평화를 사랑하는 세계인으로 - 2 - 9. 거역할 수 없는 명령

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평화를 사랑하는 세계인으로
2장 눈물로 채운 마음의 강
 
9. 거역할 수 없는 명령
 
1 광복 직후 우리나라 실정은 말할 수 없이 혼란스러웠습니다. 돈이 있어도 쌀을 구하기 힘들었습니다. 마침 집안에 쌀이 떨어져 사놓은 쌀을 가지러 황해도 백천白川으로 가던 중이었습니다. 그런데 그 길에서 "38선을 넘어가라! 북쪽에 있는 하나님의 사람들을 찾으라 !"는 계시를 받았습니다.
 
2 그 즉시 38선을 넘어 평양으로 향했습니다. 첫 아들이 태어난 지 한 달밖에 되지 않은 때였습니다. 애타게 나를 기다릴 아내가 걱정이 되었지만 집에 들를 여유가 없었습니다. 하나님의 말씀은 엄한 것이니 받는 즉시 순종해야만 합니다. 창세기부터 묵시록까지 수십 번 밑줄을 그으며 읽고 깨알같은 글씨로 새까맣게 메모해 둔 너덜너덜해진 성경책 하나만 들고 나는 38선을 넘어갔습니다.
 
3 그때는 이미 공산당을 피해 북에서 남으로 넘어오는 피난민이 줄을 잇고 있었습니다. 특히 종교를 반대하는 공산당 때문에 많은 기독교인들이 종교의 자유를 찾아 남쪽으로 내려왔습니다. 공산당은 종교를 아편이라고 하면서 아무도 종교를 갖지 못하게 했습니다. 그런 곳으로 나는 하늘의 소명을 받고 간 것입니다. 목사라면 질색하는 공산당 세상을 향해 제 발로 걸어들어갔습니다.
 
4 피난민이 늘어나자 북쪽의 경계가 삼엄해져 38선을 넘는 것조차 쉽지 않았습니다. 그러나 120리 길을 걸어 38선을 넘고 평양에 도착할 때까지 한번도 내가 왜 이 험난한 길을 가야 하나 의심하지 않았습니다.
 
5 6월 6일 평양에 도착했습니다. 본래 평양은 동양의 예루살렘이라고 불릴 만큼 기독교 뿌리가 깊은 곳입니다. 그래서 일제 강점기 때에는 신사참배는 물론이고 일본 천황이 있는  동쪽을 향해 경례를 강요하는 동방요배 등 별의별 탄압이 자행되던 곳입니다. 나는 평양 서문에서 가까운 경창리의 나최섭 씨 집에서 전도생활을 시작했습니다. 그분은 남한에서부터 알고 지내던 교회 집사였습니다.
 
6 처음에는 동네 어린이들을 모아 돌보는 일부터 시작했습니다. 어린이들이 오면 성경말씀을 곁들인 동화를 들려주며 함께 놀았습니다. 비록 어린이들이었지만 반드시 경어를 쓰면서 정성을 다해 돌보았습니다. 그러면서 내가 전하는 새로운 말씀을 누군가 들으러 와주길 기다렸습니다. 어느 날은 온종일 문밖을 내다보며 사람을 그리워하기도 했습니다. 그렇게 간절히 기다리자 독실한 신앙심을 가진 사람들이 나를 찾아오기 시작했습니다. 
 
7 나는 밤을 새워가며 새로운 말씀을 가르쳤습니다. 나를 찾아오는 사람이라면 세 살배기 어린애든 허리가 굽고 눈이 먼 노인이든 사랑하는 마음으로 경배하며 하늘같이 섬겼습니다. 나이 많은 할머니 할아버지가 찾아와도 밤을 새워 이야기를 나누었습니다. '어이구 나이 많은 노인네라 싫다' 이런 생각을 해본 적은 전혀 없습니다. 사람은 누구나 귀하디 귀합니다. 귀한 것에 남녀노소 차별이 없습니다.
 
8 스물여섯 살의 새파랗게 젊은 청년이 로마서며 묵시록을 가르치는데 그 내용이 전에 들어보지 못하던 내용이라 그런지 뜻있는 사람들이 하나둘 모여들기 시작했습니다. 매일같이 말도 없이 이야기만 듣고 가던 반듯한 청년인 김원필은 그렇게 내 첫 번째 식구가 되었습니다. 평양사범학교를 졸업하고 교편을 잡고 있던 그와 나는 둘이 번갈아 물을 길어다 밥을 지어 먹으며 사제의 정을 나누었습니다.
 
9 나는 한번 성경강해를 시작하면 교회 식구들이 볼일이 있다며 먼저 일어서지 않는 한 멈추지 않았습니다. 얼마나 열정을 다해 가르쳤는지 온 몸에 땀이 줄줄 흘렀습니다. 사람들 몰래 밖에 나가 옷을 벗어서 짜면 옷에서 물이 뚝뚝 흘렀습니다. 여름에만 그런 게 아니라 엄동설한 추운 겨울에도 그랬습니다. 그렇게 열을 내어 가르쳤습니다.
 
10 예배를 드릴 때는 모두 깨끗한 흰옷을 입었습니다. 찬송가를 수십 번 되풀이해 부르며 열정적인 예배를 드렸습니다. 어찌나 감동에 젖어 울부짖는지 우리 교회를 가리켜 '우는 교회'라고들 했습니다. 예배가 끝나면 각자 받은 은혜를 간증했습니다. 간증을 하는 동안 모두들 은혜에 취해 몸이 하늘로 떠오르는 체험을 했습니다.
 
