PART 4 // chapter 3-2

[모나리자]

"아니, 내가 누구보다 더 탓할 사람이야!" 두니아가 어머니에게 키스하고 껴안으며 말했다. "그의 돈에 유혹을 받았지만, 형님, 그가 그렇게 비열한 사람이라는 건 전혀 몰랐어요. 전에 그를 꿰뚫어 봤더라면 아무것도 나를 유혹하지 않았을 거예요! 나를 탓하지 마세요, 형님!" "신께서 우리를 구해주셨어요! 신께서 우리를 구해주셨어요!" 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 중얼거렸지만, 무슨 일이 일어났는지 거의 깨닫지 못하는 듯 반쯤 의식적으로 중얼거렸다. 그들은 모두 안도했고, 5분 만에 웃기 시작했다. 두니아는 가끔씩 창백해져서 눈살을 찌푸리며 지나간 일을 떠올렸다.

풀케리아 알렉산드로브나는 그녀도 기뻤다는 사실에 놀랐다. 그녀는 그날 아침 루진과 헤어진 끔찍한 불행을 생각했을 뿐이었다. 라주미힌은 기뻤다. 그는 아직 기쁨을 온전히 표현할 수 없었지만, 마치 심장에서 1톤의 무게가 떨어진 것처럼 흥분에 열이 났다. 이제 그는 그들에게 자신의 삶을 바치고, 그들을 섬길 권리가 있었다.... 지금 무슨 일이든 일어날 수 있다! 하지만 그는 더 이상의 가능성을 생각하는 것이 두려웠고, 상상력을 발휘하지 못하게 했다. 하지만 라스콜니코프는 거의 침울하고 무관심한 채로 같은 자리에 앉아 있었다.

그는 루진을 없애는 데 가장 고집했지만, 지금은 일어난 일에 대해 가장 걱정하지 않는 듯했다. 두니아는 그가 여전히 그녀에게 화가 나 있다고 생각하지 않을 수 없었고, 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나는 그를 소심하게 바라보았다. "스비드리가일로프가 당신에게 무슨 말을 했어?" 두니아가 그에게 다가가며 말했다. "그래, 그래!" 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 외쳤다. 라스콜니코프가 고개를 들었다. "그는 당신에게 만 루블을 선물하고 싶어하고, 한 번은 내 앞에서 당신을 보고 싶어해." "그녀를 만나! 절대 안 돼!" 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 외쳤다.

"그리고 어떻게 감히 그녀에게 돈을 주겠어!" 그런 다음 라스콜니코프는 마르파 페트로브나의 유령 방문에 대한 설명을 생략하고 스비드리가일로프와의 대화를 (다소 건조하게) 반복하며 불필요한 대화를 피하고자 했습니다. "그에게 어떤 대답을 했나요?" 두냐가 물었습니다. "처음에는 당신에게 어떤 메시지도 전하지 않겠다고 말했습니다. 그러자 그는 내 도움 없이 당신과의 인터뷰를 얻기 위해 최선을 다하겠다고 말했습니다. 그는 당신에 대한 열정은 일시적인 열광일 뿐이며 지금은 당신에게 아무런 감정이 없다고 확신시켰습니다. 그는 당신이 루진과 결혼하기를 원하지 않습니다... 그의 말은 전반적으로 다소 혼란스러웠습니다."

"당신은 어떻게 그를 자신에게 설명합니까, 로디아? 그는 어떻게 당신을 때렸습니까?" "저는 그를 잘 이해하지 못한다는 것을 고백해야 합니다. 그는 당신에게 만 달러를 주겠다고 하면서, 그는 돈이 없다고 말합니다. 그는 떠난다고 말하면서 10분 후에 그 말을 잊습니다. 그리고 그는 결혼할 것이고 이미 그 여자에게 마음을 빼앗겼다고 말합니다.... 의심할 여지 없이 그는 동기가 있고, 아마도 나쁜 동기일 것입니다. 하지만 그가 당신에게 어떤 의도가 있다면 그렇게 서투른 건 이상하죠... 물론, 저는 당신 계좌에 있는 이 돈을 단번에 거절했어요. 전반적으로 저는 그를 매우 이상하게 생각했어요... 그가 미친 줄 알았어요. 하지만 제가 착각했을 수도 있어요. 그가 생각하는 건 그 부분뿐일 수도 있어요. 마르파 페트로브나의 죽음이 그에게 큰 인상을 남긴 것 같아요."

