PART 4 // chapter 2-1

[모나리자]

8시가 다 되어 가고 있었습니다. 두 젊은이는 루진보다 먼저 도착하기 위해 바칼레예프의 집으로 서둘러 갔습니다. "왜, 누구였지?" 라주미힌이 거리에 나가자마자 물었습니다. "그 사람은 스비드리가일로프였습니다. 제 여동생이 가정교사로 있을 때 모욕을 당했던 그 지주였습니다. 그가 그녀를 괴롭히자, 그의 아내 마르파 페트로브나가 그녀를 쫓아냈습니다. 이 마르파 페트로브나는 나중에 두니아에게 용서를 구했고, 그녀는 갑자기 죽었습니다. 오늘 아침 우리가 이야기한 사람은 그녀였습니다. 왜 그 남자가 두려운지 모르겠습니다.

그는 아내의 장례식이 끝난 후 바로 여기로 왔습니다. 그는 매우 이상하고, 무언가를 하기로 결심했습니다... 우리는 그 남자로부터 두니아를 보호해야 합니다... 제가 말하고 싶었던 것이 바로 그것입니다, 알겠습니까?" "그녀를 보호하세요! 그가 아브도티아 로마노브나에게 해를 끼칠 수 있는 게 뭐죠? 고맙습니다, 로디아, 저에게 그렇게 말씀해 주셔서... 우리는 그녀를 보호할 것입니다. 그는 어디에 살고 있나요?" "모르겠어요." "왜 묻지 않으셨어요? 참 안타까운데요! 알아볼게요." "그를 보셨어요?" 라스콜니코프가 잠시 멈춘 후 물었다. "네, 알아봤어요. 잘 보았어요."

"정말 보셨어요? 똑똑히 보셨어요?" 라스콜니코프가 주장했다. "네, 완벽하게 기억해요. 천 명 중에 한 명이라도 알 수 있을 거예요. 얼굴 기억력이 좋아요." 그들은 다시 침묵했다. "흠!... 괜찮아요." 라스콜니코프가 중얼거렸다. "알아요, 제가 생각했어요... 환각이었을 수도 있다고 계속 생각해요." "무슨 말이에요? 이해가 안 가요." "글쎄요, 다들 제가 미쳤다고 하시잖아요." 라스콜니코프가 말을 이었다. 입을 틀어 미소를 지으며 말했다. "방금 제가 정말 미쳤을 수도 있고, 유령만 봤을 수도 있다고 생각했어요." "무슨 말이에요?" "왜요, 누가 알겠어요? 아마도 정말 화가 났을 수도 있고, 지금까지 일어난 모든 일이 단지 상상일 수도 있습니다." "아, 로디아, 또 화가 났구나!... 하지만 그는 무슨 말을 했고, 무슨 일로 왔지?" 라스콜니코프는 대답하지 않았다. 라주미힌은 잠시 생각했다.

"이제 내 이야기를 들려줄게." 그는 말을 시작했다. "내가 너한테 왔을 때, 너는 잠들어 있었어. 그런 다음 저녁을 먹었고, 포르피리네에 갔는데, 자메토프가 아직 그와 함께 있었어. 시작하려고 했지만 소용없었어. 제대로 말할 수가 없었어. 그들은 이해하지 못하는 듯하고 이해할 수 없지만, 조금도 부끄럽지 않아. 나는 포르피리를 창문으로 끌고 가서 그에게 말을 걸었지만, 그래도 소용없었어. 그는 시선을 돌렸고 나도 시선을 돌렸어. 마침내 나는 그의 못생긴 얼굴에 주먹을 흔들며 사촌으로서 그를 죽일 거라고 말했어. 그는 그저 나를 바라보았고, 나는 저주하고 떠났어. 그게 다였어. 정말 멍청했어. 자메토프에게는 아무 말도 하지 않았어. 하지만, 아시다시피, 저는 제가 엉망진창을 만들었다고 생각했지만, 아래층으로 내려가면서 훌륭한 생각이 떠올랐습니다. 우리가 왜 귀찮게 해야 합니까? 물론 당신이 위험에 처해 있거나 무언가에 처해 있다면, 하지만 왜 당신이 신경 써야 합니까?