11 우리 교회에는 입신하는 사람, 예언하는 사람, 방언하는 사람, 또 방언을 통역하는 사람 같이 영통한 이들이 많이 나타났습니다. 때로 우리 교회에 합당치 않은 사람이 와 있으면 영통한 사람이 눈을 감은 채 그에게로 가서 어깨를 탁 쳤습니다. 그러면 어깨를 맞은 사람이 갑자기 눈물 콧물을 흘리며 회개기도를 올렸습니다.
 
12 그럴 때면 뜨거운 성령의 불길이 휘익 하고 지나다니는 것이었습니다. 성령불의 역사가 일어나면 오랫동안 속을 썩이고 있던 병들이 씻은 듯이 나았습니다. 특히 내가 남긴 밥을 먹고 위장병이 나았다는 사람의 이야기가 주변에 퍼지자 '교회밥은 약밥'이라며 내가 남긴 밥을 기다리는 사람들도 많았습니다.
 
13 이 같은 성령 체험들이 알려지면서 교회문을 닫을 수 없을 정도로 식구 수가 늘어났습니다. 지승도 할머니와 옥세현 할머니는 꿈속에서 "젊은 선생이 이남에서 올라와 만수대 건너편에 있으니 가서 만나라"는 말씀을 받고 찾아온 경우였습니다.
 
14 누가 전도하거나 인도한 것이 아니라 하늘이 알려준 주소를 들고 골목골목을 돌아 찾아와서는 "꿈에서 뵌 분이 바로 선생님이십니다" 하며 반가워했습니다. 신학을 공부한 목사들도 나를 찾아왔습니다. 나는 그들의 얼굴만 봐도 무엇이 궁금해서 찾아왔는지 알았습니다. 내가 묻지도 않고 그들의 문제에 답을 주면 기쁘고 놀라서 어쩔 줄 몰라 했습니다.  
 
15 내 스스로 깨닫고 체험한 이야기를 통해 하나님의 말씀을 가르친 탓인지 지금까지 이해가 안 돼 꽉 막혀있던 부분이 시원하게 해결되었다며 많은 사람들이 좋아했습니다. 큰 교회에 다니던 사람들 중에는 내 설교를 듣고 아예 다니던 교회를 그만 두고 우리 교회로 오는 이들도 있었습니다. 평양에서 제일 유명한 장대제교회에서 핵심일꾼이라고 불리던 열다섯 명이 한꺼번에 나를 찾아오는 바람에교회 장로들이 크게 항의한 적도 있었습니다.
 
16 김인주 아주머니의 시아버지는 평양에서 이름난 장로였습니다. 아주머니의 집이 바로 시아버지가 다니던 교회 담장 옆이었는데 그 교회로 가지 않고 시댁 식구들 몰래 장독대로 올라가 담을 넘어 우리 교회로 왔습니다. 아주머니는 태중에 딸을 가진 몸으로 두어 길이나 되는 담장을 무서운 줄도 모르고 뛰어넘었습니다.
 
17 이 일로 아주머니는 장로인 시아버지한테 모진 박해를 받았습니다. 나도 그것을 알고 있었습니다. 내 마음이 몹시 아픈 날이면 우리 식구를 아주머니 집으로 보냈습니다. 그런 날은 영락없이 아주머니가 시아버지한테 매를 맞고 있었습니다.
 
18 어찌나 모질게 때리는지 아주머니는 피눈물을 흘렸습니다. 그런데 우리 식구들이 대문 밖에 서있으면 조금도 아프지 않다며 '선생님은 제가 매를 맞는 걸 어찌 아셨어요? 우리 식구만 나타나면 나는 안 아픈데 때리는 시아버지는 힘이 들어 어쩔 줄 모르시니 어쩐 일인가요?" 하고 묻곤 했습니다.
 
19 매를 때리고 기둥에 묶어놓아도 며느리가 계속 우리 교회에 나오자 김인주 아주머니의 가족들이 교회로 찾아와 다짜고짜 나를 때리기도 했습니다. 옷이 찢기고 얼굴이 심하게 부어올랐지만 나는 단 한 번도 맞서지 않았습니다. 내가 맞서면 아주머니가 더욱 곤란해지리라는 것을 잘 알고 있었기 때문입니다.  
 
20 큰 교회에 다니던 사람들이 자꾸만 빠져나오자 기성교회의 목사들이 나를 시기해서 경찰에 고발했습니다. 그러자 가뜩이나 종교를 눈엣가시로 여겨 없애려고 하던 공산당국은 옳다구나 하고 나를 잡아들였습니다. 1946년 8월 11일 나는 남한에서 올라온 스파이란 죄를 뒤집어쓰고 평양 대동보안서로 끌려갔습니다. 이승만이 이북 정권에 욕심을 내고 북한에 밀파한 첩자라고 옭아맸습니다.
 
21 소련 조사관까지 나서서 나를 심판했지만 죄가 없는 걸 어쩌겠습니까. 결국 석 달 만에 무죄로 석방되었습니다만 몸은 만신창이가 되어있었습니다. 고문으로 피를 너무 많이 흘려 목숨이 위태로운 상태였지만 교회 식구들이 거둬주었습니다. 아무런 대가 없이 내게 생명을 준 것입니다.
 
