PART 6 // chapter 2-3

[모나리자]

"라주미힌 씨!" 포르피리 페트로비치가 소리쳤다. 라스콜니코프의 질문에 기뻐하는 듯했다. 라스콜니코프는 그때까지 침묵을 지켰다. "헤헤헤! 하지만 라주미힌 씨를 밀어내야 했다. 둘은 동행자이고, 셋은 동행자가 아니다. 라주미힌 씨는 올바른 사람이 아니다. 게다가 그는 외부인이다. 그는 창백한 얼굴로 내게 달려왔다... 하지만 그는 신경 쓰지 마. 왜 데려왔어? 니콜라이에게 돌아가서, 그가 어떤 타입인지, 내가 그를 어떻게 이해하는지 알고 싶니? 우선, 그는 아직 어린아이이고 정확히는 겁쟁이는 아니지만 예술가적인 면이 있다. 정말로, 내가 그를 그렇게 묘사하는 것을 보고 웃지 마. 그는 순진하고 영향력에 민감하다. 그는 마음이 있고 환상적인 친구다.

그는 노래하고 춤추며, 이야기를 들려준다고 한다. 그래서 다른 마을에서 사람들이 그의 이야기를 들으러 온다. 그는 학교에도 다니고, 손가락을 들어 올리면 울 때까지 웃는다. 그는 술을 마셔서 정신을 잃을 지경이 될 것입니다. 일반적인 악습이 아니라, 사람들이 그를 아이처럼 대할 때 말입니다. 그리고 그는 자신도 모르게 도둑질을 했습니다. '훔친 것을 주워 담는 것이 어떻게 도둑질일 수 있겠습니까?' 그리고 당신은 그가 구교도, 아니 오히려 이교도라는 것을 알고 있습니까? 그의 가족에는 방랑자[*]가 있었고, 그는 2년 동안 어떤 장로의 영적 지도를 받으며 마을에 있었습니다.

저는 이 모든 것을 니콜라이와 그의 마을 사람들로부터 배웠습니다. 그리고 무엇보다도 그는 황무지로 달려가고 싶어했습니다! 그는 열정으로 가득 차 있었고, 밤에 기도하고, 오래된 책, '진짜' 책을 읽고, 스스로를 미치게 읽었습니다. [*] 종교 종파.—번역자 주. "페테르부르크는 그에게 큰 영향을 미쳤고, 특히 여성과 와인이 영향을 미쳤습니다. 그는 모든 것에 반응하고 장로와 그 모든 것을 잊었습니다. 나는 이곳의 한 예술가가 그를 좋아해서 그를 보러 갔고, 이제 이 일이 그에게 생겼다는 것을 알게 되었습니다. "음, 그는 두려워서 목을 매달려고 했습니다! 그는 도망쳤습니다! 러시아 법적 절차에 대한 사람들의 생각을 어떻게 극복할 수 있을까요?

'재판'이라는 단어 자체가 그들 중 일부를 두렵게 합니다. 누구의 잘못일까요? 새로운 배심원들이 무엇을 할지 지켜보겠습니다. 하느님께서 그들이 좋은 일을 하도록 허락해 주시기를! 음, 감옥에서 그는 존경하는 장로를 기억한 듯합니다. 성경도 다시 나타났습니다.

로디온 로마노비치, 이 사람들 중 일부에게 '고통'이라는 단어의 힘이 무엇인지 아십니까! 누군가의 이익을 위해 고통을 겪는 것이 아니라 단순히 '고통을 겪어야 합니다.' 그들이 권위자들의 손에 고통을 받는다면 더 좋습니다. 제가 살던 시절에 매우 온순하고 온화한 죄수가 한 해 동안 감옥에 갇혀서 밤에 난로 위에서 성경을 읽으며 자신을 미친 사람이라고 읽었습니다. 정말 미친 사람인 줄 아십니까? 어느 날, 아무 생각 없이 벽돌을 집어서 주지사에게 던졌습니다. 주지사는 그에게 해를 끼치지 않았는데도 말입니다.

