what a man does when he is taken off his guard

[soso]

We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do,

 but about what we are. 

This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. 

When I come /to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day,

[nine times out of ten the most obvious one] is some sin against charity;

I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. 

And [the excuse //that immediately springs /to my mind] is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected;

I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. 

Now that may be an extenuating circumstance /as regards those particular acts:

they would obviously be worse /if they had been deliberate and premeditated. 

On the other hand, surely [what a man does /when he is taken off his guard] is the best evidence /for what sort of a man he is? 

Surely [what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise] is the truth?

 If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly.

 But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them /from hiding.

 In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; 

it only shows [me] [what an ill-tempered man I am]. 

The rats are always there in the cellar, 

but if you go in /shouting and noisily they will have taken cover /before you switch on the light.

From Mere Christianity
Compiled in A Year with C.S. Lewis