PART 4 // chapter 1-1

[모나리자]

"이게 아직도 꿈일 수 있을까?" 라스콜니코프는 다시 한 번 생각했다. 그는 예상치 못한 방문객을 주의 깊고 의심스럽게 바라보았다. "스비드리가일로프! 이게 무슨 헛소리야! 그럴 리가 없어!" 그는 마침내 당황해서 큰 소리로 말했다. 그의 방문객은 이 감탄에 전혀 놀라지 않는 듯했다. "두 가지 이유로 당신을 찾아왔습니다. 첫째, 당신과 개인적으로 친분을 쌓고 싶었습니다. 당신에 대해 흥미롭고 기분 좋은 이야기를 많이 들었거든요. 둘째, 당신이 여동생 아브도티아 로마노브나의 복지에 관한 문제에 대해 저를 도와주기를 거부하지 않기를 바랍니다.

당신의 지원이 없다면 그녀는 지금 제가 그녀에게 다가가는 것을 허락하지 않을 수도 있습니다. 그녀는 저에게 편견을 가지고 있기 때문입니다. 하지만 당신의 도움으로 저는..." "당신은 잘못 생각하고 있습니다." 라스콜니코프가 말을 가로채며 말했다. "그들은 어제 도착했습니다. 물어봐도 될까요?" 라스콜니코프는 대답하지 않았다. "어제였습니다. 저도 전날에야 도착했습니다. 글쎄요, 로디온 로마노비치, 제 자신을 정당화할 필요는 없다고 생각하지만, 편견 없이, 상식적으로 이 모든 일에서 제가 특별히 저지른 범죄가 무엇인지 친절히 말씀해 주세요.”

라스콜니코프는 그를 침묵 속에 계속 바라보았다. “제 집에서 무방비 상태의 소녀를 괴롭혔고 ‘악명 높은 제안으로 그녀를 모욕했다’는 게 다인가요? (당신을 예상하고 있습니다.) 하지만 당신도 저도 인간이며, 인간에 대한 허무함이라고 가정하기만 하면 됩니다... 한마디로, 저는 끌리고 사랑에 빠질 수 있는 존재(우리의 의지에 달려 있지 않음)라고 가정한다면 모든 것이 가장 자연스러운 방식으로 설명될 수 있습니다. 문제는, 제가 괴물인가, 아니면 제 자신이 희생자인가입니다. 그리고 제가 희생자라면 어떨까요? 제 열정의 대상에게 미국이나 스위스로 함께 도망가자고 제안하면서, 저는 그녀에 대한 가장 깊은 존경심을 품었을 수도 있고, 제가 우리의 상호 행복을 증진시키고 있다고 생각했을 수도 있습니다! 이성은 열정의 노예라는 걸 알죠. 왜, 아마 내가 누구보다 나 자신에게 더 큰 해를 끼쳤을 거야!”

“하지만 그게 요점이 아니야.” 라스콜니코프가 혐오감을 느끼며 말을 가로채며 말했다. “그냥 네가 옳든 그르든 우리는 너를 싫어할 뿐이야. 우리는 너와 아무런 상관도 갖고 싶지 않아. 우리는 너한테 문을 보여줄 거야. 나가!” 스비드리가일로프가 갑자기 웃음을 터뜨렸다. “하지만 너는... 하지만 널 피할 수 없어.” 그는 가장 솔직하게 웃으며 말했다. “널 피할 수 있기를 바랐지만, 너는 즉시 옳은 길을 택했어!”

“하지만 너는 아직도 나를 피할 수 없어!” “뭐야? 뭐야?” 스비드리가일로프가 소리치며 터놓고 웃었다. “하지만 이게 프랑스 사람들이 bonne guerre라고 부르는 거고, 가장 순진한 속임수야!... 하지만 너는 여전히 내 말을 가로채. 어떤 식으로든, 다시 한 번 말하지만, 정원에서 일어난 일이 없었다면 결코 불쾌할 일이 없었을 거야.

마르파 페트로브나..." "당신도 마르파 페트로브나를 없앴다고 하더군요?"

라스콜니코프가 무례하게 말을 가로채며 말했다. "아, 당신도 그 말을 들었나요? 하지만 당신은 틀림없이 들었을 겁니다... 하지만 당신의 질문에 대해서는, 저는 정말 뭐라고 말해야 할지 모르겠어요. 하지만 제 양심은 그 점에 대해서는 완전히 안심하고 있습니다. 제가 그것에 대해 우려하고 있다고 생각하지 마세요. 모든 것이 정상적이고 순조로웠습니다. 진찰 결과, 저녁을 많이 먹고 와인 한 병을 마신 직후에 목욕을 해서 뇌졸중이 생겼다고 진단했고, 사실 그것 외에는 아무것도 증명할 수 없었을 겁니다.

하지만 요즘 기차를 타고 오는 길에 제가 생각한 것을 말씀드리겠습니다. 제가 그 모든 것에 기여하지 않았나요... 도덕적으로, 어떤 면에서는, 짜증이나 그런 식으로. 하지만 저는 그것도 전혀 불가능하다는 결론에 도달했습니다." 라스콜니코프가 웃었다. "당신이 그것에 대해 걱정하는 게 이상하네요!" "하지만 왜 웃는 거지? 생각해 보세요, 저는 그녀를 두 번이나 스위치로 때렸어요. 흔적조차 없었어요... 저를 냉소주의자로 여기지 마세요. 저는 제가 얼마나 잔인한지 잘 알고 있고, 그 모든 것이요. 하지만 마르파 페트로브나가 제 따뜻함에 매우 기뻐했을 거라는 것도 확실히 알고 있어요.

