Signs
You Are Dating a Con Artist
by Laura Agadoni, Demand MediaAbout Laura Agadoni
Laura Agadoni has been writing professionally since 1983. Her feature
stories on area businesses, human interest and health and fitness appear in her
local newspaper. She has also written and edited for a grassroots outreach
effort and has been published in "Clean Eating" magazine and in
"Dimensions" magazine, a CUNA Mutual publication. Agadoni has a
Bachelor of Arts in communications from California State University-Fullerton.
Overview
Both men and women
can be tricked into dating a con artist. Con artists are usually good
manipulators. They look for people whom they think they can use. Con artists
are likely to be sociopaths, bullies or narcissists who are looking for
non-confrontational, trusting and nice people-pleasers. You don’t have to give
up those qualities to date, but you do need to learn to protect yourself.
Seems Too
Good To Be True
Most people put
their best foot forward when dating. However, a con artist takes that a step further
by not acknowledging that she has any flaws at all. No one is perfect, and if
you point out that you perhaps noticed your date was a little arrogant with the
server and she brushes you off or gets angry rather than examining why you
would make that observation, that is a bad sign. A good potential mate can
acknowledge personality flaws and will demonstrate she is willing to change
them, according to clinical psychologist Tara Palmatier in her blog “A Shrink
for Men.”
Instant
Intimacy
If your new boyfriend
tells you within the first few days or weeks of dating that he can really fall
in love with you, that no one understands him like you do or that he has never
felt such a strong connection before, don’t fall for it. This is a con artist
technique called “mirroring,” according to Palmatier. The con artist is setting
you up. It takes more than a few weeks of dating for feelings such as these to
be genuine. The con artist is telling you what he believes you want to hear to
get something from you later.
Observe
When you are dating someone new, take some time to observe him. Look
directly at him during talks. People usually look down, blink or cover their
mouth while lying. Look at his body language too. Fidgeting is a bad sign. Keep
in mind everything he says. That way, you will know if he promised you
something and did not follow through.
Asking for
Money
After the con artist has prepared you by showing her best side and by
creating instant intimacy, be ready for the other shoe to drop. She will
invariably need money for something. She might tell you a story of her car
breaking down, leaving her with no other way to get to work or take her
children to school, for example. Con artists will keep asking for more and
more, while you are getting nothing in return. Do not begin telling yourself
lies that things will get better. They won’t. Get out before you are taken.
Becoming involved with a con artist will only lead to disaster for you.
Questions to discuss
1. Met a con before? please share your experience
2. Do you think a date who never pulls out his wallet or her purse can be a con for the first couple of dates?
3. When you are dating someone new, how do you observe him or her
4. Have you met anyone who you thought was perfect?
5. Make a list what women hates most about men's
and what men hates most about women's first appearance and behavior.