그리고 그가 던진 방식도요. 주지사를 다치게 할까 봐 의도적으로 한쪽으로 1야드 떨어진 곳을 향해 던졌습니다. 글쎄요, 우리는 무기로 장교를 공격하는 죄수에게 무슨 일이 일어나는지 압니다. 그래서 '그는 그의 고통을 짊어졌습니다.' "그래서 저는 지금 니콜라이가 그의 고통을 짊어지고 싶어하거나 그런 종류의 일을 하고 싶어한다고 생각합니다. 사실 저는 확실히 알고 있습니다. 다만 그는 제가 안다는 것을 모릅니다. 뭐, 농민들 사이에 그런 환상적인 사람들이 있다는 것을 인정하지 않으십니까? 그런 사람들이 많습니다. 이제 장로는 그에게 영향을 미치기 시작했습니다. 특히 그가 목을 매달려고 한 이후로요. 하지만 그는 직접 와서 모든 것을 말할 겁니다.

그가 참을 것 같아? 잠깐만 기다려, 그는 말을 번복할 거야. 나는 그가 와서 증거를 포기하기를 몇 시간씩 기다리고 있어. 나는 니콜라이를 좋아하게 되었고, 그를 자세히 연구하고 있어. 그리고 너는 어떻게 생각해? 하하! 그는 어떤 면에서는 매우 그럴듯하게 대답했어. 그는 분명 증거를 수집했고, 교묘하게 자신을 준비했어. 하지만 다른 면에서는 그저 혼란스러워서 아무것도 모르고, 자신이 모른다는 사실조차 의심하지 않아! "아니, 로디온 로마노비치, 니콜라이는 들어오지 않아! 이건 환상적이고 우울한 일이야, 현대적 사건이야, 오늘날 인간의 마음이 혼란스러울 때의 사건인데, 피가 '새롭게 된다'는 문구가 인용될 때,

알아, 로디온 로마노비치, 이 사람들 중 일부에게 '고통'이라는 단어의 힘이 얼마나 큰지! 누군가의 이익을 위해 고통을 겪는 것이 아니라, 그저 '고통을 겪어야 한다'는 거야. 그들이 권위자들의 손에 고통을 받는다면 더 좋잖아. 제가 있을 때 매우 온순하고 온화한 죄수가 한 해 동안 감옥에 갇혀서 밤에 난로 위에서 성경을 읽으며 자신을 미친 사람으로 읽었습니다. 정말 미친 사람인 줄 아십니까? 어느 날, 아무 생각 없이 벽돌을 집어서 주지사에게 던졌습니다. 주지사는 그에게 해를 끼치지 않았는데도 말입니다. 그리고 던지는 방식도요. 주지사를 다치게 할까 봐 의도적으로 한쪽으로 1야드 떨어진 곳을 향해 던졌습니다.

글쎄요, 우리는 무기로 장교를 공격하는 죄수에게 무슨 일이 일어나는지 압니다. 그래서 '그는 그의 고통을 짊어졌습니다.' "그래서 저는 지금 니콜라이가 그의 고통을 짊어지고 싶어하거나 그런 종류의 일을 하고 싶어한다고 생각합니다. 사실 저는 확실히 알고 있습니다. 다만 그는 제가 안다는 것을 모릅니다. 뭐, 농민들 사이에 그런 환상적인 사람들이 있다는 것을 인정하지 않으십니까? 그런 사람들이 많습니다. 이제 노인이 그에게 영향을 미치기 시작했습니다. 특히 그가 목을 매달려고 한 이후로요. 하지만 그는 와서 직접 모든 것을 말할 겁니다.

그가 버틸 거라고 생각하세요? 잠깐만요. 그는 자신의 말을 철회할 겁니다. 나는 그가 와서 자신의 증거를 포기하기를 몇 시간씩 기다리고 있습니다. 나는 그 니콜라이를 좋아하게 되었고 그를 자세히 연구하고 있습니다. 그리고 당신은 어떻게 생각하십니까? 하하! 그는 어떤 면에서는 매우 그럴듯하게 대답했습니다. 그는 분명히 증거를 수집하고 영리하게 자신을 준비했습니다. 하지만 다른 면에서는 그는 그저 바다에 떠 있고 아무것도 모르고 자신이 모른다는 것을 의심조차 하지 않습니다! "아니요, 로디온 로마노비치, 니콜라이는 들어오지 않습니다!

