202210347 이민희

What Qualities Make Someone Admirable?  There are many admirable qualities in the world, such as willingness to help, perseverance. Which of these qualities do you think makes you admire someone? I think courageous people are the most admirable people. I think it takes a lot of courage to start something big or small. For example, determining to start a task as well as saving someone in a dangerous situation requires tremendous courage. And all the people I admire are courageous people. For example, Yu Gwan-soon, one of the figures I admire, led the independence movement in Cheonan during the Japanese colonial period. She was ready to die to regain country and led a demonstration against the Japanese army. I think just participating in the demonstration took a lot of courage, and she led thousands of people despite her young age. She could that because she had courage. For this reason, I think courage makes someone admirable.  There are many people who have courage as well as her. Those who put out fires ate the scene of a fire, those who give first aid at the scene of an accident, and those who save people from drowning are.  In other words, it's never easy to be courageous, but it seems that the people is admired because of their courageous actions, whether big or small. 피드백1. 김민의: 용기 있는 사람이 존경받을만하다는 주장이었습니다. 다만 인물의 사례를 중심이 되어 논지가 명확하지 않은 것 같습니다. 본인의 주장을 좀 더 구체적으로 하면 좋을 것 같습니다. 2. 허다빈: 용기 있는 사람들이 존경받을 수 있다는 주장이 사례를 통해 잘 전달될 수 있었던 것 같습니다. 주장을 드러낼 수 있는 제목으로 썼으면 좋겠습니다. Courage Makes Someone Admirable  There are many admirable qualities in the world, such as willingness to help, perseverance. Which of these qualities do you think makes you admire someone? People usually admire people who have qualities that they don't have, and I also think courageous people are the most admirable people for that reason. I think it takes a lot of courage to start something big or small. For example, determining to start a task as well as saving someone in a dangerous situation requires tremendous courage. And all the people I admire are courageous people. For example, Yu Gwan-soon, one of the figures I admire, led the independence movement in Cheonan during the Japanese colonial period. She was ready to die to regain country and led a demonstration against the Japanese army. I think just participating in the demonstration took a lot of courage, and she led thousands of people despite her young age. She could that because she had courage. For this reason, I think courage makes someone admirable.  There are many people who have courage as well as her. They are the ones who put out a fire at the scene of a fire, give first aid at the scene of an accident, and save people from drowning. If I were in those situations, I wouldn't be able to act like that because even my life could be in danger. That's why I admire people who have courage more.  In sum, it's never easy to be courageous, but it seems that the people is admired because of their courageous actions, whether big or small. 피드백 1 (김민의): 제 주장을 좀 더 구체적으로 드러냈습니다. 수정한 사항을 밑줄로 표기했습니다.피드백 2 (허다빈): 주장을 드러낼 수 있는 제목으로 수정하였습니다. 수정한 사항을 빨간색 글씨로 표기했습니다.