Shady outfit
Dear Annie: I am in my late 30s and live on a limited income. Three months ago, I joined a dating service in my hometown. I had an interview with the agency's director and almost walked out because of the expensive membership prices and high-pressure sales pitch. At the last minute, however, the interviewer lowered her prices substantially so I could afford it. Because the director did me this favor, I felt compelled to join. I was assured I would "meet a lot of women."
Well, I haven't met anyone in the three months I've been a member. The agency's database has a very small number of ladies in my age range. I contacted the few women available, and I heard back from only one, who promptly told me that she already was dating someone. There are no other women to call.
When I joined the dating service, I signed a two-year contract, but I want to cancel. I also feel I should be given a partial refund. When I phoned the director, however, she said I am bound by that two-year contract. I called my local Better Business Bureau, and they contacted the agency. I'm still waiting for a response.
I don't believe I should be stuck in a two-year membership that did nothing for me. What do you think of this shady outfit? -- Steamed in Sarasota, Fla.
Dear Steamed: A contract generally contains obligations for both sides -- in this instance, you agreed to pay dues, and they agreed to provide a list of available women to date. If they haven't held up their end of the contract, you may indeed have a way out, but it will require seeing a lawyer. Meanwhile, keep in mind that dating services, even legitimate ones, are not guarantees.
Dear Annie: Earlier this year, I thought I smelled gas around our property, but my husband could smell nothing. Today, I returned home from shopping. The house had been closed up for several hours, and as I walked through the living room, I was sure I smelled gas. I opened up the doors and windows, and noticed that I had developed a slight headache.
I called the gas company, and the representative showed up promptly. When he approached the furnace room, his detector started clicking very fast. He confirm!ed there was a leak. He explained to me that women seem to be much more sensitive to the odor of gas and men often do not notice it.
This is one time I'm glad I could tell my husband, "I told you so." The repair will cost us, but the alternative could have been so much worse. -- Wapakoneta, Ohio
Dear Ohio: People should not be timid about calling the gas company if they have the slightest suspicion there may be a leak. Better safe than sorry.
Helping out
Dear Annie: My brother-in-law, "Matt," moved in with us a year ago, after splitting with his wife. Since then, his divorce has been finalized and he has his two kids here every other weekend. My house is not big, and although it gets quite crowded during these weekends, we manage. Matt has been a big help watching our children on the nights that my husband and I work. In exchange, we do not charge him rent or any part of the utility bills, and Matt gives us some money to cover his grocery bills.
Here is what's getting to me. Matt seems to have a problem putting silverware in the dishwasher. He doesn't pick up anything off the floor that doesn't belong to him. Most nights when I come home from work, my living room is trashed, and in the morning when I am getting my kids ready for school, I have no clean spoons to give them for their cereal. Matt's room is a mess, and all he does is sit at the computer playing games or watch TV.
What can I do without offending him? -- The Sister-in-Law
Dear Sister-in-Law: You are doing Matt a tremendous favor by allowing him to live in your home, rent-free. Don't worry about offending him. Tell Matt, with a smile, that he now is a full-fledged member of your immediate family and you expect him to do his share around the house. Make a list of chores for everyone, and insist that each person follow it. Remind them when necessary.
Dear Annie: My husband and I struggled for several years while trying to conceive a child. After many visits to fertility specialists, we decided to adopt a wonderful daughter. Shortly after she became part of our family, I miraculously became pregnant. Our son was born a year later, and another daughter three years after that. We feel blessed.
Our oldest daughter has different coloring than the rest of our family. Perfect strangers are rude enough to comment on this fact. One woman said, "That one is definitely the mailman's child." Today, an elderly man asked my daughter, now 6, "What happened to your hair?"
Although we have always talked openly about her adoption, I'm not sure my daughter has truly grasped the meaning of all these comments. I thought printing this in your column may help people realize such comments are hurtful to children who already may feel different. How do we handle this? -- Loving Mom in Connecticut
Dear Mom: Some people don't put their brains into gear before inserting their foot in their mouths, but they mean no harm. The correct response to such rude, nunofyerbiznez-type questions is, "Thank you. We think she's simply beautiful." Then smile and walk away.