PART 6 // chapter 2-3

[모나리자]

라스콜니코프는 소파에서 뛰어내려 몇 초 동안 일어나서 아무 말도 하지 않고 다시 앉았다. 그의 얼굴이 경련하듯 꿈틀거렸다. "당신의 입술이 예전처럼 꿈틀거리고 있어요." 포르피리 페트로비치가 거의 동정하는 듯이 관찰했다. "당신은 나를 오해한 것 같아요, 로디온 로마노비치." 그는 잠시 멈춘 후 덧붙였다. "그래서 그렇게 놀라는 거예요. 나는 당신에게 모든 것을 말하고 공개적으로 당신을 대하려고 일부러 온 거예요." "내가 그녀를 죽인 게 아니에요." 라스콜니코프가 마치 현장에서 잡힌 겁에 질린 아이처럼 속삭였다. "아니, 당신이었어요, 로디온 로마노비치, 그리고 다른 사람은 아니에요." 포르피리는 확신에 차서 엄하게 속삭였다.

두 사람 모두 침묵했고 그 침묵은 이상하게도 오래 지속되었다. 약 10분 정도. 라스콜니코프는 팔꿈치를 테이블에 얹고 손가락으로 머리카락을 쓰다듬었다. 포르피리 페트로비치는 조용히 앉아 기다렸다. 갑자기 라스콜니코프가 포르피리를 경멸조로 바라보았다. "또 옛날 수작을 쓰시네요, 포르피리 페트로비치! 또 옛날 수법이군요. 질리지 않으실까요!" "아, 그만하세요. 지금 그게 뭐 중요해요? 증인이 있다면 별 문제겠지만, 우리는 혼자 속삭이는 거예요. 내가 토끼처럼 당신을 쫓아가서 잡으러 온 게 아니라는 걸 당신도 알잖아요. 당신이 자백하든 안 하든 지금은 아무 상관없어요. 나로서는 그게 없어도 확신이 서요." "그렇다면, 왜 왔는가?"

라스콜니코프가 짜증내며 물었다. "같은 질문을 다시 할게요. 내가 유죄라고 생각한다면, 왜 나를

감옥에 가두지 않으세요?" "아, 그게 당신의 질문이에요! 요점만 대답할게요. 우선, 당신을 그렇게 직접 체포하는 건 내 이익이 아니에요." "어떻게요? 확신한다면, 당신은...." "아, 내가 확신한다면 어떡해요? 그건 지금으로선 내 꿈일 뿐이에요. 왜 당신을 안전한 곳에 가두어야 하죠? 당신이 내게 그렇게 하라고 했으니까, 그게 전부라는 걸 알잖아요. 예를 들어 내가 그 일꾼을 마주하고 당신이 그에게 '술에 취했나요? 누가 나와 함께 있는 걸 봤나요? 나는 그저 당신이 취한 줄 알았고, 당신도 취했어요.'라고 말한다면, 글쎄요, 특히 당신의 이야기가 그의 이야기보다 더 그럴듯하기 때문에, 내가 뭐라고 대답할 수 있을까요?

그의 증거를 뒷받침할 수 있는 것은 심리학 외에 아무것도 없습니다. 그의 못생긴 얼굴에는 거의 어울리지 않는데, 당신은 정확히 맞혔습니다. 그 악당은 만연한 술꾼이고 악명 높기 때문입니다. 그리고 저는 이미 그 심리학이 두 가지 방식으로 해석될 수 있으며 두 번째 방식이 더 강력하고 훨씬 더 가능성이 높아 보이며, 그 외에는 아직 당신에게 아무런 적의가 없다고 솔직하게 인정했습니다. 그리고 비록 제가 당신을 감옥에 가두고 실제로 예의에 어긋나게 미리 알려드리러 왔을지라도, 예의에 어긋나게도 솔직히 말씀드리지만, 그것은 제게 이롭지 않을 것입니다. 글쎄요, 두 번째로, 제가 당신을 찾아온 이유는..."

"그렇습니다, 그렇습니다, 두 번째로?" 라스콜니코프는 숨가쁘게 듣고 있었다. "왜냐하면, 방금 말씀드렸듯이, 저는 당신에게 설명을 해야 한다고 생각합니다. 저는 당신이 저를 괴물로 여기기를 바라지 않습니다. 저는 당신을 진심으로 좋아하기 때문입니다. 당신은 저를 믿든 믿지 않든 말입니다. 그리고 세 번째로 저는 당신에게 직접적이고 공개적인 제안을 가지고 왔습니다. 항복하고 자백하라는 것입니다.