이것은 환상적이고 우울한 사건이며, 현대의 사건이며, 인간의 마음이 혼란스러울 때, 피가 '새롭게 된다'는 문구가 인용될 때,

편안함이 삶의 목표로 설교될 때의 오늘날의 사건입니다. 여기서 우리는 책 속의 꿈, 이론에 의해 흔들리는 마음을 가지고 있습니다. 여기서 우리는 첫 번째 단계에서의 결의를 보지만, 특별한 종류의 결의입니다. 그는 절벽이나 종탑에서 뛰어내리는 것처럼 그것을 하기로 결심했고, 범죄를 저지르러 가는 동안 그의 다리는 떨렸습니다. 그는 문을 닫는 것을 잊고 이론을 위해 두 사람을 살해했습니다.

그는 살인을 저질렀지만 돈을 가져갈 수 없었고, 그가 낚아채는 데 성공한 것은 돌 밑에 숨었습니다. 그들이 문을 두드리고 종을 울리는 동안 문 뒤에서 고통을 겪는 것만으로는 충분하지 않았습니다. 아니, 그는 반쯤 정신이 나간 채로 빈 숙소로 가서 종소리를 떠올려야 했습니다. 그는 다시 한 번 차가운 떨림을 느끼고 싶었습니다... 글쎄요, 우리는 그것이 병 때문이라고 인정하지만, 이것을 생각해보세요: 그는 살인자이지만 자신을 정직한 사람으로 여기고, 다른 사람들을 멸시하고, 상처받은 무고한 사람으로 가장합니다.

아니, 그것은 니콜라이의 작품이 아닙니다, 나의 사랑하는 로디온 로마노비치!” 이전에 말한 모든 것이 이 말이 너무나 큰 충격으로 들렸습니다. 라스콜니코프는 마치 칼에 찔린 것처럼 몸을 떨었습니다. "그럼... 그럼 누가... 살인자인가요?" 그는 숨가쁘게 물었고, 자신을 제지할 수 없었다.

포르피리 페트로비치는 그 질문에 놀란 듯 의자에 등을 기대고 앉았다. "누가 살인자야?" 그는 귀를 믿을 수 없다는 듯이 되뇌었다. "왜, 너, 로디온 로마노비치! 네가 살인자야." 그는 거의 속삭이듯, 진정한 확신의 목소리로 덧붙였다.

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“Mr. Razumihin!” cried Porfiry Petrovitch, seeming glad of a question from Raskolnikov, who had till then been silent. “He-he-he! But I had to put Mr. Razumihin off; two is company, three is none. Mr. Razumihin is not the right man, besides he is an outsider. He came running to me with a pale face.... But never mind him, why bring him in? To return to Nikolay, would you like to know what sort of a type he is, how I understand him, that is? To begin with, he is still a child and not exactly a coward, but something by way of an artist. Really, don’t laugh at my describing him so. He is innocent and responsive to influence. He has a heart, and is a fantastic fellow.

He sings and dances, he tells stories, they say, so that people come from other villages to hear him. He attends school too, and laughs till he cries if you hold up a finger to him; he will drink himself senseless—not as a regular vice, but at times, when people treat him, like a child. And he stole, too, then, without knowing it himself, for ‘How can it be stealing, if one picks it up?’ And do you know he is an Old Believer, or rather a dissenter? There have been Wanderers[*] in his family, and he was for two years in his village under the spiritual guidance of a certain elder.

I learnt all this from Nikolay and from his fellow villagers. And what’s more, he wanted to run into the wilderness! He was full of fervour, prayed at night, read the old books, ‘the true’ ones, and read himself crazy. [*] A religious sect.—TRANSLATOR’S NOTE. “Petersburg had a great effect upon him, especially the women and the wine. He responds to everything and he forgot the elder and all that. I learnt that an artist here took a fancy to him, and used to go and see him, and now this business came upon him. “Well, he was frightened, he tried to hang himself! He ran away! How can one get over the idea the people have of Russian legal proceedings?

The very word ‘trial’ frightens some of them. Whose fault is it? We shall see what the new juries will do. God grant they do good! Well, in prison, it seems, he remembered the venerable elder; the Bible, too, made its appearance again.

