James R Langabeer Ph.D., Ed.D.
How to Make Better Choices
RESILIENCE
Orchestrating a Personal Turnaround
How to reverse course, overcome failure, and achieve success.
Posted October 2, 2023
Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer
KEY POINTS
Losses, defeats, and failures all imprint lasting memories on our brains, filling us with doubts.
Your brain is tensile, and learning from challenges quickly helps you build a stronger psyche.
Reimagine success, use planning tools, and re-wire your mindset to create a framework for success.
Source: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Overcoming Personal DefeatSource: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
In the last two years, there have been nearly 900,000 personal bankruptcies in the United States1.
Thousands of students worldwide get a D or an F, or drop out of school completely each year.
Authors write books that get rejected by publishers, movie scripts turned down by producers, and countless other creators try and fail.
Innovators come up with new ideas but can’t get patents or buyers. People who are in recovery, relapse.
There are countless stories of now-successful people who have documented a failure at some point in their life.
Now the problem gets even bigger when you consider that the stories themselves stop millions more from ever trying.
Sometimes the fear of failure is even worse than the failure itself, since it prevents you from moving forward, keeping you down and unmotivated for change.
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With these numbers, eventually, the question isn’t how to avoid failing or falling, but how to quickly recover and reverse your direction. This is what I call a personal turnaround.
Get Back Up...Quickly!
Losses and failures take a toll on our psyche.
For several behavioral reasons, we remember losses much more vividly than we do our successes. They stay with us longer and create anxiety and fear.
So the key is to remember at least enough to learn from the past, but then forget about it and re-create yourself to be the person you want to be.
Much like the human heart, which gets stronger when it is challenged and stressed (within healthy bounds), our own psyches actually can get stronger as well from both wins and losses.
What cardiology research suggests is that larger changes in heart beats during periods of stress, followed by rapid heart rate recovery, is actually beneficial for your body.
2 The quicker your heart can compensate after stress, the stronger your heart becomes.
Just like the heart, your brain and mind also need challenges, and the faster you can recover from setbacks, the stronger your psyche will be.
While it is hard to believe when you’re in the middle of a difficult defeat, remind yourself that
the quicker you get back up, the better your mindset.
And believe that nearly everybody who has fallen will rise again.
Cultivate a Renewed Mindset
With any reversal, start by working on your mindset. Anxiety and fears about past mistakes are useful in the beginning because they can help you get to a place of “frustration” with the current situation.
After a little reflection and cognitive therapy to help reverse your neural pathways, set aside thoughts of defeat and focus exclusively on the future.
You start by getting frustrated with your situation, and then use this anger to set the tone for change.
I call this the FACE model: frustration, acceptance, commitment, energy for execution.
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A tendency towards optimism will breed a growth and abundance outlook, but not all of us have those generally positive dispositions.
We must work to reframe our thoughts. If a negative image of yourself comes into mind when thinking of your defeat, turn that around—imagine yourself the champion, the one who will be back on top in no time. Use verbal and visual imagery to think about your win, just like professional golfers and other athletes envision their wins.
Reversing those negative images and representations is key to moving beyond frustration into acceptance and commitment.
You need to put in the work here. Consider a counselor or coach to help you adjust.
Quit defeating yourself, which feeds negative energy and imagery.
Address any feelings of inadequacy and worth. Stop judging yourself, and remember you are not equal to your losses.
Go Back to the Drawing Board
It is true that you are not 100% in control of your fate, but control what you can.
Start by going back to the drawing board and re-imagine your vision for success.
Make sure it’s realistic and achievable, but stretches you. Make a list of some of the obstacles that stood in your way the first time and isolate as many of the factors contributing to that outcome.
This after-action documentation can help you avoid them next time. Then start using some basic planning tools, set goals and timelines, and be sure to clearly articulate what your view of success looks like.
Try to find intrinsic measures of success that can keep you motivated and not just externally motivated metrics, like money or fame.
THE BASICS
What Is Resilience?
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I’m a big believer in the power of the spoken word in helping to re-wire neural pathways.
For instance, individuals in substance use recovery don’t use words such as “I am an addict,” but rather “I am a person who used to participate in substances, but no longer! I am an individual in long-term recovery”.
Similarly, you can phrase and declare your intentions and crystallize them in your mind, whether it’s for business or life goals. Use daily affirmations to encourage and show confidence in yourself.
Statements as simple as “I will succeed” can go a long way.
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Final Tips
Leading a personal turnaround is complex, primarily because it works at the psychological basis of our lives.
Losses, defeats, and failures all imprint lasting memories on our minds, making us doubt ourselves and our future.
It requires leadership to address the behavioral dynamics of failure and implement specific interventions to restore our own confidence and inspire initiative.
Work on your mindset first. Get frustrated with your current position, move on to acceptance and commitment, and then use energy to get going.
Build a plan, re-define success and, most important of all, believe in yourself.