"신이 그녀의 영혼을 쉬게 해주세요." 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 외쳤다. "저는 그녀를 위해 항상, 항상 기도할 거예요! 두니아, 이 3천 달러가 없다면 지금 우리는 어디에 있을까요! 마치 하늘에서 떨어진 것 같아요! 아, 로디아, 오늘 아침 우리 주머니에는 루블이 3개밖에 없었고 두니아와 저는 그녀의 시계를 맡기려고 계획했을 뿐이었어요. 그 남자가 도와줄 때까지 그 남자에게서 빌리지 않으려고요."

두니아는 스비드리가일로프의 제안에 이상하게도 감명을 받은 듯했다. 그녀는 여전히 서서 명상했다. "그는 끔찍한 계획을 가지고 있어요." 그녀는 거의 몸을 떨며 반쯤 속삭이듯 말했다. 라스콜니코프는 이 엄청난 공포를 알아챘다. "그를 다시 한 번 봐야 할 것 같아요." 그는 두냐에게 말했다. "우리가 지켜볼게요! 그를 추적할게요!" 라주미힌이 힘차게 외쳤다. "그를 놓치지 않을 거예요. 로디아가 허락했어요. 방금 그가 직접 나에게 말했어요. '제 누이를 잘 돌봐주세요.' 아브도티아 로마노브나, 당신도 허락해 주시겠어요?" 두냐는 미소를 지으며 손을 내밀었지만, 그녀의 얼굴에서는 불안한 기색이 떠나지 않았다.

풀케리아 알렉산드로브나는 그녀를 소심하게 바라보았지만, 3천 루블은 분명히 그녀에게 위안이 되는 효과가 있었다. 15분 후, 그들은 모두 활기찬 대화에 참여했다. 라스콜니코프조차도 잠시 주의 깊게 경청했지만, 그는 말하지 않았다. 라주미힌이 연설했다. "그리고 왜, 왜 떠나야 합니까?" 그는 열광적으로 말을 이었다. "그리고 당신은 작은 마을에서 무엇을 하려고 합니까? 좋은 점은, 여러분이 모두 함께 있고 서로가 필요하다는 것입니다. 서로가 필요합니다. 믿어주세요. 어쨌든 잠시 동안은... 저를 파트너십에 가입시키시면, 우리가 자본 사업을 계획할 것이라고 확신합니다. 들어보세요! 저는 모든 것을 자세히 설명해 드리겠습니다. 전체 프로젝트! 오늘 아침, 아무 일도 일어나지 않기 전에 모든 것이 제 머릿속에 떠올랐습니다...

말씀드리겠습니다. 저는 삼촌이 있는데, 그를 여러분께 소개해 드려야겠습니다(매우 친절하고 존경스러운 노인입니다). 이 삼촌은 1,000루블의 자본을 가지고 있고, 연금으로 생활하며 그 돈이 필요하지 않습니다. 지난 2년 동안 그는 저에게 돈을 빌려서 6%의 이자를 지불하라고 잔소리를 했습니다. 그게 무슨 뜻인지 알겠습니다. 그는 그저 저를 돕고 싶어할 뿐입니다. 작년에는 그게 필요 없었지만, 올해는 그가 도착하자마자 빌리기로 결심했습니다. 그러면 당신이 당신의 3루블 중 1,000루블을 더 빌려주면 우리는 시작에 충분할 테니, 우리는 파트너십을 맺을 텐데, 그러면 어떻게 할 건가요?"

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“No, I, I am more to blame than anyone!” said Dounia, kissing and embracing her mother. “I was tempted by his money, but on my honour, brother, I had no idea he was such a base man. If I had seen through him before, nothing would have tempted me! Don’t blame me, brother!” “God has delivered us! God has delivered us!” Pulcheria Alexandrovna muttered, but half consciously, as though scarcely able to realise what had happened. They were all relieved, and in five minutes they were laughing. Only now and then Dounia turned white and frowned, remembering what had passed.

