PART 5 // chapter 1-5

[모나리자]

"잠깐만요, 그게 전부가 아니에요." 표트르 페트로비치가 그녀를 붙잡고 그녀의 단순함과 예의에 대한 무지함에 미소를 지으며 말했다. "그리고 당신은 나를 잘 모르잖아요, 사랑하는 소피아 세묘노브나. 내가 당신 같은 사람을 그렇게 사소한 일로 귀찮게 할 거라고 생각하시나요? 제게는 또 다른 목적이 있어요." 소냐는 서둘러 앉았다. 그녀의 눈은 다시 한 번 잠시 탁자 위에 남아 있는 회색과 무지개색 지폐에 머물렀지만, 그녀는 재빨리 시선을 돌려 표트르 페트로비치를 바라보았다.

그녀는 다른 사람의 돈을 보는 것이, 특히 자신에게는, 끔찍하게 예의에 어긋난다고 느꼈다. 그녀는 표트르 페트로비치가 왼손에 쥐고 있는 금색 안경과 중지에 끼고 있는 노란색 돌이 달린 거대하고 매우 멋진 반지를 응시했다. 하지만 그녀는 갑자기 시선을 돌리고, 어디로 향해야 할지 모른 채, 다시 표트르 페트로비치를 똑바로 응시했다.

그는 훨씬 더 위엄 있는 침묵을 지킨 후 계속했다. "어제 우연히 카테리나 이바노브나와 몇 마디를 나누었습니다. 불쌍한 여자죠. 그것만으로도 그녀가 초자연적인 처지에 있다는 것을 알 수 있었습니다." "네... 초자연적인..." 소냐가 재빨리 동의했다. "아니면 아프다고 말하는 게 더 간단하고 이해하기 쉬울 겁니다." "네, 더 간단하고 이해하기 쉬울 겁니다... 네, 아프다고." "그렇죠. 그러니 인간적인 감정과 말하자면 연민의 마음으로, 그녀의 불행한 처지를 예견하고, 그녀에게 어떤 식으로든 도움이 되고 싶습니다.

이 빈곤에 시달리는 가족 전체가 이제 전적으로 당신에게 달려 있다고 생각하십니까?"

"물어볼게요." 소냐가 일어나서 말했다. "어제 그녀에게 연금 가능성에 대해 뭔가 말했어요? 그녀가 당신이 그녀에게 연금을 주겠다고 약속했다고 말했거든요. 사실이었나요?" "전혀 그렇지 않아요. 정말 터무니없는 소리예요! 나는 그녀가 공무원으로 근무하다 죽은 공무원의 미망인으로서 일시적인 지원을 받을 것이라고 암시했을 뿐이었다. 그녀가 후원만 한다면... 하지만 분명히 당신의 고인이 된 부모님은 임기를 다 채우지 못했고 최근에는 전혀 근무하지 않았다. 사실, 희망이 있다면 그것은 매우 덧없는 일일 것이다. 왜냐하면 그런 경우에는 지원을 청구할 수 없기 때문이다. 전혀 그렇지 않다... 그리고 그녀는 이미 연금을 꿈꾸고 있다, 하하하!... 과감한 숙녀!”

“그래, 그녀는 그렇지. 그녀는 속기 쉽고 선량하며, 그녀는 마음의 선함에서 모든 것을 믿고... 그리고... 그리고 그녀는 그렇다... 그래... 그녀를 용서해야 해,” 소냐가 말했고, 그녀는 다시 일어나서 갔다. “하지만 당신은 내 말을 듣지 못했어.” “아니, 듣지 못했어,” 소냐가 중얼거렸다. “그럼 앉아.” 그녀는 몹시 혼란스러웠다. 그녀는 세 번째로 다시 앉았다. "불쌍한 어린아이들과 함께 있는 그녀의 처지를 보고, 전에 말했듯이, 내 힘이 미치는 한, 즉, 내 힘이 미치는 한, 그 이상은 아니더라도 기꺼이 도움을 드리겠습니다.

예를 들어, 그녀를 위해 구독을 하거나 복권을 사거나, 그런 종류의 일을 할 수도 있습니다. 이런 일은 항상 친구나 외부인이 사람들을 돕고 싶어서 마련하는 일입니다. 제가 당신에게 말하고 싶었던 것이 바로 그것입니다. 할 수 있을 것입니다."

"그래, 그래... 신께서 갚아 주실 거야." 소냐가 말을 더듬으며 표트르 페트로비치를 뚫어지게 바라보았다. "할 수 있겠지만, 나중에 이야기합시다. 오늘 시작할 수도 있고, 오늘 저녁에 이야기하고, 말하자면 기초를 놓을 수도 있습니다. 7시에 내게 오세요. 레베지아트니코프 씨가 도와주셨으면 합니다. 하지만 미리 경고해야 할 상황이 하나 있는데, 소피아 세묘노브나, 여기 오라고 감히 부탁드리고 싶습니다. 제 생각에는 카테리나 이바노브나의 손에 돈을 맡기는 건 안전하지 않습니다.