22 그래서 나는 다시 힘을 얻어 교회 일을 시작했습니다. 일 년이 넘으니 교세가 부쩍 커졌습니다. 기성교회는 그런 우리를 가만히 놔두지 않았습니다. 기성교회에 다니던 신도들이 점점 더 많이 우리 교회로 몰려오자 나를 반대하는 기성교회 목사 80여 명이 경찰서에 투서를 넣었습니다.
 
23 1948년 2월 22일 나는 이승만의 스파이이자 사회질서를 문란하게 했다는 혐의로 또다시 공산당에게 잡혀갔습니다. 쇠고랑을 차고 끌려간 지 사흘 만에 머리를 깎이고 감옥에 갇혔습니다. 교회를 꾸리는 동안 길렀던 머리카락이 툭 하고 바닥으로 떨어지던 것이며 내 머리를 깎던 이 아무개의 모습까지 아직도 생생하게 기억하고 있습니다.
 
24 감옥에 있는 동안 죄를 자백하라며 무수히 때렸습니다. 그렇지만 피를 토하고 쓰러질 것 같은 순간에도 정신줄을 놓지 않고 버텼습니다. 고통이 너무 커서 허리가 퍽 하고 꺽이면 "아버지, 나 좀 구해주시오!" 하는 기도가 절로 나왔습니다.
 
25 그렇지만 다시 정신을 차리면서 "아버지 걱정마이소. 문선명이 아직 안 죽었습니다. 이렇게 형편없이 죽지 않습니다."하고 배짱을 내밀었습니다. 그렇습니다. 나는 죽을 때가 아니었습니다. 내 앞에는 완수해야 할 일들이 산처럼 쌓여있었고 내게는 그 일을 감당해야 할 사명이 있었습니다. 고문 따위에 굴복해 동정을 구할 정도로 나약한 내가 아니었습니다.
 
26 고문을 당해 쓰러질 때마다 '내가 맞는 매는 민족을 위해 맞는 거다, 내가 흘리는 눈물은 민족의 아픔을 대신해 우는 거다' 하는 생각으로 버텼습니다. 고통이 너무 심해 정신을 잃을 지경이 되면 영락없이 하나님의 음성이 들렸습니다. 숨이 끊어질락 말락 하는 순간에 하나님이 나타나십니다.
 
27 지금도 내 몸에는 그때 생긴 흉터가 여러 군데 남아있습니다. 살이 패고 피가 흐르던 자리는 이제 새살이 돋았지만 그날의 끔찍했던 고통은 흉터 속에 고스란히 남아있습니다. 나는 그날의 고통이 남긴 흉터를 바라보며 다짐하곤 합니다. "이 상처를 가진 너는 반드시 승리해야 돼."
 
28 구금된 지 만 40일 만인 4월 3일에 공판이 예정되어 있었지만 나흘이 연기되어 4월 7일에 공판이 열렸습니다. 공판정에는 이북에서 내로라하는 유명한 목사들이 우르르 몰려와서 나에게 별의별 욕을 다 해댔습니다. 종교는 아편이라며 공산당도 나를 비웃었습니다.  공판을 보러 나온 교회 식구들은 한쪽에서 구슬프게 울었습니다. 마치 자식이나 남편이 세상을 떠나기라도 한 것처럼 애절하게 울었습니다.
 
29 그렇지만 나는 눈물을 흘리지 않았습니다. 나를 보고 몸부림을 치며 울어주는 식구들이 있으니 하늘 길을 가는 나는 조금도 외롭지 않았습니다. 나는 불행한 사람이 아니니 울어서는 안 된다고 생각했습니다. 판결을 받고 공판정을 떠나면서 교회 식구들에게 수갑 찬 손을 흔들어주었습니다. 수갑에서 짤랑짤랑 종소리가 나는 것 같았습니다. 그날 바로 평양형무소에 수감되었습니다.
 
30 감옥살이는 조금도 두려울 것이 없었습니다. 한두 번 해보는 것이 아니었으니까요. 게다가 나는 감방장하고 친해지는데 선수입니다. 몇 마디만 이야기를 나누면 어떤 감방장이라도 금세 친구가 됩니다. 나는 누구와도 친구가 될 수 있습니다. 사랑하는 마음이 있으면 누구와도 마음을 터놓게 됩니다. 
 
31 며칠이 지나자 제일 구석진 곳에 앉아있는 나를 감방장이 윗자리로 끌어올렸습니다. 변기통 옆의 비좁은 구석이 내가 제일 좋아하는 자리인데 자꾸 더 높은 자리에 앉으라고 했습니다. 아무리 싫다고 해도 막무가내였습니다.
 
32 감방장하고 친해진 다음에는 방안 사람들을 하나하나 살핍니다. 사람의 얼굴은 그 사람의 모든 것을 말해줍니다. "아, 당신은 이렇게 생겼으니 이럴 것이고, 또 당신은 저렇게 생겼으니 저럴 것이오" 하고 이야기를 시작하면 모두들 놀라워했습니다.
 
33 처음 본 내가 자기 속을 알아맞히니 내심으로는 싫어하면서도 인정할 수밖에요. 누구하고도 맘을 터놓고 사랑의 마음을 나누니 감방에서도 친구가 생겨 살인수하고도 친해졌습니다. 억울한 감옥살이였지만 내게는 나름대로 뜻이 있는 단련기간이었습니다. 이 세상에 아무 뜻 없는 시련은 없습니다.
 
