PART I // chapter 4-2

[모나리자]

가장 중요한 것은 그가 ‘사업가이고 친절해 보인다’는 것입니다. 가방과 큰 상자를 그들에게 보내는 건 대단한 일이죠! 그 이후로는 의심할 여지 없이 친절한 사람입니다! 하지만 그의 신부와 그녀의 어머니는 자루로 덮인 농부의 수레를 몰고 가야 합니다(알아요, 저도 그 수레에 탔거든요).

상관없어요! 90베르스트에 불과하고 그러면 그들은 ‘매우 편안하게 3등석으로 여행할 수 있어요’, 천 베르스트! 아주 옳은 말이에요. 옷감에 맞게 코트를 잘라야 하지만, 루진 씨, 당신은 어때요? 그녀는 당신의 신부입니다... 그리고 당신은 그녀의 어머니가 여행을 위해 연금을 모아야 한다는 것을 알고 있어야 합니다. 확실히 사업 문제이고, 상호 이익을 위한 파트너십이며, 균등한 지분과 경비가 있습니다. 음식과 음료는 제공하지만 담배는 당신이 지불해야 합니다.

사업가도 그들보다 더 잘해냈다. 짐은 운임보다 싸고, 아마도 아무것도 없을 것이다. 왜 둘 다 그 모든 것을 보지 못하는 걸까, 아니면 보고 싶지 않은 걸까? 그리고 그들은 기뻐하고, 기뻐한다! 그리고 이것이 첫 번째 꽃피는 것에 불과하고, 진짜 열매가 올 것이라고 생각한다! 하지만 정말 중요한 것은 인색함이나 비열함이 아니라, 모든 것의 분위기다. 그것이 결혼 후의 분위기가 될 것이고, 결혼의 전조이기 때문이다. 그리고 어머니도, 왜 그렇게 사치해야 할까? 상트페테르부르크에 도착할 때까지 그녀는 무엇을 가질까?

그녀가 말했듯이 은화 3루블이나 '종이 1루블' 2루블... 그 노파... 음. 그녀는 그 후 상트페테르부르크에서 무엇으로 살 것으로 기대할까? 그녀는 결혼 후 두니아와 함께 살 수 없을 것이라고 추측할 만한 이유가 이미 있다. 심지어 처음 몇 달 동안도 말이다. 선량한 남자는 그 주제에 대해서도 뭔가를 흘렸을 것임에 틀림없지만, 어머니는 그것을 부인한다. "거절할게요."라고 어머니는 말한다.

그녀는 누구를 믿고 있는 걸까? 그녀는 아파나시 이바노비치의 빚이 갚아질 때 남은 연금 120루블에 의지하고 있는 걸까? 그녀는 모직 숄을 뜨고 소매에 자수를 해서 늙은 눈을 망친다. 그리고 그녀의 숄은 모두 그녀의 120루블에 1년에 20루블 이상을 더하지 못한다는 걸 나는 안다.

그래서 그녀는 항상 루진 씨의 관대함에 모든 희망을 걸고 있다. '그는 스스로 그것을 제공할 것이고, 그는 그것을 나에게 강요할 것이다.' 당신은 그것을 오랫동안 기다릴 수 있다! 이런 쉴러레식 고귀한 마음은 항상 그렇다. 마지막 순간까지 모든 거위는 그들에게 백조이고, 마지막 순간까지 그들은 최선을 바라며 아무런 잘못도 보지 못할 것이다. 그들은 그림의 다른 면을 조금은 알지만, 강요당하기 전까지는 진실을 마주하지 않을 것이다. 그 생각만 해도 그들은 몸서리를 친다. 그들은 두 손으로 진실을 밀어내는데, 그들이 거짓 색깔로 꾸민 사람이 자신의 손으로 그들에게 바보의 모자를 씌울 때까지 말이다.

어머니는 ‘두니아는 많은 것을 참을 수 있다’고 쓰셨습니다. 저는 그것을 아주 잘 알고 있습니다. 저는 2년 반 전에 그것을 알았고, 지난 2년 반 동안 그것에 대해 생각하면서, 바로 그것만 생각했습니다. ‘두니아는 많은 것을 참을 수 있다’는 것을요. 그녀가 스비드리가일로프 씨와 그 외의 모든 것을 참을 수 있었다면, 그녀는 확실히 많은 것을 참을 수 있을 것입니다.

