PART I // chapter 3-7

[모나리자]

그는 조심스럽게 대답하며, 물론 비서 없이는 살아갈 수 없으니, 친척에게 급여를 주는 편이 낯선 사람에게 급여를 주는 것보다 나을 것이라고 말했습니다. 친척이 직무에 적합하다면(당신이 적합하다는 의심이 있을 수 있는 것처럼!) 하지만 대학에서 공부하는 동안 그의 사무실에서 일할 시간이 있을지 의심스러워했습니다. 그 문제는 일단락되었지만, 두니아는 지금 다른 생각은 하지 않습니다. 그녀는 지난 며칠 동안 일종의 열병에 걸렸고, 결국 당신이 표트르 페트로비치의 사업에서 동료가 되고 심지어 파트너가 될 것이라는 정기적인 계획을 이미 세웠습니다. 당신이 법학을 전공하는 학생인 만큼 그럴 가능성이 큽니다.

저는 로디아와 완전히 동의하며, 그녀의 모든 계획과 희망을 공유하고, 그것들이 실현될 가능성이 충분하다고 생각합니다. 그리고 표트르 페트로비치가 지금은 매우 자연스럽게 회피하고 있지만(그는 당신을 모르기 때문에), 두니아는 미래의 남편에게 좋은 영향을 미쳐 모든 것을 얻을 것이라고 굳게 확신하고 있습니다. 그녀는 이것을 기대하고 있습니다. 물론 우리는 표트르 페트로비치에게 이런 더 먼 계획, 특히 당신이 그의 파트너가 되는 것에 대해 말하지 않도록 조심합니다. 그는 실용적인 사람이고 이것을 매우 차갑게 받아들일 수도 있고, 그에게는 모든 것이 그저 백일몽으로 보일 수도 있습니다.

두니아나 저는 그가 당신의 대학 학비를 지불하는 데 도움을 줄 것이라는 큰 희망에 대해 그에게 한 마디도 하지 않았습니다. 우리는 처음부터 그것에 대해 말하지 않았습니다. 왜냐하면 그것은 나중에 저절로 이루어질 것이고, 그는 쓸데없는 말 없이 스스로 그것을 하겠다고 제안할 것이기 때문입니다(마치 그가 두니아에게 그것을 거부할 수 있는 것처럼). 당신이 당신의 노력으로 사무실에서 그의 오른팔이 되고, 이 지원을 자선 단체가 아니라 당신의 일로 번 급여로 받을 수 있기 때문에 더 쉽게 그렇게 할 수 있습니다. 두니아는 모든 것을 이렇게 정리하고 싶어하고 나는 그녀의 의견에 전적으로 동의합니다. 그리고 우리가 우리의 계획에 대해 이야기하지 않은 또 다른 이유는, 내가 특히 당신이 그를 처음 만났을 때 동등한 입장에 서기를 바랐기 때문입니다.

두니아가 당신에 대해 열정적으로 그에게 말했을 때, 그는 사람이 직접 가까이서 보지 않고는 결코 사람을 판단할 수 없으며, 당신을 알게 되면 자신의 의견을 형성하기를 기대한다고 대답했습니다. 내 소중한 로디아, 혹시 알고 계신가요? (표트르 페트로비치와는 아무 상관이 없지만, 그저 나의 개인적인, 어쩌면 노파적인 공상 때문에) 결혼 후에 그들과 함께 사는 것보다 혼자 사는 것이 낫다고 생각합니다.

나는 그가 관대하고 섬세하게 나를 초대하고 미래에 내 딸과 함께 있으라고 권할 것이라고 확신합니다. 그가 지금까지 아무 말도 하지 않았다면 그것은 그저 당연한 것으로 여겨졌기 때문입니다. 하지만 나는 거부할 것입니다. 저는 남편들이 시어머니와 사이가 좋지 않다는 것을 제 인생에서 한 번 이상 알아챘고, 저는 누구에게도 방해가 되고 싶지 않으며, 제 자신을 위해서도 빵 한 조각과 당신과 두니아와 같은 아이들이 있는 한, 오히려 완전히 독립하고 싶습니다.