당신은 그들을 신경 쓸 필요가 없습니다. 우리는 나중에 그들을 비웃을 것이고, 내가 당신 자리에 있다면 나는 그들을 그 어느 때보다 더 당황하게 만들 것입니다. 그들은 나중에 얼마나 부끄러워할까요! 그들을 교수형에 처하세요! 우리는 나중에 그들을 때릴 수 있지만, 지금은 그들을 비웃읍시다!" "물론입니다." 라스콜니코프가 대답했습니다. "하지만 내일은 뭐라고 말할 건가요?" 그는 스스로 생각했습니다. 이상하게도, 그 순간까지 그는 라주미힌이 알게 되면 어떻게 생각할지 궁금해하지 않았습니다. 그가 생각하면서 라스콜니코프는 그를 바라보았습니다. 라주미힌이 포르피리를 방문한 이야기는 그에게 별로 흥미롭지 않았습니다. 그 이후로 많은 일이 왔다 갔다 했습니다. 복도에서 그들은 루진을 만났습니다. 그는 8시에 정각에 도착했고 번호를 찾고 있었기 때문에 셋 다 인사도 하지 않고 서로 마주보지도 않고 함께 들어갔습니다.

청년들이 먼저 들어갔고, 표트르 페트로비치는 예의 바르게 복도에 잠시 머물며 코트를 벗었습니다. 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 문으로 나와 그를 맞이했고, 두니아는 동생을 맞이하고 있었습니다. 표트르 페트로비치가 들어와서 매우 친절하게, 하지만 두 배로 위엄을 갖추고 숙녀들에게 절을 했습니다. 하지만 그는 약간 당황한 듯했고 아직 정신을 차리지 못하는 듯했습니다. 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나도 약간 당황한 듯했고, 사모바르가 끓고 있는 둥근 테이블에 모두 앉으라고 재빨리 말했습니다. 두니아와 루진은 테이블 반대편에서 마주보고 있었습니다.

라주미힌과 라스콜니코프는 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나를 마주보고 있었고, 라주미힌은 루진 옆에 있었고 라스콜니코프는 여동생 옆에 있었습니다. 잠시 침묵이 흘렀습니다. 표트르 페트로비치는 고의로 향이 나는 캠브릭 손수건을 꺼내 코를 풀었는데, 자신이 무시당했다고 느꼈고 설명을 요구하기로 굳게 결심한 자애로운 사람처럼 보였습니다. 그 통로에서 그는 외투를 입고 떠나서 두 여인에게 날카롭고 단호한 교훈을 주고 그들이 그 입장의 심각성을 느끼게 해야겠다는 생각이 떠올랐다. 하지만 그는 그렇게 할 수 없었다. 게다가 그는 불확실성을 참을 수 없었고, 설명을 원했다. 그의 요청이 그렇게 공개적으로 거부당했다면, 그 뒤에 무언가가 있고, 그럴 경우 미리 알아내는 것이 더 나았다. 그들을 처벌하는 것은 그에게 달려 있었고, 그럴 시간은 항상 있을 것이다.

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CHAPTER II

It was nearly eight o’clock. The two young men hurried to Bakaleyev’s, to arrive before Luzhin. “Why, who was that?” asked Razumihin, as soon as they were in the street. “It was Svidrigaïlov, that landowner in whose house my sister was insulted when she was their governess. Through his persecuting her with his attentions, she was turned out by his wife, Marfa Petrovna. This Marfa Petrovna begged Dounia’s forgiveness afterwards, and she’s just died suddenly. It was of her we were talking this morning. I don’t know why I’m afraid of that man.