오늘 저녁 식사는 그 증거입니다. 그녀는 말하자면 내일 먹을 빵 한 조각도 없고... 글쎄요, 부츠나 구두나 다른 것도 없지만, 오늘은 자메이카 럼과 마데이라, 그리고... 커피도 샀습니다. 지나가면서 봤습니다. 내일은 다시 당신에게 닥칠 겁니다. 빵 한 조각도 없을 겁니다. 정말 터무니없는 일이고, 제 생각에는 불행한 과부가 돈을 알지 못하도록 구독료를 내야 합니다. 예를 들어 당신만 알 수 있도록요.

맞나요?” "모르겠어요... 오늘이 그녀의 인생에서 단 한 번뿐이에요... 그녀는 그 추억을 기리고 기념하고 싶어서 몹시 바빴어요... 그리고 그녀는 매우 현명해요... 하지만 당신이 생각하는 대로, 그리고 내가 매우, 매우... 그들은 모두... 그리고 신이 보상해 주실 거예요... 그리고 고아들은..." 소냐는 눈물을 터뜨렸다. "그럼, 잘 기억해 두세요. 그리고 이제 당신은 당신의 친척을 위해 내가 개인적으로 낼 수 있는 소액을 받아들일 거예요. 저는 제 이름이 그것과 관련하여 언급되는 것을 매우 원합니다. 여기서... 말하자면 제 자신의 근심이 있어서 더 이상 할 수 없어요..."

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6864p

“Wait, that’s not all,” Pyotr Petrovitch detained her, smiling at her simplicity and ignorance of good manners, “and you know me little, my dear Sofya Semyonovna, if you suppose I would have ventured to trouble a person like you for a matter of so little consequence affecting myself only. I have another object.” Sonia sat down hurriedly. Her eyes rested again for an instant on the grey-and-rainbow-coloured notes that remained on the table, but she quickly looked away and fixed her eyes on Pyotr Petrovitch.

She felt it horribly indecorous, especially for her, to look at another person’s money. She stared at the gold eye-glass which Pyotr Petrovitch held in his left hand and at the massive and extremely handsome ring with a yellow stone on his middle finger. But suddenly she looked away and, not knowing where to turn, ended by staring Pyotr Petrovitch again straight in the face.

After a pause of still greater dignity he continued. “I chanced yesterday in passing to exchange a couple of words with Katerina Ivanovna, poor woman. That was sufficient to enable me to ascertain that she is in a position—preternatural, if one may so express it.” “Yes... preternatural...” Sonia hurriedly assented. “Or it would be simpler and more comprehensible to say, ill.” “Yes, simpler and more comprehen... yes, ill.” “Quite so. So then from a feeling of humanity and so to speak compassion, I should be glad to be of service to her in any way, foreseeing her unfortunate position.

I believe the whole of this poverty-stricken family depends now entirely on you?”

“Allow me to ask,” Sonia rose to her feet, “did you say something to her yesterday of the possibility of a pension? Because she told me you had undertaken to get her one. Was that true?” “Not in the slightest, and indeed it’s an absurdity! I merely hinted at her obtaining temporary assistance as the widow of an official who had died in the service—if only she has patronage... but apparently your late parent had not served his full term and had not indeed been in the service at all of late. In fact, if there could be any hope, it would be very ephemeral, because there would be no claim for assistance in that case, far from it.... And she is dreaming of a pension already, he-he-he!... A go-ahead lady!”

“Yes, she is. For she is credulous and good-hearted, and she believes everything from the goodness of her heart and... and... and she is like that... yes... You must excuse her,” said Sonia, and again she got up to go. “But you haven’t heard what I have to say.” “No, I haven’t heard,” muttered Sonia. “Then sit down.” She was terribly confused; she sat down again a third time. “Seeing her position with her unfortunate little ones, I should be glad, as I have said before, so far as lies in my power, to be of service, that is, so far as is in my power, not more.

One might for instance get up a subscription for her, or a lottery, something of the sort, such as is always arranged in such cases by friends or even outsiders desirous of assisting people. It was of that I intended to speak to you; it might be done.”

“Yes, yes... God will repay you for it,” faltered Sonia, gazing intently at Pyotr Petrovitch. “It might be, but we will talk of it later. We might begin it to-day, we will talk it over this evening and lay the foundation so to speak. Come to me at seven o’clock. Mr. Lebeziatnikov, I hope, will assist us. But there is one circumstance of which I ought to warn you beforehand and for which I venture to trouble you, Sofya Semyonovna, to come here. In my opinion money cannot be, indeed it’s unsafe to put it into Katerina Ivanovna’s own hands.

The dinner to-day is a proof of that. Though she has not, so to speak, a crust of bread for to-morrow and... well, boots or shoes, or anything; she has bought to-day Jamaica rum, and even, I believe, Madeira and... and coffee. I saw it as I passed through. To-morrow it will all fall upon you again, they won’t have a crust of bread. It’s absurd, really, and so, to my thinking, a subscription ought to be raised so that the unhappy widow should not know of the money, but only you, for instance.

Am I right?” “I don’t know... this is only to-day, once in her life.... She was so anxious to do honour, to celebrate the memory.... And she is very sensible... but just as you think and I shall be very, very... they will all be... and God will reward... and the orphans...” Sonia burst into tears. “Very well, then, keep it in mind; and now will you accept for the benefit of your relation the small sum that I am able to spare, from me personally. I am very anxious that my name should not be mentioned in connection with it. Here... having so to speak anxieties of my own, I cannot do more...”