5월22일(목) 1.Taking your time 2. Atheist sister-in-law

Taking your time Dear Annie: I just came back from my eighth-grade school trip. All of my friends were kissed, or they made out with guys they met. I have a really good friend, "Nate," and we have a lot of fun just talking, and I don't want to push him into anything. But I feel really pressured to get physical with him because all my friends have done that stuff. Please help! -- Confused in Florida Dear Confused: You sound smarter than most of your friends, because you already know that pushing Nate into a physical relationship is a bad idea. Please don't allow these other girls to convince you that you're missing out if you don't have a boyfriend right now. You're not. You are discovering how to have the kind of friendship that provides the basis for a healthy, future relationship -- one that will last much longer than any of those kiss-and-tell sessions. Take your time, honey, and get it right. You won't be sorry. Dear Annie: Six months ago, my in-laws moved into a local senior apartment complex. At the time, my father-in-law gave all his tools to my husband, and we placed them in our garage. The condition was that Dad would be able to come to our garage and use his tools. Well, Annie, my father-in-law is in my garage EVERY day. Worse, my husband left a key to our house in the garage and Dad often pops in while I am still asleep. Dad also thinks he is a personal escort for anyone who visits. Even the utility workers cannot enter without my father-in-law, and he insists they enter from the basement, which means I have to go down there and lock it after they leave, since Dad never remembers. I am usually the only person at home when Dad drops by. I feel like I have a baby-sitter. My husband is somewhat understanding, and we are working with some non-profit groups to see if we can get them interested in my father-in-law's mechanical talents, but if that doesn't work out, my husband refuses to do anything that would limit his father's access to our home. I love my father-in-law dearly and don't want to hurt his feelings or take him away from his tools. I am trying to be diplomatic and caring. Do you have any other suggestions that won't make me totally explode? -- Ready To Burst Daughter-in-Law Dear Ready To Burst: Your husband should tell his father that he is welcome to use the garage, but not the house. If he isn't willing to do this, approach your father-in-law and say, "Dad, I'm glad you feel comfortable here, but I'd rather you give me some notice before entering the house. Sometimes I'm not dressed. I'm going to keep the deadbolt locked until I am ready for company." (If you don't have a deadbolt, get one. If Dad already has the key, get the locks changed.) Insist that your husband back you up on this. Period.    Atheist sister-in-law   Dear Annie: My husband's sister boycotted my son's baptism because she said it would be hypocritical to sit through a church service she did not believe in. She did, however, find it perfectly acceptable to attend the luncheon afterward.   Last month, I called her and said, "Since your name isn't in our Christmas-gift drawing, should we still include your boyfriend?" She asked why she was being excluded, and I reminded her that she had declared herself to be an atheist. She replied, "Well, I celebrate the winter solstice, so my name should be in the drawing."   How can I get across to her that holidays and other events aren't something you can pick and choose, and participate in only when it's convenient? If I had gotten her name in the drawing, I would not have purchased anything for her because, after all, I don't celebrate the winter solstice. -- Plenty Peeved Sister-in-Law   Dear Plenty Peeved: Now, now, girls. This situation calls for tolerance, not retaliation. Your sister-in-law has chosen not to participate in the religious aspect of these occasions, but she still would like to be included in the family celebrations, which may involve luncheons and gift-exchanges. We assume she reciprocates.   You can decide to let her beliefs come between you, or you can simply accept this part of her makeup and find other common ground. She is, after all, your husband's sister. Try to find something to like about her.   Dear Annie: The letter from the woman who raised all kinds of Cain because her husband's doctor gave him a prescription for Viagra without her input really hit home with me.   Two years ago, I came home from my annual checkup with a script for Viagra. I proudly showed it to my wife, thinking she would be as happy as I was. Wrong. After a tirade about me being a dirty old man with my mind in the gutter, she ran the prescription through the shredder.   All I wanted was to be able to make love to my wife. I assumed that after 45 years of marriage, she also wanted this. To discover I was wrong was quite a letdown. We have not made love since. I also have not been back to my doctor because I don't want to be embarrassed if he asks how the Viagra is working out. I guess I simply will have to live a life devoid of making love. What a bummer. -- R.   Dear R.: We're sorry to hear about your lack of intimacy, but we are more concerned that you haven't been back to your doctor. Don't let your embarrassment prevent you from getting a checkup. Your doctor has heard it all, including this one. He may even have some suggestions for you. Please make an appointment today.