23.7.20 How To Be Liked

I: How to Be Liked - According to the Real Experts Edited By: Tony A. Did you know that there is one special rule to making people naturally like you? Former Special FBI agent, Jack Schafer has written a new book The Like Switch, detailing just how exactly this is possible. His many years working undercover, gaining confidence, has made him an expert in the art of being liked. The rule that he worked so hard to perfect is: make the other person like themselves.  Knowing this is one thing, but putting it into practice requires several strategies, which you too can master. Learning these will not make you some devious actor, but actually a more social, sympathetic and emotional person. All you need to do is understand these 6 strategies and start to try them out in your daily conversations.  1. Make a deliberate error We naturally try to go about our day making as few mistakes as possible, partly because we do not want to make ourselves vulnerable to attack from other people. However, this vulnerability can actually be a weapon you can use to make yourself more approachable. Schafer works as a lecturer now and often begins a new semester by making a simple speech mistake of some kind, as if by accident. As someone corrects him, he acts as though he’s embarrassed.  Jack says this technique achieves three aims. First of all, by correcting our error, the other person feels strengthened and confident. Secondly, they feel more relaxed and open, better able to converse with us. And finally, they are now more comfortable about making their own mistakes too.  Apply this to your own meetings and it will show the other person that you are simply a human like them, capable of making a mistake. They will then see the same to be true about themselves and will reveal themselves more naturally to you. 2. Talk to other people about themselves  People love speaking about themselves. According to academic Robert K. Holz, when they speak about themselves, their life, families, work and so on, the pleasure centers of their brains light up as if they were eating food or thinking of money. So all you need to do to make them feel this pleasure is ask them about these personal things. They will really appreciate the opportunity to talk about themselves with you. 3. Relate a compliment from someone else Giving compliments isn’t such a straightforward business. It could be that you sound a bit weird, or forward in directly complimenting someone, so that they feel uncomfortable and unsure how to respond. A much more effective technique is to relay a compliment you’ve heard from elsewhere. You could say, for example, that ‘so and so told me you’re the most cleverest person in town.’  They will take pleasure from the compliment, but you won’t have killed the conversation stone dead with a creepy comment. They will be grateful to you for making them feel good. 4. Be as sympathetic as you can  If someone confides in you about a problem they have had, instead of monotonously saying: ‘oh dear, poor you!’, you could do a lot better by giving a natural response that forwards the conversation. The goal you want to hit is that you share their feelings and are fully aware of what they are experiencing.  There are innumerable ways of doing this, but they can be quite simple. If someone has just worked their way out of a tough spot, congratulate them and say you are glad they have been successful. 5. Ask them for a favor  Perhaps you shy away from asking favors, not wanting to impose yourself on others. No doubt you think this is better for the other person than if you asked them to help out. However, the reverse may be true. Ben Franklin originated the ‘Franklin Effect’, which was the observation that people liked him more if he asked a favor of them. People like you more because they feel better about themselves having done you the favor.  Because you are sticking to the goal of making them feel good, you have to be careful not to overdo any one strategy like this. If you constantly ask for their favor, they will eventually see you as a burden.  6. Try to get them to compliment themselves.  When offering compliments, one of the problems is that people will naturally doubt your sincerity. They will think you have some reason for being nice, and they will concentrate more on the doubt than the compliment. Instead, try to get them to compliment themselves, because in this case sincerity is not an issue. This is a hard technique to master. Think about why the following conversation works:  Them: That was such a hard job that I’ve just finished! You: You have to be really committed to do work like that. Them: Yes, I suppose I am. I try to give my work my all, all the time.  When you think about it, you only said one simple sentence, and they virtually had no choice but to complement themselves.   II: 10,000 Steps or Walking Fast – Which is More Beneficial?  Bhavesh B. Walking 10,000 steps a day has become a popular fitness goal among fitness enthusiasts. Research has shown in the past that the more steps you take, the better it is for your health.  However, merely completing 10,000 steps a day might not be enough. According to a recent study published in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine, the speed at which you walk helps amplify the results. Walking at a faster pace, like a power walk, can provide more health benefits compared to the number of steps, says the new study.  The researchers from the University of Sydney, Australia, and the University of Southern Denmark analyzed 78,500 adults with wearable trackers. The researchers discovered an association between 10,000 daily steps and a decreased risk of dementia, heart disease, cancer, and death.  10,000 steps vs. power walking The participants were asked to wear wrist accelerometers to track their physical activity for seven days. This included a weekend day and monitoring during sleep.  The study’s lead co-author, Dr. Matthew Ahmadi, a research fellow at the Charles Perkins Centre and Faculty of Medicine and Health at the University of Sydney says that people shouldn’t just focus on walking 10,000 steps a day but aim to walk faster too.   The study’s findings suggest that for every 2,000 steps taken, a person lowers their risk of all-cause death by 8-11%. Similar relationships were observed for the incidence of cancer and cardiovascular disease. It also notes that “for less active individuals, as low as 3,800 steps a day can cut the risk of dementia by 25 percent.” Walking 9,800 steps a day was said to be the optimal daily amount linked to a 50 percent lower risk of dementia.  The researchers stress that stepping intensity or a faster speed revealed positive links for all outcomes like dementia, heart disease, cancer, and mortality over and above total daily steps. How does power-walking help?  As mentioned earlier, the researchers found that power walking can be highly beneficial.   Prof. Emmanuel Stamatakis, the senior author and professor at the University of Sydney, points out that those who can’t fit 10,000 steps into their daily routine should try 1–2-minute-long bursts of fast-paced walking during any walk from point A to B. Repeated a few times daily, such short bursts can improve fitness and lower the risk of the long-term health outcomes, he says.  Furthermore, research has shown that power walking helps reduce your risk for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. The National Cancer Institute states that regular power walking can lower your risk for several cancers. Studies have also found that power walking prevents disability in people with joint issues in their lower extremities. People with time constraints should try including power walking in their daily routine. That being said, it is only recommended to start power walking after speaking to a doctor. Make sure that you do it the right way and avoid overexertion. The bottom line  It is worth noting that the study is observational, and therefore, the researchers cannot establish direct cause and effect. Another limitation of this trial is that the number of participants for each age group isn’t mentioned. “It is a limitation shared by many epidemiological studies.  However, based on our hypothesis, previous research linking physical activity with health outcomes, and our causal inference approach taken, we can generate fairly strong hypotheses that steps are associated with health outcomes, including CVD and cancer,” says co-lead author Professor Borja del Pozo Cruz.  More research with the help of trackers on a wider age group will provide more comprehensive information on the benefits associated with brisk walking, as compared to taking 10,000 steps daily.