34 감옥에서는 이나 벼룩도 다 친구입니다. 감옥 안의 추위가 얼마나 혹독한지 죄수복의 시침질한 곳으로 줄을 지어 기어다니는 이를 잡아 한 곳에 늘어놓으면 이들끼리 서로 달라붙어 동그랗게 됩니다. 그걸 말똥구리처럼 데굴데굴 굴리면 서로 떨어지지 않으려고 안간힘을 씁니다. 이는 본래 파고드는 성질이 있어서 서로서로 머리를 들이대고 뭉쳐서는 궁둥이만 내밀고 있는데, 이 광경을 보는 것도 그렇게 재미날 수 없습니다. 
 
35 세상에 이나 벼룩을 좋아하는 사람은 없습니다. 그렇지만 감옥에 있다보면 이나 벼룩도 소중한 이야기 상대가 됩니다. 빈대나 벼룩을 보는 순간 문득 깨닫게 되는 묵시가 있는데 그걸 놓쳐서는 안됩니다. 하나님이 언제 무엇을 통해 말씀하실지 모릅니다. 그러니 벼룩이니 빈대니 하는 것들도 귀하게 살필 줄 알아야 합니다.

平和を愛する世界人として 
第二章　涙で満たした心の川―神の召命と艱難
 
9. 拒否できない命令
 
光復の直後、韓国の実情は言うに言えない混乱状態でした。お金があっても、米を手に入れることは簡単ではありませんでした。とうとう家に米がなくなったので、買っておいた米を取リに黄海道の白川に向かいました。その途中でのことです。
 
「三八度線を越えて行きなさい！北の方にいる神様に仕える人々を取り戻しなさい！」という啓示が下りました。
 
私は即座に、三八度線を越えて平壌に向かいました。長男が生まれて二月しか経っていない時でした。今か今かと私を待つ妻が心配でしたが、家に戻る余裕はありませんでした。神のみ言は厳しいものです。み言を受けたら、従順に即応しなければなりません。創世記から黙示録まで数十回も線を引いて読み、ごま粒のようなメモ書きで真っ黒になったぼろぼろの『聖書』一冊だけを携えて、私は三八度線を越えて行きました。
 
その時はもう共産党から逃れようと、北から避難民が続々と南下してきていました。特に、共産党が宗教を迫害したので、多くのキリスト教徒が宗教の自由を求めて南側に下ってきました。宗教はアヘンだと言って、民衆に宗教を持たせないようにしたのが共産党です。そのような地に、私は天の召命を受けて向かったのです。牧師であれば嫌う共産党の支配する世界に、私は自分の足で歩いて入っていきました。
 
避難民が増えるや、北側の警戒が物々しくなって、三八度線を超えることすら容易ではありませんでした。しかし、百二十里 (約四十八キロメートル) の道を歩いて三八度線を越え、さらに平壌に到着する時まで、なぜこの険難な道を行かなければならないかと私は一度たりとも疑いませんでした。
 
一九四六年六月六日、平壌に到着しました。もともと平壌は「東洋のエルサレム」と呼ばれたように、キリスト教が深く根を下ろしている所です。日本の占領期には、神社参拝は言うに及ばず、皇居のある東方に向かって敬礼させる東方遥拝など、ありとあらゆる弾圧が縦横に加えられました。私は平壌の西門に近い景昌里の羅最燮氏の家で伝道生活を始めました。その人は南にいた時から知っていた教会の執事です。
 
最初の日、近くの子供たちを集めて世話をすることから始めました。子供たちが来れば、『聖書』のみ言を付け加えた童話を聞かせて、一緒に遊びました。子供であっても必ず敬語を使い、真心を込めて世話しました。そうしながら、私が伝えたい新しいみ言を誰かが聞きに来るだろうと待ったのです。ある時は一日中門の外を眺めて、人を懐かしく思ったりもしました。そうやってじっと待っていると、やがて篤実な信仰心を持った人たちが私を訪ねてくるようになりました。その人たちを迎えて、私は夜通し新しいみ言を教えました。訪ねてくる人には、三歳の子供であろうと腰の曲がった目の遠い老人であろうと、愛の心で敬拝し、天に対するように仕えました。年取ったお爺さん、お婆さんが訪ねてきても、夜遅くまで話をしました。「なんだ、年を取った老人なので嫌だな」というような思いを持ったことは一度もありません。人は誰でも尊いのです。人が尊いことにおいて、老若男女に差別はありません。
 
二十六歳の若々しい青年がローマ人への手紙やヨハネの黙示録を教えるのですが、その話が今まで聞いたことのない内容なのか、志のある者が一人、二人と集まり始めました。毎日のように来ては、喋ることもなく、ただ話だけを聞いていった器量の良い青年である金元弼は、そうやって私の一番目の弟子になりました。私は、平壌師範学校を卒業し教鞭を執っていた彼と二人で、交代でご飯を炊いて食べ、師弟の絆を深めました。
 
私は一度『聖書』の講義を始めると、信徒たちがやることがあると言って先に席を立たない限りは休みませんでした。精いっぱいの情熱を注いで教えたので、体中から汗が滝のように流れました。みんなに分からないように、外に出て服を脱いで絞ると、服から水がぽたぽたと落ちます。暑い夏だけではありません。雪の降る厳寒の季節でもそうでした。そうやって全身全霊を込めて教えました。
 
