[영화 대본] ‘Harry Pattern & the Magic Pen(‘해얼.이 ‘패트.어:얼은 과 어떤 마법 필촉, 2023)

[BRUCE]

That was insane.

So we go and ring the doorbell her

parents let us in out of the pouring rain

and then my brother sees a picture on

the mantle with the little girl in it

No.

And he goes

that's her that's the girl we picked up

And then the wife the she starts sobbing

uncontrollably

the husband he the husband says she died

15 years ago

then he takes his hand and puts it on my shoulder

and he says this happens every year since

Oh my God.

On the day she died.

I have chills

look I feel like Goosebumps.

You feel cold?

Here let me hear my sweater

what what the shirt

laundry day my orgasm donor shirts in the wash.

So can I do this yet?

Definitely I had such a good time.

Same.

Do me to walk you to car?

Oh... I am okay thanks.

Jesse.

Oh my God.

Okay that's hilarious.

I told you it was in the wash

Oh...

I thought was gonna be late.

No it just got here.

I can't believe you're wearing the shirt.

I thing I love this shirt.

I don't want to go home yet I'm having such a good time.

Well I can eat I saw a dinner on the way over here you

want to follow me

take a lift

Today have hash browns or home fries

hash browns they look disgusting this

whole place looks disgusting and the

French toast is 19 dollars.

What?

Actually

I have eggs at my place

can I make you an omelette

I don't know

do you have home fries.

Drew?

Hey I'm in the kitchen cooking breakfast

can I borrow your shirt?

Yeah top drawer

Wieners.

Master.

Baiter.

Morning wood.

Oh my God.

I put the art in fart.

What the ffff...?

You found one?

Jesse?

I forgot everything at work I gotta go

Every single one

not even a plain white tea? I thought I

found one and then I unfolded it and

there were cartoon pubes drawn on the

bottom. That's pretty funny.

Thats not funny. It's insane.

Why don't you just ask him about it?

I panicked I just left.

Are you sure this isn't another

classic Jessie move where

you you know find the flaw in an

otherwise perfect guy? he had at least at

least four shirts with the word suck on them.

Okay I'm just saying you did dump a guy

once because he wore cufflinks? they're

strangely formal it's like wrist

hearings

didn't you say he was an ER doctor who

helped uninsured children? yeah and after

your first date you said you had never

felt so close to another person so

quickly.

You said that.

and

wolf pack

ugh... I know.

Wolf pack.

maybe you're right

just go talk to the guy

I'm glad you called.

I'm excited to finally be able to cook for you.

Can I talk to you about something?

Yeah what's up

With all these dirty joke shirts?

It's all you wear.

yeah they're hilarious

are they?

I don't know

I spend my day in Scrub's operating on

kids

sometimes I have to tell their parents

they didn't make it

it's a lot

so when I get a chance to wear some

street clothes I guess I like to have a

little fun with it

Oh..

that's actually so so sweet

I'm an asshole.

I'm glad we talked about this.

I'm glad you're here.

Bon appetite.

Uh...

I can't do this.

Each day seems to be the same I wake up

I drink some mushroom coffee and I go

for a walk

The only difference is that each day a

different dog barks at me

But I want to be remembered

as a good guy

hmm

I need to think about it

Meanwhile let's finish this story

Good evening do you have a reservation?

Hi uh... forgive me bad habits.

Don't worry happens so do you have reservation?

Yeah table

for two name should be under a Robinson

Robinson

ah Mr Robinson follow me great hope you'll

enjoy your meal with us? yeah thank you

um I needed this actually had a week

from hell. oh why what happened? well I

plunged through an exam this morning.

Congrats what do you study first year

philosophy..UFNo way, I think my parents let me apply to philosophy.

Yeah yeah my parents gave

me a lot of Brief too you just have to

commit to doing a fuck ton of readings

yeah they say it's a dead end for my

career but I guess they're right but

it's a passion exactly exactly that's

what I told my folks

So...

what brings you here nice hot Friday

night date?

Hot

um... I don't know about that just yet it's

a blind one

Oh...

Hi Gareth.

Hi uh... Stephanie?

That's me

great hi

Hi

Um... oh

Awesome.

Okay, great thank you.

So can I start you two off with anything

to drink?

I would like osahi... Just a

glass of water its fine, thank you.

so Gareth

yeah uh Stephanie tell me about yourself.

I study first year UFI oh great I go to UFT as well

uhuh...

um... philosophy

first year two uh

just like you

So Gareth

Water for you.

and osahi for Aristotle I'm actually

more of an Epicurus oh

Sorry what's the Language would you speaking?

Philosophy jinx

Can I order it please?

What will you be having?

I haven't decided yet

I'm ready I'll have the spicy tuna and

dragon rolls please

just the edamame and an avocado roll please

Vegetarian? Yes.

