PART 6 // chapter 4-1

[모나리자]

"아마도 알겠죠. 네, 제가 직접 말씀드렸죠." 스비드리가일로프가 말을 시작했습니다. "저는 엄청난 돈을 받고 채무자 감옥에 있었고, 그것을 갚을 수 있을 것이라는 기대는 전혀 없었습니다. 마르파 페트로브나가 어떻게 저를 사들였는지 자세히 설명할 필요는 없습니다. 여성이 때때로 얼마나 미칠 정도로 사랑할 수 있는지 아십니까? 그녀는 정직한 여성이었고, 완전히 무식했지만 매우 현명했습니다.

이 정직하고 질투심 많은 여성이 히스테리와

비난의 장면을 많이 겪은 후에도 저와 일종의 계약을 맺고 결혼 생활 내내 그 계약을 지켰다고 믿으십니까? 그녀는 저보다 훨씬 나이가 많았고, 게다가 항상 입에 정향이나 무언가를 물고 있었습니다. 제 영혼에는 너무나 많은 돼지 같은 것이 있었고, 어떤 면에서는 정직해서 제가 그녀에게 절대적으로 충실할 수 없다고 솔직하게 말할 정도였습니다.

이 고백은 그녀를 미칠 지경으로 만들었지만, 그녀는 어떻게 보면 제 잔인한 솔직함을 좋아한 듯합니다. 그녀는 내가 미리 이렇게 경고한다면 그녀를 속일 생각이 없다는 것을 보여주는 것이라고 생각했고, 질투심 많은 여자에게는 그게 가장 중요한 고려 사항입니다. 많은 눈물을 흘린 후 우리 사이에 서면이 아닌 계약이 작성되었습니다. 첫째, 나는 결코 마르파 페트로브나를 떠나지 않고 항상 그녀의 남편이 될 것입니다. 둘째, 그녀의 허락 없이는 결코 자리를 비우지 않을 것입니다. 셋째, 나는 결코 영구적인 여주인을 두지 않을 것입니다. 넷째, 이에 대한 대가로 마르파 페트로브나는 하인들과 자유롭게 일할 수 있게 해주었지만, 그녀의 비밀 지식으로만 가능합니다. 다섯째, 하느님께서 우리 계층의 여자와 사랑에 빠지는 것을 금하셨습니다. 여섯째, 만약 내가—하느님께서 금하셨지만—심각한 열정에 휩싸이게 된다면 나는 그것을 마르파 페트로브나에게 밝혀야 했습니다.

그러나 이 마지막 점에 있어서는 마르파 페트로브나는 상당히 편안했습니다. 그녀는 현명한 여자였기 때문에 나를 진정한 사랑을 할 수 없는 방탕한 방탕자로 보지 않을 수 없었습니다. 하지만 현명한 여자와 질투하는 여자는 전혀 다른 존재이고, 바로 거기서 문제가 생겼습니다. 하지만 어떤 사람들을 공평하게 판단하려면 선입견과 우리 주변의 평범한 사람들에 대한 우리의 습관적인 태도를 버려야 합니다.

저는 누구의 판단보다 당신의 판단을 믿을 이유가 있습니다. 아마 당신은 이미 마르파 페트로브나에 대한 터무니없고

터무니없는 이야기를 많이 들었을 것입니다. 그녀는 확실히 터무니없는 짓을 많이 했지만, 솔직히 말해서 저는 제가 일으킨 수많은 불행에 대해 정말 미안하게 생각합니다. 글쎄요, 제 생각에는 가장 다정한 남편의 가장 다정한 아내를 위한 예의 바른 추모 기도로는 충분할 것 같습니다. 우리가 다투었을 때, 저는 보통 입을 다물고 그녀를 화나게 하지 않았고, 그 신사적인 행동은 목적을 달성하지 못하는 경우가 드물었습니다. 그것은 그녀에게 영향을 미쳤고, 그녀를 기쁘게 했습니다.

그때 그녀는 저를 정말 자랑스러워했습니다. 하지만 당신의 자매는 참을 수 없었습니다. 그런데 그녀는 가정교사로 그렇게 아름다운 생물을 자기 집에 데려오는 위험을 무릅썼습니다. 제 설명은 마르파 페트로브나가 열렬하고 인상에 남는 여성이었고, 단순히 당신 자매와 사랑에 빠졌다는 것입니다. 문자 그대로 사랑에 빠졌습니다. 글쎄요, 당연하죠. 아브도티아 로마노브나를 보세요! 저는 첫눈에 위험을 알아챘고, 어떻게 생각하세요? 저는 그녀를 보지 않기로 결심했습니다. 하지만 아브도티아 로마노브나 자신이 첫발을 내디뎠습니다. 믿으시겠어요?

마르파 페트로브나가 처음에 당신 자매에 대한 저의 끊임없는 침묵과 아브도티아 로마노브나에 대한 그녀의 끊임없는 칭찬에 대한 부주의한 반응에 대해 저에게 긍정적으로 화가 났다는 것을 믿으시겠어요? 그녀가 무엇을 원했는지는 모르겠습니다! 글쎄요, 물론 마르파 페트로브나는 아브도티아 로마노브나에게 저에 대한 모든 세부 사항을 말했습니다. 그녀는 불행하게도 우리 가족의 모든 비밀을 문자 그대로 모든 사람에게 말하고 계속해서 저에 대해 불평하는 습관이 있었습니다. 그녀가 어떻게 그렇게 사랑스러운 새로운 친구에게 털어놓지 않을 수 있었을까요?

그들은 나에 대해서만 이야기했을 것이고, 아브도티아 로마노브나는 나에 대한 어둡고 신비로운 소문을 다 들었을 것이다.... 당신도 이미 그런 소문을 들었을 거라고 내기하고 싶다.