礼拝を捧げる時は必ずきれいな白い服を着ました。讃美歌を数十回繰り返して歌い、情熱的な礼拝を捧げました。参会者が感動にあふれて涙を流すので、世間は私たちの教会を指して「泣く教会」とも呼んだのです。礼拝が終わると、一人一人が受けた恵みを証しします。証しをしている間、参会者は皆、恵みによって体が天に舞い上がるような体験をしました。
 
私たちの教会には、入神する人、予言する人、異言を語る人、また異言を通訳する人等々、霊通する人が多く現れました。時として私たちの教会に合わない人が来ていたりすると、霊通した人が目を閉じたままその人のところに行って、肩をバーンと叩きます。すると、叩かれた人は急に涙や鼻水を流して、悔い改めのお祈りをするようになります。そうやって熱い聖霊の火がサーッと通り過ぎていくのでした。
 
聖霊の火の役事(神のみ業、神霊の働き)が起こると、長い間患っていた病気がきれいに治ったりもしました。特に、私が残したご飯を食べて胃腸病が治ったという人の話が周囲に広まると『教会のご飯は薬ご飯』と言って、私が残したご飯を待つ人も大勢現れました。
 
このような聖霊の体験が知られてから、教会の門を閉めることができないほど信者の数が増えました。池承道ハルモニ (お婆さん) や玉世賢ハルモニは、夢の中で「若い先生が南から上がってきて、万寿台を渡ったところにいる。行って会いなさい」という言葉を受けて、訪ねてきました。誰かが伝道したとか導いたとかではなくて、天が教えた住所を聞いて、路地を歩き回って探し当て、「夢でお会いした方がまさに先生です」と言って喜んだのです。神学を勉強した牧師たちも私を訪ねてきました。私は彼らの顔だけ見ても、何が気がかりで訪ねてきたかが分かりました。何も聞かずに彼らの疑問に答えを示してあげると、喜びながら、びっくりして感激に震えるばかりでした。
 
自ら悟って体験した話から神のみ言を説いたせいか、今まで理解できずに疑問だった部分がすっきりと解決されたと言って、多くの人たちが喜びました。大きな教会に通った人の中には、私の説教を聞いて、通っていた教会をやめて私たちの教会に来る人もいました。平壌で一番有名な章台峴教会の中核メンバー十五人が一度に私を訪ねてきて、教会の長老たちが激しく抗議してきたこともあります。
 
金仁珠夫人の義父は平壌で有名な長老でした。しかし彼女は義父の教会には行かず、家が義父の通っていた教会のそばだったので、夫の家族に気づかれないように、庭の甕置き台を上がって、家の塀を越えて私たちの教会に来たのです。夫人はおなかに娘がいる体で、二尋 (約三・六四メートル)ほどの高さになる塀を、危険を顧みずに跳び越えて来ました。これが元で、彼女は長老である義父母から激しい迫害を受けました。私もそのことを知っていました。ひどく胸が痛む日は、信者を夫人の家に送って様子を」かがわせましたが、そのような日は間違いなく義父から鞭打たれていました。よほどひどく曜かれたのか夫人は血涙を流していました。
 
ところで、夫人は食口 (家族の意。教会の信徒を、親しみを込めてこう呼ぶ) たちが門の外に立っていると少しも痛くいと言います。「先生は、私が鞭打たれるとどうしてお分かりになったのですか。食口がいると私は痛みもなく、叩く義父の方がくたびれてどうすることもできないのです。一体どうしたことでしょうか」と話していました。
 
鞭を振るい、柱に縛り付けておいても、嫁が懲りずに私たちの教会に行くようになると、金仁珠夫人の家族が教会にやって来て、いきなり私を殴ったりもしました。服が破れ、顔が大きく腫れ上がりましたが、私は一度も刃向かいませんでした。刃向かえば、夫人がもっと困難になるとよく知っていたからです。
 
大きな教会に通う信徒たちがどんどん抜け出してくると、既成キリスト教会の牧師たちは、私をねたんで警察に告発するようになりました。ただでさえ宗教を目の上のこぶと見て一掃しようと狙っていた共産党当局は、格好の口実を得て私を捕らえにかかりました。
 
一九四六年八月十一日、私は「南から上がってきたスパイ」の汚名を着せられて、平壌の大同保安署に連行されました。南の李承晩が半島北部の政権に欲を出して密かに北に派遣したスパイだと決めつけたのです。
 
監獄暮らしといっても特に恐ろしくはありませんでした。経験があったからでしょうか。その上また、私は監房長と親しくなるのが上手です。二言三言話をすれば、どんな監房長でもすぐに友達になってしまいます。誰とでも友達になれるし、愛する心があれば誰でも心を開くようになっています。
 
数日経つと、一番端っこに座っている私を、監房長が上の場所に引っ張ってくれました。便器のそばのとても狭い隅っここそ私が一番好む場所なのに、しきりにもっと良い場所に座れと言ってきます。いくら嫌だと言ってもどうしようもないことでした。
 
監房長と親しくなったら、今度は監房の住人を一人一人調べてみます。人の顔はその人の何もかもを物語ってくれます。「ああ、あなたはこうだからこのような人であり、あなたはああだからあのような人である」と言って話を始めれば、誰もが驚きました。初めて会った私が心の中を言い当てるので、内心は嫌っても認めざるを得ません。
 
誰であっても心を開いて愛情をもって接するので、監房でも友人ができ、殺人犯とも親しくなりました。やるせない監獄暮らしだったとはいえ、私には私なりに意味のある鍛錬期間でした。この世の中に意味のない試練はありません。
 