And no Wasabi either that comes on the

side

Great.

And no Ginger either

I'm not so spicy that also comes on the

side

hope you love birds enjoy your meal?

so Garrett yeah

um

I see you're a vegetarian

yes I care about living creatures and I

care about our ecosystem and I care

about the planets and ouch Gareth

I'm so sorry

what's the matter?

You're asking what's the matter?

That fish died for you is what's the

fucking matter

well fish are my friends but so is a

chicken

I'm sorry it was it was just a joke

Oh...

All you men have no fucking manners.

Hey I'm sorry it's it's just my ADHD

well then my OCD and view of today's

society just aren't compatible whether

we're sitting next to each other on a

bus or having a hot anal sex in my

apartment

Huh.

so last night not go too good? no it did

not go so good so well

corrected myself there I noticed you saw

right

yeah yeah

so is this round number two? yeah

so how is convincing your parents to let

you apply philosophy going? good news I

convinced them amazing you should apply

to U of T I plan to you know

we should celebrate sometime? yeah I'm

down

so is this guy

howdy you must be good. hi Alexandra?

Nice to meet you

so I take your orders sir?

I'll have the tempura shrimp and an

order of the teriyaki beef

Fine.

Of course Thanks girl.

So Gareth

Alexandra

I heard you study philosophy.

What got you hooked?

The

this might sound a little bit weird but

when I was in kindergarten I was

diagnosed with ADHD it's made me think

and feel differently from the other kids

in my grade this inspired me to sort of

figure out why the world made me this

way

one of the benefits of having ADHD other

than being really hyper is that you get

fixated on these things

small things I got fixed on reading

books different books about different

people's views on the world and it sort

of made me realise like Jim Morrison

would say that I was

thrown into the world this way which

made it my destiny to be a philosopher

what about you Alex?

what do you study? I'm sorry if I'm overwhelming you too

much no

um this kind of Energies

Hot.

I go to York for psych

I guess to why I chose a screw path

that's because you only needed to see in

high school to get in but I'm in a

sorority so that's kind of memories

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah cool

so

Have you decided on dinner yet by any

chance?

Oh yeah...

oh hi but you're gonna have to change

your order? hey

oh

got you there

um

I'll

happily change my order

Oh...

I came here for all right

all right

Oh Lets come... in this Laboratory...

Opss...

don't worry I don't fight

What?

What you want clock walker?

I am sorry we are closing.

Lets me swap.

I told you were...

so sorry

I'll leave you to be

oh hey sport do you uh do you have a

reservation?

Yeah a table for two

could be under Robinson

oh yes yes Mr Robinson come with me your

date's right over here great go get him

tiger

and uh have that big dick energy yeah

wow hi scary

Roxanne? Yeah. Thats me.

Hi nice to meet you

nice to meet you

um ops...

My chair is there.

Um...

oh thanks

so yeah tell me about yourself? I'd love

to

Sorry if I just cut you off with my ADHD

I actually have ADHD too. really? yeah oh

well this was meant to be I heard you

study psychology? philosophy yeah yes

I've actually recently gotten into human emotions,

Understanding certain types of people in general

How they feel, their likes,

their dislikes their wants

their goals, desires

I'm film major, York University

in the fine arts department

and I know what you're thinking life

choices but I feel like it's going to

help me in how I direct my actors as a

whole yeah cool

really? yeah thank you you're so sweet

you're sweet thank you thank you what's

your favourite movie? mom will be Mother

by Darren Aronofsky?

Sorry I yeah don't be I understand why

you wouldn't like Aronofsky's work

yeah I'm really sorry but um

I can't do this

do what?

Oh watch Requiem for a Dream

oh my God I'm so bad for dinner can you

just listen to me for a second?

I'm sorry for yelling I'm sorry for

making a mess I'm fine I am

I yell and I spill drinks all the

fucking time I just don't think this is

gonna work

you seem lovely but

so what's wrong? no no it's nothing that

you did it's totally completely me at

I'm really sorry

I hope you have a great

meal.

Hey.

Hey

no it's just stupid a flammable dildo?

Children are probably going to watch

this

noooo... I need to write something else

when you hear anorexic I know what you

think young girl teens maybe early 20s

definitely Rich parents that beg her to

eat dinner and when she won't they cry

and group hug and check her into a posh

rehab where she meets other Rich Young

equally dark and quirky people and they

do shit like goat yoga and Equine

Therapy all fucking day then she

Instagrams her thigh gap and hashtags it

with things like size double zero skinny

fat Anna Mia thinspo ugly and self-hate

maybe in a lifetime movie none of that's

me

Okay maybe the Instagram thing only when

I need reassurance but otherwise not me

your grateful narrator is definitely not

rich

in fact I'm super late on my rent right

now which is really pathetic because I

just live in a shitty room I found on

Craigslist in this house owned by a

creepy old dude who looks like he wants

to rape me or eat me with a glass of

Chianti

I know what you're thinking

she doesn't look anorexic she's way too

fucking fat

well I'm in recovery asshole so how

about a little support

but I am a starving artist ah pun

intended

so it's totally acceptable to be poor

and spottily employed at 24 25.