가능하다면, 저는 당신 근처 어딘가에 정착해서 가장 기쁜 소식을 전해드리고 싶습니다, 사랑하는 로디아, 저는 편지의 마지막에 남겨두었습니다. 그러니, 제 사랑하는 아들아, 아마도 아주 짧은 시간 안에 우리가 모두 함께 모일 수 있고 거의 3년 만에 다시 서로를 껴안을 수도 있을 것입니다! 두니아와 저는 정확히 언제인지는 모르지만 아주 아주 빨리, 아마도 일주일 후에 상트페테르부르크로 출발하기로 했습니다.

그것은 모두 표트르 페트로비치에게 달려 있습니다. 그는 상트페테르부르크에서 주변을 둘러볼 시간을 갖게 되면 우리에게 알려줄 것입니다. 그는 자신의 계획에 맞게 가능한 한 빨리, 심지어 성모 마리아의 금식 전에 의식을 치르고 싶어합니다. 가능하다면, 또는 준비가 너무 이르다면, 바로 그 직후에. 오, 얼마나 행복한 마음으로 당신을 내 가슴에 안고 있을까요! 두니아는 당신을 보는 즐거운 생각에 흥분해서, 그녀는 어느 날 농담으로, 그것만으로도 표트르 페트로비치와 결혼할 준비가 되었다고 말했습니다.

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He was cautious in his answer, and said that, of course, as he could not get on without a secretary, it would be better to be paying a salary to a relation than to a stranger, if only the former were fitted for the duties (as though there could be doubt of your being fitted!) but then he expressed doubts whether your studies at the university would leave you time for work at his office. The matter dropped for the time, but Dounia is thinking of nothing else now. She has been in a sort of fever for the last few days, and has already made a regular plan for your becoming in the end an associate and even a partner in Pyotr Petrovitch’s business, which might well be, seeing that you are a student of law.

I am in complete agreement with her, Rodya, and share all her plans and hopes, and think there is every probability of realising them. And in spite of Pyotr Petrovitch’s evasiveness, very natural at present (since he does not know you), Dounia is firmly persuaded that she will gain everything by her good influence over her future husband; this she is reckoning upon. Of course we are careful not to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pyotr Petrovitch, especially of your becoming his partner. He is a practical man and might take this very coldly, it might all seem to him simply a day-dream.

Nor has either Dounia or I breathed a word to him of the great hopes we have of his helping us to pay for your university studies; we have not spoken of it in the first place, because it will come to pass of itself, later on, and he will no doubt without wasting words offer to do it of himself, (as though he could refuse Dounia that) the more readily since you may by your own efforts become his right hand in the office, and receive this assistance not as a charity, but as a salary earned by your own work. Dounia wants to arrange it all like this and I quite agree with her. And we have not spoken of our plans for another reason, that is, because I particularly wanted you to feel on an equal footing when you first meet him.

When Dounia spoke to him with enthusiasm about you, he answered that one could never judge of a man without seeing him close, for oneself, and that he looked forward to forming his own opinion when he makes your acquaintance. Do you know, my precious Rodya, I think that perhaps for some reasons (nothing to do with Pyotr Petrovitch though, simply for my own personal, perhaps old-womanish, fancies) I should do better to go on living by myself, apart, than with them, after the wedding.

I am convinced that he will be generous and delicate enough to invite me and to urge me to remain with my daughter for the future, and if he has said nothing about it hitherto, it is simply because it has been taken for granted; but I shall refuse. I have noticed more than once in my life that husbands don’t quite get on with their mothers-in-law, and I don’t want to be the least bit in anyone’s way, and for my own sake, too, would rather be quite independent, so long as I have a crust of bread of my own, and such children as you and Dounia.

If possible, I would settle somewhere near you, for the most joyful piece of news, dear Rodya, I have kept for the end of my letter: know then, my dear boy, that we may, perhaps, be all together in a very short time and may embrace one another again after a separation of almost three years! It is settled for certain that Dounia and I are to set off for Petersburg, exactly when I don’t know, but very, very soon, possibly in a week.

It all depends on Pyotr Petrovitch who will let us know when he has had time to look round him in Petersburg. To suit his own arrangements he is anxious to have the ceremony as soon as possible, even before the fast of Our Lady, if it could be managed, or if that is too soon to be ready, immediately after. Oh, with what happiness I shall press you to my heart! Dounia is all excitement at the joyful thought of seeing you, she said one day in joke that she would be ready to marry Pyotr Petrovitch for that alone.