監獄ではシラミもノミも皆友達です。獄中の寒さは格別なものがあって、囚人服の仮縫いのところから糸を伝わって行き来するシラミを捕まえて一箇所に並べると、シラミどうしが互いにへばり付き合って丸くなるほどです。それをフンコロガシのようにごろごろ転がせば、互いに離れまいと必死になります。シラミはもともと入り込む性質があって、互いに頭を突き合わせてくっついてはお尻だけ出しているので、この光景を見るのも面白くてたまりません。
 
世の中にシラミやノミを好きな人はいないでしょう。しかし、監獄ではシラミやノミも貴重な話し相手になります。南京虫やノミを見る瞬間、ふと悟る啓示がありますが、それを逃してはなりません。神がいつ何を通して語られるか予測できません。南京虫やノミであっても貴く思って調べてみることができなければなりません。
 
監獄にいる問、罪を自白せよと数限りなく殴られました。しかし、血を吐いて倒れ、息が絶えそうになる瞬間にも、気を失わずに耐え忍びました。腰が折れたかと思うほどの激しい苦痛が襲うと、「天のお父様、私をちょっと助けてください」という祈りが自然と出てきます。そうすると再び気を取り直して、「お父様、心配なさらないでください。文鮮明はまだ死にません。こんなふうにみすぼらしく死んだりしません」と言って、堂々と振る舞いました。そうです。私はまだ死ぬ時ではありませんでした。私の前には完遂しなければならないことが山のようにあったし、私にはそれらをやり遂げる使命がありました。拷問ごときに屈服して同情を買う程度のいくじなしの私ではありません。今も私の体にはその時できた傷跡がいくつか残っています。肉が削げ、血が流れた箇所は、今はもう新しい肉が付きましたが、その日味わった激しい苦痛は、傷跡の中にそっくりそのまま残っています。私は、その日の苦痛が染み付いた傷跡を眺めて誓ったこともあるのです。
 
「この傷を持ったおまえは必ず勝利しなければならない」
 
ソ連の調査官まで出てきて私を糾弾しましたが、罪がないのでどうしようもありません。結局、およそ三カ月後の一九四六年十一月二十一日、捨てられるようにして釈放されました。拷問であまりに多くの血を流して命の危険がある状態でしたが、信徒たちがよく世話してくれました。無条件に尽くして私に生命を与えてくれました。
 
こうして、私はもう一度気力を振り絞って教会の仕事を始めました。教勢が急に大きくなったのは、それから一年を過ぎた頃です。ところが、既成キリスト教会はそのような私たちを放っておきませんでした。既成教会の信徒たちがより一層私たちの教会に集まるようになると、反対する既成キリスト教会の牧師八十人以上が、共産党当局に投書して私を告発しました。これを受けて、私は再度共産党によって連行されたのです。平壌内務署に捕縛された日が一九四入年二月二十二日でした。鎖を付けて引かれていき、四日目に頭を刈られました。その時に私の頭を刈った人の姿まで生き生きと覚えています。教会を切り盛りしていた間に長く伸びた髪の毛が、ぼとりと床に落ちました。
 
捕縛されるやいなや、またしても鋭い拷問が開始されました。拷問を受けて倒れるたびに、「私が受ける鞭は民族のために受けるのだ。私が流す涙は民族の痛みを代表して流すのだ」という思いで耐え忍びました。極度の苦痛で気を失いそうになると、間違いなく神様の声が聞こえました。神様は息が絶えるか絶えないかという瞬間に現れます。
 
公判は四月七日でした。本来、拘禁されて満四十日になる四月三日が公判の予定でしたが、七日に延期されたのです。公判廷には、北で有名な牧師たちがぞろぞろと集まってきて、私にありとあらゆる悪口を浴びせました。宗教はアヘンだと言う共産党も私を嘲笑しました。公判を見に来た教会の信徒たちは、弁護側の席で物悲しく泣いていました。まるで子供や夫が世を去ってしまったかのように哀切な祈りを捧げていました。しかし、私は涙を流しませんでした。私を見て身悶えして泣いてくれる信徒たちがいるので、天の道を行く者として少しも寂しくなかったのです。「私は不幸な人ではない。だから泣いてはならない」と思いました。判決を受けて公判廷を後にする際、彼らに手錠のかかった手を振ってあげると、手錠からチャランチャランと音がしました。その音がちょうど鐘の音のようでした。私はその日すぐに平壌刑務所に収監されました。

As a peace-loving global citizen
CHAPTER TWO - A River of Heart Flows with Tears
 
9. A Command That Must Be Obeyed

Immediately following liberation, our country was in indescribable chaos. Daily necessities were difficult to come by, even for people with money. We ran out of rice in our home, so I set out for Paekchon, Hwanghae Province, a community north of Seoul and just south of the 38th parallel, to pick up some rice that had been purchased previously. On my way, though, I received a revelation that said: “Go across the 38th parallel! Find the people of God who are in the North.”
      
I immediately crossed the 38th parallel and headed for Pyongyang. It had been only a month since our first son was born. I was concerned for my wife. I knew she would be anxiously waiting for me, but there was no time for me to return home before going north. God’s commands are very serious, and they must be followed without reservation or hesitation. I took nothing with me except for the Bible that I had read dozens of times and had filled with underlined notes to myself in tiny letters the size of grains of sesame seeds.
       
