PART 4 // chapter 3-4

[모나리자]

"맙소사!" 풀케리아 알렉산드로브나가 소리쳤다. 그의 어머니와 누이는 모두 몹시 놀랐다. 라주미힌도 마찬가지였다. "로디아, 로디아, 우리와 화해해! 예전처럼 하자!" 그의 불쌍한 어머니가 소리쳤다. 그는 천천히 문을 향해 돌아서서 천천히 방을 나갔다. 두니아가 그를 따라잡았다. "오빠, 엄마한테 뭐 하는 거야?" 그녀가 속삭였고, 그녀의 눈은 분노로 번쩍였다. 그는 그녀를 멍하니 바라보았다.

"상관없어, 내가 갈게... 내가 갈게." 그는 무슨 말을 하는지 전혀 모르는 듯 낮은 목소리로 중얼거리고 방을 나갔다. "사악하고 무정한 이기주의자!" 두니아가 소리쳤다. "미쳤어. 하지만 무정하지는 않아. 미친 거야! 모르겠어? 그 이후로 너는 무정해졌어!" 라주미힌이 그녀의 귀에 속삭이며 그녀의 손을 꽉 쥐었다. "곧 돌아올게요." 그는 공포에 질린 어머니에게 소리치고 방에서 뛰쳐나갔다.

라스콜니코프는 통로 끝에서 그를 기다리고 있었다. "당신이 날 쫓아올 거라는 걸 알았어요." 그는 말했다. "그들에게 돌아가세요. 그들과 함께 하세요... 내일도, 그리고 앞으로도... 저는... 아마 갈 수 있을 거예요... 할 수만 있다면요. 안녕." 그는 손을 내밀지 않고 걸어갔다. "하지만 어디 가는 거야? 뭐 하는 거야? 왜 그래? 어떻게 이렇게 계속할 수 있어?" 라주미힌은 지혜의 끝에 다다라 중얼거렸다. 라스콜니코프는 다시 한 번 멈췄다. "한 번만, 나한테 아무것도 묻지 마. 말할 게 없어. 날 보러 오지 마. 아마 여기 올 거야.... 날 떠나지만, 그들을 떠나지 마.

알아들을 수 있어?" 복도는 어두웠고, 그들은 램프 근처에 서 있었다. 그들은 잠시 동안 침묵 속에서 서로를 바라보았다. 라주미힌은 평생 그 순간을 기억했다. 라스콜니코프의 불타고 집중된 눈은 매 순간 더욱 꿰뚫어 그의 영혼과 의식을 꿰뚫었다. 갑자기 라주미힌이 시작했다.

마치 이상한 것이 그들 사이를 지나갔다... 어떤 생각, 어떤 힌트가 미끄러져 들어왔다. 끔찍하고 흉측한 것이 갑자기 양쪽에서 이해되었다.... 라주미힌은 창백해졌다. "이제 이해했니?" 라스콜니코프가 말했다. 그의 얼굴은 긴장해서 꿈틀거렸다. "돌아가, 그들에게 가." 그는 갑자기 말했고, 재빨리 돌아서서 집 밖으로 나갔다.

라주미힌이 어떻게 여인들에게 돌아갔는지, 어떻게 그들을 달래고, 어떻게 로디아가 병에서 휴식을 취해야 한다고 항의했는지, 로디아가 반드시 올 것이라고, 매일 올 것이라고, 매우 매우 화가 났다고, 짜증내지 말라고, 라주미힌이 그를 돌보고, 최고의 의사를 찾아주고, 진찰을 시켜줄 것이라고 항의했는지 설명하려고 하지 않겠습니다... 사실 그날 저녁부터 라주미힌은 아들과 형제로서 그들과 함께 자리를 잡았습니다.

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5781p

“Good God!” cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna. Both his mother and his sister were terribly alarmed. Razumihin was also. “Rodya, Rodya, be reconciled with us! Let us be as before!” cried his poor mother. He turned slowly to the door and slowly went out of the room. Dounia overtook him. “Brother, what are you doing to mother?” she whispered, her eyes flashing with indignation. He looked dully at her.

“No matter, I shall come.... I’m coming,” he muttered in an undertone, as though not fully conscious of what he was saying, and he went out of the room. “Wicked, heartless egoist!” cried Dounia. “He is insane, but not heartless. He is mad! Don’t you see it? You’re heartless after that!” Razumihin whispered in her ear, squeezing her hand tightly. “I shall be back directly,” he shouted to the horror-stricken mother, and he ran out of the room.

Raskolnikov was waiting for him at the end of the passage. “I knew you would run after me,” he said. “Go back to them—be with them... be with them to-morrow and always.... I... perhaps I shall come... if I can. Good-bye.” And without holding out his hand he walked away. “But where are you going? What are you doing? What’s the matter with you? How can you go on like this?” Razumihin muttered, at his wits’ end. Raskolnikov stopped once more. “Once for all, never ask me about anything. I have nothing to tell you. Don’t come to see me. Maybe I’ll come here.... Leave me, but don’t leave them.

Do you understand me?” It was dark in the corridor, they were standing near the lamp. For a minute they were looking at one another in silence. Razumihin remembered that minute all his life. Raskolnikov’s burning and intent eyes grew more penetrating every moment, piercing into his soul, into his consciousness. Suddenly Razumihin started.

Something strange, as it were, passed between them.... Some idea, some hint, as it were, slipped, something awful, hideous, and suddenly understood on both sides.... Razumihin turned pale. “Do you understand now?” said Raskolnikov, his face twitching nervously. “Go back, go to them,” he said suddenly, and turning quickly, he went out of the house.

I will not attempt to describe how Razumihin went back to the ladies, how he soothed them, how he protested that Rodya needed rest in his illness, protested that Rodya was sure to come, that he would come every

day, that he was very, very much upset, that he must not be irritated, that he, Razumihin, would watch over him, would get him a doctor, the best doctor, a consultation.... In fact from that evening Razumihin took his place with them as a son and a brother.