에필로그 2-2

[모나리자]

"당신은 이교도야! 신을 믿지 않아." 그들이 소리쳤다. "당신은 죽어야 해." 그는 그들에게 신이나 자신의 믿음에 대해 한 번도 이야기한 적이 없었지만, 그들은 그를 이교도로 죽이고 싶어했다. 그는 아무 말도 하지 않았다. 죄수 중 한 명이 완벽한 광란으로 그에게 달려들었다. 라스콜니코프는 침착하고 조용히 그를 기다렸다. 그의 눈썹은 떨리지 않았고, 얼굴도 움찔하지 않았다. 경비원은 그와 그의 공격자 사이에 개입하는 데 성공했고, 그렇지 않았다면 피가 흘렀을 것이다.

그가 결정할 수 없는 또 다른 질문이 있었다. 왜 그들은 모두 소냐를 그렇게 좋아했을까? 그녀는 그들의 호의를 얻으려고 하지 않았다. 그녀는 그들을 거의 만나지 않았고, 가끔은 그가 일하는 것을 잠깐 보러 왔을 뿐이다. 하지만 모두가 그녀를 알고 있었고, 그녀가 그를 따라왔다는 것을 알고 있었으며, 그녀가 어떻게 어디에서 사는지 알고 있었다. 그녀는 그들에게 돈을 주지 않았고, 특별한 서비스를 제공하지도 않았다. 크리스마스에 한 번만 파이와 롤빵을 선물로 보냈다. 하지만 점차로 그들과 소냐 사이에는 더욱 가까운 관계가 생겨났다.

그녀는 그들을 대신해 편지를 써서 친척들에게 보냈다. 마을을 방문한 수감자들의 친척들은 그들의 지시에 따라 소냐에게 선물과 돈을 가지고 떠났다. 그들의 아내와 애인들은 그녀를 알고 그녀를 방문하곤 했다. 그리고 그녀가 직장에서 라스콜니코프를 방문하거나 길에서 수감자 무리를 만났을 때, 그들은 모두 그녀에게 모자를 벗었다. "작은 어머니 소피아 세묘노브나, 당신은 우리의 사랑스럽고 좋은 작은 어머니입니다." 거친 낙인을 찍은 범죄자들이 그 연약한 작은 생물에게 말했다.

그녀는 미소를 지으며 그들에게 절을 했고, 그녀가 미소를 지을 때 모두가 기뻐했다. 그들은 심지어 그녀의 걸음걸이에 감탄했고 그녀가 걷는 것을 보려고 돌아섰다. 그들은 그녀가 너무 작다는 것에도 감탄했고, 사실 무엇 때문에 그녀를 가장 존경해야 할지 몰랐다. 그들은 심지어 병을 치료해 달라고 그녀에게 찾아왔다. 그는 사순절 중반부터 부활절이 끝날 때까지 병원에 있었다. 그가 나아졌을 때, 그는 열이 나고 정신이 나갔을 때 꾼 꿈을 기억해냈습니다.

그는 전 세계가 아시아 깊은 곳에서 유럽으로 온 끔찍하고 이상한 새로운 전염병에 시달리게 되었다는 꿈을 꾸었습니다. 선택된 소수를 제외하고는 모두 파괴될 것이었습니다. 새로운 종류의 미생물이 인간의 몸을 공격하고 있었지만, 이 미생물들은 지성과 의지를 부여받았습니다. 이 미생물에 공격받은 사람들은 즉시 화가 나고 격노했습니다. 하지만 이 환자들만큼 지적이고 진실을 완벽하게 소유하고 있다고 생각한 사람은 없었고, 자신의 결정, 과학적 결론, 도덕적 신념이 그토록 틀림없다고 생각한 사람도 없었습니다.

온 마을, 온 도시, 온 국민이 감염으로 미쳐버렸다. 모두가 흥분했고 서로를 이해하지 못했다. 각자는 자신만이 진실을 가지고 있다고 생각했고 다른 사람들을 바라보는 것이 비참했고, 가슴을 치고 울며 손을 비비었다. 그들은 판단하는 법을 몰랐고 무엇을 악하고 무엇을 선으로 간주해야 할지 합의할 수 없었다. 누구를 비난해야 할지, 누구를 정당화해야 할지 몰랐다.

사람들은 일종의 무의미한 악의로 서로를 죽였다. 그들은 서로에 대항하여 군대를 이루었지만, 행군 중에도 군대가 서로를 공격하기 시작했고, 대열이 깨지고 군인들이 서로에게 달려들어 서로를 찌르고 자르고 물고 삼켰다. 마을에서는 하루 종일 경보가 울렸다. 사람들이 함께 달려들었지만, 왜 그들이 소환되었는지, 누가 그들을 소환했는지 아무도 몰랐다. 가장 평범한 직업은 포기되었다. 모두가 자신의 아이디어, 자신의 개선책을 제안했고, 그들은 합의할 수 없었기 때문이다.

