PART 5 // chapter 2-1

[모나리자]

카테리나 이바노브나의 혼란스러운 뇌에서 그 무의미한 저녁 식사에 대한 아이디어가 정확히 무엇에서 나왔는지 설명하기는 어려울 것이다. 라스콜니코프가 마르멜라도프의 장례식에 준 20루블 중 거의 10루블이 낭비되었다. 아마도 카테리나 이바노브나는 고인의 기억을 "적절하게" 기릴 의무가 있다고 느꼈을 것이다. 모든 하숙인과 아말리아 이바노브나가 "그가 결코 자신보다 열등하지 않고, 아마도 훨씬 더 우월하다는 것을" 알 수 있도록, 그리고 아무도 "그에게 코를 찡그릴" 권리가 없다는 것을 알 수 있도록 말이다. 아마도 가장 중요한 요소는 많은 가난한 사람들이 마지막 저축을 전통적인 사회적 의식에 쓰도록 강요하는 그 독특한 "가난한 사람의 자존심"이었을 것이다. 그저 "다른 사람들처럼" 행동하고 "멸시받지 않기" 위해서였다.

카테리나 이바노브나는 모든 사람에게 버림받은 것처럼 보이는 이 순간에, "비참하고 경멸스러운 하숙인"에게 "일을 하는 법, 즐겁게 지내는 법"을 알고 있으며 "상류층, 거의 귀족 대령의 가문에서" 자랐으며 밤에 바닥을 청소하고 아이들의 누더기를 빨도록 만들어지지 않았다는 것을 보여주고 싶었을 가능성이 매우 큽니다. 가장 가난하고 가장 상심한 사람들조차도 때때로 저항할 수 없는 신경적 갈망의 형태를 취하는 이러한 자존심과 허영심의 발작에 취약합니다.

그리고 카테리나 이바노브나는 상심하지 않았습니다. 그녀는 상황에 의해 죽었을 수도 있지만, 그녀의 정신은 꺾일 수 없었습니다. 즉, 그녀는 위협을 받을 수 없었고, 그녀의 의지는 꺾일 수 없었습니다. 게다가 소냐는 그녀의

정신이 흔들렸다고 정당하게 말했습니다. 그녀는 미쳤다고 할 수는 없지만, 지난 1년 동안 그녀는 너무 괴로워서 그녀의 정신이 과도하게 긴장되었을 수도 있습니다. 의사들은 소비의 후반 단계는 지능에 영향을 미치기 쉽다고 말합니다. 와인의 종류는 많지 않았고 마데이라 와인도 없었습니다. 하지만 와인은 있었습니다. 보드카, 럼, 리스본 와인이 있었는데, 모두 품질이 최악이었지만 양은 충분했습니다.

전통적인 쌀과 꿀 외에도 세 가지 또는 네 가지 요리가 있었는데, 그 중 하나는 아말리아 이바노브나의 주방에서 준비한 팬케이크였습니다. 사모바르 두 개가 끓고 있었고, 저녁 식사 후에 차와 펀치를 제공할 수 있었습니다. 카테리나 이바노브나는 하숙인 중 한 명인 불행한 폴란드인의 도움을 받아 식량을 구매했습니다. 그는 어떻게 된 일인지 리페베흐셀 부인의 집에 갇혔습니다. 그는 즉시 카테리나 이바노브나의 처분에 자신을 맡겼고, 그날 아침과 그 전날 내내 다리가 뛸 수 있는 한 빨리 달리고 있었고, 모든 사람이 그것을 알아차리기를 매우 간절히 바랐습니다.

사소한 일마다 그는 카테리나 이바노브나에게 달려갔고, 심지어 시장에서 그녀를 사냥하기도 했고, 모든 순간에 그녀를 "파니"라고 불렀습니다. 그녀는 끝나기 전에 그에게 진심으로 싫증이 났지만, 처음에는 이 "쓸모 있고 관대한 남자" 없이는 살 수 없었을 것이라고 선언했습니다. 카테리나 이바노브나의 특징 중 하나는 그녀가 만나는 모든 사람을 가장 빛나는 색으로 칠하는 것이었습니다. 그녀의 칭찬은 너무 과장되어 때로는 당혹스러울 정도였습니다. 그녀는 새로운 지인을 칭찬하기 위해 다양한 상황을 만들어내고 그것들이 현실이라고 진심으로 믿었습니다.

그런 다음 갑자기 그녀는 환멸을 느끼고 몇 시간 전에 문자 그대로 숭배했던 사람을 무례하고 경멸적으로 물리쳤습니다. 그녀는 본래 쾌활하고 활기차고 평화를 사랑하는 기질이었지만,

계속되는 실패와 불운으로 인해 그녀는 모든 사람이 평화롭고 즐겁게 살고 평화를 깨지 않기를 간절히 원하게 되었고, 사소한 충격, 사소한 재난에도 그녀는 거의 미칠 지경에 이르렀고, 가장 밝은 희망과 공상에서 순식간에 운명을 저주하고 광란하며 벽에 머리를 부딪히게 되었습니다.