그러면 당신에게도 훨씬 더 유리하고 나에게도 유리할 거야. 내 임무가 완료될 테니까. 글쎄, 내가 이걸 열 수 있는 건가?" 라스콜니코프는 잠시 생각했다. "들어봐, 포르피리 페트로비치. 방금 심리학밖에 할 게 없다고 했는데, 지금은 수학으로 넘어갔잖아. 글쎄, 만약 네가 착각했다면 어떡하지?"

"아니, 로디온 로마노비치. 나는 착각하지 않았어. 그때도 약간의 사실이 있었어. 신이 보내준 거야." "어떤 약간의 사실?" "뭐라고 말하지는 않을 거야, 로디온 로마노비치. 그리고 어쨌든, 나는 더 이상 미룰 권리가 없어. 나는 너를 체포해야 해. 그러니 생각해 봐. 지금은 나한테 아무런 상관이 없고, 나는 너를 위해서만 말해. 믿어, 더 나을 거야, 로디온 로마노비치." 라스콜니코프는 악의에 찬 미소를 지었다. "그게 터무니없는 일이 아니라, 정말로 뻔뻔스러운 거야. 왜, 내가 유죄라고 하더라도, 나는 인정하지 않지만, 당신이 직접 감옥에서 더 안전할 것이라고 말했을 때, 내가 자백할 이유가 무엇이겠습니까?”

“아, 로디온 로마노비치, 말에 너무 많은 신뢰를 두지 마십시오. 아마도 감옥은 전적으로 안식처가 아닐 것입니다. 그것은 단지 이론이고 내 이론일 뿐이며, 내가 당신에게 무슨 권위가 있습니까? 아마도 지금도 당신에게 무언가를 숨기고 있을 것입니다? 나는 모든 것을 폭로할 수 없습니다, 하하! 그리고 어떻게 무슨 이점이 있는지 물어볼 수 있습니까? 그것이 어떻게 당신의 형량을 줄일 수 있는지 모르십니까? 당신은 다른 사람이 스스로 범죄를 저지르고 전체 사건을 혼란스럽게 만든 순간에 자백할 것입니다. 그것을 고려하십시오! 나는 신 앞에서 맹세합니다. 나는 당신의 자백이 완전히 예상치 못한 일이 되도록 준비할 것입니다.

우리는 이 모든 심리적 요점, 당신에 대한 의심을 깨끗이 없앨 것입니다. 그래서 당신의 범죄가 일종의 변칙처럼 보일 것입니다. 왜냐하면 진실로 그것은 변칙이었기 때문입니다. 나는 정직한 사람이야, 로디온 로마노비치. 내 말을 지킬 거야." 라스콜니코프는 슬픈 침묵을 유지하며 낙담한 듯 고개를 숙였다. 그는 오랫동안 생각에 잠긴 후 마침내 다시 미소를 지었지만, 그의 미소는 슬프고 부드러웠다.

"아니!" 그는 포르피리와 체면을 유지하려는 모든 시도를 포기한 듯 말했다. "그럴 가치가 없어, 형량 감형은 상관없어!" "바로 그게 두려웠어!" 포르피리는 따뜻하게 외쳤고, 무의식적으로 그렇게 보였다. "바로 그게 두려웠어, 형량 감형에 신경 쓰지 않을 거야."

라스콜니코프는 슬프고도 표현력 있게 그를 바라보았다. "아, 인생을 경멸하지 마!" 포르피리는 계속했다. "앞으로 많은 인생이 기다리고 있어. 형량 감형을 원하지 않는다고 어떻게 말할 수 있어? 참을성 없는 녀석이야!" "앞으로 많은 인생이 기다리고 있어?" "인생에 대해서 말이야. 당신은 어떤 종류의 예언자입니까? 그것에 대해 많이 알고 있습니까? 찾으면 발견할 것입니다. 이것은 하나님께서 당신을 그분께 데려오기 위한 수단일 수 있습니다. 그리고 그것은 영원한 것이 아닙니다, 속박은..." "시간은 단축될 것입니다." 라스콜니코프가 웃으며 말했다.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raskolnikov leapt from the sofa, stood up for a few seconds and sat down again without uttering a word. His face twitched convulsively. “Your lip is twitching just as it did before,” Porfiry Petrovitch observed almost sympathetically. “You’ve been misunderstanding me, I think, Rodion Romanovitch,” he added after a brief pause, “that’s why you are so surprised. I came on purpose to tell you everything and deal openly with you.” “It was not I murdered her,” Raskolnikov whispered like a frightened child caught in the act. “No, it was you, you Rodion Romanovitch, and no one else,” Porfiry whispered sternly, with conviction.

