5월12일(월) 1.Daughter's breast surgery 2. Painkiller addiction

Daughter's breast surgery Dear Annie: My daughter, "Meg," moved to Florida to attend college and graduate school. She is now engaged to a nice young man and will marry in June. My daughter has always been very flat chested, like me. On my last visit, however, I noticed there was an increase in her bust size that was unmistakably the real deal. I asked her when she had undergone breast augmentation. She turned to me with a shocked look and gasped, "Who told you?" I told her it was obvious. She confided that she'd had it done a month before. Her boyfriend took care of her post-op. I confess I was hurt my daughter chose not to inform me when she had major surgery, but there was no point getting angry since she wasn't going to "undo" it. She doesn't want me to tell her father because she thinks he will be upset. He will. He'd say it was a stupid choice and, as a result, would have not felt obligated to pay for her upcoming wedding. He'd tell her if she could find the money to pay for fake breasts, she could certainly find the money to get married. I decided to keep quiet and let Meg tell him, but she hasn't yet, and meanwhile, he's given her an enormous amount of money for the wedding. Yesterday, she sent me pictures of her in the wedding gown. The dress is strapless and absolutely everything is on display. I am mortified at the thought of everyone discussing her new breasts during the ceremony -- and you can bet they will -- and I shudder to think of my husband's reaction. I am going to visit Meg once more before the wedding. Should I share my concerns and suggest she talk to her father? Or should I keep my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may? -- Worried Mother-of-the-Bride Dear Worried: Yes, talk to Meg. She needs to tell Dad before he balks at walking Suddenly Buxom Daughter down the aisle. You can help ameliorate his anger by repeating that she isn't going to "undo" it, and add that it obviously makes Meg feel better about herself (even if you both disagree). If he asks her to pay back the money for the wedding, let them work out an arrangement to do so. Dear Annie: My sister and I own the house we live in. Last year, we borrowed money, together, for renovations and repairs. The contractors were paid by personal check out of my sister's bank account where the money was held. I kept rough track with invoice data on the account's balance. Recently, when I approached my sister with a plan for spending the remaining money, she informed me that nearly $30,000 had vanished, unaccounted for. Repairs stopped. I absolutely don't believe the money simply disappeared. How can I not trust my only sibling? What should I do? -- Confused in California Dear Confused: How estranged are you willing to be? If the money truly disappeared, your sister should not object to an investigation. Otherwise, you can talk to a lawyer about suing your sister to recover it. Decide which you value more -- the money or your sister -- because we don't think you're going to have both. Sorry. 2008.04.29 Painkiller addiction Dear Annie: I recently discovered that my husband is addicted to painkillers. He buys them illegally from people (he calls them "friends") on the street. I have noticed a marked change in his personality since he's been taking the drugs. I know this is common in drug abusers, but I need to clarify whether his behavior constitutes emotional abuse. For example, we had a disagreement about his 21-year-old son who lives with us and also uses drugs. When I suggested his son pick up after himself, my husband became irate and very threatening in his demeanor. He said things like, "You better remember who supports you" and "If I'm not good enough for you, then leave." I'm a bit afraid of him now because I don't know when he will explode. Drug rehab is out of the question since he has informed me that I have the problem, not him. I worry about him being arrested or the police coming to the house and sending my 16-year-old daughter to foster care. Since he absolutely refuses to get help and I absolutely cannot live like this, would you leave him if you were me? -- Not Sure Dear Not Sure: Normally, we would recommend counseling first, and it would still be a good idea to see someone, but you have a 16-year-old daughter who is surely affected by the behavior of her stepfather and stepbrother, and her welfare must come before anything else. Since you believe your husband is becoming erratic and threatening, it would be best to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) before taking the next step. Also contact Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) at 1-800-477-6291 or Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at 1-888-4-AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) for family affected by drug addicts. Your entire family needs help. Dear Annie: I work as a receptionist for my son and daughter-in-law. Each of their other assistants receives a $100 employee birthday check. When my birthday comes around, however, I get nothing. My son says they already get me a gift since I am "Mom" and cannot justify giving me two. I believe the employee check is a separate thing. Don't get me wrong. My son is a wonderful and generous gift giver, but he also has family members who do the same for him and his wife. I am in no way treated better than other employees because I am related. I am hurt over this. Am I being selfish? -- Employee Mom Dear Mom: If the practice can afford to give you the same bonus check as everyone else, you should receive one. Whatever personal birthday gift your son gets you is separate. Although you might keep in mind that if he begins giving you a check at work, your birthday gift may be substantially less generous. That, however, would be his choice. Dear Annie: Three years ago, my son was in an auto accident that nearly killed him. He survived, but suffered severe facial trauma and sustained a traumatic brain injury. Because he was not expected to live or recover to the degree that he has, my husband and I have heard over and over how lucky we are that he is alive and how grateful we should be to have our son. Although we do thank God he is still with us, we do not feel "lucky." As a result of the brain injury, our son is a completely different person who is often moody, compulsive and angry. The most heartbreaking part is that he is aware of the change and wants so badly to have his "old self" back but knows he cannot. Nothing is the same for any of us and there is no end. The family of a person who suffers a brain injury sometimes grieves just as much as if their loved one has died. They need to be allowed to do so. -- Heartbroken Mom Dear Mom: Our hearts are breaking for you and your son. If you haven't yet contacted the Brain Injury Association of America (biausa.org), please do so. Their support could be very helpful. The number is 1-800-444-6443. 2008.04.28