아말리아 이바노브나도 카테리나 이바노브나의 눈에 갑자기 엄청난 중요성을 얻었고 그녀에게 엄청난 존경을 받았습니다. 아마도 아말리아 이바노브나가 준비에 온 마음을 다했기 때문일 것입니다. 그녀는 식탁을 차리고, 린넨, 식기 등을 제공하고, 주방에서 요리를 하기로 했고, 카테리나 이바노브나는 모든 것을 자신의 손에 맡기고 묘지로 갔습니다.

모든 것이 잘 되었습니다. 식탁보조차 거의 깨끗했습니다. 물론, 그릇, 칼, 포크, 잔은 다양한 모양과 패턴으로 다른 하숙인이 빌려온 것이었지만, 테이블은 고정된 당시에 제대로 놓여 있었고, 아말리아 이바노브나는 일을 잘했다고 생각하며 검은색 실크 드레스와 새로운 애도 리본이 달린 모자를 쓰고 돌아온 파티를 약간의 자부심으로 맞이했습니다. 이러한 자부심은 정당했지만, 어떤 이유에서인지 카테리나 이바노브나는 불쾌했습니다. "마치 아말리아 이바노브나가 아니면 테이블을 놓을 수 없었을 것처럼!" 그녀는 새로운 리본이 달린 모자도 싫어했습니다.

"그녀가 거만할 수 있을까, 멍청한 독일인이여, 그녀가 집주인이었고, 그녀의 가난한 하숙인들을 돕기로 호의를 베풀었기 때문에! 호의로! 상상해 봐! 대령이었고 거의 주지사였던 카테리나 이바노브나의 아버지는 때때로 40명을 위한 식탁을 차렸고, 아말리아 이바노브나, 아니 루드비고브나 같은 사람은 부엌에 들어가는 것을 허락하지 않았을 거야."

그러나 카테리나 이바노브나는 당분간 자신의 감정을 표현하는 것을 미루고 그녀를 차갑게 대하는 것으로 만족했지만, 그녀는 마음속으로는 아말리아 이바노브나를 확실히 내려놓고 적절한 자리에 앉혀야겠다고 결심했다. 그녀가 무엇을 상상하고 있는지는 오직 신만이 알 수 있었기 때문이다. 카테리나 이바노브나는 폴란드인 한 명을 제외하고는 초대받은 하숙인 중 장례식에 온 사람이 거의 없다는 사실에 짜증이 났다. 폴란드인은 묘지로 달려가는 데 성공했고, 추모 만찬에는 가장 가난하고 하찮은 사람들이 나타났다. 비참한 사람들이었고, 그들 중 많은 사람이 술을 잘 마시지 않았다.

그들 중 나이가 많고 존경받는 사람들은 마치 모두가 동의한 것처럼 멀리 떨어져 있었다. 예를 들어, 모든 하숙인 중에서 가장 존경받는 사람이라고 할 수 있는 표트르 페트로비치 루진은 나타나지 않았다. 카테리나 이바노브나는 전날 저녁에 아말리아 이바노브나, 폴렌카, 소냐, 그리고 폴란드인에게 그가 가장 관대하고 고귀한 마음을 가진 사람이며, 큰 재산과 방대한 인맥을 가지고 있으며, 그녀의 전 남편의 친구였고, 그녀의 아버지 집에 손님으로 온 사람이며, 그녀에게 상당한 연금을 확보하기 위해 자신의 모든 영향력을 사용하겠다고 약속했다고 말했다.

카테리나 이바노브나가 누군가의 인맥과 재산을 칭찬했을 때, 그것은 숨은 동기 없이, 전혀 흥미 없이, 그저 칭찬받는 사람의 결과에 보탬이 되는 즐거움을 위해서였다는 점에 유의해야 합니다. 아마도 루진에게서 "신호를 받았을" 텐데, "그 멸시스러운 놈 레베지아트니코프도 나타나지 않았습니다. 그는 자신을 어떻게 생각했을까요? 그는 친절해서, 그리고 표트르 페트로비치와 같은 방을 쓰고 있고 그의 친구였기 때문에 초대를 받았을 뿐이어서, 그를 초대하지 않는 것은 어색했을 것입니다."

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CHAPTER II

It would be difficult to explain exactly what could have originated the idea of that senseless dinner in Katerina Ivanovna’s disordered brain. Nearly ten of the twenty roubles, given by Raskolnikov for Marmeladov’s funeral, were wasted upon it. Possibly Katerina Ivanovna felt obliged to honour the memory of the deceased “suitably,” that all the lodgers, and still more Amalia Ivanovna, might know “that he was in no way their inferior, and perhaps very much their superior,” and that no one had the right “to turn up his nose at him.” Perhaps the chief element was that peculiar “poor man’s pride,” which compels many poor people to spend their last savings on some traditional social ceremony, simply in order to do “like other people,” and not to “be looked down upon.”

