PART 5 // chapter 1-6

[모나리자]

그리고 표트르 페트로비치는 소냐에게 조심스럽게 펼쳐진 10루블 지폐를 내밀었다. 소냐는 그것을 받고 얼굴이 붉어지고, 벌떡 일어나 무언가를 중얼거리며 떠나기 시작했다. 표트르 페트로비치는 그녀를 예의 바르게 문까지 안내했다. 그녀는 마침내 흥분하고 괴로워하며 방에서 나와 카테리나 이바노브나에게 돌아갔고, 혼란에 휩싸였다. 그동안 레베지아트니코프는 창문에 서 있거나 방 안을 돌아다니며 대화를 방해하지 않으려고 애썼다. 소냐가 간 후 그는 표트르 페트로비치에게 다가가 엄숙하게 손을 내밀었다.

"나는 모든 것을 듣고 보았다." 그는 마지막 동사에 강조를 두고 말했다. "그것은 명예로운 일이야. 말하자면, 인도적인 일이야! 당신은 감사를 피하고 싶었지만, 나는 보았다! 그리고 원칙적으로 사적 자선에 공감할 수는 없지만, 사적 자선은 악을 근절하지 못할 뿐만 아니라 오히려 악을 조장하기 때문에, 나는 당신의 행동을 기쁘게 보았다는 것을 인정해야 합니다. 네, 네, 저는 그것을 좋아합니다." "그게 다 헛소리야." 표트르 페트로비치가 다소 당황한 듯 중얼거리며 레베지아트니코프를 주의 깊게 바라보았다.

"아니, 헛소리가 아니야! 어제 당신처럼 괴로움과 괴로움을 겪었지만 다른 사람들의 불행에 공감할 수 있는 사람, 그런 사람은... 사회적 실수를 저지르고 있다 하더라도 여전히 존경을 받을 만해!

나는 당신에게 그럴 것이라고는 생각하지 않았어, 표트르 페트로비치, 특히 당신의 생각에 따르면... 오, 당신의 생각은 당신에게 얼마나 큰 단점인가! 예를 들어 어제의 불운 때문에 얼마나 괴로워하는지." 표트르 페트로비치에 대한 애정이 돌아온 것을 느낀 순진한 레베지아트니코프가 소리쳤다.

"그리고, 당신은 결혼, 합법적인 결혼에 대해 무엇을 원하십니까, 나의 사랑하는 고귀한 표트르 페트로비치? 왜 당신은 결혼의 합법성에 집착합니까? 글쎄요, 당신은

나를 때릴 수도 있지만, 나는 기쁩니다. 당신이 자유롭고, 인류에게 완전히 잃어버리지 않아서 기쁩니다... 알다시피, 나는 내 생각을 말했습니다!" "나는 당신의 자유로운 결혼에서 바보가 되고 다른 남자의 아이를 키우는 것을 원하지 않기 때문에 합법적인 결혼을 원합니다." 루진은 대답을 하기 위해 대답했습니다.

그는 무언가에 몰두한 듯했습니다. "아이들? 당신은 아이들에 대해 언급했습니다." 레베지아트니코프는 나팔 소리에 군마처럼 말을 시작했습니다. "아이들은 사회적 문제이고 가장 중요한 문제입니다. 저도 동의합니다. 하지만 아이 문제는 다른 해결책이 있습니다. 어떤 사람들은 아이를 전혀 갖지 않으려고 합니다. 왜냐하면 그들은 가족 제도를 암시하기 때문입니다. 우리는 나중에 아이들에 대해 이야기할 것이지만, 지금은 명예에 대한 질문에 대해,

나는 그것이 내 약점이라고 고백한다. 그 끔찍하고 군사적인 푸쉬킨 표현은 미래의 사전에서 생각할 수 없다. 그것이 실제로 무슨 뜻인가? 그것은 말도 안 되는 소리다. 자유로운 결혼에는 속임수가 없을 것이다! 그것은 합법적인 결혼의 자연스러운 결과일 뿐이다. 말하자면, 그것은 시정이고, 항의이다. 그래서 실제로 그것은 굴욕적이지 않다... 그리고 만약 내가 부조리를 가정하고 합법적으로 결혼하게 된다면, 나는 그것에 대해 긍정적으로 기쁠 것이다.

나는 내 아내에게 이렇게 말할 것이다: '내 사랑, 지금까지 나는 당신을 사랑해 왔고, 지금은 당신을 존경한다. 왜냐하면 당신은 항의할 수 있다는 것을 보여주었기 때문이다!' 당신은 웃는다! 그것은 당신이 편견에서 벗어날 수 없기 때문이다. 모든 것을 혼란스럽게 한다! 이제 합법적인 결혼에서 속는 것이 불쾌한 일인 줄 알았지만, 그것은 둘 다 굴욕을 당하는 비열한 입장의 비열한 결과일 뿐입니다.