"들었어. 루진이 당신이 어린아이의 죽음을 초래했다고 고소했어. 사실인가?" "그런 저속한 이야기는 하지 마, 부탁이야." 스비드리가일로프가 혐오감과 짜증을 담아 말했다.

"그 모든 어리석은 일에 대해 알고 싶어한다면 언젠가 말해줄게. 하지만 지금은..." "당신이 시골에서 심하게 대했던 하인에 대해서도 들었어." "그 이야기는 그만해." 스비드리가일로프가 다시 한번 참을성이 없다는 듯 말을 가로채며 말했다. "죽은 뒤에 파이프를 채워주러 온 하인이었나?...

당신이 직접 나에게 말했잖아." 라스콜니코프는 점점 더 짜증이 났다. 스비드리가일로프는 그를 주의 깊게 바라보았고, 라스콜니코프는 그 눈빛에서 악의에 찬 조롱이 번쩍이는 것을 느꼈다. 하지만 스비드리가일로프는 자신을 제지하고 매우 정중하게 대답했다. "그렇습니다. 당신도 매우 관심이 있다는 것을 알고 있으며, 첫 번째 기회에 당신의 호기심을 만족시키는 것이 제 의무라고 생각합니다. 제 영혼에! 어떤 사람들에게는 제가 정말 낭만적인 인물로 통할 수도 있다는 것을 압니다.

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CHAPTER IV

“You know perhaps—yes, I told you myself,” began Svidrigaïlov, “that I was in the debtors’ prison here, for an immense sum, and had not any expectation of being able to pay it. There’s no need to go into particulars how Marfa Petrovna bought me out; do you know to what a point of insanity a woman can sometimes love? She was an honest woman, and very sensible, although completely uneducated.

Would you believe that this honest and jealous woman, after many scenes of hysterics

and reproaches, condescended to enter into a kind of contract with me which she kept throughout our married life? She was considerably older than I, and besides, she always kept a clove or something in her mouth. There was so much swinishness in my soul and honesty too, of a sort, as to tell her straight out that I couldn’t be absolutely faithful to her.

This confession drove her to frenzy, but yet she seems in a way to have liked my brutal frankness. She thought it showed I was unwilling to deceive her if I warned her like this beforehand and for a jealous woman, you know, that’s the first consideration. After many tears an unwritten contract was drawn up between us: first, that I would never leave Marfa Petrovna and would always be her husband; secondly, that I would never absent myself without her permission; thirdly, that I would never set up a permanent mistress; fourthly, in return for this, Marfa Petrovna gave me a free hand with the maidservants, but only with her secret knowledge; fifthly, God forbid my falling in love with a woman of our class; sixthly, in case I—which God forbid—should be visited by a great serious passion I was bound to reveal it to Marfa Petrovna.

On this last score, however, Marfa Petrovna was fairly at ease. She was a sensible woman and so she could not help looking upon me as a dissolute profligate incapable of real love. But a sensible woman and a jealous woman are two very different things, and that’s where the trouble came in. But to judge some people impartially we must renounce certain preconceived opinions and our habitual attitude to the ordinary people about us.

I have reason to have faith in your judgment rather than in anyone’s. Perhaps you have already heard a great deal that was ridiculous

and absurd about Marfa Petrovna. She certainly had some very ridiculous ways, but I tell you frankly that I feel really sorry for the innumerable woes of which I was the cause. Well, and that’s enough, I think, by way of a decorous oraison funèbre for the most tender wife of a most tender husband. When we quarrelled, I usually held my tongue and did not irritate her and that gentlemanly conduct rarely failed to attain its object, it influenced her, it pleased her, indeed.

These were times when she was positively proud of me. But your sister she couldn’t put up with, anyway. And however she came to risk taking such a beautiful creature into her house as a governess. My explanation is that Marfa Petrovna was an ardent and impressionable woman and simply fell in love herself—literally fell in love—with your sister. Well, little wonder—look at Avdotya Romanovna! I saw the danger at the first glance and what do you think, I resolved not to look at her even. But Avdotya Romanovna herself made the first step, would you believe it?

Would you believe it too that Marfa Petrovna was positively angry with me at first for my persistent silence about your sister, for my careless reception of her continual adoring praises of Avdotya Romanovna. I don’t know what it was she wanted! Well, of course, Marfa Petrovna told Avdotya Romanovna every detail about me. She had the unfortunate habit of telling literally everyone all our family secrets and continually complaining of me; how could she fail to confide in such a delightful new friend?

I expect they talked of nothing else but me and no doubt Avdotya Romanovna heard all those dark mysterious rumours that were current about me.... I don’t mind betting that you too have heard something of the sort already?”

“I have. Luzhin charged you with having caused the death of a child. Is that true?” “Don’t refer to those vulgar tales, I beg,” said Svidrigaïlov with disgust and annoyance.

“If you insist on wanting to know about all that idiocy, I will tell you one day, but now...” “I was told too about some footman of yours in the country whom you treated badly.” “I beg you to drop the subject,” Svidrigaïlov interrupted again with obvious impatience. “Was that the footman who came to you after death to fill your pipe?...

you told me about it yourself.” Raskolnikov felt more and more irritated. Svidrigaïlov looked at him attentively and Raskolnikov fancied he caught a flash of spiteful mockery in that look. But Svidrigaïlov restrained himself and answered very civilly: “Yes, it was. I see that you, too, are extremely interested and shall feel it my duty to satisfy your curiosity at the first opportunity. Upon my soul! I see that I really might pass for a romantic figure with some people.