PART 6 // chapter 3-3

[모나리자]

"왜 그렇게 서두르세요?" 스비드리가일로프가 그를 호기심 어린 눈으로 바라보며 물었다. "모두가 각자의 계획이 있어요." 라스콜니코프가 침울하고 참을성 없이 대답했다. "방금 당신 스스로 솔직하게 말하라고 재촉했는데, 첫 질문에는 대답을 거부하시네요." 스비드리가일로프가 미소를 지으며 말했다. "당신은 내가 나만의 목표를 가지고 있다고 계속 생각하시고, 그래서 나를 의심의 눈초리로 바라보시는군요. 물론 당신의 입장에서는 아주 자연스러운 일이죠. 하지만 당신과 친구가 되고 싶긴 하지만, 그 반대를 설득하려고 애쓰지는 않을 거예요. 그 게임은 촛불만한 가치가 없고, 당신과 특별한 이야기를 하려고 한 것도 아니었어요." "그럼 당신은 왜 저를 원하신 거예요? 제 주변에 매달려 있던 건 당신이었잖아요."

"그냥 흥미로운 관찰 대상으로요. 당신의 입장이 환상적이라는 게 좋았어요. 바로 그거였어요! 게다가 당신은 나에게 큰 관심을 가진 사람의 동생이고, 그 사람에게서 나는 과거에 당신에 대해 많은 이야기를 들었고, 당신이 그녀에게 큰 영향을 미쳤다는 것을 알게 되었습니다. 그것으로 충분하지 않습니까? 하하하! 그래도 당신의 질문은 다소 복잡하고 내가 대답하기 어렵다는 것을 인정해야겠습니다. 예를 들어, 당신은 확실한 목적이 있을 뿐만 아니라 새로운 것을 듣기 위해 나를 찾아왔습니다.

그렇지 않습니까? 그렇지 않습니까?" 스비드리가일로프가 교활한 미소를 지으며 계속 말했습니다. "그럼 나도 기차를 타고 여기 오는 길에 당신을 생각하고, 당신이 나에게 새로운 것을 말하고, 당신에게서 약간의 이익을 얻고 있다고 생각하지 않습니까! 우리가 얼마나 부유한지 보셨습니까!"

"당신은 어떤 이익을 얻을 수 있었습니까?" "어떻게 말할 수 있습니까? 어떻게 알 수 있습니까? 내가 얼마나 많은 시간을 선술집에서 보내는지 알겠지? 그게 내 즐거움이야. 다시 말해, 그렇게 큰 즐거움은 아니지만, 어딘가에 앉아야 해. 지금 불쌍한 카티아를 봤지?... 내가 지금 대식가였더라면, 클럽 미식가였더라면, 하지만 알겠지? 내가 이걸 먹을 수 있다는 걸." 그는 모서리에 있는 작은 테이블을 가리켰는데, 거기에는 끔찍하게 생긴 쇠고기 스테이크와 감자가 주석 접시에 놓여 있었다. "그런데 저녁은 먹었어?

뭔가 먹었고 더 먹고 싶지 않아. 예를 들어, 전혀 마시지 않아. 샴페인을 제외하고는 아무것도 건드리지 않고, 저녁 내내 한 잔 이상 마시지 않아. 심지어 그게 내 머리가 아플 정도야.

방금 내가 긴장을 풀려고 주문했어. 내가 어딘가로 떠나려고 하는데, 넌 내가 이상한 정신 상태에 있는 걸 봐. 그래서 방금 학생처럼 숨었어. 네가 날 방해할까 봐 두려웠거든. 하지만 저는 믿습니다." 그는 시계를 꺼냈다. "저는 당신과 한 시간을 보낼 수 있을 것 같아요. 지금은 4시 반이에요. 제가 무언가 되었을 뿐이었어요. 지주, 아버지, 기병 장교, 사진작가, 기자... 저는

아무것도 아니고, 전문 분야도 없고, 때로는 정말 지루해요. 당신이 새로운 것을 말해 줄 거라고 정말 생각했어요." "하지만 당신은 무엇이고, 왜 여기 왔습니까?" "저는 무엇입니까? 아시다시피, 신사입니다. 저는 기병대에서 2년 복무했고, 그 후 상트페테르부르크에서 이곳저곳을 돌아다니다가 마르파 페트로브나와 결혼해서 시골에서 살았습니다.

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“Why in such haste?” asked Svidrigaïlov, looking at him curiously. “Everyone has his plans,” Raskolnikov answered gloomily and impatiently. “You urged me yourself to frankness just now, and at the first question you refuse to answer,” Svidrigaïlov observed with a smile. “You keep fancying that I have aims of my own and so you look at me with suspicion. Of course it’s perfectly natural in your position. But though I should like to be friends with you, I shan’t trouble myself to convince you of the contrary. The game isn’t worth the candle and I wasn’t intending to talk to you about anything special.” “What did you want me, for, then? It was you who came hanging about me.”

“Why, simply as an interesting subject for observation. I liked the fantastic nature of your position—that’s what it was! Besides you are the brother of a person who greatly interested me, and from that person I had in the past heard a very great deal about you, from which I gathered that you had a great influence over her; isn’t that enough? Ha-ha-ha! Still I must admit that your question is rather complex, and is difficult for me to answer. Here, you, for instance, have come to me not only for a definite object, but for the sake of hearing something new.

Isn’t that so? Isn’t that so?” persisted Svidrigaïlov with a sly smile. “Well, can’t you fancy then that I, too, on my way here in the train was reckoning on you, on your telling me something new, and on my making some profit out of you! You see what rich men we are!”

“What profit could you make?” “How can I tell you? How do I know? You see in what a tavern I spend all my time and it’s my enjoyment, that’s to say it’s no great enjoyment, but one must sit somewhere; that poor Katia now—you saw her?... If only I had been a glutton now, a club gourmand, but you see I can eat this.” He pointed to a little table in the corner where the remnants of a terrible-looking beef-steak and potatoes lay on a tin dish. “Have you dined, by the way?

I’ve had something and want nothing more. I don’t drink, for instance, at all. Except for champagne I never touch anything, and not more than a glass of that all the evening, and even that is enough to make my head ache.

I ordered it just now to wind myself up, for I am just going off somewhere and you see me in a peculiar state of mind. That was why I hid myself just now like a schoolboy, for I was afraid you would hinder me. But I believe,” he pulled out his watch, “I can spend an hour with you. It’s half-past four now. If only I’d been something, a landowner, a father, a cavalry officer, a photographer, a journalist... I am

nothing, no specialty, and sometimes I am positively bored. I really thought you would tell me something new.” “But what are you, and why have you come here?” “What am I? You know, a gentleman, I served for two years in the cavalry, then I knocked about here in Petersburg, then I married Marfa Petrovna and lived in the country.