PART 5 // chapter 3-3

[모나리자]

표트르 페트로비치는 라스콜니코프를 흘깃 쳐다봤다. 두 사람의 눈이 마주쳤고, 라스콜니코프의 불길이 그를 재로 만들어버릴 것 같았다. 그러는 동안 카테리나 이바노브나는 아무 소리도 듣지 못한 듯했다. 그녀는 미친 여자처럼 소니아에게 키스하고 껴안았다. 아이들도 사방에서 소니아를 껴안았고, 폴렌카는 무슨 일인지 완전히 이해하지는 못했지만 눈물에 젖고 흐느끼며 몸을 떨며 울음으로 부은 예쁜 얼굴을 소니아의 어깨에 숨겼다. "얼마나 사악하냐!" 문간에서 갑자기 큰 목소리가 울렸다. 표트르 페트로비치는 재빨리 주변을 둘러보았다.

"얼마나 사악하냐!" 레베지아트니코프가 되뇌며 그의 얼굴을 똑바로 응시했다. 표트르 페트로비치는 긍정적인 시작을 했다. 모두가 그것을 알아차리고 나중에 기억해냈다. 레베지아트니코프가 방으로 들어왔다. "그리고 감히 나를 증인으로 불렀어?" 그는 표트르 페트로비치에게 다가가며 말했다. "무슨 말이야? "무슨 소리야?" 루진이 중얼거렸다. "내가 하는 말은 네가... 중상모략가라는 거야. 내 말은 바로 그거야!" 레베지아트니코프가 격렬하게 말하며 근시안적인 눈으로 그를 엄하게 바라보았다.

그는 극도로 화가 났다. 라스콜니코프는 마치 모든 단어를 붙잡고 평가하듯 그를 뚫어지게 바라보았다. 다시 침묵이 흘렀다. 표트르 페트로비치는 처음에는 거의 멍하니 서 있는 듯했다. "그게 나한테 하는 말이라면..." 그는 말을 더듬으며 말을 시작했다. "근데 왜 그래? 정신 나갔어?" "나는 정신 나갔는데, 너는 악당이야! 아, 얼마나 사악한가! 나는 모든 것을 들었어. 나는 그것을 이해하기 위해 의도적으로 기다렸어. 지금도 그것이 완전히 논리적이지 않다는 것을 인정해야 하거든.... 네가 왜 그런 짓을 했는지 이해할 수 없어." "그럼 내가 뭘 한 거지? 넌 터무니없는 수수께끼를 말하는 걸 포기해! 아니면 취했을지도!" "당신은 술주정뱅이일지도 모르고, 사악한 사람일지도 모르지만, 나는 그렇지 않아! 나는 보드카를 절대 만지지 않아. 내 신념에 어긋나거든.

믿겠나? 그는, 그는, 자신의 손으로 소피아 세묘노브나에게 그 100루블 지폐를 줬어. 내가 봤어. 내가 증인이야. 내가 맹세할게! 그가 했어, 그가 했어!" 레베지아트니코프가 모든 사람에게 말을 걸며 반복했다. "미쳤어, 멍청아?" 루진이 소리쳤다. "그녀는 당신 앞에서 자기 자신이야. 그녀 자신이 방금 모든 사람 앞에서 내가 그녀에게 10루블만 주었다고 선언했어. 내가 어떻게 그녀에게 줄 수 있었겠어?" "봤어, 봤어." 레베지아트니코프가 반복했다. "그리고 그것이 내 원칙에 어긋나더라도, 나는 지금 당장 법정에서 당신이 원하는 모든 맹세를 할 준비가 돼 있어. 당신이 그녀의 주머니에 그것을 어떻게 넣었는지 봤거든.

바보처럼 당신이 친절해서 그랬다고 생각했어! 문 앞에서 그녀에게 작별 인사를 할 때, 한 손으로 그녀의 손을 잡고, 다른 한 손으로 왼손을 잡고, 당신은

그녀의 주머니에 그 메모를 넣었어요. 봤어요, 봤어요!" 루진은 창백해졌습니다. "뭐가 거짓말이에요!" 그는 뻔뻔스럽게 소리쳤습니다. "왜, 창문 옆에 서서 메모를 볼 수 있었어? 당신은 근시안적인 눈으로 그것을 상상했을 뿐이야. 당신은 미친 놈이야!" "아니, 상상하지 않았어. 그리고 멀리 떨어져 서 있었지만, 나는 그것을 다 봤어. 그리고 메모와 창문을 구별하기는 확실히 어려웠지만—그게 사실이야—나는 그것이 백 루블 지폐라는 것을 확실히 알았어. 왜냐하면 당신이 소피아 세묘노브나에게 열 루블을 주려고 할 때, 당신이 테이블에서 백 루블 지폐를 꺼냈기 때문이야(나는 그때 가까이 서 있었기 때문에 그것을 보았고, 즉시 생각이 떠올랐기 때문에 당신이 그것을 손에 들고 있다는 것을 잊지 않았어).