그리고 지금 어머니와 그녀는 그녀가 남편의 은혜에 모든 것을 빚진 궁핍에서 자란 아내의 우월성에 대한 이론을 주장하는 루진 씨를 참을 수 있다는 것을 머릿속에 품고있습니다. 루진 씨는 거의 첫 번째 면담에서 그것을 주장합니다.

그가 '실수했다'는 건 인정하지만, 그는 현명한 사람이지만(하지만 전혀 실수가 아니었을 수도 있지만, 그는 가능한 한 빨리 자신의 의도를 분명히 하려고 했을 것입니다) 하지만

두니아, 두니아? 그녀는 물론 그 남자를 이해하지만, 그 남자와 함께 살아야 할 것입니다. 왜! 그녀는 검은 빵과 물로 살 것이고, 영혼을 팔지 않을 것이고, 편안함을 위해 도덕적 자유를 바꾸지 않을 것입니다. 그녀는 그것을 모든 슐레스비히-홀슈타인과 바꾸지 않을 것이고, 루진 씨의 돈은 더더욱 바꾸지 않을 것입니다.

아니요, 두니아는 제가 그녀를 알았을 때 그런 사람이 아니었고... 그녀는 여전히 똑같습니다, 물론! 네, 부인할 수 없습니다, 스비드리가일로프는 쓴 약입니다! 200루블을 위해 지방의 가정교사로 일생을 보내는 것은 쓰라린 일이지만, 그녀는 농장의 흑인이나 독일인 주인이 있는 레트(Lett)가 되는 것이, 그녀가 존중하지 않고 공통점도 없는 남자에게 영원히 자신을 묶어서 자신의 영혼과 도덕적 존엄성을 떨어뜨리는 것보다 낫다는 것을 압니다. 자신의 이익을 위해서요.

그리고 루진 씨가 순수한 금이나 거대한 다이아몬드로 만들어졌다면, 그녀는 결코 그의 합법적인 첩이 되는 데 동의하지 않았을 것입니다. 그렇다면 그녀는 왜 동의하는 것일까요? 그게 무슨 의미가 있을까요? 답은 무엇일까요? 충분히 명확합니다. 자신을 위해, 그녀의 편안함을 위해, 그녀의 목숨을 구하기 위해 그녀는 자신을 팔지 않을 것입니다. 하지만 다른 사람을 위해 그녀는 그렇게 하고 있습니다! 그녀가 사랑하는 사람, 그녀가 숭배하는 사람을 위해 그녀는 자신을 팔 것입니다! 그것이 전부입니다. 그녀의 형제, 그녀의 어머니를 위해 그녀는 자신을 팔 것입니다! 그녀는 모든 것을 팔 것입니다! 그런 경우에, '필요하다면 우리는 도덕적 감정을 극복한다', 자유, 평화, 양심, 심지어 모든 것이 시장에 내놓인다. 내 사랑하는 사람들이 행복하기만 하다면 내 삶을 놓아줘!

그 이상으로, 우리는 변론가가 되고, 예수회 신봉자가 되는 법을 배우고, 어쩌면 우리 자신을 달래고, 좋은 대상을 위해 하는 것이 우리의 의무라고 스스로를 설득할 수 있습니다. 그것은 우리와 똑같고, 햇빛처럼 분명합니다. 로디온 로마노비치 라스콜니코프가 사업의 중심 인물이고, 다른 사람은 아니라는 것은 분명합니다. 오, 물론, 그녀는 그의 행복을 보장하고, 그를 대학에 머물게 하고, 그를 직장의 파트너로 만들고, 그의 모든 미래를 안전하게 만들 수 있습니다. 어쩌면 그는 나중에 부자가 되어 번영하고 존경을 받으며, 심지어 유명한 사람으로 생을 마감할 수도 있습니다!

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The chief thing is he is ‘a man of business and seems kind,’ that was something, wasn’t it, to send the bags and big box for them! A kind man, no doubt after that! But his bride and her mother are to drive in a peasant’s cart covered with sacking (I know, I have been driven in it).

No matter! It is only ninety versts and then they can ‘travel very comfortably, third class,’ for a thousand versts! Quite right, too. One must cut one’s coat according to one’s cloth, but what about you, Mr. Luzhin? She is your bride.... And you must be aware that her mother has to raise money on her pension for the journey. To be sure it’s a matter of business, a partnership for mutual benefit, with equal shares and expenses;—food and drink provided, but pay for your tobacco.