언니 이야기는 마지막 한 방울까지 짜내졌고, 마르파 페트로브나는 지난 3일 동안 집에 앉아 있어야 했어요. 그녀는 마을에서 자신을 보여줄 것이 하나도 없었어요. 게다가 그녀는 그 편지로 그들을 지루하게 했어요(그녀가 편지를 읽는다는 이야기를 들었어요). 그리고 갑자기 그 두 스위치가 하늘에서 떨어졌어요! 그녀의 첫 번째 행동은 마차를 내리라고 명령하는 것이었어요.... 여성들이 분노를 표출하는 모습에도 불구하고 모욕을 당하는 것을 매우, 매우 기쁘게 여기는 경우가 있다는 사실은 말할 것도 없고요.

누구에게나 그런 경우가 있어요. 사실, 인간은 일반적으로 모욕을 당하는 것을 매우 좋아해요. 알아차렸나요? 하지만 여성에게 특히 그렇습니다. 누군가는 그것이 그들의 유일한 즐거움이라고 말할 수도 있을 것입니다." 한때 라스콜니코프는 일어나서 나가서 인터뷰를 끝내는 것을 생각했습니다. 하지만 약간의 호기심과 일종의 신중함이 그를 잠시 머물게 했습니다.

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5174p

PART IV

CHAPTER I

“Can this be still a dream?” Raskolnikov thought once more. He looked carefully and suspiciously at the unexpected visitor. “Svidrigaïlov! What nonsense! It can’t be!” he said at last aloud in bewilderment. His visitor did not seem at all surprised at this exclamation. “I’ve come to you for two reasons. In the first place, I wanted to make your personal acquaintance, as I have already heard a great deal about you that is interesting and flattering; secondly, I cherish the hope that you may not refuse to assist me in a matter directly concerning the welfare of your sister, Avdotya Romanovna.

For without your support she might not let me come near her now, for she is prejudiced against me, but with your assistance I reckon on...” “You reckon wrongly,” interrupted Raskolnikov. “They only arrived yesterday, may I ask you?” Raskolnikov made no reply. “It was yesterday, I know. I only arrived myself the day before. Well, let me tell you this, Rodion Romanovitch, I don’t consider it necessary to justify myself, but kindly tell me what was there particularly criminal on my part in all this business, speaking without prejudice, with common sense?”

Raskolnikov continued to look at him in silence. “That in my own house I persecuted a defenceless girl and ‘insulted her with my infamous proposals’—is that it? (I am anticipating you.) But you’ve only to assume that I, too, am a man et nihil humanum... in a word, that I am capable of being attracted and falling in love (which does not depend on our will), then everything can be explained in the most natural manner. The question is, am I a monster, or am I myself a victim? And what if I am a victim? In proposing to the object of my passion to elope with me to America or Switzerland, I may have cherished the deepest respect for her and may have thought that I was promoting our mutual happiness! Reason is the slave of passion, you know; why, probably, I was doing more harm to myself than anyone!”

“But that’s not the point,” Raskolnikov interrupted with disgust. “It’s simply that whether you are right or wrong, we dislike you. We don’t want to have anything to do with you. We show you the door. Go out!” Svidrigaïlov broke into a sudden laugh. “But you’re... but there’s no getting round you,” he said, laughing in the frankest way. “I hoped to get round you, but you took up the right line at once!”

“But you are trying to get round me still!” “What of it? What of it?” cried Svidrigaïlov, laughing openly. “But this is what the French call bonne guerre, and the most innocent form of deception!... But still you have interrupted me; one way or another, I repeat again: there would never have been any unpleasantness except for what happened in the garden.

Marfa Petrovna...”  “You have got rid of Marfa Petrovna, too, so they say?”

Raskolnikov interrupted rudely. “Oh, you’ve heard that, too, then? You’d be sure to, though.... But as for your question, I really don’t know what to say, though my own conscience is quite at rest on that score. Don’t suppose that I am in any apprehension about it. All was regular and in order; the medical inquiry diagnosed apoplexy due to bathing immediately after a heavy dinner and a bottle of wine, and indeed it could have proved nothing else.

But I’ll tell you what I have been thinking to myself of late, on my way here in the train, especially: didn’t I contribute to all that... calamity, morally, in a way, by irritation or something of the sort. But I came to the conclusion that that, too, was quite out of the question.” Raskolnikov laughed. “I wonder you trouble yourself about it!” “But what are you laughing at? Only consider, I struck her just twice with a switch—there were no marks even... don’t regard me as a cynic, please; I am perfectly aware how atrocious it was of me and all that; but I know for certain, too, that Marfa Petrovna was very likely pleased at my, so to say, warmth.

The story of your sister had been wrung out to the last drop; for the last three days Marfa Petrovna had been forced to sit at home; she had nothing to show herself with in the town. Besides, she had bored them so with that letter (you heard about her reading the letter). And all of a sudden those two switches fell from heaven! Her first act was to order the carriage to be got out.... Not to speak of the fact that there are cases when women are very, very glad to be insulted in spite of all their show of indignation.

There are instances of it with everyone; human beings in general, indeed, greatly love to be insulted, have you noticed that? But it’s particularly so with women. One might even say it’s their only amusement.” At one time Raskolnikov thought of getting up and walking out and so finishing the interview. But some curiosity and even a sort of prudence made him linger for a moment.