They were both silent and the silence lasted strangely long, about ten minutes. Raskolnikov put his elbow on the table and passed his fingers through his hair. Porfiry Petrovitch sat quietly waiting. Suddenly Raskolnikov looked scornfully at Porfiry. “You are at your old tricks again, Porfiry Petrovitch! Your old method again. I wonder you don’t get sick of it!” “Oh, stop that, what does that matter now? It would be a different matter if there were witnesses present, but we are whispering alone. You see yourself that I have not come to chase and capture you like a hare. Whether you confess it or not is nothing to me now; for myself, I am convinced without it.” “If so, what did you come for?”

Raskolnikov asked irritably. “I ask you the same question again: if you consider me guilty, why don’t you take me to

prison?” “Oh, that’s your question! I will answer you, point for point. In the first place, to arrest you so directly is not to my interest.” “How so? If you are convinced you ought....” “Ach, what if I am convinced? That’s only my dream for the time. Why should I put you in safety? You know that’s it, since you ask me to do it. If I confront you with that workman for instance and you say to him ‘were you drunk or not? Who saw me with you? I simply took you to be drunk, and you were drunk, too.’ Well, what could I answer, especially as your story is a more likely one than his?

for there’s nothing but psychology to support his evidence—that’s almost unseemly with his ugly mug, while you hit the mark exactly, for the rascal is an inveterate drunkard and notoriously so. And I have myself admitted candidly several times already that that psychology can be taken in two ways and that the second way is stronger and looks far more probable, and that apart from that I have as yet nothing against you. And though I shall put you in prison and indeed have come—quite contrary to etiquette—to inform you of it beforehand, yet I tell you frankly, also contrary to etiquette, that it won’t be to my advantage. Well, secondly, I’ve come to you because...”

“Yes, yes, secondly?” Raskolnikov was listening breathless. “Because, as I told you just now, I consider I owe you an explanation. I don’t want you to look upon me as a monster, as I have a genuine liking for you, you may believe me or not. And in the third place I’ve come to you with a direct and open proposition—that you should surrender and confess.

It will be infinitely more to your advantage and to my advantage too, for my task will be done. Well, is this open on my part or not?” Raskolnikov thought a minute. “Listen, Porfiry Petrovitch. You said just now you have nothing but psychology to go on, yet now you’ve gone on mathematics. Well, what if you are mistaken yourself, now?”

“No, Rodion Romanovitch, I am not mistaken. I have a little fact even then, Providence sent it me.” “What little fact?” “I won’t tell you what, Rodion Romanovitch. And in any case, I haven’t the right to put it off any longer, I must arrest you. So think it over: it makes no difference to me now and so I speak only for your sake. Believe me, it will be better, Rodion Romanovitch.” Raskolnikov smiled malignantly. “That’s not simply ridiculous, it’s positively shameless. Why, even if I were guilty, which I don’t admit, what reason should I have to confess, when you tell me yourself that I shall be in greater safety in prison?”

“Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, don’t put too much faith in words, perhaps prison will not be altogether a restful place. That’s only theory and my theory, and what authority am I for you? Perhaps, too, even now I am hiding something from you? I can’t lay bare everything, he-he! And how can you ask what advantage? Don’t you know how it would lessen your sentence? You would be confessing at a moment when another man has taken the crime on himself and so has muddled the whole case. Consider that! I swear before God that I will so arrange that your confession shall come as a complete surprise.

We will make a clean sweep of all these psychological points, of a suspicion against you, so that your crime will appear to have been something like an aberration, for in truth it was an aberration. I am an honest man, Rodion Romanovitch, and will keep my word.” Raskolnikov maintained a mournful silence and let his head sink dejectedly. He pondered a long while and at last smiled again, but his smile was sad and gentle.

“No!” he said, apparently abandoning all attempt to keep up appearances with Porfiry, “it’s not worth it, I don’t care about lessening the sentence!” “That’s just what I was afraid of!” Porfiry cried warmly and, as it seemed, involuntarily. “That’s just what I feared, that you wouldn’t care about the mitigation of sentence.”

Raskolnikov looked sadly and expressively at him. “Ah, don’t disdain life!” Porfiry went on. “You have a great deal of it still before you. How can you say you don’t want a mitigation of sentence? You are an impatient fellow!” “A great deal of what lies before me?” “Of life. What sort of prophet are you, do you know much about it? Seek and ye shall find. This may be God’s means for bringing you to Him. And it’s not for ever, the bondage....” “The time will be shortened,” laughed Raskolnikov.

8339