Okay 26 to 36 it's probably a good thing

I've had to struggle so much you know it

makes me a richer actor builds character

it's going to happen for me soon though

I know it

I'm a very positive optimistic person

and I'm not one of those actresses who's

never done anything

I was just on three episodes of a

relatively successful web series

it sucks because I'm five foot eight and

a quarter so my weight never sounds

skinny no matter what my best weight was

106 which was really an accomplishment

but unfortunately it doesn't sound very

dramatic everybody flipped when the

Olsen twins got down to like 80 pounds

but they're wet maybe five feet tall and

it's five pounds for every inch so

comparatively I'd be equivalent to their

80 pound alleged skinniness at 120

pounds so unfair why am I weighing

myself if I'm supposed to be in recovery

of course I weigh myself every day how

else are you supposed to know how you're

going to feel about yourself that day

totally kidding I know my value is not a

number on the scale blah blah

mother fucking blah

so anyway not to worry your big boned

narrator has got her shit together

oh that's Mandy she wanted to walk with

me today

should I wait?

Oh she'll catch up. So Mandy and our

other friend Shelly and me were all best

friends in high school but they were the

popular cheerleaders National Honor

Society life at the parties I was the

third wheel who always got a little too

drunk at the parties and everything that

came with that

they were supposed to have peaked in

high school I believed those after

school specials that told me things

would get better after high school when

I could be my real self

but everything keeps working out for

them

Fuck. Maybe I'm the one who peaked in

high school nope nope no more feeling

sorry for myself I promise

oh I already ate

Lizzy you look great which obviously

means I look fat I guess I don't really

worry about it anymore

380 maybe 400 calories in a slice

200 for half wine 140 calories of glass

there's vodka in my room 65 calories a shot

You are so lucky to be single

you don't have someone checking on you

every five minutes yeah renting a room

from creepy Chianti Craigslist's guys way better.

So. Have you gotten a job yet?

I know you're still doing the acting thing

but I mean like a job job

I'm sorry did I order judgment on my pizza?

Yeah I have a lot of leads

tell me about you

what's it like being a mom just get past

the pizza be stronger than the pizza

another glass of wine is better it's in

vodka if I need it

not gonna lie

but it is just

so 400 plus one of the most amazing 270

or 280 plus BMR of about 13.50 so 2150

burned so

um have you been on Instagram today?

No.

Why?

Okay

I'm gonna tell you something but I don't

want you to go on one of your downward

spirals

then maybe you shouldn't say it like

that

Shelley booked a series regular on TV.

No fucking way. Wow.

you both have been doing this a really

long time so you know how hard that is

or that entitled lucky ass bitch can go fuck herself.

Of course of course

of course doesn't that give you some

sort of Hope

you guys have the same agent right

Yes we have the same fucking agent.

Why would he get Shelly that audition

and not me?

She's not fucking cankles

he probably wants to fuck her

or he wants to fuck with my head

of course he's still mad at

me from what

I know showed that one audition that was

totally not my fault

he's a psychological ninja gaslighting

narcissistic motherfucker. Elizabeth

you're bloated struggling narrator is

sick of everybody emotionally

waterboarding her

You might think I'm crazy for riding

alone at 2:30 in the morning but I'm not

what else am I supposed to do

I'm not one of those people that says

I'll start tomorrow

that's how 70 percent of Americans got

to be overweight or obese

I know I'm not worried about anybody

attacking me or anything I'm so fat and

gross right now nobody's gonna try to

rape me

right now you're probably thinking I

look like a hopeless whiny pitiful mess

maybe you can't stand me right now maybe

you're like can she fucking shut up.

I get it

I completely fucking agree

you're worthless fat ass narrator knows

exactly how shitty of a person she is

You know how some time you

have one bite and you just can't stop

I guess that's kind of what happened

last night

but don't worry you're self-deprecating

narrator has got it totally under

control

I just need to outrun my fuck up just

not eat today then I will be healthy and

optimistic and positive and shit.

I will

I'll I'll start tomorrow

Yeah...

Lord Voldemort on the toilet that could work

but how am I going to hide his nose?

Also he needs to be shaved

anyway

Uh...

that was something

I didn't know I could write so many

stories in less than an hour it has the

potential to be a nice

pattern the brain not only receives

information but also interprets and

patterns it I can tell I'm pleased with

myself

oh shit. I knew I should have drunk five

mushroom coffees in her own time will

not slow down when something unpleasant

lies at the bottom of your stomach.

I'll finish the other characters some other time.