Choosing Your Ideal Spouse
Choosing a spouse may be one of the most important decisions you make in your life. Yet, on what basis will you do it? Will you leave it to destiny? Will you leave it to chance? Will you settle for less than you want because you believe that what you want is not readily available? Choosing a mate is so vitally important to your level of happiness and success and yet people often pay it less attention than choosing a home or a car. People prefer to attribute it to some mystical force of the universe, some divine power, and hope for the best. Given the high rate of divorce in the world today, it seems clear that this method of choosing your life partner just is not working. Is it destiny? Is it all beyond your control? I submit that while destiny certainly has a role to play you have an even greater role to play in the choice. Over the course of your life, you will date, and even fall in love with, many people. However, who you choose to spend the rest of your life with should have as much to do with making an intelligent informed decision as with falling in love.
The most critical information you need to know is what you want in a mate. The first step you need to take in choosing the perfect mate is to determine your requirements in a mate. There are several different kinds of attributes and this can seem like an overwhelming task at first. If you break it down into distinct areas identifying the characteristics of your ideal mate will become a more manageable project. Some categories to consider include Physical attributes, Career, Health, Finance, Family, Religion, Background, and most importantly, Personal Character and Values. One technique which you can use when choosing the characteristics of your ideal mate is to consider your past relationships. Consider which characteristics of your ex-partners that you truly enjoyed and which sent your blood pressure spiraling upwards. What attracted you to them in the first place? What caused the relationship to end? In order to move forward it is very important to learn from the past.
Did you feel completely contented and satisfied when your ex-partner hugged you or held your hand? Then affection may be one of your requirements. Did you feel frustrated by your ex-partner’s lack of willingness to engage in a lively debate? Then conversation may be one of your needs. Another technique which may help you in determining the characteristics of your ideal mate is to consider people that you admire or dislike. These may be people that you know personally or even celebrities and people in the news. What characteristic is it that you admire about them? What characteristic is it that you dislike? Personal character is probably the most important area when considering what you want in a mate and it is often the area that gets the least attention.
Most other attributes of a person flow out of their character and values. A person who is hard working and persistent is likely to be financially well off or well on their way to it. A person who has strong moral values is likely to be spiritual. A person who is dogmatic and traditional may be religious. In identifying the qualities of your ideal mate pay the most attention to identifying the characteristics and values your ideal mate would have. What qualities must your mate display? Persistence? Industriousness? Compassion? Affection? Determination? Honesty? High Integrity? Sensuality? Sexuality? Self-discipline? Vivaciousness? Out-going? Intelligence? Wit? Worldliness? Knowledge? Conversant? Sociable? Entertaining? Loyal? This list can be quite long. But it is critical that you identify the characteristics that are of essential import!ance to you. Consider the flip side of this as well.
What qualities must your mate absolutely NOT have? Dishonesty? Lack of integrity? Laziness? Social ineptitude? And so on. Another important thing is to not be concerned about whether your desires and needs are right or shallow or unpopular. You are choosing YOUR perfect mate, not what society dictates to be your perfect mate. So if you absolutely must be with a blond, then nothing short of this could truly result in your happiness. Trust your own judgment. Resist the urge to judge your needs. Your needs are your needs and you will not likely be happy withanything less. So be honest with yourself. Do not concern yourself with what you think you ‘should’ want. Concern yourself only with what you actually do want and need.
raised questions
1.what is the important thing for you in choosing a spouse? 2.in choosing a partner is dating and marrige different? if so why? 3.what are characteristics that you absolutely cannot stand? why? 4,what personality characteristics are a must in marrige? 5.what can you say about yourself as a a spouse?