기만이 자유 결혼에서처럼 공개적일 때는 존재하지 않고 생각할 수도 없습니다. 아내는 당신이 그녀의 행복에 반대하고 그녀의 새 남편을 위해 복수할 능력이 없다고 생각함으로써 당신을 존중한다는 것을 증명할 뿐입니다. 젠장! 가끔 결혼하게 된다면 꿈꿔요, 푸우! 합법적이든 아니든 결혼하게 된다면 똑같잖아요.

아내가 자신을 위한 연인을 찾지 못했다면 아내에게 연인을 선물해야겠어요. '여보,' 내가 말해야겠어요. '사랑해, 하지만 그보다 더 당신이 나를 존중해 주기를 바라. 봐!' 내가 옳지 않나요?" 표트르 페트로비치는 듣고 있으면서 킬킬거렸지만, 별로 즐겁지는 않았습니다. 그는 실제로 거의 듣지 못했습니다. 그는 다른 것에 몰두했고, 레베지아트니코프조차도 마침내 그것을 알아챘습니다. 표트르 페트로비치는 흥분한 듯 손을 비볐습니다. 레베지아트니코프는 이 모든 것을 기억하고 나중에 그것에 대해 생각했습니다.

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6893p

And Pyotr Petrovitch held out to Sonia a ten-rouble note carefully unfolded. Sonia took it, flushed crimson, jumped up, muttered something and began taking leave. Pyotr Petrovitch accompanied her ceremoniously to the door. She got out of the room at last, agitated and distressed, and returned to Katerina Ivanovna, overwhelmed with confusion. All this time Lebeziatnikov had stood at the window or walked about the room, anxious not to interrupt the conversation; when Sonia had gone he walked up to Pyotr Petrovitch and solemnly held out his hand.

“I heard and saw everything,” he said, laying stress on the last verb. “That is honourable, I mean to say, it’s humane! You wanted to avoid gratitude, I saw! And although I cannot, I confess, in principle sympathise with private charity, for it not only fails to eradicate the evil but even promotes it, yet I must admit that I saw your action with pleasure—yes, yes, I like it.” “That’s all nonsense,” muttered Pyotr Petrovitch, somewhat disconcerted, looking carefully at Lebeziatnikov.

“No, it’s not nonsense! A man who has suffered distress and annoyance as you did yesterday and who yet can sympathise with the misery of others, such a man... even though he is making a social mistake—is still deserving of respect!

I did not expect it indeed of you, Pyotr Petrovitch, especially as according to your ideas... oh, what a drawback your ideas are to you! How distressed you are for instance by your ill-luck yesterday,” cried the simple-hearted Lebeziatnikov, who felt a return of affection for Pyotr Petrovitch.

“And, what do you want with marriage, with legal marriage, my dear, noble Pyotr Petrovitch? Why do you cling to this legality of marriage? Well, you

may beat me if you like, but I am glad, positively glad it hasn’t come off, that you are free, that you are not quite lost for humanity.... you see, I’ve spoken my mind!” “Because I don’t want in your free marriage to be made a fool of and to bring up another man’s children, that’s why I want legal marriage,” Luzhin replied in order to make some answer.

He seemed preoccupied by something. “Children? You referred to children,” Lebeziatnikov started off like a warhorse at the trumpet call. “Children are a social question and a question of first importance, I agree; but the question of children has another solution. Some refuse to have children altogether, because they suggest the institution of the family. We’ll speak of children later, but now as to the question of honour,

I confess that’s my weak point. That horrid, military, Pushkin expression‎ is unthinkable in the dictionary of the future. What does it mean indeed? It’s nonsense, there will be no deception in a free marriage! That is only the natural consequence of a legal marriage, so to say, its corrective, a protest. So that indeed it’s not humiliating... and if I ever, to suppose an absurdity, were to be legally married, I should be positively glad of it.

I should say to my wife: ‘My dear, hitherto I have loved you, now I respect you, for you’ve shown you can protest!’ You laugh! That’s because you are incapable of getting away from prejudices. Confound it all! I understand now where the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a legal marriage, but it’s simply a despicable consequence of a despicable position in which both are humiliated.

When the deception is open, as in a free marriage, then it does not exist, it’s unthinkable. Your wife will only prove how she respects you by considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and avenging yourself on her for her new husband. Damn it all! I sometimes dream if I were to be married, pfoo! I mean if I were to marry, legally or not, it’s just the same,

I should present my wife with a lover if she had not found one for herself. ‘My dear,’ I should say, ‘I love you, but even more than that I desire you to respect me. See!’ Am I not right?” Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened, but without much merriment. He hardly heard it indeed. He was preoccupied with something else and even Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it. Pyotr Petrovitch seemed excited and rubbed his hands. Lebeziatnikov remembered all this and reflected upon it afterwards.