당신은 그것을 접어서 항상 손에 들고 있었어. 당신이 일어나서 오른손에서 왼손으로 바꿔서 거의 떨어뜨릴 뻔할 때까지 나는 그것을 다시 생각하지 못했습니다! 나는 당신이 내가 보지 못하는 사이에 그녀에게 친절을 베풀려고 한다는 생각이 다시 떠올랐기 때문에 그것을 알아챘습니다. 당신은 내가 당신을 지켜보고 당신이 그것을 그녀의 주머니에 넣는 데 성공한 것을 어떻게 보았는지 상상할 수 있을 것입니다. 나는 그것을 보았습니다, 나는 그것을 보았습니다, 나는 맹세할 것입니다."

레베지아트니코프는 거의 숨이 막힐 지경이었다. 모든 손에서 감탄사가 터져 나왔는데, 주로 놀라움을 표현한 것이었지만, 어떤 손에서는 위협적인 어조도 나왔다. 그들은 모두 표트르 페트로비치 주변에 몰려들었다. 카테리나 이바노브나는 레베지아트니코프에게 달려갔다. "내가 당신을 잘못 알았어! 그녀를 보호해! 그녀의 편을 들어줄 사람은 당신뿐이야! 그녀는 고아야. 신이 당신을 보내셨어!" 카테리나 이바노브나는 무슨 짓을 하는지 거의 알지 못한 채 그의 앞에 무릎을 꿇었다.

"말도 안 되는 소리!" 루진이 격노하며 소리쳤다. "당신이 한 말은 다 말도 안 되는 소리야! '생각이 떠올랐는데, 당신은 생각하지 못했고, 알아챘어'—무슨 뜻이야? 그래서 일부러 몰래 그녀에게 준 거야? 뭐 때문에? 무슨 목적에서? 내가 이 일과 무슨 상관이 있어...?" "뭐 때문에? 그게 이해가 안 가지만, 내가 당신에게 말하고 있는 것은 사실이야, 확실해! 내가 착각한 것이 아니라, 악명 높은 범죄자여, 나는 당신에게 고맙다고 말하고 당신의 손을 꼭 잡던 바로 그 순간, 그것 때문에 갑자기 어떤 질문이 떠올랐던 것을 기억합니다.

왜 당신은 그것을 그녀의 주머니에 몰래 넣었을까요? 왜 몰래 넣었을까요? 내 신념이 당신의 신념과 반대되고 근본적인 치유를 가져오지 않는 사적인 자선을 내가 승인하지 않는다는 것을 알면서, 단순히 그것을 나에게 숨기려고 한 것일까요? 글쎄요, 나는 당신이 정말로 내 앞에서 그렇게 많은 돈을 주는 것을 부끄러워한다고 결정했습니다. 아마도, 그는 그녀가 주머니에서 100루블짜리 지폐를 발견했을 때 그녀를 놀라게 하고 싶어하는 것일 수도 있다고 생각했습니다. (알다시피, 어떤 자선적인 사람들은 그런 식으로 자선 활동을 꾸미는 것을 매우 좋아합니다.) 그러자 당신이 그녀를 시험하고 싶어한다는 생각이 들었습니다. 그녀가 그것을 발견했을 때 당신에게 고맙다고 말할지 보기 위해서였습니다.

그리고 고맙다는 말을 피하고 싶어 했고, 속담처럼 오른손이 알아차리지 못하게 해야 한다는 것... 사실 그런 종류의 무언가. 나는 너무나 많은 가능성을 생각해내서 고려하는 것을 미루었지만, 내가 당신의 비밀을 알고 있다는 것을 보여주는 것이 무례하다고 생각했습니다. 하지만 소피아 세묘노브나가 알아차리기도 전에 돈을 쉽게 잃을 수도 있다는 또 다른 생각이 떠올랐습니다. 그래서 여기 들어와서 그녀를 방에서 불러내고 당신이 그녀의 주머니에 백 루블을 넣었다고 말하기로 했습니다.

하지만 가는 길에 먼저 코빌라트니코프 부인에게 가서 '긍정적 방법에 대한 일반 논문'을 가져갔고, 특히 피데리트의 논문(그리고 바그너의 논문)을 추천했습니다. 그런 다음 여기로 들어와서 보니 상황이 얼마나 심각한지 알게 되었습니다! 만약 당신이 그녀의 주머니에 백 루블 지폐를 넣는 것을 보지 않았다면, 내가 이 모든 생각과 성찰을 할 수 있었을까요?"

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7290p

Pyotr Petrovitch stole a glance at Raskolnikov. Their eyes met, and the fire in Raskolnikov’s seemed ready to reduce him to ashes. Meanwhile Katerina Ivanovna apparently heard nothing. She was kissing and hugging Sonia like a madwoman. The children, too, were embracing Sonia on all sides, and Polenka—though she did not fully understand what was wrong—was drowned in tears and shaking with sobs, as she hid her pretty little face, swollen with weeping, on Sonia’s shoulder. “How vile!” a loud voice cried suddenly in the doorway. Pyotr Petrovitch looked round quickly.

