8월10일(일) Stepbrother from hell & An affair to forget

[Max(金昌鎬)]

Stepbrother from hell 

Dear Annie: My mother recently married a nice man. Unfortunately, my new stepbrother isn't so nice.

I'm 18 and "Chuck" is 16. While my mother was dating my stepfather, Chuck and I got along pretty well. Once they married, however, he began treating me with resentment. He started by mouthing off. Now things are out of hand. He puts loose change in my drinks, bumps into me when we pass each other and started a rumor in school that I have herpes. The last straw was when he put feces in my bed.

My mom and stepfather think Chuck is a saint, and I'm scared to tell them what he's doing because they'll think I'm lying. I don't want to start a fight between them and ruin their marriage, but I'm at the end of my rope. What do I do? -- Terrorized Brother

Dear Brother: Chuck apparently is having a hard time adjusting to the change in his status as an only child. Tell your parents what Chuck has been doing. Say you want to get along with him and suggest family counseling to help all of you adapt better. In the meantime, don't react to Chuck's provocations. Avoid being alone with him. Put a lock on your bedroom door. Do whatever you can to minimize contact until he matures enough to stop acting like a spoiled brat. And when you graduate, make plans to go away to college or move into your own apartment.

Dear Annie: Last summer, my husband and I went on a vacation with "Kevin and Renee." Renee insisted on taking pictures of everything, which was irritating. She also wanted to see attractions no one else cared about. Once, we got lost looking for a place only she was interested in. When we decided to skip it, she pouted. By the last day, Renee barely spoke to us.

Since then, she's snubbed me. I finally cornered her and asked what was going on. She said I hurt her feelings over the picture taking. I thought she was being childish, but I apologized anyway and asked for forgiveness. She said she forgave me, but our relationship hasn't been the same. She still ignores me and now I no longer bother to say hello when I pass by.

Renee has had problems with other women in the past. She also gets hurt easily and holds grudges forever. Our husbands used to be great friends, but now there is a strain on that relationship, too. My husband still calls Kevin, but the calls aren't returned. Should we continue to work on this or just let them go? -- Perplexed in the South

Dear Perplexed: You hurt Renee's feelings. However, once you apologized, that should have been the end of it. It's obvious that you don't much care for Renee and the feeling is mutual. That friendship is over. However, you should encourage your husband to try again with Kevin. 2008.08.05

An affair to forget 

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for seven years. We hit a rough patch during the last two, and it led to my having an emotional affair with a co-worker (no sex involved). My husband found out the day before I took my maternity leave. He forgave me and we seem to be doing OK.

However, my maternity leave is coming to an end and I'm supposed to go back to work. That means I will be in the same office as that co-worker I was so attracted to. I have a very, very good job and quitting is out of the question. I'm worried my husband will feel uncomfortable knowing I'm with this guy all day.

How can I prove I'm over the attraction and repair the trust? -- Not Interested in Him Anymore

Dear Not Interested: You need to talk about this openly with your husband. Tell him you know returning to work may cause him some anxiety and you want to allay his fears. Reassure him that you are over your infatuation. Ask what you need to do to make him comfortable with the situation, and promise to put his requirements first. If you find yourself being drawn to this co-worker again, we urge you to consider quitting your job. No matter how good it is, it's not worth your marriage.

Dear Annie: I am a young professional woman, engaged to a wonderful man. We plan to move in together soon in preparation for beginning our lives together.

OK, cut to the chase. Here is my dilemma: We are getting married in a few months, but my mom insists we need to have a small civil marriage at the courthouse before he moves in to make it legal before our actual wedding. She doesn't want us to live together before marriage.

I know Mom sees it this way for religious reasons. However, my fiance and I have discussed it and don't want a quickie civil ceremony before our formal one just to please her. How do I assuage my meddling mom and pacify my anxious new fiance? -- Passing Through Scylla and Charybdis

Dear Scylla: Although you should be respectful of your mother's feelings, this is not her decision to make. Is there a reason your fiance has to live with you now? If he can wait until after the wedding, that would take care of the problem. If not, do what you need to do, apologize sincerely to your mother for any offense, and then don't discuss it with her further. She will get over it once the arrangement is legal.

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "Texas Tea," who disparaged the insensitivity of a school district having a separate prom for students with special needs. I agree it would be sad if these students were specifically segregated. However, I would like to provide the writer with another explanation.

I am a life skills support teacher. When prom time rolled around, most of our students were very interested in going, but the prom was 50 miles away and the cost was $75 per student, not to mention flowers, dresses, tuxedos, etc. None of my students had the resources to go. My co-teacher and I had the idea of holding a prom just for our students, to give them that cherished experience.

We invited parents, administrators and teachers, and the students invited whomever they wanted, disabled or not. The prom was in town at a beautiful facility and cost $7 per person. The feedback was immediate from everyone involved that this was an excellent alternative to the regular prom, and that it should be held annually.

We understand that individuals with special needs are treated differently, but this is an example of an accommodation that is meant to bring them a typical prom experience, not take anything away. -- Pennsylvania Special Education Teacher

Dear Teacher: What a lovely idea. Thanks for sharing. 2008.08.04