, "I need to take this" and answered the call right at the table without excusing himself. When he finished, he resumed eating. Not more than five minutes later, his phone rang and, again, he "had to" take it.

Being a gracious host, I bit my tongue and didn't say anything, but after they left, my wife and I discussed these rude interruptions. We'd like to know the proper response if we are faced with these stupid cell phone intrusions again. Right now, we think our only recourse is to remove him from future invitation lists. What's your opinion? -- Cell Phone Mad

Dear Mad: Considerate people turn their cell phones off during dinner. Is your guest a doctor? The leader of a foreign nation? In other words, if he has a legitimate reason to be interrupted during dinner, you must indulge his rudeness. He should, however, excuse himself from the table and not carry on a private conversation in front of everyone. You can suggest he take the call in another room while you continue without him. If it keeps up, however, say, "You really should go home and take care of whatever is distracting you. Obviously, this turned out to be an inconvenient date to have dinner. Perhaps we can invite you another time." 2008.04.18

 Help from siblings 

  Dear Annie: Five years ago, my mother came to live with us. Our children are grown and I was looking forward to being alone with my husband, but Mom refused to go to a senior facility. Since I hadn't lived with her for over 40 years, she seemed like an intruder. She and I did not have the best relationship when I was growing up, but somehow she has forgotten that and tells everyone we're just alike. This bothers me because I have spent my whole life trying not to be like her.

The main problem is my siblings, who seem to think it's OK for Mom to live with us without offering one thin dime to help. Mom receives a small pension check and gives us a little bit of money every month. My siblings have said, "If you need anything, let us know." But why should I have to call them? They know what things cost. At this point, I have no respect whatsoever for any of my siblings. If something happens to Mom, they will not be hearing from me again. -- Miffed Sister

Dear Miffed: Speak up already. Your siblings have offered to help, but you refuse to tell them what you need, so they happily assume you don't need anything. It serves no purpose to fume because they aren't better at playing guessing games.

Create a list of what you would like each sibling to do -- whether it's a financial contribution, driving Mom to doctors' appointments or taking her every third weekend so you can get a break. Make it very clear that you have taken on a major responsibility and you expect them to do their share to assist you.

Dear Annie: For a little over a year now, my husband of five years has been touching and scratching at his privates all day long. His hand gravitates there every minute. The other day, I counted him doing it 44 times in a half-hour. Yes, I counted.

He does this at home, in public, in front of family, everywhere. He tries to be discreet by doing it quickly, but I still notice. Most of the time, he's barely touching himself, so I'm not sure what that accomplishes.

I have spoken to him about it, and he claims he doesn't know why he feels the need to touch himself so often. He showers daily, says nothing itches and acts as if I'm the one with the problem.

This behavior has turned me off in a sexual way, and it's embarrassing to go anywhere with him. Can you help? -- Disgusted in Iowa

Dear Disgusted: Your husband should talk to his doctor. Showering daily does not mean there isn't something physically wrong. And this sort of behavior also can become habitual. Even a 3-year-old is able to learn to control these impulses, and you should insist that your husband do so. 2008.04.19