땅도 버려졌다. 남자들은 무리 지어 모여서 무언가에 합의하고 함께 지내기로 맹세했지만, 갑자기 그들이 제안한 것과는 전혀 다른 것을 시작했습니다. 그들은 서로를 비난하고, 싸우고, 서로를 죽였습니다. 화재와 기근이 있었습니다. 모든 사람과 모든 것이 파괴에 연루되었습니다.

전염병이 퍼져서 점점 더 멀리 퍼졌습니다. 전 세계에서 구원받을 수 있는 사람은 극소수에 불과했습니다. 그들은 순수하게 선택된 사람들이었고, 새로운 종족과 새로운 삶을 건설하고, 지구를 새롭게 하고 정화할 운명이었지만, 아무도 이 남자들을 보지 못했고, 아무도 그들의 말과 목소리를 듣지 못했습니다. 라스콜니코프는 이 무의미한 꿈이 그의 기억을 너무나 비참하게 괴롭혀서, 이 열광적인 섬망의 인상이 너무 오래 지속되는 것이 걱정되었습니다.

부활절 이후 두 번째 주가 왔습니다. 따뜻하고 밝은 봄날들이 있었습니다. 교도소 병동에서는 파수꾼이 걸어다니던 격자 창문이 열렸습니다. 소냐는 그의 병이 있는 동안 두 번만 그를 방문할 수 있었습니다. 매번 그녀는 허락을 받아야 했고, 그것은 어려웠습니다. 하지만 그녀는 종종 병원 마당에 오곤 했는데, 특히 저녁에 그랬습니다. 가끔은 잠깐 서서 병동 창문을 올려다보기만 했습니다.

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“You’re an infidel! You don’t believe in God,” they shouted. “You ought to be killed.” He had never talked to them about God nor his belief, but they wanted to kill him as an infidel. He said nothing. One of the prisoners rushed at him in a perfect frenzy. Raskolnikov awaited him calmly and silently; his eyebrows did not quiver, his face did not flinch. The guard succeeded in intervening between him and his assailant, or there would have been bloodshed.

There was another question he could not decide: why were they all so fond of Sonia? She did not try to win their favour; she rarely met them, sometimes only she came to see him at work for a moment. And yet everybody knew her, they knew that she had come out to follow him, knew how and where she lived. She never gave them money, did them no particular services. Only once at Christmas she sent them all presents of pies and rolls. But by degrees closer relations sprang up between them and Sonia.

She would write and post letters for them to their relations. Relations of the prisoners who visited the town, at their instructions, left with Sonia presents and money for them. Their wives and sweethearts knew her and used to visit her. And when she visited Raskolnikov at work, or met a party of the prisoners on the road, they all took off their hats to her. “Little mother Sofya Semyonovna, you are our dear, good little mother,” coarse branded criminals said to that frail little creature.

She would smile and bow to them and everyone was delighted when she smiled. They even admired her gait and turned round to watch her walking; they admired her too for being so little, and, in fact, did not know what to admire her most for. They even came to her for help in their illnesses. He was in the hospital from the middle of Lent till after Easter. When he was better, he remembered the dreams he had had while he was feverish and delirious.

He dreamt that the whole world was condemned to a terrible new strange plague that had come to Europe from the depths of Asia. All were to be destroyed except a very few chosen. Some new sorts of microbes were attacking the bodies of men, but these microbes were endowed with intelligence and will. Men attacked by them became at once mad and furious. But never had men considered themselves so intellectual and so completely in possession of the truth as these sufferers, never had they considered their decisions, their scientific conclusions, their moral convictions so infallible.

Whole villages, whole towns and peoples went mad from the infection. All were excited and did not understand one another. Each thought that he alone had the truth and was wretched looking at the others, beat himself on the breast, wept, and wrung his hands. They did not know how to judge and could not agree what to consider evil and what good; they did not know whom to blame, whom to justify.

Men killed each other in a sort of senseless spite. They gathered together in armies against one another, but even on the march the armies would begin attacking each other, the ranks would be broken and the soldiers would fall on each other, stabbing and cutting, biting and devouring each other. The alarm bell was ringing all day long in the towns; men rushed together, but why they were summoned and who was summoning them no one knew. The most ordinary trades were abandoned, because everyone proposed his own ideas, his own improvements, and they could not agree.

The land too was abandoned. Men met in groups, agreed on something, swore to keep together, but at once began on something quite different from what they had proposed. They accused one another, fought and killed each other. There were conflagrations and famine. All men and all things were involved in destruction.

The plague spread and moved further and further. Only a few men could be saved in the whole world. They were a pure chosen people, destined to found a new race and a new life, to renew and purify the earth, but no one had seen these men, no one had heard their words and their voices. Raskolnikov was worried that this senseless dream haunted his memory so miserably, the impression of this feverish delirium persisted so long.

The second week after Easter had come. There were warm bright spring days; in the prison ward the grating windows under which the sentinel paced were opened. Sonia had only been able to visit him twice during his illness; each time she had to obtain permission, and it was difficult. But she often used to come to the hospital yard, especially in the evening, sometimes only to stand a minute and look up at the windows of the ward.

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