Do you know, Rodion Romanovitch, the force of the word ‘suffering’ among some of these people! It’s not a question of suffering for someone’s benefit, but simply, ‘one must suffer.’ If they suffer at the hands of the authorities, so much the better. In my time there was a very meek and mild prisoner who spent a whole year in prison always reading his Bible on the stove at night and he read himself crazy, and so crazy, do you know, that one day, apropos of nothing, he seized a brick and flung it at the governor; though he had done him no harm.

And the way he threw it too: aimed it a yard on one side on purpose, for fear of hurting him. Well, we know what happens to a prisoner who assaults an officer with a weapon. So ‘he took his suffering.’ “So I suspect now that Nikolay wants to take his suffering or something of the sort. I know it for certain from facts, indeed. Only he doesn’t know that I know. What, you don’t admit that there are such fantastic people among the peasants? Lots of them. The elder now has begun influencing him, especially since he tried to hang himself. But he’ll come and tell me all himself.

You think he’ll hold out? Wait a bit, he’ll take his words back. I am waiting from hour to hour for him to come and abjure his evidence. I have come to like that Nikolay and am studying him in detail. And what do you think? He-he! He answered me very plausibly on some points, he obviously had collected some evidence and prepared himself cleverly. But on other points he is simply at sea, knows nothing and doesn’t even suspect that he doesn’t know! “No, Rodion Romanovitch, Nikolay doesn’t come in! This is a fantastic, gloomy business, a modern case, an incident of to-day when the heart of man is troubled, when the phrase is quoted that blood ‘renews,’ when

Do you know, Rodion Romanovitch, the force of the word ‘suffering’ among some of these people! It’s not a question of suffering for someone’s benefit, but simply, ‘one must suffer.’ If they suffer at the hands of the authorities, so much the better. In my time there was a very meek and mild prisoner who spent a whole year in prison always reading his Bible on the stove at night and he read himself crazy, and so crazy, do you know, that one day, apropos of nothing, he seized a brick and flung it at the governor; though he had done him no harm. And the way he threw it too: aimed it a yard on one side on purpose, for fear of hurting him.

Well, we know what happens to a prisoner who assaults an officer with a weapon. So ‘he took his suffering.’ “So I suspect now that Nikolay wants to take his suffering or something of the sort. I know it for certain from facts, indeed. Only he doesn’t know that I know. What, you don’t admit that there are such fantastic people among the peasants? Lots of them. The elder now has begun influencing him, especially since he tried to hang himself. But he’ll come and tell me all himself.

You think he’ll hold out? Wait a bit, he’ll take his words back. I am waiting from hour to hour for him to come and abjure his evidence. I have come to like that Nikolay and am studying him in detail. And what do you think? He-he! He answered me very plausibly on some points, he obviously had collected some evidence and prepared himself cleverly. But on other points he is simply at sea, knows nothing and doesn’t even suspect that he doesn’t know! “No, Rodion Romanovitch, Nikolay doesn’t come in!

This is a fantastic, gloomy business, a modern case, an incident of to-day when the heart of man is troubled, when the phrase is quoted that blood ‘renews,’ when

comfort is preached as the aim of life. Here we have bookish dreams, a heart unhinged by theories. Here we see resolution in the first stage, but resolution of a special kind: he resolved to do it like jumping over a precipice or from a bell tower and his legs shook as he went to the crime. He forgot to shut the door after him, and murdered two people for a theory.

He committed the murder and couldn’t take the money, and what he did manage to snatch up he hid under a stone. It wasn’t enough for him to suffer agony behind the door while they battered at the door and rung the bell, no, he had to go to the empty lodging, half delirious, to recall the bell-ringing, he wanted to feel the cold shiver over again.... Well, that we grant, was through illness, but consider this: he is a murderer, but looks upon himself as an honest man, despises others, poses as injured innocence.

No, that’s not the work of a Nikolay, my dear Rodion Romanovitch!” All that had been said before had sounded so like a recantation that these words were too great a shock. Raskolnikov shuddered as though he had been stabbed. “Then... who then... is the murderer?” he asked in a breathless voice, unable to restrain himself.

Porfiry Petrovitch sank back in his chair, as though he were amazed at the question. “Who is the murderer?” he repeated, as though unable to believe his ears. “Why, you, Rodion Romanovitch! You are the murderer,” he added, almost in a whisper, in a voice of genuine conviction.

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