Refugees were already streaming south to escape communist rule. In particular, the Communist Party’s rejection of religion meant that many Christians were heading south in search of the freedom to worship. The communists branded religion as the opiate of the people and insisted that no one could have a religion. This was the place where I went, following the call from Heaven. No minister would want to go into such a place, but I went there with my own two feet.

As the number of refugees heading south increased, the North began to tighten its border security. It was not easy for me to get across the 38th parallel. During the time it took me to walk thirty miles to the border and until my arrival in Pyongyang, I never questioned why I had to go such a difficult course.
       
I arrived in Pyongyang on June 6. Christianity had set down its roots so deeply in this city that it was known as “the Jerusalem of the East.” During their occupation, the Japanese had tried in several ways to suppress Christianity. They forced its citizens to worship at Shinto shrines and even had them bow in the direction of the imperial palace in Tokyo, where the emperor lived. After arriving in Pyongyang, I began my evangelical work in the home of Seob Choi Rah, who lived in the Kyongchang Ri neighborhood near Pyongyang’s West Gate.
       
I began by taking care of the children in the neighborhood. I would tell them children’s stories that illustrated Bible verses. They were children, but I spoke to them in the polite form of speech normally reserved for adults and did my best to take care of them. At the same time, I held out hope that someone would come to hear the new message that I had to convey. There were days when I would watch the front gate the whole day, hoping that someone would come. Soon, people with sincere faith began coming to see me.

I would speak to them through the night, teaching them the new message. It didn’t matter who came. It could be a three-year-old child or a blind old woman with a bent back. I treated them all with love and respect. I bowed down in front of them and served them as though they had come from heaven. Even if my guests were old men and women, I would share with them late into the night.
       
I never said to myself, “Oh, I hate it when such old people come.”

Everyone is precious. Whether it is a man or woman, young or old, everyone has the same precious value.
       
People listened to this 26-year-old young man talk to them about the Letter to the Romans and the Book of Revelation. What they heard was different from what they had heard elsewhere, so gradually people hungry for the truth began to gather. One young man would come every day and listen to me speak but would then leave without saying a word. !is was Won Pil Kim. He became the first member of my spiritual family. He had graduated from Pyongyang Normal School and was working as a teacher. We took turns preparing the rice for meals, and this was how we formed the relationship of spiritual master and disciple.
       
Once I began lecturing on the Bible, I could not stop until members of the congregation excused themselves, saying they had other places to go. I preached with such passion that I would sweat all over my body. Sometimes I would take a break and go into a separate room where I was alone, take o" my shirt, and wring the sweat out of it. It was like this not just during the summer but even in the cold of winter. That was how much energy I poured into my teaching.

For services, everyone dressed in clean white clothing. We sang the same hymns dozens of times in repetition, making it a very passionate service. Members of the congregation would be so moved and inspired that we would all begin to weep. People called us “the weeping church.” When services ended, members of the congregation testified about the grace they had received during the service. During these testimonies we felt intoxicated by grace. It was as though our bodies were floating up to heaven.
       
Many people in our church had spiritual experiences. Some would go into trances, some would prophesy, some would speak in tongues, some would interpret. Sometimes a person who did not belong to our church yet would be in the congregation. Another congregant would go up to him with eyes closed and tap him on the shoulder. Then that person would suddenly begin praying a tearful prayer of repentance. In such instances, the hot fire of the Holy Spirit would pass through our gathering. When the Holy Spirit did its work, people were cured of long-existing illnesses, as thoroughly as though they had never existed. A rumor began to circulate that someone had eaten some of my leftover rice and been cured of an abdominal condition. People began to say, “The food at that church has medicinal effects,” and many people began to wait for me to finish eating, hoping to eat any rice I might leave.
       
As such spiritual phenomena became known, our congregation grew, and soon we had so many people that we could not close the doors. Grandmother Sung Do Ji and Grandmother Se Hyun Ok came to the church because they each had a dream in which they were told, “A young spiritual teacher has come from the South and is now across from Mansudae, so go meet him.” No one evangelized them. They simply came to the address that they were given in their dreams. When they arrived they were happy to see that I was the person they had heard about in their dreams. I only had to see their faces to understand why they had come. When I answered their questions, without first asking them what they wanted to know, they were beside themselves with joy and surprise.

I taught the word of God through stories about my own experiences. Perhaps for this reason, many people found they were able to receive clear answers to questions that they had never been able to get answered previously. Some believers from large churches in the city converted to our church a.er hearing me preach. In one instance, fifteen core members of the Jangsujae Church, the most prominent church in Pyongyang, came to our church as a group, causing members of the elders board of that church to lodge a strong protest against us.
       
Mrs. In Ju Kim’s father-in-law was a well-known elder in Pyongyang. The family home was directly adjacent to the church that her father-in-law attended. Yet, instead of attending that church she secretly attended ours. To leave her home without her in-laws knowing she would go to the back of the house, climb up onto one of the large earthenware jars, and then climb over the fence. She did this when she was pregnant, and the fence she climbed was two or three times the height of a normal person. It took courage for her to do that. Eventually, she received severe persecution from her father-in-law. I would know when this was happening. On days when I would feel a strong pain in my heart, I would send someone to Mrs. Kim’s home. As they stood outside her home they could hear her being beaten severely by her father-in-law. He would beat her so severely that she would shed tears of blood. She would say later, though, that the knowledge that our members were standing outside the gate praying for her would take away her pain.
       
“Teacher, how did you know I was being beaten?” she would later ask me. “When our members are at the gate, my pain goes away, and my father-in-law finds that it takes much more energy for him to beat me. Why is that?”

