Where I Really Fall Short
LYSA TERKEURST
“LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for
in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned
long ago.” Isaiah 25:1 (NIV)
Can I admit something to you /on this cold fall day? It’s not pretty.
It’s not something () I’m proud of.
And it’s certainly not something () I want
highlighted about my life.
But, I must share /just in case it might help you: Sometimes I struggle /trusting God with my kids.
There’s
just something so hard about this for me. Though I say it with my mouth
and I posture my attitude /to give off the appearance of complete trust,
when it comes down /to the nitty-gritty of fully living /like I trust God
with my kids, I fall short.
I worry.
I get incredibly anxious.
I make lots of suggestions /to God /on their behalf.
I try to keep things in their world calm, free of hurt and on track toward some “best plan” () I’ve imagined for them.
It’s like I gather up my people in my arms and tell God, “See? I’ve got it all worked out. Now, if You’ll just bless all this.
Don’t mess with it, just bless it. And life will be good.”
Like I said, I’m not proud of this.
I
could go on a little tangent right here and justify the great love of a
mother and how God has woven into our very DNA [this fierce desire /to
protect our young and care for them at all costs]. But there’s this
little prick in my heart /because I know how very limited my efforts are.
In every way my efforts are faulty and fragile.
Therefore, I’m
learning, slowly, how to grab hold of the only plan //that is foolproof
with my kids — truly entrusting them to the Lord.
[The very best
thing () a mom can ever do] is to recognize () only God is good at being God.
I’m finally getting this. And it’s helping me get out of His way.
For
example, if it were up to me, my daughter Ashley would have never ever
gone /to the college () she chose.
I could give you a list /a mile long /why
she should absolutely, positively, never ever, under any circumstances
go to that school.
But God.
He had a plan () I never could have imagined.
He
had a woman /behind the scenes //whom I didn’t even know /at the school
/praying for my daughter. He had friends waiting to love her. He had small
group leaders waiting to show her how to have a real relationship with
Jesus.
He had a church family waiting to become one of the most
favorite parts of her life. And He had [a young man /with the biggest
heart and cutest hair () you ever did see] waiting to fall in love with her
and make her a preacher’s wife.
When she left /for college, I couldn’t have seen any of this. I couldn’t have imagined any of this.
I couldn’t even sense the tiniest part of any of this.
That’s why it’s crucial for me to trust God. Because heaven knows () He is much better /at arranging things than I am.
My best job as a mom is to be obedient to God. God’s job is everything else.
I
must trust Him to lead me /as I lead them to trust Him. I know that’s a
mouthful.
But honestly, [the best way /to protect my kids] is to show them
what it looks like [to trust God for themselves].
* it = [to trust God for themselves]
Almost two years
to the day //that I sat on my bed crying about my daughter going to this
college so far away,
I watched her walk down the aisle /to marry a young
man she loves.
[A young man () she met] / because she walked in God’s plan. And His plan was so very good.
His
plan hasn’t been without ups and downs. But through it all, God really
showed me how much better He is at arranging life /than I am. And He has
moved me /to a place //where Isaiah 25:1 is truly the cry of my heart:
“Lord,
you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect
faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.”
Yes. God is good.
And only God is good at being God.
Father
God, You know all of the things () I desperately want to control. I’m
scared but today I’m ready to give You these areas and walk in trust. I
know () You won’t arrange things /according to my plan. And I’m actually
thankful for that.
Because I finally recognize () Your plan will be so much
better. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.