self-concern and self-pity filled all their thoughts

[soso]

Selfish, not self-centred: 

for in such a life my mind would be directed /towards a thousand things, not one of which is myself.

The distinction is not unimportant.

[One of the happiest men and most pleasing companions () I have ever known] was intently selfish.

On the other hand I have known people capable of real sacrifice //whose lives were nevertheless a misery to themselves

and others, because self-concern and self-pity filled all their thoughts.

Either condition will destroy the soul in the end.

But till the end, give me the man //who takes the best of everything (even at my expense) and then talks of other things,

rather than the man //who serves me and talks of himself, and whose very kindnesses are a continual reproach,

a continual demand for pity, gratitude, and admiration.

From Surprised by Joy