Her in-laws beat her and even tied her to a post, but they still could not stop her from coming to our church. Finally, her family members came to our church and started beating me. They tore my clothing and made my face swell up, but I never struck them back. I knew that doing so would only make the situation even more difficult for Mrs. Kim.
       
As more people from large churches around Pyongyang began attending our services, the ministers of these established churches became jealous and complained about us to the police. The communist authorities considered religion to be a thorn in their side and were looking for excuses to suppress it. They jumped on the opportunity given to them by these ministers and took me into custody. On August 11, 1946, I was charged with coming from the South for the purpose of espionage and imprisoned in the Daedong Security Station. I was falsely accused of being sent to the North by South Korean President Syngman Rhee as part of an attempt to take over the North.
       
They even brought in a Soviet interrogator, but they could not establish that I had committed any crime. Finally, after three months, they found me not guilty and released me, but by this time my body was in terrible shape. I had lost so much blood while being tortured that my life was in grave danger. The members of my church took me in and cared for me. They risked their lives for me, without expecting anything in return. Once I recovered I resumed my evangelical work. Within a year our congregation had become quite large. !e established churches would not leave us alone. More and more members of their congregations began attending our services. Finally, some eighty ministers took action by writing letters to the police. On February 22, 1948, I was again taken into custody by the communist authorities. I was charged with being a spy for Syngman Rhee and with disturbing the social order. I was taken away in handcuffs. Three days later, my head was shaved and I was placed in a prison cell. I still remember how it felt to watch my hair, which I had grown during the time I was leading the church, fall to the floor. I also remember the face of the man, a Mr. Lee, who cut my hair.
 
In prison, the authorities beat me endlessly and demanded that I confess my crimes. I endured, though. Even as I was vomiting blood and seemed on the verge of death, I never let myself lose consciousness. Sometimes the pain would be so great I would bend over at the waist. Without thinking, I found myself praying, “God, save me.” In the next moment, though, I caught myself and prayed with confidence, “God, don’t worry about me. Sun Myung Moon is not dead yet. I won’t let myself die in such a miserable way as this.” I was right. It was not yet time for me to die. There was a mountain of tasks before me that I had to accomplish. I had a mission. I was not someone so weak as to be beaten into submission by something as trivial as torture.

Each time I collapsed from the torture I would endure by telling myself, “I am being beaten for the sake of the Korean people. I am shedding tears as a way of shouldering the pain of our people.” When the torture was so severe that it took me to the verge of losing consciousness, I would invariably hear the voice of God. In the moments when my life seemed about to end, God would appear to me. My body still carries several scars that I received then. The flesh that was gouged from my body and the blood that was lost have been replaced, but the pain of that experience remains with me in these scars. I have o.en looked at these scars and told myself, “Because you carry these scars, you must succeed.”
       
I was scheduled to go to trial on April 3, the fortieth day of my imprisonment. This was delayed by four days, however, and my trial was held on April 7. Many of the most famous ministers in North Korea came to the courtroom and accused me of all manner of crimes. The Communist Party also scorned me, saying religion was the opiate of the people. Members of our congregation stood to one side and wept sorrowfully. They wept as though their child or husband had passed away. I did not shed tears, however. I had members who would weep for me with such sorrow that they were writhing in pain, so I did not feel lonely as I traveled Heaven’s path. I was not facing misfortune, so I felt I should not weep. As I left the courthouse a.er my sentencing I raised my shackled hands and shook them as a sign to our members. The shackles made a clanging sound that sounded to me like bells. That day I was taken to the Pyongyang Prison.

I did not fear life in prison. It was not as if this were the first time for me. Also, there was a hierarchy among the prisoners in each cell, and I was quite good at becoming friends with the head prisoner at the top of this hierarchy. All I had to do was exchange a few words and any head prisoner would quickly become my friend. When we have a heart of love we can open anyone’s heart.

After I had been in the cell, sitting in the farthest corner, for a few days, the head prisoner moved me to a higher position. I wanted to sit in a tiny corner next to the toilet, but he kept insisting that I move to a higher position in the cell. No matter how much I refused, he insisted.

After making friends with the head prisoner, I looked carefully at each person in the cell. A person’s face tells everything about him.

“Oh, your face is this way, so you must be this way.” “Your face is such a way, so you must have such a trait.”

The prisoners were surprised to find how much I could tell them about themselves by reading their facial features. In their minds they didn’t like the fact that a person they were seeing for the first time was able to tell so much about them, but they had to acknowledge that I was describing them correctly.
 
I was able to open my heart and share with everyone, so in prison, too, I had friends. I became friends with a murderer. It was an unjust imprisonment for me, but it was a meaningful period of training. Any period of trial in this world has important meaning.

In prison even the lice are friends. It was extremely cold in the prison. Lice would crawl in single file along the seams of our prison clothes. When we took the lice and put them together, they would attach themselves to each other and become like a tiny round ball. We would roll these, similar to the way horse dung beetles roll balls of dung, and the lice would do everything they could to stay together. Lice have a character of digging in, and they would put their heads together so that only their back ends were sticking out. We had a lot of fun in the cell watching this.

No one likes lice or fleas. In prison, though, even lice and fleas become important partners for conversation. The moment you set your eyes on a bedbug or flea, some realization flashes in your mind, and it is important that you not let this pass without notice. We never know when, or through what means, God will speak to us. So we need to be mindful to examine carefully even things like bedbugs and fleas.

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