He came here at once after his wife’s funeral. He is very strange, and is determined on doing something.... We must guard Dounia from him... that’s what I wanted to tell you, do you hear?” “Guard her! What can he do to harm Avdotya Romanovna? Thank you, Rodya, for speaking to me like that.... We will, we will guard her. Where does he live?” “I don’t know.” “Why didn’t you ask? What a pity! I’ll find out, though.” “Did you see him?” asked Raskolnikov after a pause. “Yes, I noticed him, I noticed him well.”

“You did really see him? You saw him clearly?” Raskolnikov insisted. “Yes, I remember him perfectly, I should know him in a thousand; I have a good memory for faces.” They were silent again. “Hm!... that’s all right,” muttered Raskolnikov. “Do you know, I fancied... I keep thinking that it may have been an hallucination.” “What do you mean? I don’t understand you.” “Well, you all say,” Raskolnikov went on, twisting his mouth into a smile, “that I am mad. I thought just now that perhaps I really am mad, and have only seen a phantom.” “What do you mean?” “Why, who can tell? Perhaps I am really mad, and perhaps everything that happened all these days may be only imagination.” “Ach, Rodya, you have been upset again!... But what did he say, what did he come for?” Raskolnikov did not answer. Razumihin thought a minute.

“Now let me tell you my story,” he began, “I came to you, you were asleep. Then we had dinner and then I went to Porfiry’s, Zametov was still with him. I tried to begin, but it was no use. I couldn’t speak in the right way. They don’t seem to understand and can’t understand, but are not a bit ashamed. I drew Porfiry to the window, and began talking to him, but it was still no use. He looked away and I looked away. At last I shook my fist in his ugly face, and told him as a cousin I’d brain him. He merely looked at me, I cursed and came away. That was all. It was very stupid. To Zametov I didn’t say a word. But, you see, I thought I’d made a mess of it, but as I went downstairs a brilliant idea struck me: why should we trouble? Of course if you were in any danger or anything,

but why need you care?

You needn’t care a hang for them. We shall have a laugh at them afterwards, and if I were in your place I’d mystify them more than ever. How ashamed they’ll be afterwards! Hang them! We can thrash them afterwards, but let’s laugh at them now!” “To be sure,” answered Raskolnikov. “But what will you say to-morrow?” he thought to himself. Strange to say, till that moment it had never occurred to him to wonder what Razumihin would think when he knew. As he thought it, Raskolnikov looked at him. Razumihin’s account of his visit to Porfiry had very little interest for him, so much had come and gone since then. In the corridor they came upon Luzhin; he had arrived punctually at eight, and was looking for the number, so that all three went in together without greeting or looking at one another.

The young men walked in first, while Pyotr Petrovitch, for good manners, lingered a little in the passage, taking off his coat. Pulcheria Alexandrovna came forward at once to greet him in the doorway, Dounia was welcoming her brother. Pyotr Petrovitch walked in and quite amiably, though with redoubled dignity, bowed to the ladies. He looked, however, as though he were a little put out and could not yet recover himself. Pulcheria Alexandrovna, who seemed also a little embarrassed, hastened to make them all sit down at the round table where a samovar was boiling. Dounia and Luzhin were facing one another on opposite sides of the table.

Razumihin and Raskolnikov were facing Pulcheria Alexandrovna, Razumihin was next to Luzhin and Raskolnikov was beside his sister. A moment’s silence followed. Pyotr Petrovitch deliberately drew out a cambric handkerchief reeking of scent and blew his nose with an air of a benevolent man who felt himself slighted, and was firmly resolved to insist on an explanation. In the passage the idea had occurred to him to keep on his overcoat and walk away, and so give the two ladies a sharp and emphatic lesson and make them feel the gravity of the position. But he could not bring himself to do this. Besides, he could not endure uncertainty, and he wanted an explanation: if his request had been so openly disobeyed, there was something behind it, and in that case it was better to find it out beforehand; it rested with him to punish them and there would always be time for that.