“What vileness!” Lebeziatnikov repeated, staring him straight in the face. Pyotr Petrovitch gave a positive start—all noticed it and recalled it afterwards. Lebeziatnikov strode into the room. “And you dared to call me as witness?” he said, going up to Pyotr Petrovitch. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” muttered Luzhin. “I mean that you... are a slanderer, that’s what my words mean!” Lebeziatnikov said hotly, looking sternly at him with his short-sighted eyes.

He was extremely angry. Raskolnikov gazed intently at him, as though seizing and weighing each word. Again there was a silence. Pyotr Petrovitch indeed seemed almost dumbfounded for the first moment. “If you mean that for me,...” he began, stammering. “But what’s the matter with you? Are you out of your mind?” “I’m in my mind, but you are a scoundrel! Ah, how vile! I have heard everything. I kept waiting on purpose to understand it, for I must own even now it is not quite logical.... What you have done it all for I can’t understand.” “Why, what have I done then? Give over talking in your nonsensical riddles! Or maybe you are drunk!” “You may be a drunkard, perhaps, vile man, but I am not! I never touch vodka, for it’s against my convictions.

Would you believe it, he, he himself, with his own hands gave Sofya Semyonovna that hundred-rouble note—I saw it, I was a witness, I’ll take my oath! He did it, he!” repeated Lebeziatnikov, addressing all. “Are you crazy, milksop?” squealed Luzhin. “She is herself before you—she herself here declared just now before everyone that I gave her only ten roubles. How could I have given it to her?” “I saw it, I saw it,” Lebeziatnikov repeated, “and though it is against my principles, I am ready this very minute to take any oath you like before the court, for I saw how you slipped it in her pocket.

Only like a fool I thought you did it out of kindness! When you were saying good-bye to her at the door, while you held her hand in one hand, with the other, the left, you

slipped the note into her pocket. I saw it, I saw it!” Luzhin turned pale. “What lies!” he cried impudently, “why, how could you, standing by the window, see the note? You fancied it with your short-sighted eyes. You are raving!” “No, I didn’t fancy it. And though I was standing some way off, I saw it all. And though it certainly would be hard to distinguish a note from the window—that’s true—I knew for certain that it was a hundred-rouble note, because, when you were going to give Sofya Semyonovna ten roubles, you took up from the table a hundred-rouble note (I saw it because I was standing near then, and an idea struck me at once, so that I did not forget you had it in your hand).

You folded it and kept it in your hand all the time. I didn’t think of it again until, when you were getting up, you changed it from your right hand to your left and nearly dropped it! I noticed it because the same idea struck me again, that you meant to do her a kindness without my seeing. You can fancy how I watched you and I saw how you succeeded in slipping it into her pocket. I saw it, I saw it, I’ll take my oath.”

Lebeziatnikov was almost breathless. Exclamations arose on all hands chiefly expressive of wonder, but some were menacing in tone. They all crowded round Pyotr Petrovitch. Katerina Ivanovna flew to Lebeziatnikov. “I was mistaken in you! Protect her! You are the only one to take her part! She is an orphan. God has sent you!” Katerina Ivanovna, hardly knowing what she was doing, sank on her knees before him.

“A pack of nonsense!” yelled Luzhin, roused to fury, “it’s all nonsense you’ve been talking! ‘An idea struck you, you didn’t think, you noticed’—what does it amount to? So I gave it to her on the sly on purpose? What for? With what object? What have I to do with this...?” “What for? That’s what I can’t understand, but that what I am telling you is the fact, that’s certain! So far from my being mistaken, you infamous criminal man, I remember how, on account of it, a question occurred to me at once, just when I was thanking you and pressing your hand.

What made you put it secretly in her pocket? Why you did it secretly, I mean? Could it be simply to conceal it from me, knowing that my convictions are opposed to yours and that I do not approve of private benevolence, which effects no radical cure? Well, I decided that you really were ashamed of giving such a large sum before me. Perhaps, too, I thought, he wants to give her a surprise, when she finds a whole hundred-rouble note in her pocket. (For I know, some benevolent people are very fond of decking out their charitable actions in that way.) Then the idea struck me, too, that you wanted to test her, to see whether, when she found it, she would come to thank you.

Then, too, that you wanted to avoid thanks and that, as the saying is, your right hand should not know... something of that sort, in fact. I thought of so many possibilities that I put off considering it, but still thought it indelicate to show you that I knew your secret. But another idea struck me again that Sofya Semyonovna might easily lose the money before she noticed it, that was why I decided to come in here to call her out of the room and to tell her that you put a hundred roubles in her pocket.

But on my way I went first to Madame Kobilatnikov’s to take them the ‘General Treatise on the Positive Method’ and especially to recommend Piderit’s article (and also Wagner’s); then I come on here and what a state of things I find! Now could I, could I, have all these ideas and reflections if I had not seen you put the hundred-rouble note in her pocket?”