PART 4 // chapter 1-3

[모나리자]

"하지만 이 클럽, 뒤소, 퍼레이드, 또는 진보에 관해서는, 아마도—음, 나 없이도 할 수 있는 모든 것" 그는 질문을 알아차리지 못한 채 다시 말을 이었다. "게다가, 누가 카드 샤퍼가 되고 싶어하냐?" "그럼, 당신은 카드 샤퍼였어?" "내가 어떻게 되지 않을 수 있겠어? 8년 전에 우리는 최고의 사회 구성원들이었고, 우리는 즐거운 시간을 보냈어. 그리고 모든 교양 있는 남자들, 알다시피, 시인들, 재산가들. 그리고 실제로 우리 러시아 사회에서 가장 좋은 매너는 매맞은 사람들 사이에서 발견된다는 것이 규칙인데, 알아차렸어? 나는 시골에서 타락했어.

하지만 나는 빚 때문에 감옥에 들어갔어. 네진에서 온 하류 그리스인 때문이야. 그러자 마르파 페트로브나가 나타났고, 그녀는 그와 거래를 해서 은화 3만 개로 나를 샀어(나는 7만 개를 빚졌어). 우리는 합법적으로 결혼했고, 그녀는 나를 보물처럼 시골로 데려갔어. 그녀는 나보다 다섯 살 많은 걸 알잖아. 그녀는 나를 정말 좋아했어. 나는 7년 동안 나라를 떠나지 않았어. 그리고, 내 인생 내내 그녀가 나에 대한 문서를 가지고 있었다는 걸 기억해. 3만 루블짜리 IOU였으니까, 내가 무언가에 대해 불안해지기로 선택한다면 즉시 갇힐 거야! 그리고 그녀는 그렇게 했을 거야! 여자들은 그게 양립할 수 없는 게 아니라고 생각해." "그게 아니었다면, 그녀를 속였겠어?" "뭐라고 말해야 할지 모르겠어.

그 문서가 나를 제지한 건 아니었어. 다른 곳으로 가고 싶지 않았어. 마르파 페트로브나가 나를 해외로 가라고 권했어. 내가 지루해졌거든. 하지만 나는 전에 해외에 가본 적이 있고, 거기서는 항상 아팠어. 아무 이유 없이, 일출, 나폴리 만, 바다—그것들을 보면 슬퍼져. 가장 역겹게 느껴지는 건 정말 슬퍼하는 거야! 아니, 집에서는 더 나아. 여기서는 적어도 다른 사람을 탓하고 변명할 수 있어. 나는 아마도 북극으로 원정을 갔어야 했을 거야. 왜냐하면 나는 술을 싫어하고 와인만 마셨거든.

시도해 봤어. 하지만, 베르크가 다음 일요일에 유수포프 정원에서 큰 풍선을 타고 올라가서 요금을 내고 승객을 태울 거라고 들었어. 사실일까?" "왜, 올라가려고?" "난... 아니, 오, 아니," 스비드리가일로프가 중얼거렸는데, 정말 깊은 생각에 잠긴 듯했다. "무슨 말인가? 진심인가?" 라스콜니코프가 궁금해했다.

"아니, 그 문서가 나를 구속하지 않았어." 스비드리가일로프가 명상하듯 말을 이었다. "내가 나라를 떠난 게 아니라 내가 한 일이야. 그리고 거의 1년 전에 마르파 페트로브나가 내 이름날에 그 문서를 돌려주고 상당한 돈을 선물로 줬어.

그녀는 재산이 많았어. '내가 당신을 얼마나 믿는지 알잖아, 아르카디 이바노비치'—사실 그녀의 표정은 그랬다. 그녀가 그것을 사용했다고 믿지 않으세요? 하지만 제가 영지를 꽤 괜찮게 관리했다는 걸 아시나요? 동네 사람들은 저를 알고 있어요. 저는 책도 주문했어요. 마르파 페트로브나는 처음에는 승인했지만 나중에는 제가 너무 공부하는 걸 두려워했어요." "마르파 페트로브나가 몹시 그리워하시는 것 같아요?" "그녀가 그리워요? 그럴 수도 있어요. 정말, 아마 그럴 수도 있어요. 그런데, 유령을 믿나요?" "어떤 유령요?" "그럼, 평범한 유령이에요."

"믿나요?" "아마도 믿지 않을 거예요, pour vous plaire....

정확히 아니라고는 말할 수 없어요." "그럼 봐요?" 스비드리가일로프가 그를 이상하게 바라보았다. "마르파 페트로브나가 저를 찾아와서 기뻐해요." 그는 입을 이상한 미소로 틀며 말했다. "'그녀가 당신을 찾아와서 기뻐한다'는 건 무슨 뜻이에요?" "그녀는 세 번이나 왔어요. 장례식 당일에 처음 봤어요. 그녀가 묻힌 지 한 시간 후였어요. 제가 여기로 오기 전날이었어요. 두 번째는 그저께 새벽, 말라야 비셰라 역에서 여행을 하던 때였고, 세 번째는 두 시간 전 내가 머물고 있는 방에서였습니다.

나는 혼자였습니다." "깨어 있었어?" "완전히 깨어 있었어. 나는 항상 완전히 깨어 있었어. 그녀가 와서 잠깐 나에게 말을 건넨 다음 문으로 나가—항상 문으로 나가. 나는 그녀의 목소리가 거의 들린다." "무슨 일이 너에게 일어나고 있다고 생각하게 된 건가?" 라스콜니코프가 갑자기 말했다. 동시에 그는 그 말을 한 것에 놀랐다. 그는 매우 흥분했다. "뭐! 그렇게 생각했어?" 스비드리가일로프가 놀라서 물었다.