Pulcheria Alexandrovna was surprised to find that she, too, was glad: she had only that morning thought rupture with Luzhin a terrible misfortune. Razumihin was delighted. He did not yet dare to express his joy fully, but he was in a fever of excitement as though a ton-weight had fallen off his heart. Now he had the right to devote his life to them, to serve them.... Anything might happen now! But he felt afraid to think of further possibilities and dared not let his imagination range. But Raskolnikov sat still in the same place, almost sullen and indifferent.

Though he had been the most insistent on getting rid of Luzhin, he seemed now the least concerned at what had happened. Dounia could not help thinking that he was still angry with her, and Pulcheria Alexandrovna watched him timidly. “What did Svidrigaïlov say to you?” said Dounia, approaching him. “Yes, yes!” cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna. Raskolnikov raised his head. “He wants to make you a present of ten thousand roubles and he desires to see you once in my presence.” “See her! On no account!” cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna.

“And how dare he offer her money!” Then Raskolnikov repeated (rather dryly) his conversation with Svidrigaïlov, omitting his account of the ghostly visitations of Marfa Petrovna, wishing to avoid all unnecessary talk. “What answer did you give him?” asked Dounia. “At first I said I would not take any message to you. Then he said that he would do his utmost to obtain an interview with you without my help. He assured me that his passion for you was a passing infatuation, now he has no feeling for you. He doesn’t want you to marry Luzhin.... His talk was altogether rather muddled.”

“How do you explain him to yourself, Rodya? How did he strike you?” “I must confess I don’t quite understand him. He offers you ten thousand, and yet says he is not well off. He says he is going away, and in ten minutes he forgets he has said it. Then he says he is going to be married and has already fixed on the girl.... No doubt he has a motive, and probably a bad one. But it’s odd that he should be so clumsy about it if he had any designs against you.... Of course, I refused this money on your account, once for all. Altogether, I thought him very strange.... One might almost think he was mad. But I may be mistaken; that may only be the part he assumes. The death of Marfa Petrovna seems to have made a great impression on him.”

“God rest her soul,” exclaimed Pulcheria Alexandrovna. “I shall always, always pray for her! Where should we be now, Dounia, without this three thousand! It’s as though it had fallen from heaven! Why, Rodya, this morning we had only three roubles in our pocket and Dounia and I were just planning to pawn her watch, so as to avoid borrowing from that man until he offered help.”

Dounia seemed strangely impressed by Svidrigaïlov’s offer. She still stood meditating. “He has got some terrible plan,” she said in a half whisper to herself, almost shuddering. Raskolnikov noticed this disproportionate terror. “I fancy I shall have to see him more than once again,” he said to Dounia. “We will watch him! I will track him out!” cried Razumihin, vigorously. “I won’t lose sight of him. Rodya has given me leave. He said to me himself just now. ‘Take care of my sister.’ Will you give me leave, too, Avdotya Romanovna?” Dounia smiled and held out her hand, but the look of anxiety did not leave her face.

Pulcheria Alexandrovna gazed at her timidly, but the three thousand roubles had obviously a soothing effect on her. A quarter of an hour later, they were all engaged in a lively conversation. Even Raskolnikov listened attentively for some time, though he did not talk. Razumihin was the speaker. “And why, why should you go away?” he flowed on ecstatically. “And what are you to do in a little town? The great thing is, you are all here together and you need one another—you do need one another, believe me. For a time, anyway.... Take me into partnership, and I assure you we’ll plan a capital enterprise. Listen! I’ll explain it all in detail to you, the whole project! It all flashed into my head this morning, before anything had happened...

I tell you what; I have an uncle, I must introduce him to you (a most accommodating and respectable old man). This uncle has got a capital of a thousand roubles, and he lives on his pension and has no need of that money. For the last two years he has been bothering me to borrow it from him and pay him six per cent. interest. I know what that means; he simply wants to help me. Last year I had no need of it, but this year I resolved to borrow it as soon as he arrived. Then you lend me another thousand of your three and we have enough for a start, so we’ll go into partnership, and what are we going to do?”