The business man has got the better of them, too. The luggage will cost less than their fares and very likely go for nothing. How is it that they don’t both see all that, or is it that they don’t want to see? And they are pleased, pleased! And to think that this is only the first blossoming, and that the real fruits are to come! But what really matters is not the stinginess, is not the meanness, but the tone of the whole thing. For that will be the tone after marriage, it’s a foretaste of it. And mother too, why should she be so lavish? What will she have by the time she gets to Petersburg?

Three silver roubles or two ‘paper ones’ as she says.... that old woman... hm. What does she expect to live upon in Petersburg afterwards? She has her reasons already for guessing that she could not live with Dounia after the marriage, even for the first few months. The good man has no doubt let slip something on that subject also, though mother would deny it: ‘I shall refuse,’ says she.

On whom is she reckoning then? Is she counting on what is left of her hundred and twenty roubles of pension when Afanasy Ivanovitch’s debt is paid? She knits woollen shawls and embroiders cuffs, ruining her old eyes. And all her shawls don’t add more than twenty roubles a year to her hundred and twenty, I know that.

So she is building all her hopes all the time on Mr. Luzhin’s generosity; ‘he will offer it of himself, he will press it on me.’ You may wait a long time for that! That’s how it always is with these Schilleresque noble hearts; till the last moment every goose is a swan with them, till the last moment, they hope for the best and will see nothing wrong, and although they have an inkling of the other side of the picture, yet they won’t face the truth till they are forced to; the very thought of it makes them shiver; they thrust the truth away with both hands, until the man they deck out in false colours puts a fool’s cap on them with his own hands.

I should like to know whether Mr. Luzhin has any orders of merit; I bet he has the Anna in his buttonhole and that he puts it on when he goes to dine with contractors or merchants. He will be sure to have it for his wedding, too! Enough of him, confound him! “Well,... mother I don’t wonder at, it’s like her, God bless her, but how could Dounia? Dounia darling, as though I did not know you! You were nearly twenty when I saw you last: I understood you then.

Mother writes that ‘Dounia can put up with a great deal.’ I know that very well. I knew that two years and a half ago, and for the last two and a half years I have been thinking about it, thinking of just that, that ‘Dounia can put up with a great deal.’ If she could put up with Mr. Svidrigaïlov and all the rest of it, she certainly can put up with a great deal.

And now mother and she have taken it into their heads that she can put up with Mr.Luzhin, who propounds the theory of the superiority of wives raised from destitution and owing everything to their husband’s bounty—who propounds it, too, almost at the first interview.

Granted that he ‘let it slip,’ though he is a sensible man, (yet maybe it was not a slip at all, but he meant to make himself clear as soon as possible) but

Dounia, Dounia? She understands the man, of course, but she will have to live with the man. Why! she’d live on black bread and water, she would not sell her soul, she would not barter her moral freedom for comfort; she would not barter it for all Schleswig-Holstein, much less Mr. Luzhin’s money.

No, Dounia was not that sort when I knew her and... she is still the same, of course! Yes, there’s no denying, the Svidrigaïlovs are a bitter pill! It’s a bitter thing to spend one’s life a governess in the provinces for two hundred roubles, but I know she would rather be a nigger on a plantation or a Lett with a German master than degrade her soul, and her moral dignity, by binding herself for ever to a man whom she does not respect and with whom she has nothing in common—for her own advantage.

And if Mr. Luzhin had been of unalloyed gold, or one huge diamond, she would never have consented to become his legal concubine. Why is she consenting then? What’s the point of it? What’s the answer? It’s clear enough: for herself, for her comfort, to save her life she would not sell herself, but for someone else she is doing it! For one she loves, for one she adores, she will sell herself! That’s what it all amounts to; for her brother, for her mother, she will sell herself! She will sell everything! In such cases, ‘we overcome our moral feeling if necessary,’ freedom, peace, conscience even, all, all are brought into the market. Let my life go, if only my dear ones may be happy!

More than that, we become casuists, we learn to be Jesuitical and for a time maybe we can soothe ourselves, we can persuade ourselves that it is one’s duty for a good object. That’s just like us, it’s as clear as daylight. It’s clear that Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov is the central figure in the business, and no one else. Oh, yes, she can ensure his happiness, keep him in the university, make him a partner in the office, make his whole future secure; perhaps he may even be a rich man later on, prosperous, respected, and may even end his life a famous man!