5월19일(월) 1.Sticky situation 2. Unwelcoming family

Sticky situation Dear Annie: I am in a sticky situation with a longtime friend, "Joe," and his wife, "June." June is a pathological liar. She tells big ones and small ones, and her lying has caused some conflicts in their marriage, and now in our friendship with Joe. June recently skipped out on a big bill she accumulated by saying their child needed an organ transplant. People in the neighborhood are concerned for the family's welfare, and they are rallying around, putting together fruit baskets and raising money. Of course, their child isn't sick at all and never was. Other than this, Joe and June are great people, and we've had many good times over the years. I don't want June's lying to come between our friendship. Joe has never mentioned his wife's fabrications, and we suspect it hasn't occurred to him that her tall tales get back to us. We hate seeing him oblivious to what she is doing. We no longer trust her, and it is increasingly uncomfortable to be around her. Do we tell Joe what we know? Should our children still be able to play with theirs? -- Concerned Friends in Illinois Dear Friends: Taking money donated for her child's "transplant" puts June squarely in the criminal-fraud division. She can be arrested. June needs therapy, and soon. If you are certain of your facts, confront June and tell her she needs help. If she refuses, talk to Joe. Yes, it may damage the friendship, but it sounds as if that's going south anyway, and this is too serious to ignore. As for the children, unless they are following in Mom's footsteps, there is no reason they cannot continue to play with yours. Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from "K.B.," the woman whose dentist and doctor had given up on her problems with temporomandibular joint pain. TMJD is complex, and management includes a comprehensive exam and diagnosis, addressing all possible contributing factors. "K.B." should ask her dentist for a referral to a center that specializes in chronic pain or a dental school that does research in TMJD. -- Claire E. Collins, D.M.D., University of Colorado School of Dentistry Dear Dr. Collins: Thank you for your expert advice. For information on TMJ, we recommend The TMJ Association (tmj.org), P.O. Box 26770, Milwaukee, WI 53226-0770. We heard from hundreds of readers, many of whom had their own suggestions. For those who are interested, read on: From Modesto, Calif.: My boss' wife suggested I see her chiropractor, who specializes in the Palmer Method. After the first treatment, I could finally open my mouth. After the next one, I could eat without the horrible fear of my jaw locking or going through agonizing pain.   Unwelcoming family Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old single mother. I've never been married, and the situation I'm in right now does not make me look forward to walking down the aisle. I love "Gary" with all of my heart. We have dated for three years, and he eventually wants to marry, but his family is not so welcoming. I was the reason Gary moved out of his mother's home, and I am the reason he does not spend as much time with them as he used to. Mind you, Annie, I do not stop him from seeing or calling them. I would never do that. His family, however, blames me. They start a lot of arguments. Last week, they lied to him about something I had said in order to make him angry with me. Fortunately, he didn't believe them, but it really upset me that they would stoop to that level. Gary says he always will put me first, no matter what, but I worry. I want a future with a man whose family welcomes me and treats me as one of their own. I don't see that happening here. How should I handle this? I'm afraid that our life together will be over before it begins. -- Driven Away Dear Driven: The potential in-laws sound difficult and unpleasant, but the import!ant thing is Gary's attitude and support. If you believe that he will put you first, you have nothing to worry about. However, it wouldn't hurt to turn on the charm and try to warm up the relatives. Be friendly and let them know how import!ant it is to you that Gary stay close to his family. It will help. Dear Annie: I recently bought a set of $60 walkie-talkies for my children, and they brought the sets over to their cousins' home to play. Their 9-year-old cousin "Lila" bent over the pool, and the walkie-talkie fell in. The kids immediately fished it out, but it was not waterproof and stopped working. My brain wants her parents to pay for the replacement. My heart, however, understands that it was an accident, and since we have more money than they do, we should pick up the cost. But I want Lila to understand the consequences of her actions (a value her parents do not impart). Any ideas? -- Waterlogged in Florida Dear Florida: Lila's parents should have offered to replace the wrecked unit. Since they have not, you can handle it in several ways. You can pick up the cost and forget about it; you can ask the parents to replace it or pay half; you can ask that Lila make some kind of restitution by helping you shovel snow or wash your car; or you can tell Lila that she will not be able to play with your children's toys until she is a little older and learns to be more careful. Pick one that is comfortable for you.