"정말이야? 우리 사이에 공통점이 있다고 말하지 않았어?" "그렇게 말한 적이 없어!" 라스콜니코프가 날카롭고 흥분해서 소리쳤다. "그렇지 않았어?" "아니!" "그렇다고 생각했어. 내가 들어와서 당신이 눈을 감고 거짓말을 하는 것을 보고, 나는 즉시 나 자신에게 말했습니다. '이게 그 남자야.'" "'그 남자'는 무슨 뜻이야? 무슨 말을 하는 거야?" 라스콜니코프가 소리쳤습니다. "무슨 말이에요? 정말 모르겠어요..." 스비드리가일로프가 자신도 당황한 듯 순진하게 중얼거렸습니다.

그들은 잠시 침묵했습니다. 그들은 서로의 얼굴을 응시했습니다. "그게 다 헛소리야!" 라스콜니코프가 짜증내며 소리쳤습니다. "그녀가 당신에게 올 때 뭐라고 하죠?" "그녀! 믿으실지 모르겠지만, 그녀는 가장 어리석은 사소한 일에 대해 이야기하고—인간은 이상한 생물이에요—그게 나를 화나게 해요. 그녀가 처음 들어왔을 때(나는 피곤했어요, 알다시피요: 장례식, 장례식, 그 후의 점심. 마침내 나는 내 서재에 혼자 남게 되었습니다.

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“But as for these clubs, Dussauts, parades, or progress, indeed, maybe—well, all that can go on without me,” he went on, again without noticing the question. “Besides, who wants to be a card-sharper?” “Why, have you been a card-sharper then?” “How could I help being? There was a regular set of us, men of the best society, eight years ago; we had a fine time. And all men of breeding, you know, poets, men of property. And indeed as a rule in our Russian society the best manners are found among those who’ve been thrashed, have you noticed that? I’ve deteriorated in the country.

But I did get into prison for debt, through a low Greek who came from Nezhin. Then Marfa Petrovna turned up; she bargained with him and bought me off for thirty thousand silver pieces (I owed seventy thousand). We were united in lawful wedlock and she bore me off into the country like a treasure. You know she was five years older than I. She was very fond of me. For seven years I never left the country. And, take note, that all my life she held a document over me, the IOU for thirty thousand roubles, so if I were to elect to be restive about anything I should be trapped at once! And she would have done it! Women find nothing incompatible in that.” “If it hadn’t been for that, would you have given her the slip?” “I don’t know what to say.

It was scarcely the document restrained me. I didn’t want to go anywhere else. Marfa Petrovna herself invited me to go abroad, seeing I was bored, but I’ve been abroad before, and always felt sick there. For no reason, but the sunrise, the bay of Naples, the sea—you look at them and it makes you sad. What’s most revolting is that one is really sad! No, it’s better at home. Here at least one blames others for everything and excuses oneself. I should have gone perhaps on an expedition to the North Pole, because j’ai le vin mauvais and hate drinking, and there’s nothing left but wine.

I have tried it. But, I say, I’ve been told Berg is going up in a great balloon next Sunday from the Yusupov Garden and will take up passengers at a fee. Is it true?” “Why, would you go up?” “I... No, oh, no,” muttered Svidrigaïlov really seeming to be deep in thought. “What does he mean? Is he in earnest?” Raskolnikov wondered.

“No, the document didn’t restrain me,” Svidrigaïlov went on, meditatively. “It was my own doing, not leaving the country, and nearly a year ago Marfa Petrovna gave me back the document on my name-day and made me a present of a considerable sum of money, too.

She had a fortune, you know. ‘You see how I trust you, Arkady Ivanovitch’—that was actually her expression‎. You don’t believe she used it? But do you know I managed the estate quite decently, they know me in the neighbourhood. I ordered books, too. Marfa Petrovna at first approved, but afterwards she was afraid of my over-studying.” “You seem to be missing Marfa Petrovna very much?” “Missing her? Perhaps. Really, perhaps I am. And, by the way, do you believe in ghosts?” “What ghosts?” “Why, ordinary ghosts.”

“Do you believe in them?” “Perhaps not, pour vous plaire....

I wouldn’t say no exactly.” “Do you see them, then?” Svidrigaïlov looked at him rather oddly. “Marfa Petrovna is pleased to visit me,” he said, twisting his mouth into a strange smile. “How do you mean ‘she is pleased to visit you’?” “She has been three times. I saw her first on the very day of the funeral, an hour after she was buried. It was the day before I left to come here. The second time was the day before yesterday, at daybreak, on the journey at the station of Malaya Vishera, and the third time was two hours ago in the room where I am staying.

I was alone.” “Were you awake?” “Quite awake. I was wide awake every time. She comes, speaks to me for a minute and goes out at the door—always at the door. I can almost hear her.” “What made me think that something of the sort must be happening to you?” Raskolnikov said suddenly. At the same moment he was surprised at having said it. He was much excited. “What! Did you think so?” Svidrigaïlov asked in astonishment.

“Did you really? Didn’t I say that there was something in common between us, eh?” “You never said so!” Raskolnikov cried sharply and with heat. “Didn’t I?” “No!” “I thought I did. When I came in and saw you lying with your eyes shut, pretending, I said to myself at once, ‘Here’s the man.’” “What do you mean by ‘the man?’ What are you talking about?” cried Raskolnikov. “What do I mean? I really don’t know....” Svidrigaïlov muttered ingenuously, as though he, too, were puzzled.

For a minute they were silent. They stared in each other’s faces. “That’s all nonsense!” Raskolnikov shouted with vexation. “What does she say when she comes to you?” “She! Would you believe it, she talks of the silliest trifles and—man is a strange creature—it makes me angry. The first time she came in (I was tired you know: the funeral service, the funeral ceremony, the lunch afterwards. At last I was left alone in my study.