It is very probable, too, that Katerina Ivanovna longed on this occasion, at the moment when she seemed to be abandoned by everyone, to show those “wretched contemptible lodgers” that she knew “how to do things, how to entertain” and that she had been brought up “in a genteel, she might almost say aristocratic colonel’s family” and had not been meant for sweeping floors and washing the children’s rags at night. Even the poorest and most broken-spirited people are sometimes liable to these paroxysms of pride and vanity which take the form of an irresistible nervous craving.

And Katerina Ivanovna was not broken-spirited; she might have been killed by circumstance, but her spirit could not have been broken, that is, she could not have been intimidated, her will could not be crushed. Moreover Sonia had said with good reason that her

mind was unhinged. She could not be said to be insane, but for a year past she had been so harassed that her mind might well be overstrained. The later stages of consumption are apt, doctors tell us, to affect the intellect. There was no great variety of wines, nor was there Madeira; but wine there was. There was vodka, rum and Lisbon wine, all of the poorest quality but in sufficient quantity.

Besides the traditional rice and honey, there were three or four dishes, one of which consisted of pancakes, all prepared in Amalia Ivanovna’s kitchen. Two samovars were boiling, that tea and punch might be offered after dinner. Katerina Ivanovna had herself seen to purchasing the provisions, with the help of one of the lodgers, an unfortunate little Pole who had somehow been stranded at Madame Lippevechsel’s. He promptly put himself at Katerina Ivanovna’s disposal and had been all that morning and all the day before running about as fast as his legs could carry him, and very anxious that everyone should be aware of it.

For every trifle he ran to Katerina Ivanovna, even hunting her out at the bazaar, at every instant called her “Pani.” She was heartily sick of him before the end, though she had declared at first that she could not have got on without this “serviceable and magnanimous man.” It was one of Katerina Ivanovna’s characteristics to paint everyone she met in the most glowing colours. Her praises were so exaggerated as sometimes to be embarrassing; she would invent various circumstances to the credit of her new acquaintance and quite genuinely believe in their reality.

Then all of a sudden she would be disillusioned and would rudely and contemptuously repulse the person she had only a few hours before been literally adoring. She was naturally of a gay, lively and peace-loving disposition, but from

continual failures and misfortunes she had come to desire so keenly that all should live in peace and joy and should not dare to break the peace, that the slightest jar, the smallest disaster reduced her almost to frenzy, and she would pass in an instant from the brightest hopes and fancies to cursing her fate and raving, and knocking her head against the wall.

Amalia Ivanovna, too, suddenly acquired extraordinary importance in Katerina Ivanovna’s eyes and was treated by her with extraordinary respect, probably only because Amalia Ivanovna had thrown herself heart and soul into the preparations. She had undertaken to lay the table, to provide the linen, crockery, etc., and to cook the dishes in her kitchen, and Katerina Ivanovna had left it all in her hands and gone herself to the cemetery.

Everything had been well done. Even the table-cloth was nearly clean; the crockery, knives, forks and glasses were, of course, of all shapes and patterns, lent by different lodgers, but the table was properly laid at the time fixed, and Amalia Ivanovna, feeling she had done her work well, had put on a black silk dress and a cap with new mourning ribbons and met the returning party with some pride. This pride, though justifiable, displeased Katerina Ivanovna for some reason: “as though the table could not have been laid except by Amalia Ivanovna!” She disliked the cap with new ribbons, too.

“Could she be stuck up, the stupid German, because she was mistress of the house, and had consented as a favour to help her poor lodgers! As a favour! Fancy that! Katerina Ivanovna’s father who had been a colonel and almost a governor had sometimes had the table set for forty persons, and then anyone like Amalia Ivanovna, or rather Ludwigovna, would not have been allowed into the kitchen.”

Katerina Ivanovna, however, put off expressing her feelings for the time and contented herself with treating her coldly, though she decided inwardly that she would certainly have to put Amalia Ivanovna down and set her in her proper place, for goodness only knew what she was fancying herself. Katerina Ivanovna was irritated too by the fact that hardly any of the lodgers invited had come to the funeral, except the Pole who had just managed to run into the cemetery, while to the memorial dinner the poorest and most insignificant of them had turned up, the wretched creatures, many of them not quite sober.

The older and more respectable of them all, as if by common consent, stayed away. Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, for instance, who might be said to be the most respectable of all the lodgers, did not appear, though Katerina Ivanovna had the evening before told all the world, that is Amalia Ivanovna, Polenka, Sonia and the Pole, that he was the most generous, noble-hearted man with a large property and vast connections, who had been a friend of her first husband’s, and a guest in her father’s house, and that he had promised to use all his influence to secure her a considerable pension.

It must be noted that when Katerina Ivanovna exalted anyone’s connections and fortune, it was without any ulterior motive, quite disinterestedly, for the mere pleasure of adding to the consequence of the person praised. Probably “taking his cue” from Luzhin, “that contemptible wretch Lebeziatnikov had not turned up either. What did he fancy himself? He was only asked out of kindness and because he was sharing the same room with Pyotr Petrovitch and was a friend of his, so that it would have been awkward not to invite him.”